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Becoming Belle Knox: Behind-the-Scenes Life of a Porn Star

Last Updated: November 4, 2020

Emma Joy

Emma Joy is a young adult who enjoys studying apologetic resources and learning about purity from a Biblical perspective. Her desire is that God would use her life and writings in a far reaching way to impact the lives of many. She writes about sexual sin and repentance (among other topics) on her personal blog.

I’m a porn star, ex-cutter, rape victim. That’s a lot of baggage for one person to carry…I’m just taking things day by day, and I’m just as confused as every other person out there. There’s…so much that’s unresolved, that I don’t have answers for. There’s obviously some reason this has all happened to me, and I want to find some type of meaning.” – Miriam Weeks

Becoming Belle Knox, a short docu-series from Conde Nast Entertainment, follows porn actress Miriam Weeks by giving an eye-opening, raw look at her history and current experiences in pornography.

The purpose of this article is to express the humanity of all persons—even porn stars. We have the tendency to see pornography as mere fantasy which gives the illusion of people who are obsessed with sex and live solely for it. Too often we are blinded to the reality that porn stars are people too. They have very real emotions, fears, and problems (just like the rest of us). Quite possibly, a hurtful or abusive past has led them into the porn industry and led to a perceived willingness to be degraded for the eyes of anyone to gawk at.

Miriam, whose porn star name is Belle Knox, has scars on her thighs from when she used to engage in self-injury in the eighth grade. Before she shoots a porn scene, the makeup artist hides the scars. As a former cutter, this struck me as utterly saddening. “Our scars remind us that the past is real,” as one song puts it.

Yet Miriam’s past is not explained nor acknowledged for those who view her scenes in pornography. She is seen as just another body, another tool to aid in getting ourselves off. Her humanity and history with pain, confusion, and troubling experiences are totally hidden from the scenes she shoots. She is seen as less than a human being. According to the way she is spoken to in her films, the lust-filled audience is encouraged to see Miriam as a dirty whore (or more explicit terms).

Miriam noted, “A lot of #@*&$ in my life has been ruined because of sex. A lot of my family doesn’t even talk to me anymore. I lost my best friends because I joined the sex industry and decided to be a porn star.”

“The industry has a way of making you very cynical and very bitter. I’ve already…I feel like I’ve in a way…I’ve started to get…a bit bitter and a bit cynical. It teaches you to be street smart and not to trust people. I’m so used to being always on the lookout for scammers and for people who are going to try to pimp me out or traffic me. I think my experiences have aged me. I don’t have the mind of an eighteen year old. I kind of have…the emotional baggage of somebody much, much older than me.”

She went on to say,

“I thought this would be like a part-time job, like I would compartmentalize Miriam and Belle. Miriam would be when I go to school and then Belle would be when I have breaks, but I was naive to think that I could do that because it can’t be really a part-time job. You have to kind of do it all the way. Sometimes I feel like school has become secondary to it because it becomes…its own identity and you can’t just take that identity out whenever you want to. You have to constantly be your porn alter ego.”

Miriam said she talked to a girl who was kind of retiring from porn and asked her why she was getting out of it. The woman responded, “I was becoming my alter ego.” She also cautioned, “If you start becoming Belle, you need to leave the industry and that means you need to stop.” Miriam expressed, “I still haven’t…decoded what exactly that means, but I think it’s really interesting to think about and I think it probably just means don’t lose yourself.”

Biblically speaking, sex is an intimate act where one man and one woman give themselves fully to the other in the context of monogamous marriage.

Sex is so much more than feelings or having fun for the night. It binds people very deeply on an emotional level and connects people in more ways than just the physical. To think sexual acts can be had otherwise only results in heartache and baggage. It is unfortunate therefore, how Miriam described her view of sex:

“I think I had an issue before porn with separating love with lust. I’d always fall for people who I hooked up with and now that I’ve done porn, it’s so much easier for me to detach emotions from sex which I think is a good skill to have in life.”

As a precious woman made in the image of God, this documentary subtlety begs to bring awareness to the hurting soul and dignity of this young girl. She is worth more than the scenes she shoots, the arousal she incites, the body she flaunts, and the casual sex she engages in.

Although the film is much less graphic than its content might suggest, it does contain scenes that are explicit and I do not recommend seeing it, especially if you have a history or current stronghold with porn.

The next time your selfish desires beckon you to return to viewing porn, remember what Miriam said while crying, “I think about my mom a lot when I do porn scenes, just how sad she would be that her little daughter was doing this…”

  • Comments on: Becoming Belle Knox: Behind-the-Scenes Life of a Porn Star
    1. Mario on

      Thank God for the reminder of His design in marriage! Everyone has been created by God for his good pleasure and not mine!! Thank you for this article as a great focus on the sanctity of marriage and of every soul created by Him. Help us Lord to honor you and your creation, To God be the Glory, amen.

      Reply
      • duffy westmoreland on

        pray for me to stop i hate it for GODS child!!

      • Mark on

        Yes it’s so sad that a woman (or man) should degrade themselves by acting in the porn industry. We are all made in God’s image, and it’s terrible that people are involved with this. We need to pray for not only the victims, but also the perpetrators; that is the people behind the scenes who create these films.

    2. John on

      I dont like how you present the issue, its stink of hypocrisy. You present pornstars as victims but the real victims are the people who watch the porn because of the disfunctional society we live. Pornstars are willing puppets of this devilish scheme which entice the minds of men. Comparison of your poin of view wich present pornstars as victims will be presenting serial killers as victims because of psychic burden they receive when they kill. That is a nonsence of cource. Please forgive my harsh words but i want to make my point clear.

      Reply
      • Luke Gilkerson on

        Not following you. Why does it have to be an either-or situation. Why can’t it be both? Why can’t porn stars be both victims and victimizers? Why can’t porn users be both victims and victimizers? I have no doubt women like Miriam intentionally breaking moral norms, fully knowing they are tempting men to lust—that is, after all, the business model of pornography. I just don’t see why therefore her past must be irrelevant. Her past humanizes her in an industry that is largely dehumanizing.

      • Tim on

        John I think the point here is that thw porn industry has more victims in its grasp than just the viewers. Actually maybe not the porn industry but our society period. This world pushes people to run from their problems, pains and issues and replace hurt with pleasure. As young adults sex is usually one of the first pleasures we are introduced to that involes another human excepting us. For many of these people (porn stars) it maybe the first time they have ever felt excepted, as they may have been tossed to side as children. I would be willing to bet that many of these women and men for that matter, didnt start doing porn just for the money but more for the connection and feeling of being wanted. There arw two side to a story so please dont jump to judgement so quickly. It wont help you, them or anyone else. Good luck and God bless you.

    3. John on

      Its the same old stratagem used by the accursed snake in the Garden of Edem, he lies to the woman that is ok to sin and by being deceived she entice the man to sinning. The devil wasn’t able to deceive the man, but was able to deceive the woman. And by woman man sinned and the earth become accursed. Porn is the same, men know its wrong but the women in the porn entice them into the sinn because men love women because the woman is a part of man. As man love his body, the same he love woman.

      Reply
      • Robert on

        The bible states “You are enticed by your own Lust full desires. Quit blaming women and look in the mirror and see who you really are a sinner, full of Lust in your heart. You may call it an addiction but God calls it an idol. You have an idol of lust, pornography and your heart has been deceived by your sins.
        And that my friend is from a man who has struggled with porn for over 40 yrs. It wasn’t until I did 2 yrs of Celebrate Recovery to deal and confess my sins of porn that through God’s grace I began to experience the freedom that only Jesus can set me free from pornography.

    4. GB on

      Pornstars are women and MEN. The porn industry is mainly run by MEN. ADAM… He was held accountable for HIS part… God didn’t discipline Eve alone. Victim or victimizer we are each responsible for our own sins, and our own recovery. Everyone is broken in one way or another, and we all answer to God for our own sins. Shaming or blaming others doesn’t do anyone any good. Those that blame, judge, and are filled with contempt and unforgiveness hurt themselves more than anyone else. Truth, Grace, Compassion, Understanding, Accountability, etc… these are attitudes and actions that lead to healing. I believe that articles like this are incredibly valuable and I appreciate the author’s work. Thank you.

      Reply
      • Michael S. on

        Covenant eyes is nothing but a website that shames and blames, so what are you saying GB? It tries to shame you into some Christian ideal that they need to push to make sure their illusions about this world are maintained. It is also so very one-sided. The main is evil. The woman is a saint sitting hat home crushed and devastated. I assure you that is not reality in America in 2015. Want accountability? Let me give you accountability. Ladies dont take off your clothes and do porn. Dont be like all the women who tempted in the bible. It really is that simple. If no women took off their clothes, there would be no porn. None. But hell, I can go out to the net right now and see hundreds of sites where women willingly take selfies of themselves nude and give them away for free to get rated. It is VANITY. It is LUST. It is all the sins men are beat into the ground for, but you dont see one woman on Covenenant eyes ever getting called out for.

      • Luke Gilkerson on

        You should probably stop coming around to read all our shaming, blaming, man-hating articles, Michael.

        Instead may you should read more about our articles about the spread of so-called “sex positive” feminism on college campuses and why it should concern us, articles about the authors of women’s erotica for contributing to a culture of objectification and violence, or conversations with former porn actresses about their sinful pasts, or the articles about how making porno is a form of prostitution, or the ones about the vital importance of modesty among Christian women, or cultural trends like porn use among women, or young girls using social media as a forum to flaunt their bodies, or the growing prevalence of sexting, or the growing number of women posting videos on YouTube to ask “Am I pretty?”

        You seem to be under the impression that our man-hating, women-do-no-wrong brains couldn’t possibly produce articles like that, but you’re simply wrong.

      • Luke Gilkerson on

        Thanks, GB. Yes, a lot of men also do porn—and tend to be the ones at the top making most of the money, though there are some notable exceptions. I’m glad you enjoy these articles!

    5. Michael S. on

      Tons of jobs out there. She could be a welder or construction worker or waitress or scientist or doctor. Tons of them. Tons of programs that give women everything they need. Few programs for men actually. So sorry, I am not buying any of this. The reality of porn? Women have used sex to get what they want since the beginning of time and it easier to lay on your back and have sex and make $ 1,000 a day tax free than it is to go work 9 to 5 as a welder for $140 a day.

      This article insults me greatly because I worked hard for everything I have ever received. Tons of jobs. We NEVER make women personally responsible for their decisions. Never. I have dated women in porn. Trust me. They arent victims. They loved what they were doing. The partying. They bypassed great guy after great guy. They only become victims when things no longer favor them. That is when they are “victims” not during the years and years of taking money hand over fist.

      Reply
      • Luke Gilkerson on

        What exactly are you not buying, Michael? That the woman has a past? No offense, but through what set of lenses are you reading this article? To say she’s been through some junk in her life doesn’t excuse her actions—or anybody’s actions. The point of the article is to speak to men who would use the fact that she has forgotten her own dignity as an opportunity to dehumanize her.

    6. Adam on

      That is something that it is easy for many Christians to forget is that porn stars are still made in the image and likeness of God just as the rest of us are they too are in need of a saviour. Quite honestly how many of y’all pray for them? Because I don’t think I do it nearly enough

      Reply

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