For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us. –2 Corinthians 1:8-10
Paul’s tribulations were no small matter. He was destitute and in absolute need of supernatural intervention.
Many women whose husbands are addicted to pornography encounter severe trauma and heartache from betrayal, similar to what Paul describes. The extent of the hardships vary from woman to woman, but a majority feel significant emotional, physical, and/or spiritual distress that can be debilitating.
Amidst these great pains Paul experiences, he trusts in the Lord. His testimony becomes, the Lord is a God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). This is quite a statement, considering the dire state in which he found himself. Paul encountered the Comforter—the best medicine for the pains he suffered; he counsels us to do the same.
It is oftentimes important and highly recommended for women in this situation to seek professional help if trauma is present (ie: counseling, medical treatment, etc). However, the Comforter, God Himself, is the One who is the greatest source of all comfort and healing.
One woman recalls,
“I would wake up with my heart in my stomach, aching with pain—every day I felt physically ill, emotionally shipwrecked, and helpless. I didn’t know how to pull myself out; it became difficult to do simple, daily tasks. My life seemed destroyed. I didn’t know if I could survive the pain and deep heartache that perpetuated. Days of this turned to weeks—then months.
And, then…
I turned to the Lord—I mean really turned to the Lord—day after day, night after night. I would pray, read my Bible, and spend time with God, as much as possible. At times I would cry out, ‘Help me! Rescue me from this pain and heartache. Bring your strength and comfort to my life.’
It didn’t happen overnight, but with time God brought so much comfort and peace—the biblical peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). I began to trust God and focus upon Him amidst my pain and uncertainty—surrendering my husband, marriage, and life to Him. He was faithful and brought comfort to my heart—and even some joy and hope. No human could have done this. It’s hard to explain in words what transpired within me; it was a gift of His love.
I still needed to work through some issues with a counselor and had my adrenals addressed. But thanks be to God—He rescued me out of my pain. He pulled me out of the miry pit (Psalm 40:2) and gave me life where there had been death.”
God longs to extend His comfort and embrace to every wounded heart. He is, was, and will always be, the God of all comfort.
Related Covenant Eyes resources:
- Porn and Your Husband [Free E-Book]
- 4 Things to Remember About Your Husband’s Porn Problem
- 10 Ways You Can Help Your Husband Leave Porn Behind
Gwyneth Pierce has long been a champion for women and children enslaved through the global epidemic of human trafficking. After realizing that pornography fuels this atrocity, she focused her attention on attacking the problem at its root. Her dream is for marriages to be healed from the detrimental effects of pornography and to see families function as God intended. Gwyneth has a Master’s Degree in Education, and is a certified Senior Chaplain. Her resources, including Restoring the Years, can be found at www.ankyrapublications.com.
Everything in my house just feels wrong. I need help, and feels lost at the moment. My husband and son of 25 were /(is?) addicted to porn. This does not help the situation, as the shame inwards and shame outwards crazy cycle, abusive words and blame shifting is raining on me from two sides. I am a fighter, and has been fighting this battle for so long, I can not really remember. My husband seems to connect with Pastor Robert Morris, and we watch a lot of his sermons as we are not in the USA. My son is involved at church, but refuse to go for counselling. My husband does the same, they procrastinate, they do not live in victory, they are like dry drunks, still blaming me for most of the wrongs. I am not perfect, and made{makes} a lot of mistakes. I do not always react correctly. I just can not continue, protecting myself from their ignorance. If I cry, I get yelled on, verbally abuse, If I fight I get yelled at, verbally abuse, If I demand accountability, I get blamed for how I talk, If I ask and discuss accountability, I get promises that neither of them keep. My son has used my computers and phones in the past, and what I have seen is shocking, and makes me feel sad, dirty, scared, angry, unworthy, self hate, unprotected,unwanted, unGodly- if they do not go through the steps of healing, repentance, restoration – if they keep on being aggressive , and refuse to go into a programme that could help them renew their minds – I don’t know. Today my husband’s made me feel like the worst mother, and demand that he will not speak to me again if I do not say sorry for what I said about our son. I sad that he is making his choices, and I can not continue with his lies and verbal abuse, and blaming me for almost everything. If he want’s his friends to be his family, so be it. ( My husband’s fear of loosing our son is greater than his fear for his(our son’s) salvation. He will accommodate our son’s wrongs, before he protects the rest of the family in fear of loosing him. I love Crist with all my heart, I asked God this morning to make me still, and show me what to do? I can only move forward because of Christ, but I feel ashamed, because I do not want to bring Christ into this in pure chaos. I want to live in victory…..I want my family to live in victory. I feel shattered, like an old rag – I am sorry God that I am loosing the battle – please protect my family.
Hi Corrie. I am so, so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing. My heart just breaks for you.
I think you are so wise to recognize the situation for what it is, but that doesn’t make the pain go away.
Let me say this: Christ comes into our chaos and brings love and light. That’s what he does. If you look at the life of Jesus, that’s what Jesus did! Go through the gospel of Luke and see all the chaos Jesus entered into: the lepers, the prostitutes, the dead, the demon-possessed. He touched all those unclean people, and let them touch him. Jesus is not afraid of our chaos! He knows we are dust! He loves us in it and brings healing.
I wouldl encourage you to reach out for help just for you. I don’t know if there are counseling services or support groups where you live? If there are, I would encourage you to find a counselor just for you, someone who can help you process your emotions and build healthy boundaries. Here and here are a couple of articles on boundaries. You are not required to be abused! You are precious and beloved by God, and your life should reflect that reality.
You might really appreciate the online resource, Bloom, which offers private forums, classes, and other resources for women in recovery. I don’t know what the rest of your family will choose, but YOU can choose health and healing, and I hope you will.
Peace to you, Kay