Help Others Restore Integrity Christian Accountability Partners
Help Others Restore Integrity 3 minute read

3 Ways to Find a Quality Accountability Partner

Last Updated: November 3, 2020

There are two critical ingredients to a good accountability relationship. They can be summarized in the following proverbs:

  • Genuine friendship: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)
  • Penetrating wisdom: “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 20:5)

All quality accountability partnerships need these two elements. Genuine friendship ensures the relationship will feel natural and enjoyable, giving each person the internal motivation to stick it out when things get rocky. Penetrating wisdom is what helps us to see to the bottom of one another’s hearts, to discern the hidden motives that drive our behaviors.

Knowing these two ingredients, there are a few ways we can find a good accountability partner.

1. Infuse an existing friendship with wisdom

Start with what you have. Do you already have a genuine friendship with someone? Do you have someone in your life you count as a true brother or sister, someone who sticks with you through thick-and-thin?

Infuse this friendship with wisdom. Sit down with this friend and tell him or her why you need accountability. With what behaviors are you struggling? What sin keeps nipping at your heels? Ask your friend to help you, but make it very clear that you need more than just a friend to encourage you and listen to your confessions. You need a man or woman of “understanding” like Proverbs 20:5 says: someone who can see to the core of who you are, see past your pretenses, and help you discern why you do the things you do.

How do you infuse your friendship with this kind of wisdom?

2. Invest in a relationship with a wise counselor

Again, start with what you have. Do you already know a street wise and biblically grounded person? Is it is a pastor, an elder at your church, a counselor?

Invest in this relationship and work on becoming friends. Let this person into your life. Work on becoming for one another the “brother born for adversity.”

How do you invest in a relationship like this? C.S. Lewis says, “Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).” This means, in addition to talking about your problems, take time to have casual conversations about a lot of topics until you find those common interests, tastes, and experiences. Get together in more casual setting to explore a common hobby.

3. Initiate a brand new relationship

You may find that you neither count anyone a true friend nor do you know someone who is truly wise. In this case, it is time to initiate a new relationship. To do this, you need to get into communities where this kind of relationship can be discovered. Consider attending a local church small group or support group. While there, be on the lookout for potential accountability partners.

In all of these ways to find an accountability partner, patience and intentionality are key. Don’t give up on a relationship if it isn’t the ideal accountability relationship right out of the gate. It takes time for a genuine friendship to develop. It takes time to get to know one another in a way that really matters.

Photo credits: smoorenburg78428166@N008479924@N08nanpalmero

Comments on: 3 Ways to Find a Quality Accountability Partner

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related in Help Others Restore Integrity

Editor's Picks

The front of a historic Catholic church against a blue sky.

Help Others Restore Integrity

5 Steps to Implement Safe Haven Sunday in Your Parish

Regardless of the size of a parish, the role of the parish…

6 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A woman sharing about church resources with a group.

Help Others Restore Integrity

5 Resources Your Parish Needs to Be Sharing to Equip Marriages and Families

Addressing pornography in your parish can be a full-time job, and maybe…

6 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A priest giving a homily at his church.

Help Others Restore Integrity

Revitalizing Diocesan and Parish Ministry With Safe Haven Sunday

Addressing hard topics is key to fruitful diocesan and parish ministry. After…

7 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Two male accountability partners encouraging one another.

Help Others Restore Integrity

3 Keys To Making Accountability Work

Covenant Eyes serves many churches, missionary organizations, and other groups, and using…

7 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

A pastor preparing for a sermon with a Bible and study tools.

Help Others Restore Integrity

Plan for Success in the Battle Against Pornography!

At Covenant Eyes, we talk with pastors every week as they come…

2 minute read

Read Post

Editor's Picks

Black and white image of a worship service in a church.

Help Others Restore Integrity

3 Ways Your Church Might be Paying “The Porn Tax”

Have you been to a struggling church before? You know—a group of…

3 minute read

Read Post

Related in Help Others Restore Integrity

The front of a historic Catholic church against a blue sky.

Help Others Restore Integrity

5 Steps to Implement Safe Haven Sunday in Your Parish

Regardless of the size of a parish, the role of the parish…

Regardless of the size of a parish, the role of the parish priest and his leadership team is essentially the same: the salvation of souls. This is the sole reason for the Incarnation, Passion, Death,…

6 minute read

0 comments

A woman sharing about church resources with a group.

Help Others Restore Integrity

5 Resources Your Parish Needs to Be Sharing to Equip Marriages and Families

Addressing pornography in your parish can be a full-time job, and maybe…

Addressing pornography in your parish can be a full-time job, and maybe you have a coordinator who does in fact have it as his or her job description. Whether or not that role exists in…

6 minute read

0 comments

A priest giving a homily at his church.

Help Others Restore Integrity

Revitalizing Diocesan and Parish Ministry With Safe Haven Sunday

Addressing hard topics is key to fruitful diocesan and parish ministry. After…

Addressing hard topics is key to fruitful diocesan and parish ministry. After the Gospel reading, I sat down in my pew and asked the Holy Spirit to open me up to what the priest was…

7 minute read

0 comments

Two male accountability partners encouraging one another.

Help Others Restore Integrity

3 Keys To Making Accountability Work

Covenant Eyes serves many churches, missionary organizations, and other groups, and using…

Covenant Eyes serves many churches, missionary organizations, and other groups, and using accountability software on all devices can be very beneficial—but only when individuals are encouraged to have safe and personal friends or mentors receive…

7 minute read

0 comments

A pastor preparing for a sermon with a Bible and study tools.

Help Others Restore Integrity

Plan for Success in the Battle Against Pornography!

At Covenant Eyes, we talk with pastors every week as they come…

At Covenant Eyes, we talk with pastors every week as they come to us looking for resources, solutions, or just plain, “what can I do next” questions.  Most are reacting to a current cry for…

2 minute read

0 comments

Black and white image of a worship service in a church.

Help Others Restore Integrity

3 Ways Your Church Might be Paying “The Porn Tax”

Have you been to a struggling church before? You know—a group of…

Have you been to a struggling church before? You know—a group of people who show up more or less every Sunday morning, but it’s like pulling teeth to get anyone committed beyond that? Or maybe…

3 minute read

2 comments