4 minute read

Why Covenant Eyes Works

Last Updated: August 30, 2019

Abby Willmarth

Abby Willmarth has worked with several anti-trafficking organizations to educate and mobilize churches and individuals to fight trafficking. Over those years, she began to see just how many ways trafficking connected to porn. Now she works at Covenant Eyes to create educational content that helps people find freedom from porn. She lives in Michigan with her husband and two sons.

If you (or a friend) have ever struggled with porn, you know it can seem impossible to quit. No matter how strong the resolve, porn can seem like one villain that just can’t be beat.

Since 2001, Covenant Eyes has been helping millions of people defeat porn. Our service works. Here’s why it’s the best solution to help people conquer their porn struggle for good.

Why Is Porn So Hard to Quit?

First, why is porn such a tough habit to break? Why does even the strongest man in the world find it hard to stop watching? Let’s take a look at these two important reasons.

It’s Addictive by Nature

When we view porn, it releases a cascade of neurochemicals, powerfully altering our mood and making us want more. These neurochemicals are related to pleasure, emotional bonding, and other powerful feelings.

Dr. Norman Doidge, a neuroscientist, says, “Pornography…satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change.” This means that, with repeated viewing, porn forms new pathways in our brains, making us more dependent on it. Porn destroys our willpower. Before long, it feels impossible to quit.

On top of this, the internet and apps make it more accessible, affordable, and anonymous than ever before.

The Shame Cycle Kicks In

What does shame have to do with porn use?

If you’ve ever thought, “I hate myself and the way I feel” after looking at porn, you’ve felt shame. Shame is the painful feeling that we are flawed and unworthy of love and belonging.

Research shows that shame and compulsive porn use are closely related. John Bradshaw, a shame researcher, argues that “shame is the root and fuel of all compulsive/addictive behaviors.” Licensed mental health counselor Jay Stringer also found in his research that shame often drives people to porn use, rather than just being a result of watching.

When we feel shame, we withdraw from others and turn to things that make us feel better, like porn. But the problem is, the more we use porn, the more our shame increases and the more we flee healthy human connection. We often return right back to porn to cope and things keep getting worse. We call this the Shame Cycle. The video below illustrates how the Shame Cycle works–check it out.

The Secret to Overcoming Porn

So, what’s the secret to overcoming porn?

Connection with a trusted friend who supports you, but not porn. 

Yes, other things play an important role in breaking free: blocking porn, changing our habits, living a generally healthy life, faith, etc. But without connection to a real live human being who knows and cares about you, you’ll likely relapse back to porn.

More prayer, more sex, more effort, more positive affirmations, we talk with people who have tried all these methods to find freedom from porn. But guess what? These methods don’t work by themselves.

Human connection is vital to freedom. It breaks the Shame Cycle that keeps us bound to porn.

When you tell your story to a trusted friend with courageous vulnerability, it neutralizes shame. And when shame is neutralized, porn loses its attractive power. Instead of turning to porn when you get lonely, stressed, depressed, or angry, you reach out for human connection and find the accountability and strength you need.

Covenant Eyes works because we help restore this human connection with a trusted friend, breaking the shame cycle for good. Our Screen Accountability™ service monitors how you use your devices and sends your designated friend a private, secure report of your online activity. In moments of weakness, knowing you have an ally supporting you gives you the strength you need to overcome porn.

Accountability can sometimes sounds scary, but in context with a trusted friend, it will revolutionize your life in the best way possible.

Transparency, honest conversations, and the caring support of your ally destroy the Shame Cycle and set you free from the need for porn. You’re free to live according to your values and to love yourself and others in a healthy way.

This next video featuring Colossal Man shows just how effective accountability with a trusted friend can be in your journey to defeat porn.

Don’t Let Porn Win! Connect With a Friend.

Quitting porn alone is near impossible. Quitting porn with the help of an ally is still no walk in the park, but you can do it. We know it’s possible, because every day we hear stories from people who now walk in freedom from porn thanks to the help of a friend. These quotes from a few of our members show just how powerful accountability with an ally can be:

“Because of Covenant Eyes and finally finding an ally that is willing to talk about the issue, I’ve been free of porn for two months now.”

“Thank you for saving my life and marriage. Accountability has been a game changer over the past 15 years, and it is now for my adult children too. Our whole family has learned the freedom of transparency with each other about internet use.”

“I’ve been porn free for 8 months! Having Covenant Eyes on my phone has helped me keep accountable with my online activity.”

Porn wants to isolate you and take you out for good. Don’t let it win! Get connected with a friend today, and let Covenant Eyes help.