Pornography is a killer. Whether it is viewed sporadically or our indulgences are a daily (or hourly) occurrence, it will within time prove to be the death of all that is good.
We are often blinded to this reality because we typically do not experience consequences over night. The repercussions of our actions are usually the culmination of many baby steps by seemingly insignificant (or at times, blatant) compromise.
Before discovering pornography and masturbation, I was a very joyful person. Seeking after God and living for Him was a delight. I had genuine intimacy with God. I had not yet known the dark paths sin can lead you and ways it will surely diminish your will to live. I was content and at ease for the most part with who I was as a person. (On my blog, I post articles I’ve written regarding pornography and masturbation including many helpful steps to overcome it if you’d like to check that out).
See Is Porn Bad? 10 Things to Consider Before Watching.
Because of my experiences, I want to warn you about many of ways porn (and sexual sin in general) will ruin your life before you even realize it:
- It will kill your desire for pleasing and knowing God. You will lose interest in reading the Bible, spending time in prayer will be seen as a boring task, attending church will become a bother, you will lose your understanding of what it means to find your value and joy through Christ alone, and studying Christian resources will be viewed upon with contempt.
- It will isolate you from others and stop your ability to form healthy and intimate relationships where transparency is treasured and a regular part of communication.
- It will remove any longing to pursue hobbies because escaping into a fantasy world of porn and the pleasures of self-gratification will trump your desire for anything outside of access to a computer and alone time.
- It will stop you from taking your God-given roles and responsibilities seriously.
- It will make you lazy as a person and will drastically increase a selfish mindset, thereby allowing your marriage or relationships with friends and family to suffer.
- It will make you irritable, short-tempered, and angry when something gets in the way of having your fix.
- It will steal your time and money.
- It will breed feelings of self-loathing and insecurity.
- It will create an insatiable longing for unattainable sexual pleasure while your thoughts of fantasy run rampant and become uncontrollable.
- It will destroy intimacy in marriage, cause any trust and integrity to dwindle away, and can rightly be considered adultery.
- It will harm us as we begin to crave the often illegal acts we see in films and when masturbation gets old, can very well lead us to do things we never thought possible.
- It dehumanizes us and will turn you into a predator who sees others as prey. It blinds us to the humanity and dignity of every person.
- It leads us down unforeseen paths and brings nothing but a labyrinth of wandering from who and what was once most important and precious to us.
“Porn promised us freedom, we became enslaved; it promised us intimacy, we found only isolation; it promised us excitement, we ended up bored; it promised us ‘adult entertainment’ and we became increasingly juvenile.” – Matt Fradd
Whether you are in the very midst of addiction, know somebody who is, or are just curious about how sin has the potential to destroy, always remember that no one is exempt from sin. Temptation is ever present and the opportunities to sin really are endless. Please purpose to dwell on what is listed in Philippians 4:8 and take every decision you make seriously; constantly keeping the truth of Galatians 6:7 (NASB) in mind:
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.”
Thanks for the article. I agree with what this article says and belive it to be true, at least for me. As a teenager, I started masturbating and viewing pornography before becoming a Christian. However, even as a Christian, having learned what the Bible says about sexuality it has still been hard for me to stop viewing pornography and masturbating since I became addicted to both. But, I am thankful to the Lord for helping me find this and other websites that have helped me learn about what pornography and lust can do to one’s life based on what the Bible says, and I am doing everything that I can (with the help of the Lord) to not view anymore pornography and to not masturbate because I would like to date and marry a good Christian woman in the future.
Thanks, Angel. So glad to hear you are persevering!
Just read this, I’ve been a christian since 1997 and I have times that through the years that I view porn. I feel so ashamed after this that talking to God I’m just embarrassed. I love the Lord so much and I don’t want to hurt him anymore. Thank you for this article…
50% of this it will not do and frankly church was boring far before pornhub came out. I disliked it before i had even seen a boobie. But yes porn may interfere with your relationships, but leave god out of it. He made our instincs for a reason we may abuse them, and then we are sinning. But for the sake of truth and honesty. I am a spiritual person but the anciant way you speak is so weird you defy the evelution of even our langauge by using shalt not use porn lol…. wow learn to be spiritual not just a bible thumper
Same I’m a 16 year old student I started my habit at 13 or 14 after that my mood started to changed I became more irritable my connection between my friends became nonexistant I’m hoping to stop masterbation at all costs and get my joyful , happy , social life back
Hi, Clarence – yes, the chains of addiction are a heavy burden, and they create all kinds of relational damage as the addiction just sucks the life and soul from us. Freedom is possible – but, with a lot of hard work. Have you read this blog post? https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/07/14/three-steps-to-kick-the-habit-of-masturbation/ Also, is pornography part of the equation? Then you’ll want to read this also: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/04/23/how-to-quit-porn-6-essential-steps/
May you experience strength from a God who is in the business of doing impossible things!
Chris
Great article not only do the viewers suffer but the actors and actresses to as well even more so .Drugs and Alcohol . .. failed relationships , unable to lead normal lives and get out .. Depression and suicide .. inability to bond with anyone .emotionally dead . I have done over 200 films and a big name and it’s destroyed my life . Trying to feel again I am so depressed I have to seek help . I decided to speak at church and couple couples on how bad Porn really is .. and have quit.
Thxs for d article.. It’s really useful… My fiance gave me to read dis.. I Wil change for her and our marred life
ALMIGHTY GOD bless and sustain you through CHRIST our lord whom we celebrate today amen
Im not a christian but everything mentioned in this article has some truth in it. Its actually really sick when you think about it with some common sense ” watching people get laid…. dailly”, this cannot be beneficial, for no one.
Amen me too. I am a teen and am dealing this “disease”. I wonder what God has for me
If masturbation starts to disturb you from religion, it’s time for you to quit religion.
Thank you
I agree porn is bad but this article is full of circular reasoning and unsupported conjecture.
I am a 36 year old man and I have been suffering from anxiety and depression because I have a pornography and masturbation addiction. I started masturbating when I was 15 and started watching pornography when I was 18. I have struggled with my sexuality too because of this addiction.
I am finally admitting out loud and in public that I have two addiction problems.
This will be the first of the rest of my life (I hope!!!).
God is good, God is patient and just and I am wrecking my life with these addictions.
Please give me hope and strength and the power to break this addiction once and for all as I have tried leaving these addictions behind before.
I realised most recently that there was a problem because I couldn’t perform sexually with my new partner. Hopefully resetting is what I need to forge out real relationships and to seek my soul mate.
Here are some practical steps. Please let us know how it’s going. https://www.covenanteyes.com/2015/05/08/what-are-the-practical-steps-to-quitting-porn/
Is hentai considered as pornography cause i watch hentai but i dont masturbate like do you get me i see it as anime with an extra thing.
Porn does not do this to a person. Life does. Porn is just symptom. In fact, if Christianity in America didn’t make sex so taboo, then porn would not entice so much. Also, I can guarantee you this — every person, before they started watching porn, prayed for true love and many prayers went unanswered. God didn’t hear those prayers. Loneliness ensued. Sex is an extreme biological urge you cannot fight. You are hardwired for it. So if you have no outlet, porn becomes that outlet.
Also, let us not fool ourselves. Life is a life of suffering. Look at America — we have drug addiction, food addiction, alcohol addiction, porn addiction and a litany of other addictions. Life is so hard on people and it isn’t the least bit fair. So this is why people act out. It is not just porn. Many people are losing faith in this world. Many people are losing faith in God because everything is so inequitable.
Remember this. Whatever you make taboo and repress will flourish. And when prayers are unanswered —- people go to what gives them comfort.
I’m not sure I can agree with you there. Porn is sin, not “taboo.” I relize that we have a biological urge for sex, but we have a biological urge for any other sin too. Plus, if anyone ever told you that life was fair, they were eithr lying or trying to sell something.If you want to quit an addiction, it is only possible by the power of the LORD. In conclusion, I would like to thank Emma Joy for writing this article.
I’m not exactly sure where you’re coming from on this, but let me see if I can respond.
1. To say porn doesn’t do this to a person but “life” does is really an unhelpful dichotomy. Of course “life” does a lot of these things (if by “life” you mean a whole host of ways our broken world operates), but this does not mean porn doesn’t also do these things.
2. I agree with you that porn is a symptom of much bigger problems, but to say that it isn’t also a cause is again another unhelpful dichotomy. It’s both.
3. I agree we shouldn’t make sex a taboo matter, and I also agree this is part of the allure of porn. But commercial sexuality (of which porn is now a part) has always been a problem in the world, even among cultures where liberal sexual freedom was assumed and celebrated.
4. To say God didn’t hear a person’s prayers is a bit of a theological leap, isn’t it? Can’t it just be that God didn’t want to give the thing they wanted to have? Do we really want to assume God is deaf or out to lunch simply because prayers aren’t answers the way we expect them to be?
5. I don’t doubt sex is a hardwired desire. This is absolutely true. But it is simply false that a lack of outlet means we are justified in using any outlet we want.
6. I also agree with you that porn addiction isn’t the only addiction out there. Many things can become addictive.
7. I also agree that the society in which we live is really ripe for addictions of all types. There is such a profound amount of dislocation in the world thanks to our digital and industrial age. This is a massive trigger for addiction. However, this does not mean we aren’t responsible for our behavior—especially behavior that robs of our sense of dignity, robs others of their dignity, and enslaves our appetites. Millions have risen above their circumstances with God’s grace and power.
I understand the profound sense of loneliness you are talking about. For me, looking at porn was my “tantrum” at God. I thought God owed me a spouse, and when I didn’t have one, it was as if I was shaking my fist to the sky, saying, “I’ll take it however I can get it.” The problem is it only left me alone, angry, bitter, enslaved, and starved for more affection. This shouldn’t have surprised me because the Bible says sexual sin is a sin against one’s own body—and my body and brain were paying the price for my sin. What I had to learn was the importance of repenting of this ruling desire in my life—this good desire that I had made into an ultimate desire—that sexual intimacy is life. I had come to believe my culture’s lies that I was nothing without someone by my side. I had come to believe that sex was the ultimate experience, something that defined my happiness. Once I started to see this for the lie it was, the drip of porn began to loosen and I could approach my human relationships with the courage knowing a good God was in control, that he could take all my relationships (even my failed ones) and use them to make me more into the image of His Son.
“… I can guarantee you this – every person, before they started watching porn, prayed for true love and many prayers went unanswered.”
Lol, not this writer. I’d seen it many before I’d made my first prayer about anything. So much for your “guarantee.” It sounds like you, however, fell away from faith into complete cynicism. “Life does [this to a person].” No, the evils of life like pornography do this, and Christian ethics are the cure to those evils. Accept this and you will discover the happiness of building a better world as a person of faith.
That’s just plain silly. Let’s stop making murder taboo, and it will just go away. NO! There are moral and ethical standards in the universe altogether. You can recognize those that have a victim in a physical sense, but what you fail to recognize the emotional abuse done when you lack integrity and prostitute your mind to another woman other than who you are promised to.
As for me, I see the devastation caused to my wife and family, the accidental exposure to my children and the occassional preoccupation that they consequently had with it. Porn fills us with an unnatural objectification of sex and others’ bodies, and when it becomes an addiction, it causes men like me to lose their jobs, to lose my wife’s trust, my children’s respect, my relationship with God, EVERYTHING is now diluted and filled with uncertainty and dread. So it goes with everything that you do against God’s ways – like a snake eating its own tail, your life will end in nothing but spiritual death and terror. Take it from me, a man that thought that I could have a lacksidaisical attitude toward sin and still be a good Christian, until my sin caught up with me in several different fronts. It’s just not worth it to be addicted or even preoccupied or even engage in any porn. It is worthless tripe filled with the unethical, the disrespectful, and the unfeeling and uncaring advances of people just going through the motions and forgetting what it feels like to truly be human.
I was exposed at the age of 6. I was not praying for true love. If you need an excuse any excuse will do.
Yes, we are “hardwired” for sexual desire. God created us that way – and He also gave us a way to satisfy that need/desire. It is when we try to satisfy it another way, whether by porn, immorality, adultery, etc. that it becomes sinful and hurtful.
you make no sense whatsoeever….so you mean to tell me you have no control over wh you are..life isnt about addictions and suffering..its the result of sin that is…so you are basically justifying your sickness to porn with normal human married sexual interactions..sex is a want not a need. the food drive is a need and stronger than the sex drive..your rationale makes no sense. you sound absolutely ridic and please get out this sick life of porn..and yes sexual sin will kill you faster than anything and the sad part is you are making excuses for your horrid behavior
God died for our sins on the cross to deliver you each and every mankind from sin. If we pray with whole heart he will listen our prayers.
Yeah, this may or may not make any difference, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE BODY OF CHRIST! I’M SORRY FOR SETTING SUCH A POOR EXAMPLE OF THE LOVE OF JESUS! I REALLY MEAN THIS! LOVE YOU IN JESUS! AWESOME DAY!
P.S. I mean that I don’t agree with Yeah Sorry.
God answers all prayers! Sometimes the answer NO!!!!
Ended up here by accident but what a hoot. I have to put in my proverbial 2 cents. Firstly, I have never heard or read the word masturbate more of than here, that speaks volumes alone. Beng gay this is no problem for me. Porn actually doesnt appeal to me at all. Why, ’cause unlike y’all I have sex regularly and dont need some artificial outlet. Yeah yeah I know, don’t even go there. Pullleaz spare me John 3:16 and Romans et al as if I never heard it. I spent years in a reformed church and trust me, all you Arminians are the hellbound ones. We’re the Elect! Snark snark. Get over this nonsense. Every generation claims some syndrome or ill only they have. This stuff is just another way groups like the cult ‘O Warren stay liquid, and this and sell books and software. The great American dream, merchandising!
Glad we could exceed your expectations on mentioning the word masturbation so many times.
It’s sort of hard to follow your comment, but it is probably a fair assessment to say you aren’t the intended audience of this article. I’m not sure why you think the author believes Arminians are going to hell or has a regular sexual outlet. That would probably be jumping to conclusions.
Moderation, in other words if we don’t like we don’t show. Bah humbug
“It blinds us to the humanity and dignity of every person” is the only part of this article that even considers the impact porn has on others. The key for freedom, in my opinion, is love. Don’t avoid porn because it will “ruin YOUR life.” Avoid porn because you love God and His image bearers. Indulging in porn is pleasuring yourself to the sight of another’s abuse. It is pleasuring yourself at the sight of another’s shame. Love the people in the images enough to look away. Love God and His image bearers enough to look away. It’s not just about YOUR life. Every time one indulges, one is contributing to the demand for sex trafficking. Love the people in the images enough to look away, get away, help set them free by refusing to indulge in their shame.
Please address the impact porn viewing has on the demand for sex trafficking victims. Don’t avoid porn because you love YOURSELF enough to look away. Love God’s image bearers enough to protect them from this horrible industry.
Amber 99% of people doing porn are doing it because they chose to do it. It is a choice. Go out to a webcam site. Millions of women doing webcams from the comfort of their own homes. Yes, sex trafficking does occur, but the reality is most people are choosing the life they are in. Heck, the amount of homemade porn out their is astronomical. I am tired of the culture of America that says all women are victims when in reality, the vast majority of women are just choosing to do something.
Two points in reply…
1. While there are plenty of people making choices to do amateur porn out of a personal desire to do it, many who enter the industry itself are not that way. Legal scholar Catherine MacKinnon says, “As with all prostitution, the women and children in pornography are, in the main, not there by choice but because of a lack of choices. They usually “consent” only in a degraded and demented sense of the word (common also to the law of rape) in which a person who despairs at stopping what is happening, sees no escape, has no real alternative, was often sexually abused before as a child, may be addicted to drugs, is homeless, hopeless, is often trying to avoid being beaten or killed, is almost always economically desperate, acquiesces in being sexually abused for payment, even if, in most instances, the payment is made to someone else.”
2. No matter the level of consent, it is a virtuous thing to treat a woman who has forgotten her dignity with dignity nonetheless.
I disagree with the comment made that by someone here, that because people are choosing of their own free will to get involved, eg on webcams, therefore it is ok. These people are as much victims themselves, only they don’t realsie it themselves. They are actually doing it because they need the money, so they are enslaved themselves. Or they are doing it for fun, in which case they are just stupid bored people who can’t create a live with real realtionships for themselves. Or in most cases, both.
If God answers “no” when a person prays for love or food or shelter or security, then he isn’t much of a God. What kind of God would deny these things to his people and why are their different standards for people. So, the answer that God says “No”, is a cop out. It is jut as bad as the cop out all Christians use — when things go right it is because of God and when they do not go right, it isn’t because of God.
I would prefer to say God is sovereign over all things, the good and the bad.
When God denies us something, for the Christian this isn’t because he is malevolent. It is because he has a much bigger picture in mind than merely the need of the moment. If we are truly eternal creatures that live even beyond this life, then God see our needs in the context of that reality, not the way we see them.
Don’t mistake this for an escapist cop-out. I’m not of the opinion that we just need to forget about this world and think of heaven after we die. The Christian vision of hope is far different than that. Christians believe a day is coming when God will renew this world, raising the dead, and giving us an eternal home here. We can live our lives in light of this hope. This means we can strive for justice in this world, knowing we are building something that will last—because God himself will fulfill every just cause in the age to come. This means we can pray knowing however God answers our prayer, His ultimate vision is the fulfillment of our deepest desires in the age to come. We can sacrifice willingly now knowing our sacrifices are not in vain.
Actually, Jesus Christ, God Himself, fasted for 40 days and was homeless throughout his entire ministry. And when He prayed to God in Gethsemane that His suffering by the hands of the spiritually blind Jews, Roman guards, and ultimately Satan would pass from Him, what did God say? “No.” So Jesus humbled Himself (unlike you and I, as naturally proud and arrogant beings) and obeyed God’s answer. God had a much larger and wiser plan that allowed His Son’s brutal murder and crucifixion, but resulted in the salvation of the human race for those who would accept Him and a direct relationship with Yahweh, a formerly unattainable status for humans, as well as Christ doing the naturally impossible and resurrecting Himself (God) from death and reigning as the victorious King of Kings in Heaven. “Death”, in its eternal sense, is now laughable to a Christian. So, you know, God did not even spare His own sinless, faultless Son from life’s harsh realities. But we are all sinners from birth. There is never a day that goes when we do not sin, even unintentionally. So, who are we to complain when God, in His ultimate wisdom does not fulfill some prayer that He knows will cause more harm than good? But we want the immediate, and don’t know what complications might possibly arise, so we doubt and blame God and garden our hearts against Him. But He is sovereign, we are dust.
You have to have reverence and fear of Him before you can begin to understand even the smallest corner of His holiness.
I have a few problems. Ok, so I’m addicted to porn, more specifically, I view a lot of hentai. For those who don’t know, hentai is porn that is drawn. So I basically get off on dirtry cartoons. I know that it isn’t normal, but I had convinced myself for the longest time that because the women I fantasized about and looked at weren’t real, that it was at least not as bad as real porn. I’m still on the fence about this. I have been wanting to fix this for a long time. I don’t feel like God has abandoned me like other people feel when they struggle with this sin. He recently led me to a career that I feel he wanted me to pursue, and I feel that this must mean that he is still working through me, which is all I really want. However, I know for a fact that my porn habits are eating away at my relationship with him. But I’m also scared to fix it because I just enjoy it so much, and I know that the struggle to keep away will drive me insane. I feel weak willed, and unworthy. It’s getting to the point where I’m doubting my salvation. I know that I shouldn’t. I know that my salvation can’t be “sinned away”, but I sometimes fear that because I’m sinning like this, it must mean that I never truely believed at all. And I also know that it’s a selfish thought to be worried about my own well being after death like this. Fear, sadness, selfishness, loneliness, all gathered around my mind like a cage. I keep praying for God to take away my weakness, because I know that he’s the ONLY one I can rely on, but it hasn’t happened yet. What should I do? Is there anything I can do?
Thanks for writing about this question. It is a good one.
It might be easy to justify the consumption of hentai over other kinds of pornography because it has no real actors. Now, of course it is a good thing when real women aren’t abused in the making of some kind of media, but just because something is “better” than something else in one respect does not mean it is therefore “good.”
We need to look at the closer at the values hentai communicates. Hentai is infused with the same message seen in live-action porn: the degradation and objectification of women for the masturbatory pleasure of men. The female figure is portrayed as nothing more than an object for male pleasure, powerless over male advances, or powerless over her own sexual euphoria. It is marketed much like live-action porn, calling the characters sluts, whores, hussies, and a host of even worse terms.
But for me the worst part about hentai is that the characters are completely malleable. Clinical psychologist Dr. Megha Hazuria Gore says, “Because toons are a kind of final fantasy, you can make the person look the way you want him or her to look. Every fetish can be fulfilled.” As a consumer of the material, you hardly need examples. Breasts are often portrayed inhumanly large. The cartoon medium can easily mix elements of abuse, bestiality, and horror with the sexual experience. Subgenres of hentai (like lolicon or shotacon) can portray characters made to look like children in sexual situations. Even the tamer examples still place the artist in the place of ultimate power—unlike the porn producer who is limited by space, time, and the actual physical limitations of real women—the hentai artist and any of the fan fiction artists inspired by it are acting as gods of their own sexual universe and inviting the viewer to partake of it.
While no actual people are harmed in the making of the material, the viewer is continuously harmed. The consumer needs not feel any compassion for the character because she isn’t real. As a lifeless scribbling of ink, she has no rights and no choice, and is therefore subject to the creator’s and the viewer’s impulses. Meanwhile, much like with other forms of pornography, the viewer is shaping his or her own sexual tastes, expectations, and fetishes. Is this the kind of sexual training we desire for ourselves: to get off to completely tailor-made images of sex that stroke our desires for power, control, and domination? No.
I applaud you for your brutal honesty, Mr. Why. You nailed it when you said, “I’m also scared to fix it because I just enjoy it so much, and I know that the struggle to keep away will drive me insane.” I have a whole article on this sense of fear. I encourage you to read it.
As for your salvation, it is good for us to test ourselves to see whether we are of the faith (2 Corinthians 13:4) and make our calling and election sure (2 Peter 1:10). This isn’t a bad question to ask—we should be concerned for our eternal salvation. However, I feel a caution is in order. Regardless of whether you are a porn-enslaved true believer or just a churched unbeliever with a porn fetish, the answer is the same: running to Jesus in true repentance and faith. The fact is, years from now, looking back on this time of your life, you may never be clear as to whether you “truly believe” now. What matters most is where you go from here.
Your anxiety over this is both a help and a harm to you. On one hand, the anxiety should push you towards prayer and genuine repentance. On the other hand, feeling irredeemably condemned can be a real hindrance to repentance. We have to believe, most of all, that on the other end of our journey home is a Prodigal Father who loves us (Luke 15). It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). We need to remember that the essence of the gospel is not that we need to be clean in order to be accepted, but that Jesus’ death wipes away our sins, even the worst of our sins.
God loves his children with an endless love, and we have done nothing to merit it or deserve it. He loves us despite all our unlovability, despite our lingering sinful desires. Though in our sin we are undeserving and undesirable, He loves us when our minds disavow it, our hearts dodge it, and our souls dismiss it. He loves us right now as we are, not as we should be.
Here’s another article I want to encourage you to read about what freedom really looks like that is founded on the gospel, not our efforts.
Mr. Why, I am so glad that you commented. You are right: (1) Your porn use is eating away at your relationship with God and (2) for those who are Christ’s, there is no reason to ever think that your sin disqualifies you before God.
I don’t want to build any fear or condemnation in your heart. That doesn’t honor Christ anymore than hentai and masturbation does. However, God’s Word does outline for us a few important truths: 1. We can be self-deceived. 2. There are all kinds of people who think they have peace with God, but don’t. 3. We are supposed to examine our salvation with fear and trembling. 4. Sin has a cost to ourselves and others. 5. The heart that loves sin is killing its love for God.
From what I can tell from your post, you are probably aware of all of these things. That is HUGELY encouraging. I can’t look into you heart and tell you if you are saved or not. But here’s what I can tell you:
1. God’s power over sin is absolute. He is the great Refuge. Everyone who runs to Him for salvation, growth in godliness, or joy will NEVER be ashamed.
2. Your power of sexual sin–and every other sin–is pathetic and illusory. Mine too! I have been so careless with my heart in so many many ways, brother. No human has control over sin by themselves; it is just a question of which sin they choose to make their master.
3. Christ promises you to help you in your fight for holiness. He says, “Apart from me, you can do nothing” (Jn 15:5), but with His grace there is no request for godliness that He will not honor. As Christ says to Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9).
4. The process of sanctification is a process. It can and often does happen rapidly, but it also happens gradually. Usually when we pray for God’s help we really don’t want Him to mess with anything but the area we are asking Him to help out in. However, He is a jealous God and He will have all of us or none at all. The good news is that He enables what He commands and He doesn’t even expect you to ask for everything you should, and He doesn’t flunk you for ignoring areas of sin. We are ALL ignorant of the true nature of our sin. –All that to say, Jesus very often will press you to grow in areas that you don’t want to grow in, even when He has brought conviction in other areas.
5. One area that God convicted me about that I took a decade to respond to that had everything to do with my struggle with lust (but I didn’t realize it until recently) was confession. I was unwilling for Jesus to look great in my life by covering over my sins. I only wanted Him to look great by keeping me from sin. It was a mercy that He did not heal me of my lust before He brought me to consistent, Christ-exalting confession as a way of life (and not as I wanted to treat it: a remedial stage of sanctification that would go away like a bad dream when I started “walking in victory”).
6. Christ is not a self-help tool. He does not want to be worshiped that way. He wants to be your joy and passion and King. He doesn’t want you to think of Him like you think of your car, a tool to do stuff that you want to do that you couldn’t have done very well without Him. He wants to be EVERYTHING to you. People don’t get on the evening news to thank their car, they might get on the news to thank someone who saved their life. Jesus wants to look more like that in your world.
7. It’s ok to serve people as Christian while having horrific sin in your life. In fact, it is demanded, encouraged, and applauded. But please don’t take on roles of leadership formally in the Church because I would argue that the kind of sin you are dealing with disqualifies you from serving as a deacon, elder, or small group leader. Those passages that outline the qualifications for leadership are designed to protect you and the church from your sin. Leadership really hurts people learning to walk in the light–even if nothing comes of it to hurt the members of the local church.
8. ALL sin is serious and deserves the wrath of God. So to know that you have an Advocate with the Father (1 Jn 2:1-2) should drive you to your knees with thanksgiving and joy and probably tears at how you have received mercy that you didn’t deserve. This joy is a devastatingly powerful weapon in the fight against lust. Learn to wield it proudly and often. Wield it in the smallest sins, and you will find that you will be destroying the more obvious sins before long, by grace.
9. The only way–that I know of–to be confident in your walk with Christ is that you are running to Him, the Fountain of living water to be satisfied and to find grace and to find help and to be cleansed–and that you run nowhere else. Or if you do run somewhere else, that as soon as you realize it, you pray for conviction and grace and strength and immediately start running to the Fountain again. Jeremiah 2:13 is immensely convicting: “For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.” Lust is one such false cistern. The solution for someone (like me) who has run to this false comfort is to run to the True Comfort, the Fountain of living water and drink.
To summarize all of the above, the way to pursue Christ and be assured of your salvation and find your desires change so that you live with a consistent pursuit of the Kingdom is to run to Christ the Fountain of all of your joys and all of your righteousness (we don’t get to have any of our own that isn’t first His) and drink. And keep on drinking. And when we stop drinking to run right back and drink some more. Like Lewis said, “He is a jealous God and in the end He will have you only for Himself.”
Thanks for your humility in sharing. Go share with the right people face to face, brother! Also, I highly recommend Finally Free by Heath Lambert. I will be praying for you!
Just my thoughts on the matter. Everything in moderation and things will be fine. Again I reiterate these are my sole opinion and should not be construed as something that should be jammed down someone’s throat.
Nice article. Kudos! I pray God gives us the strength to conquer our addictions. Amen
I agree with this article. People who argue for it, or who see it as “no problem” perhaps haven’t gotten to the point yet, where it becomes a problem…and it will. It will become a problem. But again, because our culture seems to “embrace” it – it’s seen as “ok” and marginalized for what it really is.
Porn is a fix. That’s it. Just like the needle, it’s a fix. I’d like anyone who engages in porn, to try and take a third-person view of themselves while doing it. Look how strange it is, to see someone with their hands in their pants, in front of a computer, or magazine, or just wrapped-up in their own imagination…look how utterly selfish it is. How completely strange. Really, in my opinion, quite weird. It just reminds me so much of someone shooting heroine or any other drug – escaping into their alternate reality.
Porn isn’t real. It’s fiction. It’s fake. And it pulls you out of reality into a fantasy, made-up, dream-world. Don’t you want to live in the real world? Because let me tell you…the longer you dwell in fantasy-land, the harder it is to come back.
We are often blinded to this reality because we typically do not experience consequences over night. The repercussions of our actions are usually the culmination of many baby steps by seemingly insignificant (or at times, blatant) compromise
Finding this article was helpful to me for my step eleven summary, so thank you Emma Joy. It reminded me that not only is this true but the opposite is true as well. We often do not notice the benefit of making right choices to honor God day by day.
Thank you for the article! I’ve been pornfree for almost two year. Reason number
14. There is a bond why bond yourself to porn.
I think this is a fair and good list, but I would like to add another to the list (forgive me if it is already embedded in one of the already stated reasons) and that is it stunts one’s emotional growth and development overall and depending on how vulnerable one is, that can take years if ever to recover from. I am a 25 year recovering p&m addict (not much different than being a drug addict – more or less the same effects over time – in fact, the usual addict to porn got addicted to it just as fast as a crack addict gets addicted to crack – iow: right away) – it has taken me years to recover and really find my way, emotionally and even and especially vocationally – I’m years behind my peers in that regard…. I got started when I was about 11 or 12, which is really common, (some kid has you over, they go into their dad’s closet, get out the playboys and penthouses, (if you don’t find then out in the woods somewhere…) and the rest is history – well, I guess it really depends on a persons susceptibility levels, some are more susceptible to it than others – I was particularly and especially susceptible due to the amount of trauma and abuse I underwent at the hands of many of my peers – much awful and terrible teasing and emotional abuse,.. far more than the average person). I’m thankful for God’s forgiveness and the grace to move away from that addiction, but often the healing is a process over time… blessings,
I was introduced to it at a young age by people I knew during the 90’s. Their dads had collections of it, and we would look at the adult content during the after school hours when the parents weren’t home from work yet. At the time I didn’t consider it to be a serious act because it wasn’t an illicit drug, but yet it is still addictive. People should reevaluate the meaning of what a drug is because our bodies a very chemical and certain chemicals can go out of balance by what you do, even if you don’t take in an external type of chemical; non-drug addictions do happen.
Porn addictions beats you down, I’m at the point of my life where I want to commit suicide because I can’t ever quit . Even when the time I stopped for 3 months and then ended up slipping because I ended up with another addiction to cope with porn addiction (weed), and that made things worse! Watching porn and masturbating while under the influence of weed messed me up for good. I don’t know if I ever can get back into a relationship with a woman without having some form of lust build inside due to this . Lord help me because I know I can’t and not sure how much longer o have to deal with this hell hole battle that never seems to end even when you had enough fighting …it still comes back when you get lonely and horny . It’s not a game guys ..
Hey there. I am so sorry to hear about the pain you’re suffering right now. I want to encourage you to find help right away. Find a counselor who can help you process your emotions and work on what healthy boundaries will look like for you. Find a group in your area that will help and support you. Maybe SA, Pure Desire, or even AA. You absolutely do NOT have to be a victim of addiction of any kind!
If you do feel that you are going to harm yourself, you can always call this helpline: 1-800-273-8255.
Porn is NOT worth your life! There is help, there is hope, there is freedom, there is peace.
Praying for you, Kay
It’s true but it’s hard
Hello I’m Leon, I am 16 and I started masterbating when I 15 and I have noticed a difference since I started. I have lost my will to make videos for YouTube and a lot of will to do my work for school. My addiction makes me feel down and wanting to commit suicide. But I haven’t watched it in a few days and can see that I am getting better.
Hello, Leon – I’m proud of you for leaving your comment here because this is a very difficult area. A masturbation addiction takes the energy and life right out of you because it takes over your thoughts and actions and robs energy from everything else. I’m concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. It sounds like you might have a talent for making videos. Get back to that! Whenever you feel tempted, turn that trigger towards something else, even reaching out to someone you trust (I know it’s uncomfortable to talk to someone about this, but think about how much better you felt after posting this comment? Multiply that by 1,000 and that’s how it feels to speak openly with a loving, trusting person about your struggles). If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255.
God is for you! Leon, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it.
Peace, Chris
its a really great article. thanks
I’d really like to encourage young people, especially people under 25 to stop viewing porn now, while you still can. I can tell you from personal experience that it gets much (much) worse after you turn 30. I’ve been a porn addict for 20 years now and it has literally ruined every aspect of my life. I used to be normal, had girlfriends, went out with friends and had lots of hobbies. The longer you’re actively in addiction, the harder it gets and the more powerful the demons become, after a while they will start to cause physical and mental illness, this is no joke. Porn is demonic and if you’re viewing porn while stoned it’s twice as bad. Call out to Jesus for help before it’s too late
Diatribes like yours are what will contribute to ruining a person’s life because they use guilt to attempt to exert control over people. Please stop using guilt and shame to inflict emotional and spiritual abuse on people regarding what are completely natural, healthy instincts.
There is no word in this life good enough to describe how much I hatd porn in my heart but l just can’nt stop it. The amount of damage porn has done to my life is something l will life to regret “forever” . My academic perfomance, my spiritual life, my health, the world of fantasy l live in, I just dont know how to describe the effect of porn on me than just to say it has ruined my life!
Porn has ruined my life
Hello, Nosa – I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. Is there something specific that the Covenant Eyes blog community can help you with? Please don’t give up hope. You are not alone.
Chris
I’m boy of 18 years,I started viewing porn when i was 13 years of age and now,i don’t even know hw to start asking God to forgive me because i find it difficult to forgive myself.i wish someone could tel me,”there is a way out”!!
Well, first of all, you have a sex drive, which is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, internet porn doesn’t portray anything close to normal and can quickly become unhealthy, as you’ve seen.
It might help to think about healthy sexuality in relation to other healthy physical drives. Take food for example. When we become obsessed with food, we might develop an eating disorder, either a bingeing disorder where we eat and eat and can’t stop, or a restricting disorder, where we starve and starve. Or you can develop and binge-and-purge disorder, where you both binge on food and then purge. Often, a great deal of anxiety and shame accompanies this cycle.
Just like many people are obsessed with food, MANY CHRISTIANS ARE OBSESSED WITH SEX. Instead of being able to see sex as a gift, and enjoy it in healty ways, purity culture is obsessed with restricting sex in unhealthy ways. The development of internet porn has allowed many Christians to develop a binge-and-purge relationship with their sexuality: binge on porn, then purge with a great deal of anxiety and shame.
If you want to break this cycle, I would suggest beginning with accepting yourself as a healthy young person with a healthy sexual appetite. This begins to detach anxiety and shame from the cycle. As you do that work, you can more easily choose what is healthy for you in terms of exercising your sexuality. When you make less healthy choices, accept yourself and move on. Over time, you’ll likely find that you won’t be as obsessed, you won’t be as anxious, and you’ll be more in control of your choices. Here’s a short animation that might help. When you’re feeling less shamed and anxious, you might be able to talk with some trusted friends about your situation and what you’re trying in terms of healthier choices.
As far as God is concerned, God loves you unconditionally, which means: without condition. God loves you when you are viewing porn. God will love you whether you quit or not.
I’m Felix, a 21 year old male. I really need help and assistance. I began watching porn and masturbating six years ago, when I was 16. I used to watch porn as a pass time until finally one day I got overwhelmed and masturbated. And from that one instance, I was hooked. I can’t even begin to describe the many ways in which pornography and masturbation addiction has wasted my life. Back when I was in lower level school, I used to perform exemplary well in my academics as well as co-curricular activities, and I used to read the Bible oftenly and firmly believe in God. Now after getting started with porn, which was as a result of being a shy and scared of approaching girls, my life took a downward spiral. My grades in high school dropped, as well as my esteem. I advanced in my watching of porn and even began masturbating to sex stories I’d read secretly in my phone. I advanced from normal pornography to darker forms such as incest porn, rape fantasies and brutal sex porn. After joining campus, my life turned to the worst, where my self esteem and confidence went to zero. I didn’t socialize with people, let alone girls, and rarely attended classes. I’d laze around in my bed watching ponography and gambling. I can’t even mention my grades, which are at an all time low. And I forgot about God. I never knew that ponography and masturbation can drastically affect a persons life to that extent, to the point where you feel defeated by life – the once great person I was. The worst thing about this form of addiction is that it gnaws you from the inside, and it’s difficult for people around you to know that you’re hooked, unless you tell them, unlike drug addiction where everyone can notice. Now, my parents still think I’m doing fine but deep down, the spirit in me is gone. Laziness has crept into me. I have zero commitment to myself or any other activity like education or business. I have never shared my addiction with any friend or physical person as I wonder who to approach. I have tried quitting ponography on my own, reading posts about the effects of porn, but I only get to stop for a while then relapse.
Please help. I need help, salvation and God, to start living.
It actually sounds to me like you’re depressed, and I wonder if you’ve suffered some trauma from the kinds of porn you’ve been exposed to. I would suggest that you find a therapist who can help you through the entire process of recovery, rather than struggling through it on your own. Peace, Kay
Hi, I’m Ronald. I started viewing porn and masturbating when I was a teenager. Now I’m in my forties. I became a real Christian about 2 years ago and I’ve successfully quit masturbation. That was relatively easy for me and one of the greatest benefits is my problem of frequent urination has basically disappeared. I’m sure the two are related (masturbation and frequent urination) because for me, as soon as one stopped, the other followed suit. Now I can go anywhere without worrying about where the toilet is. That’s a kind of freedom.
Nonetheless, I still have difficulties quitting porn. I still have very strong urges to watch them frequently. But I’ve found that the best way to quit is substitution. If we saturate our lives and minds with good and beautiful things, porn automatically becomes much less attractive. I believe that we can only see the true absurdity and ugliness of porn when we find true meaning and beauty in our lives. That said, it could be a long, hard battle. But if we persist, we will win. God bless you all.
Well…. I am ruined – I am a 45 year old man never married without kids. I’m sure a lot of it had to do with me being a loser due to porn. It’s time for me to die – if someone wants to kill me be my guest but be quick about it and please don’t hurt my cat.
Hello – I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. Whenever you feel tempted, turn that trigger towards something else, even reaching out to someone you trust (I know it’s uncomfortable to talk to someone about this, but think about how much better you felt after posting this comment? Multiply that by 1,000 and that’s how it feels to speak openly with a loving, trusting person about your struggles). If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255, if you are in the United States. If not, please find that trusting friend.
Peace, Chris
Thanks for this article.I’ve read a lot like these but then I always find myself going back into pornography and masturbation.I’ve been addicted to these since 12 and now I’m 16.Enough is enough.I want no more of this.I want to feel that Christian joy and fulfillment again and also have pure thoughts about sex and transparency in my relationship with the opposite sex
Porn ruined my life. It was an outlet to escape emotional pain, I should of dealt with as a teen. The pain caused me to become numb, and eventually in my 20’s when I met the love of my life, between my emotional pain and porn distraction, I lost her.
She is getting married to someone else soon, and all that is left for me is more pain and suffering.
I’m a 27 year old married man with 2 daughters.. Everytime I watch porn I feel so bad about it. I can be on a very good path with God seeking him, worshiping daily, reading the bible, and just loving God and trying to give him all of me. But I still fall into the sin of watch porn knowing that I will be sorry afterwards, I do it anyway and regret it deeply only to watch porn again 30 minutes to an hour later. When I wake up I feel angry, disconnected, and worried and it’s making me problems in my marriage. I know that the Holy Spirit that lives in me is telling me to stop watching porn because it’s not good for me both spiritually and physically. With the help of God I will stop today and I repent of that ugly sin and get my life and my mind back. In the name of jesus Amen