A little over 12 years ago I read an amazing book by Joshua Harris called Not Even a Hint. The title was based off Ephesians 5:3, which reads, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” (NIV). In the book, Harris opened up about his previous struggle with masturbation. He shared that many people masturbate, but hardly anyone talks about it. He then joked how most of his readers, upon seeing his open confession of masturbating, likely thought, “Better you than me!”
I also struggled with masturbation, and I began weeping as I wondered why no one was willing to be brave and open up about this subject. I decided that if God set me free, I would be willing to share the truth about this bondage so others could step into freedom too. So, today is the day that you get to read about my struggle and think, “Better you than me!”
I was exposed to pornography at a young age, and masturbation and a fantasy life developed from there. It soon became a compulsive and addictive activity for me. I often engaged in this several times a day and became enslaved. I tried to break free many times, and even after becoming a Christian filled with the Holy Spirit, I was still trapped. I went back and forth as to whether or not this behavior was wrong, although I really did know deep down this was not God’s plan for me.
Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma
One day the Lord dealt with me regarding my sin through the following Scripture, “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus…” (Col. 3:17). Now to be honest with you, I’ve always prided myself in being an intelligent person. But even with all my smarts, I still couldn’t figure out a way to masturbate “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” That wasn’t the end for me, but it was the beginning of the end.
I knew my actions were a coping mechanism, and the Lord spoke to me from Jeremiah 2:13.
“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
Wow! God showed me I was trying to meet my needs in my own way instead of allowing Him to meet them. This was another step on my journey to freedom. Lasting freedom came as I began to relate with God and others; true healing from any type of sexually addictive behavior comes when we learn to be intimate.
I can honestly say it has been over ten years since I have masturbated. Yep, I’m currently single and haven’t physically been with anyone–so that means ten orgasm-free years. Our society values orgasm as the pearl of great price, but I’ve survived to tell my story nonetheless. Much to the shock of society, I didn’t die or kill anyone from not having an orgasm. It really is possible!
Related: 3 Steps to Kick the Habit of Masturbation
There is hope for anyone struggling with this issue! I was bound for 23 years, and Jesus set me free–He desires you to experience this freedom too!
There is yet hope because I’m in the midst of the battle hoping to see the light of day SOON.
Hang in there Mark. Thanks for your comment. Yes, there is definitely hope for you! I often felt hopeless in this struggle. Yet, here I am (by God’s grace) almost at 11 years of freedom. If you can get yourself some accountability that would be a big help. Also, please feel free to reach out to me via my website contact or email. God bless you! It is for freedom that Christ set you free! Galatians 5:1.
I have been set free from this sin for approximately 4 years now. I have generally had an overall freedom from sexual sin for that long as well, though there have been occasional lapses. I became a believer my junior year of college and was convicted and freed from many forms of bondage to sin, yet sexual sin by far was the sin that kept me in the most bondage for the longest period of time. I gained freedom by attending a men’s group at my local church at the time in which the facilitator of the group had been set free from bondage to sexual sin himself. We used resources from Pure Life Ministries which were highly instrumental in helping me achieve eventual freedom from this sin in addition to prayer and meditation upon the Word regularly. My biggest regret is that I gave so many key years of my life to sexual sin of any sort, yet I do appreciate the freedom I have in Christ from this sin. If anyone out there is doubting the LORD’S ability to TRULY free you from sexual sin (or any other for that matter), then take my word for it that this is a lie from Satan and not the truth. There is a huge difference between having occasional lapses into sexual sin (masturbation, porn, fantasy, etc.) versus being completely given over to these sins as a lifestyle of sin. Paul encourages believers that if we walk in the Spirit that we can be set free from ANY sin that would have dominion over us. I would be lying if I said I don’t have occasional lapses, but I am not lying when I write that I have truly been set free from sexual sin in having dominion over me. Kim, I commend you for your courage in sharing your former struggles with this sin as a single woman, as the church often has this false notion that only men struggle with sexual sin (particularly masturbation). In many ways I can relate to your story, as I was bound by this sin from late adolescence throughout my 20s and well into my 30s. Thank the LORD that He mercifully freed me (including you and many others) from this bondage! May we continue to walk in the light as He is in the light!
This is also my story. I can honestly say that I ‘believe’ God has truly delivered me of this finally. He was always willing, of course. It was me who wasn’t. I’m so happy to read your story to know I was not alone in this struggle. God bless you for being brave to share. I will do the same as He leads me. <3
Thank you for sharing your struggle about masturbation I currently struggle with masturbating a lot so I know there’s other people that struggle as well. I’m 30 and I’m single I will make it God bless you
I’m a wife married 40 yrs to a man I met in bible school I knew two yrs in the married he didn’t love me he was suppose to be a pastor .Anyway he first started looking and by ten years he did talk to me any more and not to many yrs later started ponography and masturbation and now fourty yrs and he still doing it .He tells me he’s thinking about me .He says Im the reason .well I’m in bed alone I’ve heard I’m sorry so many times and don’t forget I love you it comes after I say I can’t take anymore .He really hates me the mean controlling maxing my credit cards and leaving me in collections .My mind and heart has been so hurt I can’t trust anyone .I went to someone for the first time in all these years The wife of the pastor who also is a pastor .She told me I needed to pickup my cross and to finally let God do the work .When the Pastor called me he talked down to me he used to be a boys pastor for many years .He asked me if I knew what James Dobson taught .I got a sick stomach .yes I knew I don’t ok what has been done .I still believe in the Ten Commandments and what Jesus says in Matthew 5 .You must understand I was 18 and now I’m 58 .There was many times I wanted some sex and love and comfort but he was getting else where . I’m going to get a divorce now but over the years I talked to him about one over and over but he’s very good at looking to be that perfect guy .Everyone tells me in front of him That I have the most wounderful husband .Hes so kind and attentive loving you get it He’s been abusive right after we married but he would say he never hit me .Sometime I wish he would have . I question my faith now .The last thing he did was give the scripture of adutery . By the way he took phycology And theology and was a paper from receiving his masters in theology .He has used my religion to keep me on the path .So I’m off the strait and narrow . Lost
Bobbie, I am so, so, so sorry for the abuse you have suffered at the hands of this man and the church. It is very common for abusers to be deceptively charming to the outside world while abusing their spouses. Here is the Power and Control Wheel–it sounds to me like you’ve endured a lot of the behaviors listed here.
What most people don’t understand is that domestic abuse is a SYSTEM and not just the behaviors we might identify, like hitting. Unfortunately, domestic abuse is all too often unrecognized by the church, and abusers are protected rather than victims. Of course you question that faith: it’s a terrible, toxic faith that tells victims to stay and suffer. That is the furthest possible thing from Jesus that I can imagine. Jesus was way more into millstones.
It’s really common for women to say exactly what you said here:”I wish he would hit me; then I would know I could leave” and it’s also really common for abusers to understand the lines that they can’t cross without losing their victim and being outed as an abuser.
I hope you will contact your local women’s shelter. Even if you don’t actually need shelter, those agencies have all the resources that you will need as you leave this abusive man, and begin to walk in freedom.
You are strong and courageous. Making a new life for yourself after all these years of abuse is not an easy path to follow, but I applaud your wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story with us here. May other women be inspired to follow your lead into new life and freedom!
Peace, grace, and healing to you,
it is possible to lead a righteous iife
Indeed it is, Gideon. :)
I am truly touched by this story.I am going through the same.I always try to free myself but it’s not working out for me…I just got saved buh this sin is pulling me back … but now I know someone out their was able to overcome this so will I….
Your article is truly an inspiration! I myself have struggled with masturbation since the age of 4. Yes people it’s possible to start at such a young age!! I’m now 24 and still struggle immensely with this sin. I recently accepted Jesus as my lord and saviour and was baptized. I know that thru God, I can do all things! Christ already has defeated all my sins so I’m no longer a slave but I still live like one :-( I still give in to masturbation even though I know it’s not glorifying to God. I was feeling tempted to act out so I grabbed my phone and went on this website bc I know I can always find encouragement here. Thank y’all for all the work u guys do!! I hope someday I can say that I’ve gone ten yrs without masturbation
Thank you for your kind words, Lydia. Yes, I have heard of people who have began struggling at age of 2 or 3 years! Often when someone begins struggling as young as you it can indicate sexual abuse or a lack of being nurtured. I’m sorry for the difficulty you’ve had in this area. I am praying for you as a type. If I can help please feel free to reach out to me via my website. Jesus bless you on your journey!
This is great stuff! I want to be free too! But what about married women? When I make love to my husband isn’t it natural then since we don’t work the same way, and he enjoys knowing we both enjoyed it?
Kimberly, thank you for this very helpful article. I am especially grateful that you continued to struggle while a believer. I am a life-long masturbation addict but find hope in your having actually bee able to stop completely. I would so very much like to be set free from it.
Regarding your observation that sex is about intimacy, and that we can learn to be intimate with God and others without sex, I once heard a phrase that shocked me: masturbation is “having sex with yourself.” Seen in that light, it is ridiculous to think that the foundational intimacy is present, or if it is then it’s a very foolish kind of selfishness taken to the extreme. But to know and believe this has not been enough to tip the scales for me. I am seeing the need to lean on the Lord for help. He is able.
A and G,
Thanks for reaching out. There certainly is freedom for you in Christ. Jesus has already set us free, we just need to walk in our reality of freedom. Yes, masturbation is certainly a false form of self intimacy. The Lord certainly is able. Too, I encourage you to reach out to fellow believers for help ~ I’ve worked with hundreds and walked thru my own journey and have found this really is the only way. If I can be of further help please feel free to contact me thru my website. God bless.
[typo — “actually bee able” should be “actually been able”]
also: I would change “that you continued to struggle while a believer” to “that you admitted that you continued to struggle while a believer”
Thank you for the work you do. I am currently having major victories in the areas of porn and masturbation and God has blessed me tremendously as a result. Unfortunately, my wife has grown bitter over this and other things and as it stands now, divorce papers are in the works at her insistence. I am praising God for his victory and praying that He give my wife a heart of forgiveness for the sake of our marriage. Please, pray for me and my wife, rachael, that God would restore our family and bring healing. I’m heartbroken over what my porn addiction has done and I hope that God can restore us. Thanks.
Thomas, I am so sorry for all that the addiction has cost you with your wife. I just prayed for you and Racahel. Please continue to hold onto hope… the same God that delivered you can heal your wife’s heart. Hold onto Jesus, brother. If I can serve you or your wife please reach out at Kimberly@divineid.org. Also, purecommunity.org has a directory and in it is included a directory with coaching for spouses. You may want to have her reach out for the sake of her own healing. Keep holding to Jesus brother, and thank you for your kind comment,
I do have struggled for 23years and was introduced to porn/masterbation as a child. Your story gives me hope. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you in your journey and please pray for us strugglers!
Just said a prayer for you. There certainly is hope in Jesus. I was so bound… and you too can walk in the freedom He won for us on Calvary. God bless you and if I can be of service please reach out email@example.com
Hang in there Mark. Thanks for your comment. Yes, there is definitely hope for you! I often felt hopeless in this struggle. Yet, here I am (by God’s grace) almost at 11 years of freedom. If you can get yourself some accountability that would be a big help. Also, please feel free to reach out to me via my website contact or email. God bless you! It is for freedom that Christ set you free! Galatians 5:1.
Pls pray for me and my siblings. I personally I’ve been struggling for 16 years plus now.. our curiosity and exposure by my brother to porn. Since then I’ve been struggling. I’ve prayed, cried, and worried about it but it’s not gone yet. My parents are late and I’m in a new land where I know a few people I can share personal issues with. I also work from home now so it’s a bit tough for me. Pls pray for me. I promise God that I will set up a team of believers who will help young people struggling like me too. God help me.
We are praying for you! Be strong! Setting up a team of believers with whom you can walk in accountability is an amazing next step to finding freedom.
2 thoughts; 1 is that it’s AWESOME that you are a woman and sharing this kind of story. It’s not just guys who struggle with this addiction! Thank you so much for your openness and honestly.
And 2, I laughed out loud when you said “I didn’t die or kill anyone from not having an orgasm. It really is possible!” Yes, it’s funny but I also think people really do believe that it’s not possible and unhealthy to not orgasm for any long period of time. I work with men who are on the road to recovery from sexual addiction after I broke free from mine but I also come into contact with women who are struggling as well or who have deep feelings of betrayal from what their husbands have done. I will look myself also but do you have a website with resources for women that I can point these ladies to?
Thanks for your ministry! I will pray God continues to bless it and you also.
Never mind. I clicked on the “Divine Identity” link above. Looks like a good amount of resources there. :)
Looking forward to touching base, Paul.
There are no words to express how grateful I am to God and to you for this testimony. I’ve began to mastrubate after… getting married. And keep in mind I got married being a virgin (though just technically). 6 years into marriage I still struggling with this sin. But during last months I’ve been thinking that I should stop do it completely, because it’s the same thing as adultery, I guess (taking into consideration that I watch porn while doing this as well)
Imperfect but loved, What an appropriate title we all could go by! I pray that you will reach out to others for help and accountability. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, If I can be of service please reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for not being ashamed to share your story – oh that more people would stand up and be counted. For whatever reason in our culture/society it’s ok to stand up and say “I was an alcoholic, but now I’ve been set free!” and people cheer and say “Praise God!” etc – but to acknowledge struggling with sexual sin is a no-no – despite way more people struggling in this area and (in my opinion) much more damaging side effects than alcoholism or drug addiction.
I myself have struggled in this area since the age of 3. I’m now 40, married, with 4 children – and it is still a struggle. I’m thankful for the grace of God, that he doesn’t just decide to strike me down for my sinful ways, but instead has placed all of my unrighteousness on his Son who paid the penalty.
For those single people reading this who believe that everything will work out when you finally get married, it really doesn’t, not if you don’t deal with whatever issues have drawn you to porn, masturbation, homosexual behaviour, etc. instead of depending upon God.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts Peter. Also, thank you for your amazing words of wisdom to singles. So true! Marriage does not fix this problem! If anything, it can at times make it worse. If I can be of help in the form of in person, Skype, or phone counseling please feel free to reach out at Kimberly@divineid.org. God bless you on your journey! Keep fighting the fight, brother.
I have read your article and cannot say better you than me. I have struggled with a fetish since I was around 5, and masturbation triggered by that from age 13…I am now 68. But I have been in recovery these past few years so things are getting better…thanks be to God!
Thanks for your comment Paul. God bless you on your journey. Good for you on your work to find freedom! If I can be of service please feel free to reach me at Kimberly@divineid.org
Hey Paul can we talk it’s wanda Jonathan
Im almost convinced I’m a reprobate..I’ve struggled with masturbatopn on and off for 40yrs. My wife is not able to have intercourse due to medical issues, so I act out. Im sicl of it. I’ve prayed fasted and talked to Pastors about this. I feel trapped and hopeless, a broken Christian.
Thank you for your comment. You label yourself a broken Christian – the Truth is that label applies to all of us. Thankfully he is near to the broken and that is who he has come for. If you were a reprobate I assure you that you would not be on this website grieving about your son or even caring about it whatsoever. Just the fact that you are bothered shows that you are not reprobate. I did all of the things that you were doing but the change – the real change- did not take place for me untill I had daily accountability. God bless you on your journey and if I can be of assistance in the form of counseling please contact me at Kimberly@divined.org
Awesome post, thanks for sharing. We need all the encouragement we can get. I my self am in the midst of a tremendous struggle with addiction to self-abuse (the “m” word). I have lots of highs and lows, mostly highs now-a-days, thanks to Jesus. I do have a question though. In the last year or so, I will go through several months at a time with out acting out, and I have hit at least three major relapse bouts. Whenever I relapse I will act out multiple times over the span of 2-3 weeks. The first was almost two months. Is this normal in the struggle. Like I said, I go through periods of time when I am doing well, and then I fall into a pit. Is this a sign of progress? Is this normal for a while till it hopefully one day completely stops? Can u share with me what your last year was like?
Great article. I struggle with this myself. Some people look at it like it’s no big deal, but when your soul is disagreeing with the action and you’re being pulled apart in two different directions, I can tell you the struggle is real… and it’s very difficult. I installed the Covenant Eyes software and it has helped a lot… now I only succumb to the desire maybe once a month–but soon, and with enough prayer and support, I hope to abolish it completely from my life very soon.
Keep doing what you know to do, and you will be free. Actually, Calvary has already made us free… we just are learning to walk in what already belongs to us. Thanks for your comment Greg. The struggle is real, and the struggle is difficult as you said. Keep up the prayer and the support. Reach out at Kimberly@divineid.org if I can offer counseling help. God bless!
Glad we were able to touch base via email! Thanks for reaching out.
Thank you so much for sharing about this subject. I still struggle with this at times but am finding victory this week in giving this to Christ and focusing on him daily. Your long term victory on this encourages me
Thanks for your comment Troy. Glad you are finding victory. If I can be of help in the form of counseling please reach out at Kimberly@divineid.org. God bless you on your continued journey to freedom!
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. Women so rarely talk about it. As a woman, I have struggled with masturbation since I was six, related to sexual abuse and early pornography exposure. Now, in my mid-thirties and single, I still struggle with is, so I relate very much to your story. Thank you for the reminder that hope and healing are possible.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! So few women talk about it, so as a woman who struggles with it, I am grateful to you for sharing your story. I began masturbating at age 6 after sexual abuse and pornography exposure. Now, in my mid-30’s and single, I still struggle with it. Thank you for the reminder that healing and hope is possible.
My story is similar. I was first exposed to dirty sexual talk when I was 8 and saw my first pornographic magazine with people engaged in sex at the same age. I saw my first pornographic video when I was 12 and have had, what I believe to be, a masturbation addiction since. This is a secret sin as I have been to embarrassed to mention to anyone. I lusted, sexually fantasized and masturbated to countless girls I went to school with, women I worked with, and attractive women I saw in public. I am now well in my 40’s and and it remains an everyday addiction. My Dad had passed away when I was 7 and no male in the family stepped in to be the male figure a young boy needs. My Mom never remarried and only went on a date on rare occasion after, so it was just me, Mom and my older sister. I was to embarrassed to ask my Mom about anything sexual. So my sex education basically came from public school, foul talking friends and pornography. I became a very shy, isolated, insecure and socially awkward teenager and remain this way to this day. I have never had a romantic relationship and the in the only three attempts to persue a woman I failed miserably and came out looking like a fool. So my sexual desire has been “fulfilled” through sexual fantasizing while masturbating.
Spiritually, I came to know Jesus when I was head deep in this addiction at 14. A lady my mom worked with invited us to church and from the start I enjoyed it and was baptized. But I remained in this sinful addiction. Still had trouble connecting with other kids my age, particularly girls. I fell from Christ at 17 (for an unrelated reason). By God never let go. I still believed and even prayed fairly often. But I was a miserable, unhappy, awkward adult with a masturbation addiction now. I didn’t view porn though. I was too embarrassed to ever rent a porn movie or walk into a strip club or adult store. Thankfully I never sought the services of a prostitute. But as the internet came around, I did view free porn clips at times, but only because I wanted to. I never felt the irresistible desire to view porn in the way I have the irresistible desire to fantasize and masturbate. In fact I have not viewed pornography in quite a long time. But a form of pornography remains in my mind.
Six years ago, and terrible situation in my family drew me back to Christ and I have involved in my small church ever since. But the desire to lust, fantasize and masturbate remains. In fact, it is stronger than ever. I feel incredible shame over it. I am constantly having to go to God and repent for it. I have begged him to deliver me from this bondage, but it seems to strong still. By the grace of God, not by own will, I am still sexually pure on a physical level (only because I am a total loser with women). But my mind, body and spirit are contaminated with this sexual impurity. I am still to embarrassed to discuss this with anyone. That is where I am at today.
If you met me, you would probably think I am an alright looking, normal guy who has it all together. I am moderately successful in life overall, I love God and truly believe overall I have a good heart and desire to be a Godly person. But I have this awful addiction.
My hope is to one day meet a Christian woman to marry and share my life with. But I know it can not happen with this awful addiction ruling my life. No Christian woman deserves a dirty minded, lustful husband.
All I can do is fight with Gods help. As I write this, my goal to get to this time tomorrow without giving in. If do this, the next goal would be to get to the next day. Basically one day at a time. Deep down, I do believe God will deliver me. But I must work with him and surrender to him.
Kimberly, God bless you! I’m grateful for your boldness in sharing. Porn and Masturbation were hand and in hand with me for over 10 years. It’s funny i took it passive from a Joyce Meyer book where she said your sin struggle will get worse before it gets better, and yes, that was true for me, even as i grew in Him and served in my church leadership. It’s still a struggle, but healing is progressing well, especially this past month. His Word is true, that as you walk in the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. I am grateful for the gift He’s giving us in “prayer” for i don’t know what i’ll do without it. Again, thanks for sharing for it’s given me more encouragement. Thanks to everyone that shared as well. Lifting all of you in prayers and ask you do the same for me. God bless, your brother in Christ.
T and G,
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’m glad that you are experiencing some victory and finding strength in the Lord’s presence. I pray that you also are allowing others of the same gender walk with you on this journey. God bless you!
I admire you and praise Jesus for setting you free. I too am running on 23 years of masturbation and also a porn/sex addiction. Its hard. I’ve gotten much better but I havent been completely free yet. Soon I pray.
Thanks for your comment, Anonymous. May the God of all hope provide you with continued hope in this area. I am declaring freedom over you as I type! In Jesus name!
Since I was a child I struggled with sexual sins to make a long story short I spent nearly 25 years engaging in one type of immorality or another with female prostitutes I truly lived a hopeless life thinking I would never overcome these sins God has granted me repentance in the last 2 years no interaction with prostitutes but I have not been able to overcome the sin of masturbation and I’m becoming increasingly hopeless again I’ve often thought am I very immature that I cannot be responsible with an iPhone because there is so much pronography at my fingertips if I’d gotten rid of my iPhone I might have never read your stories I hope you’ll pray for me
Hi Steve, of course. Do you have accountability? Do you really need an iPhone? Maybe you could get to our material another way? Sometimes, beating the habit means drastic steps. What else have you tried to beat the habit?
Journey out of this disgraceful act is not easy, I have been a victim myself for 8yrs now, I have always desired a break free but has proved difficult before this week. I hope prayerfully that it has finally ended by the grace of Jesus Christ.
I wonder how many of you read this replied and just went on and just masturbated anyways after reading this. I pray to God everyday to set me free
I unfortunately did, I quit for 2 yrs then after being cheated on, like clock work Satan has me wrapped back around his finger masturbating frequently as I try to find encouragement reading comments…that s.o.b Satan won’t get away with this
I dont masturbate anymore but have I saddened the Holy Spirit by not listening to him whenever i masturbate? Until he doesn’t bother anymore of my sin? Will God forgive me still?
My life is messed up already due to my sin of masturbation. I just couldn’t stop before… But now im free but my faith in God is the problem since i think the Holy Spirit left me.
I’ll just give you a little Scripture to ponder over: Romans 8:31-39
31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[a]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Hello Kimberly! I would love to talk to you about this issue. Is there any way that I could have your email? I prefer this not to be a public comment. Thank you!!
Hi Unspoken. I just now am seeing this. My email is Kimberly@divineid.org.
I need help please pray for me am tired of confessing
I have been masturbating from 12 and started watching porn around 20. please I need help and prayers.
Hi, MK – I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. What have you tried? What about this list of essential steps?
I’m a teenager and have been struggling for about six months now. I want to encourage all of you, who are masturbating, to tell a mature Christian friend or pastor about your struggle, shed light on this issue. I eventually told my youth leader and dad (who is a pastor) about my masturbating addiction. I have been free for a few days now, it’s good to be back with God.
BTW plz do not say that masturbating is “not a sin”. The Bible clearly states what is wrong and what isn’t. The Bible may not address specifically masturbation, but it is clear on how our minds should be. Masturbation can’t be justified.
So “the bible clearly states what is wrong” but “it may not specifically address masturbation” but masturbation is still wrong?
Purity culture has created so much shame around sexuality that we’re making up things to feel guilty about. This breaks my heart.
If you want to stop masturbating, that’s fine, it’s your choice. I’m glad you’ve got a few days of “freedom” under your belt (so to speak). But when you masturbate again, I want you to know that God is still with you. He does not abandon you or forsake you for using the sex drive he gave you. God loves you, he created you with a healthy and whole sex drive, which is nothing to be ashamed of.
Peace to you,
It looks to me Kay that you are encouraging people to “self-worship”, allowing themselves to delve into what God intended to be a partnership between a husband and a wife, not “single sex”. When Jesus had encountered the woman in John 8, Hd did not say “Hey, that”s fine, I still love you, you have s healthy sex drive”, He said “Nither do I condemn, go and sin no more.” Not “sin less”. I am trouble to see that you as a “Christian ” counsellor recommend that.
There are no scripture verses condemning masturbation. I don’t see the point in shaming people for something the Bible doesn’t condemn.
To be fair, Liv, John 8 is about a woman caught in adultery… Which is a sin condemned many times throughout the Bible. Not really sure how you’re comparing that to masturbation.
Every condition can be cured by the power of God, whether masturbation, pornography addiction, evil thoughts, etc. you name it. God is real, His word is true. And when our hearts are fully enveloped with the beauty and pleasures of heavenly Jerusalem, desires of the flesh will die and fade. Great post!
Well suffering sex abuse from my father God Father and then his friends possiably my uncles and grandfather and my older sister then suffered sexual assault and domestic violence then church abuse by the Catholic Church . I do masturbate when stressed maybe once a week. I see it as a grave sin but it seems to be the only thing calming I’m married to my husband does not mind when I madturbate
Hi, can you help me get through this difficulty? Can you be my accountability partner as I get free in Jesus name? I want to be free. I don’t watch porn at all. But I do struggle in this area. People don’t even come to mind. It’s more like self lust. Please provide advice.
Praise God that you desire freedom! Is there a friend or relative whom you can confide in and ask for accountability? Or, a church leader or mentor! Above all, keep turning to Christ for healing and freedom. Pray without ceasing. We are praying for you!
For the first,I see a bit of light on this issue.I have read far too many reads on the subject of masturbation and none of it has come close to giving me the ‘fear/reverence’ of God I was hoping to find. Thank you
Hi please pray for me. I also struggle in this area. I have tried quitting masturbation but i still have relapses. So far i have stopped watching porn for almost two months now. Please help me by praying that i will be completely porn free and masturbation free
We are praying for you! Stay strong, my friend!
Hey,I am confidence
I feel angry and sad, I have tried so many times that to stop masturbating, watching porn or erotic novels for a few days or even months I would stop.. but I still go back and whenever I do I feel so sad, guilty because I feel like its disrupted my walk with God and I feel ashamed and run away from God..I need help please I have read books and talked to someone about it and I followed what was said for sometime and still go back, I am currently angry and not even fighting it at all,feel.like I have lost my will to fight..help please
You are not alone in the way you feel. Although porn is powerful in disrupting our walk with God, God is greater than porn and HE can help you to overcome it! Ephesians 6:10-18 offers great wisdom as you fight for freedom. The passage starts by saying: “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” I pray that you find peace and perseverance in these words.
I would also encourage you to continue reaching out to those you know for prayer and guidance. Not even one of us can overcome sin alone. We need the accountability and wisdom from other believers.
Be strong! You are worth fighting for!
Hi everyone my name is Michael iv been struggling with masturbation since i was 8 years old and i am now 28. I struggle to keep away from pornography I feel so disgusting, pathetic, filthy, unworthy, sad and I sometimes feel like I have no control. This weird sexual addiction has had a grip on me for most of my life but I pray to a living God and I know that he will strengthen me.
This is my first time actually talking about my struggle I dont know why but I just felt the need to tell others my story too.
Thank you for your bravery and honesty in sharing your story. That alone is a great first step towards freedom! Porn often succeeds in making us feel unworthy, but this could not be farther from the truth! Praise be that we serve a God who offers us hope and freedom through Him. Please do not stop fighting for recovery! You are worth it.
I am praying for you!
Thank you so much for this article and thank the Heavenly Father for the grace, love and support He gives us, I have just averted a huge mistake I was going to make by giving in to my fleshly desires but saw this post and prayed to Jesus and the urge has gone, sometimes it gets so bad, I haven’t had sex for 15 years and gave my life to Christ a few months ago and have stopped masturbating for just over 2 months, the power of Jesus is bigger than any temptation that is set before us, all you have to do is get yourself to a place where you can concentrate on the Lord Jesus and what He has done for you on the cross and relief will be yours, amen, God Bless you!!
Hi I’m Ric, I’ve never struggled with porn. Yes, my fleshly desires have been an issue especially since breaking from a recent toxic relationship that opened up foil spirits I had never encountered.
I can count on my hand the number times this has been a real issue in my life but it is a destructive force.
Many times we may need to break the controlling Jezebel influence in our lives. Sometimes I experienced physical pain that causes undue stress in the body. I want to be free in Christ and walk out my destiny in purity. In Jesus Name. I pray the same for everyone on this page!
I want to appreciate God for this platform, the openness of different individuals on this “crucial topic” is mind-blowing. It will be 11years by October, that I’ve been struggling with the terrible addiction of masturbation. It all started with sexual lust; gradually, it turned to masturbation, then later to seeking porn on the internet. After I came to Christ, the urge when down but not completely out. Since then, whenever I yield to masturbation, I’d feel like my life is useless to God and myself. Sometimes, I feel like my life won’t have meaning; grieving the holy Spirit has been another condemning experience whenever I masturbate.
I opened up to my pastor and he organized a deliverance session for me; after sometime I went back to my vomit again.
I love the Lord to the extent to which I’m able to discern, but this issue?? its killing me.
I had had about 6months of total freedom, but lo and behold! same old story after all. I know my total deliverance is nearer; I have been encouraged listening to testimonies and experiences of amazing people on this platform.
My name is Solomon and for over 10 -15 yrs I’ve been a consequent addict I even watched porn and masturbated before viewing this. Thanks for ur story, but why am I still in chains?
Thanks for reaching out to us, I’m sorry to hear about your struggle – you’re not alone! I’d like to recommend our free ebook, The Porn Circuit. There are many in your exact situation, and this book explains why porn and masturbation are so difficult to stop, and gives a lot of practical insight for the steps you can take to quit! There are a lot of other helpful resources on this page as well.
I’ve been struggling with this horrible addiction for nearly 30 years. I had periods where I managed to stop but it was at the expense of all sexual desire meaning my wife suffered for a while. It was only a few years into my marriage that I even realised I had a problem! It is fulfilling to know that none of us are alone in this battle and even better to see people who have conquered their sin. I kept kidding myself it was ok if I didn’t look at porn or even worse if I looked at porn without masturbating. I try really hard to save myself when my wife is ‘on’ so I can honour her when she is off but I just use that as an excuse to self-harm again.
This time I want it to be for good. As I approach 40 I do not want to be a slave to my addictions any more and it is only through God and intimacy with my wife that I can conquer it. I realised years ago that it was the intimacy I had been craving all these years and not just sexual desire.
I apologise for rambling but thank you so much for this page and letting us know we are not suffering alone.
Thank you for the story, and truly inspiring.
I would be sincere and plain. I was born into a strong Muslim background. I am the firstborn and only male child. At the tender age of 6, the housemaid that time lured me into the act of sex. She maltreated me if I refused, so I always lived in fear. As a result of that constant event, I became fully intrigued about sex. I thought I was enjoying it, but I was going deeper into bondage. I am 36 years now and not yet married, and I still masturbate. I am not proud of it, but the addiction is really, really deep. I need help out of it.
When I was in the university, I read in the bible the verse that said, ” However hides his sin, will not prosper but whoever confesses and forsakes them shall obtain mercy” I went and opened up to my pastor that I masturbate. The man responded and prayed for me as if I was one of the dirtiest sinners on earth. So I left more hopeless. I have confessed this sin to three different pastors but noticed these pastors don’t follow up, and I find myself still committing this sin. I have stood up for altar call several times but still, go back to this sin. I am afraid that I am hurting my health and want to stop the habit.
Please, I need your prayers.
Thanks for sharing your comment! I’m so grieved to hear about your experiences and the ongoing pain you’ve faced in this struggle. Our team is here for you, and we’re praying for you. I encourage you to keep going through our resources. We have a lot of free e-books that are packed with wisdom and helpful information. See here.
One other thing. Since you have experienced sexual abuse and serious trauma, so I strongly recommend you seek out counseling from a professional. You can call Focus on the Family for a phone consultation with help from licensed Christian counselors and pastoral counselors.
I want To Be Free Everytime I Masterbate I feel guilty I Have struggled with this Since I was a kid like 12 I’m 41 I can control it For A little bit then I erges I’m not Sexually Active Right Now My I Just Was To Please God with Obedience and this a Struggle It Must Go I cant do this anyway Jesus Help your Child
I’m going to say some shocking things here, so hang on!
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve the problem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in Christian circles. Often, shame itself becomes the problem, as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.
You might also like to read a couple of books by Christian authors that address the issue of needless sexual shame in more depth: Pure by Linda Kay Klein, and Shameless by Nadia Bolz Weber.
I know this is a big shift in thinking in this area, but I hope you’ll consider this and try working on the shame piece instead of trying to force yourself to cut out a normal and healthy part of your physical self.
Peace to you,
I’ve been struggling for 6yrs now. I keep repenting n falling, each time I repent I’m always scared I will fall again. I fast and pray and sometimes while fasting I even masturbate 😓. I’m really believing day one day I’ll be healed. I actually communicate very closely with God such that the Holy Spirit is like a friend to me. Anything I pray God gives it to me while I’ve repented and livinga holy life before I fall again, I just know I’m special to him but I’m tired of dissapointing him😞. Each time I masturbate I just see things go wrong in my life, and I’m tired of this peril but I haven’t given up and won’t give up. When i repent I feel very strong in d spirit after some days of closeness with God, I overcome many temptations until d big one hits me, and at that point I struggle so hard to get it out my mind I can’t just get it out. There’s a prayer I normally pray when tempted “Holy Spirit takeover my heart” immediately I say that I feel peace in my soul n d temptation is gone, but when this big one hits me i say that d temptation goes and bfr the next 10secs it’s back and my heart will be beating so fast I see myself picking up my phone and typing pornographic sites on Google I know what I’m doing is wrong but I can’t stop it’s as if I’m being tempted and bfr u know it I’m done masturbating. I start feeling guilty, I feel the Holy Spirit away from me, I start cursing myself. But my loving Lord forgives me immediately I repent and I’m back on track again, but starting all over again not just in my relationship with Him but in some other areas of my life I feel d serious set back. For example if I’ve read a topic in physics let’s say Gravitational Field I found out I’ve forgotten almost everything I’ve read, I begin reading from the beginning again. It’s really giving issues but Godbjust knows a way to always help me out and I keep advancing in life but not excellently though. I know there’s something about me when I’m fully in God’s presence and hasn’t yet fallen, I see myself doing excellently well but once I fall I have serious set backs
I curse the day I began this.
God help me I believe I can stop this
Thanks for sharing your struggle! We’re here for you. I want to encourage you to seek help, and to get some allies to come alongside you. Here’s a helpful post that gives the six essential steps to quitting porn. Remember, a setback is NOT the same as failure! Failure to quit is when you quit trying. God bless you on your journey!
47 yrs today and am so ashamed inside but I know Christ will help me if would only yeild more to him, I believe hoping after all these yrs I am be free of this hidden sin but not from God, except I know all our sins are hidden in Christ and wash away from his shed blood, but the struggle has been long hoping in find the desire to stop forever in Jesus name Amen
Nice article. Thank you. I am struggling with the same on and off for now 15 years.
But now I am sure that I will overcome it too.
Nice article! Thank you for sharing. I am struggling with the same on and off for now 15 years.
But now I am sure that I will overcome it too in Jesus’ name.
My name is benjamin i have been strugling with this evil act for five years now. I dont have much to say but no matter what i will never give up. Falling down is a mistake but staying down is a choice. Only God can save us just tell him to take over and also be putting effort and he will help us because his love is greater than our sins. God loves you.
Reading about on the honest remarks on the difficulties of totally stopping masterbation has humbled me greatly. I’m in the same boat. Here are some scriptures I would like to share. [The brackets are my comments.]
James 1:4 — But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.
[Notice it doesn’t say we are drawn away by demons.]
Matthew 26:41 – Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
[It appears the power of prayer helps the flesh which is weak.]
Luke 22:40 – And when he came to the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.
[The power of prayer appears to be a guard against temptation.]
1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
[I didn’t know how to pray until I read Philippians 4:6. After reading that scripture over and over again, I finally realized what was missing in my prayer. I have learned when I pray to God, nothing is off the table. Nothing is too embarrassing to talk about with God. I repeat, nothing is off limits. Praying to God about everything you are going through, whether good or bad, is better than holding back. Tell God everything. Our inner most darkest secrets? God knows us better than we know ourselves. If a thought of desire and enticement enters my mind, I instantly pray to God about it. If I get the urge to do it, I tell God at that moment I am going through temptation. I tell God plainly that I am tempted and I have a desire to act on it. I noticed when I prayed at that moment, I did not give in to the desire. It’s like God took it away. It’s like (1 Corinthians 10:13) has been fulfilled in my life and I got to experience God’s power supernaturally. God took it away. But do I always succeed? No. There are times when my selfish desire is greater than my need to pray. Is God going to strike me with lightning because I failed and entered into temptation and gave in? Anyone who has been doing something habitual for years, it is called a habit. It takes time to change and remove it from your life, whether through a form of therapy or by the grace of God. Either way you decide to go, it’s still going to take time to be set free from it. It can take months or years, and no matter what the desire, temptation is always going to knock at the door. Show me one person alive who is perfect, who has always lived a resistant life from temptation?]
Galatians 5:17 – For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
[The desires of the flesh opposes the Spirit. We struggle to always do what’s right in our lives. Is there anyone you know who as it all together and does not have any faults?]
James 1:13 – Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.
[Thank God he doesn’t tempt us. Thank God for his loving kindness and forgivness. Thank God for his only begotten son, Jesus Christ.]
Romans 3:11 — As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one;…”
[This scripture helps me stay grounded when I start to think I have it all together and I get in that mindset of self righteousness.]
Romans 3:22 — We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.
[We have to believe that no matter what struggles we may face in this life that we are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ.]
James 5:16 — Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.
[In conclusion, nothing is hidden from God. The struggles in our lives, addiction or habits. May our Lord Jesus Christ help everyone to be set free.]
Hebrews 4:15 — For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.
[Jesus was 100 percent human like us. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. Jesus intercedes for us — Romans 8:34.]