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What do all porn users have in common?

Last Updated: June 19, 2018

Guest Author
Guest Author

Want to write for the Covenant Eyes blog? Share the story of your journey to freedom from pornography. Let us know how you overcame porn or how Covenant Eyes has made a difference in your life or the lives of those you love.

John is a 38-year-old man addicted to porn. His wife works third shift each night which gives him ample opportunity to dip his heart and mind in the snares of pornography.

About six months ago, Lexi, a 16-year-old Christian high school student, stumbled across pornography on her iPhone. Her curiosity led her to look more into the wicked universe of porn. Not long afterwards, she was hooked. No one knows about her addiction to porn. She can’t seem to break the desire to look at it.

Chris, a 20-year-old Christian college student, is heavily involved in his local church. He loves God and seeks to do life with others to cultivate an intimate relationship with Him. Yet, he is addicted to porn. He seeks help time and time again, but has not been able to get free from the grip of porn.

porn users common

All three of these porn users are different. Each person is in a different phase of life. Each has a different sphere of influence. Each has different hobbies, personalities, and friends. Yet, each has one thing in common: they believe a lie.

At the end of the day, this is what every porn user has in common. Each one believes in a lie. A lie, that when believed, changes minds, hearts, and wills. Ultimately, this is the root of all porn addiction.

The Lie All Porn Users Believe

So here is the question: what’s the lie every porn user believes? Here it is: That porn is a better, more fulfilling pleasure than God.

See, porn users believe two things. The first thing being that porn is a better pleasure than God. You must believe that what porn offers you is better than what God offers you in Christ. If you believe what God offers you in Christ is far better than what porn offers you, you will never look at porn again.

The second thing you must believe is that porn is a more fulfilling pleasure than God. How do you do this? By convincing yourself that God and the means He has provided to experience His grace doesn’t measure up to the experience that porn offers.

Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma

Perhaps you find yourself believing these two aspects of the lie today. You have believed the lie time after time, and now you are asking, “Will things ever be different?” They can be. You can change by believing truth and denying what is false.

The Truth that Sets Porn Users Free

If every porn user believes the lie that porn offers a better, more fulfilling pleasure than God, then what is the truth?

The truth is Psalm 16:11, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” This truth will not only set you free from the grip of pornography, but it will set you on a path of life, fullness of joy, and pleasures forevermore.

Believing the Truth

So how do you believe this truth? There are three things you must do:

  1. “Seek the things that are above…” (Colossians 3:1). How do you seek the things that are above? You do it by seeking (striving after, being moved by, aiming for) God’s Word. Read it, memorize it, pray it, share it, etc. Have your heart stirred everyday by God’s Word.
  2. See your sin for what it is. All sin is an assault on God’s holiness and a turning away from His love. Pray that God would give you eyes to see your sin as He sees your sin.
  3. Believe God can change you. Thinking God can change you and knowing God can change you are two different things. Believe it. Christ didn’t die and raise you to life in Himself to keep you the way you are. He wants to change you. Believe the truth, shun the lie.

Your Brain on Porn

Our culture is highly sexualized, and in many cases pornography use is actually glorified. But research shows that pornography use actually changes the way you think. Learn about five proven ways porn warps your mind and three Biblical ways you can renew it in the free e-book, Your Brain on Porn.  

Download Your Brain on Porn and start renewing your mind today.


brad.merchant.bioBrad Merchant is a pastor at Liberty Baptist Church in Sweetser, Indiana. He is passionate about helping people speak, think, and live Christ. He is a regular writer at www.bradmerchantblog.com and avid Tweeter at @brad_merchant.

  • Comments on: What do all porn users have in common?
    1. shawn lawrence on

      Been noticing you are publishing more articles on how porn works, etc. Great improvement. These are really solid, meaty and practical articles that offer true hope for recovery and renewal, and not just condemnation.

      I heard recently that you can’t change behavior by resisting a negative. You have to choose a positive. Saying no to porn ultimately does not work. Saying yes to it’s positive counterpart does.

      Just wanted you to know I think your’e on the right track with this new addition to your ministry. Thanks for being there.

      Reply
    2. Andrew on

      The lie “Porn is a better, more fulfilling pleasure than God” may need to have an addition. We believe that porn is a better, more fulfilling pleasure right now than God. That is the struggle, against the instant gratification that porn offers verses the delayed blessing (at least it feels delayed) that God offers.

      If you put two million dollars in front of a heroin addict next to a pile of heroin and ask him which is more valuable, they will all answer the two million dollars every time. However, if you tell him that if he stays away from the heroin for two weeks that he can have the two million dollars, you can pull the money off the table in the next ten minutes. He’ll never make it. Drugs will make you do what you know isn’t best. That’s the nature of addiction. You know it’s killing you, you know it’s wrong and that it will end in destruction, but you can’t quit.

      Porn is the new drug of choice. It takes a supernatural God to set you free. Your Bible verses and statements are correct. We need to trust those statements that Jesus can set us free. But we also need a supernatural intervention from God. We need to cry out these statements and Bible verses (and others), we need to pray, fast, etc. until we find freedom. We need to trust that God will turn what the devil intended for our destruction into something that God will use for His glory.

      Thanks for the article.

      Reply
    3. steve on

      Thanks for the good thoughts Brad! At some point I had to find a way to break the cycle of viewing porn and masturbation. Sometimes I need a hug or at least acceptance from others in a healthy way. God is spirit so He can’t hug me or talk to me. I know He speaks through His Word but I think you know what I mean. I did not find this acceptance among Christian men-even in recovery groups. There was always a comparison or a distance among us.

      My counselor asked me to try a secular 12 step for purity issues and that was my break through. The second meeting I told my wife–this is where I need to be. I stopped feeling like a freak. I was not the only one doing this. Yet in the Church of Jesus Christ many still think only the low lives have this problem. I felt more compassion and love in this secular 12 step. I could not have quit porn without also breaking the masturbation. You are right though. It is a lie we believe that we will find peace and satisfaction but it only lasts for a short time and then back to reality. I have recent sobriety of 9 years. To God be the Glory! John 10:10. “,,,I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.” Steve

      Reply
    4. Kimberly Vail on

      I loved todays blog, the people desrcibe in the blog are just like me. They see a porn web site and start to look. its not long they are hooked just like me. I am new to Covenant Eyes and so far I have found the blogs and the resources on this sight very helpful. Its a joy to know that God can and will help all of us as porn addicts like me get free and stay free as I walk with him through this process to overcome this dangerous addiction.
      Thank you for the resources they are a huge blessing to me.
      Kimberly Vail

      Reply
    5. j on

      I disagree. I am 38 and manage dozens of girls 18 to 25 years old in a manufacturing environment.The work is labor intensive and all the girls are in great shape. My wife has been sick for the past 5 years so sex is painful. I feel if I don’t relieve the pressure inside me I will cheat on her without being able to control myself. I find that if I releave the pressure I am able to do a better job with the operators because I don’t have that voice in my head wanting to hit on them.

      I definitely don’t find it better than what God has created. And for those who judge and say “wait on her”, which I have been told by christian friends. That is easy the first few weeks but come week 8 or week 12 or month 6 your spirit looses strength.

      Reply
      • Clara on

        I believe that your are talking the high road on the porn subject as your wife is sick. If that helps you stay true because she can’t be intimate anymore that’s best. Temptation is hard to fight and it sounds like your winning the battle until your wife is better and can be with you in that nature. For some such as my husband they actually prefer porn and self satisfaction rather than intimacy with his wife that is where the pain comes in like there is no interest in our relationship or love life anymore.

    6. Grace on

      Thanks for this!
      it’s helpful

      Reply
    7. Will on

      I appreciate and agree with Mr. Merchant’s analysis that porn users, and indeed all who sin (isn’t that everyone?), do so because they believe that sin (in this case porn) is a better and more fulfilling pleasure than God. Unfortunately, just making that observation and giving a little three point outline doesn’t make a bit of difference to most because – sorry to say it but – the experience of most porn users IS that walking with God is not very pleasant. Yes, I know that is a pretty terrible thing to say, but it is quite obviously the experience of many, if not most, Christians.
      Clearly, we are missing something. Jesus says He came to give us an abundant life. The fruit of the Spirit is described as the things for which every person is looking – love, joy , peace, . . . self-control. But Christians in general are not experiencing this or they wouldn’t be seeking meaning and pleasure in places other than God. Ironically, Jesus said that if we came to Him we would thirst no more, but Christians I know are desperately thirsty. Please, someone tells us what we are all missing!
      The struggling Christians I know have tried the things most sites like this list (like the list of Mr. Merchant above) but remain unsuccessful. Though most believe that God CAN deliver them, it doesn’t take very long before they abandon as a pipe dream that He WILL deliver them. The glowing testimonies of those few who have been delivered only serve to make those still struggling wonder in what ways they are inferior to those who’ve succeeded or why God seems to love others more.
      Okay; that’s a lot of whining, but that’s how most struggling Christians feel. Congratulations to those who’ve overcome. Pray those who haven’t.

      Reply
      • Kay Bruner on

        Hey Will.

        Thanks for being so honest! Just weighing in here as the wife of a guy who struggled for a lot of years to say: don’t give up! There’s a big payout of peace and freedom at the end of the fight.

        If you’re asking what we’re missing, I’d say this: we’re missing each other. I think that Love is the ultimate answer, that Love fills up all the cracks and broken places, that Love gives us the courage to get up again when we fall, knowing that we’re safe in Love.

        Of course we like to think that God’s love is enough, but the truth is that the very first “not good” thing was: “It is not good for man to be alone.” And I think that deep aloneness kills our souls.

        The thing is, the church tends to do a pretty sucky job of loving. Especially around issues of sexuality; there’s so much stigma, so much fear. It’s hard to be honest, it’s hard to find a safe place, and experience Love without judgment–and yet I think that’s really what heals us and makes us whole. God loves us all the same, but we don’t love each other all the same sadly enough.

        I wonder what your experience has been with support groups? Some are bad and judgy, and others are really great and loving. I’d say a support group is probably your best bet for finding Love in community, just be willing to look around a bit until you find a good one.

        Please don’t give up. I promise it’s worthwhile!

        Kay

      • Kevin Akerman on

        I am experiencing signs, that now are hurting my best friend & love.

    8. Will on

      Dear Kay, thank you for taking the time to write a response. It was kind of you to be encouraging to a stranger.

      I have not had any experience with support groups. Alas, I am 1) in a profession in which even the hint of someone looking at pornography would result in loss of employment and career. I am not aware of any groups that offer to pay the bills and support the families of those who are “outed.” and 2) I learned early in life (and I am old now!) that self-revelation led to shame and loss. I also suffer from perfectionism which means that I experience my entire life as constant failure and shame. My hangup. My fault. No one else’s responsibility.

      I do think, Kay, that you are right about Love being a key factor. But I don’t think there is such a thing as love without judgment.

      I commend you, Kay, for being supportive of your husband. I’m sure that has been an enormous comfort and encouragement to him. I am in a sexless marriage and my wife neither knows nor would understand my struggle. I hope your husband realizes how fortunate he is to have you. (If he doesn’t, then remind him!).

      Please pray for me if God leads you to do so. I’m struggling and often losing.
      I have prayed for you and your husband today.

      Reply

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