It all started for me in the mid-80s at a young age. It was all innocent enough. My neighborhood friend found his dad’s stash of Playboys and he showed them to me.
Like all addictions, it started small and snowballed out of control. It started with Playboy, but when that wasn’t enough, I started looking at Penthouse, when that wasn’t enough I went to harder and harder material. When the Internet came around it was over, I could look at whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
From Porn to Sex
Viewing porn started to affect my “real life.” I had many partners and starting acting out some things I was seeing. I didn’t care who the person was as long as I was getting what I wanted. I felt lonelier and lonelier with each partner. I no longer knew who I was.
Then I really hit the bottom. One drunken night at the bar, I had unprotected sex with a girl I met there. I ended up getting Chlamydia. That really scared me. What if it would have been AIDS? I called my friends who are born again Christians. I asked if their offer to take me to church was still open. I started to go to church with them and even answered an altar call. I didn’t feel any different and started right back down the road of sex and porn.
Coming to Christ
A few months later, while I was on the Internet surfing through some really hardcore porn, a voice said to me, “This isn’t how you are going to find a wife, and it isn’t how you are going to be a good dad someday.” I later found out this voice was the Holy Spirit talking to me. The Holy Spirit knew I had always dreamed of being married and having children. I had all but given up on that dream. However, I actually listened to that voice this time. I clicked off the Internet that night.
A few days after that I went on a train ride with my friends. After the ride, we stopped to eat. As we were eating, I started to tell them about my addiction. How I couldn’t get porn out of my life. My friend said to me, “All you have to do is admit your sins to Jesus and accept him as your Savior.” I looked at her and said, “I think I just did.” From that moment I was forgiven for my sins!
The Difference Jesus Makes
My story was just beginning. I started to go back to church. This time it was different: I wanted to change! Everything started in small steps. The first was throwing out all the porn magazines and DVDs. Next, I threw out all the extra “stuff” I collected from my former partners. The next thing was I stopped drinking. When I got drunk I would do things I wouldn’t do otherwise. One of the hardest things to give up was using my phone to sext. I kept that one girl in my phone so I’d still be able to flirt. I was finally convicted of it and told her I could no longer do that. I also realized I couldn’t use the Internet late at night when no one else was around and I deleted my MySpace page because it was too easy to find porn. I was starting to finally be content with being alone.
That’s when God put a special woman in my life. We met at membership classes for the church. I was afraid to be in a relationship because of all the things I had done in the past. I told my future wife everything within three weeks of knowing her. Telling her if she wanted out, that would be the time. She didn’t leave. We were married in December of 2008. In January we were given the news that my wife was pregnant and in September my little boy was born! I adopted her daughter as well! The things I always dreamed about!
Going Deeper with Christ
During that time I still continued to grow. I had a meeting with one of the pastors and he helped me break the soul bonds I had created with all my past partners. I also threw out anything in my house that reminded me of old girlfriends, even if they weren’t sexually related. Later I started to use Covenant Eyes on my computer with my wife and an Accountability Partner getting the Reports in their e-mail. The next step was finding a group of guys who get together once a week for face to face accountability.
Another thing I have been working on is masturbation. I struggled with that when I first came to the Lord. I was taught that with God’s grace it can be defeated! I am also working on getting rid of lustful thoughts and changing my thought process. It took years for me to get to the point I was at and it took time to change that.
Looking Back: 7 Important Steps
The porn problem hasn’t been much of a problem lately, but I will continue to take steps to make sure it doesn’t come back into my life. The most important things it took for me to come as far as I have:
1. I admitted I had a problem
2. I asked God to help me through the work Jesus Christ did on the cross
3. Taking small steps
4. Transforming my thoughts
5. Accountability (both on the computer and face to face)
6. A continuous choice to want to get better
7. I found a good church to help me
I have come a long, long way since I gave my life to Jesus in October of 2007, and with the help of Jesus Christ, I will continue on my walk!
D
an Sheldon is a DJ from Erie, PA. Currently, he does mid-days at the Local Christian Contemporary station 106.3 WCTL. He is married and has two children. In his spare time, he enjoys collecting records and watching professional wrestling (that’s right, wrestling).
This is an inspiration Dan. You mentioned 7 steps…..Gods number of completion! Im so glad you listened to the holy spirit that day!! And Im so glad you found a bible teaching church!! We have all done things not of God and Im glad your one of the ones who surrendered to HIM! Im Glad God is still working on us too! I always tell ppl that just cause your grown doesnt mean God aint done raising you! Im also glad I met you all those years ago! God Bless,
Love your Sisiter in CHrist
Janie
Your story I never knew. It has inspired me to become a better christian. I’m so glad to call you my friend even though we don’t see each other that much. we should try to connect. May god bless your family for their love and support.
May God Bless You
Brian
I am single and I must confess that Porn has become a need for me…it numbs me of life’s pains disappointments and frustrations. These days its difficult to sleep without taking a dose of this medicine that has become a necessary evil that I cannot just quit yet.
I think I am even scared of getting into a real relationship cos that might just be a place to experiment with Sex (don’t wanna hurt God and a lady at the same time). Makes me think loneliness is a better option and when I am lonely, once again I need porn to come to my rescue so I don’t loose my mind from all the stress and challenges I have to face all by myself.
I know I have tried installing Covenant Eyes once. Quite honestly, It helped me stay pure for a whole month but after a while I had to let it go cos it blocks almost all multimedia websites I access and it was beginning to make work difficult for me.
Its a downward spiral I have tried for ages to combat…its reaaly a painful one cos this very thing is my purpose in life…”Restoring Men back to Purity via media”…maybe that’s why my case is so slippery.
Mark
Hey Mark. Thanks for your honesty. The pain of this struggle can be enormous at times.
As far as Covenant Eyes goes: Did you try just using the Accountability service at any point? Combining accountability software with a good accountability relationship has helped so many men in your shoes. As far as the filter goes: you probably had your filter settings too low if it was blocking all multimedia sites.
I hate to hear about the downward spiral of porn. Men get trapped in this cycle of porn-shame-porn-shame, and it doesn’t seem to end. The only way to break the cycle is to do something radical: amputate your access to porn and get honest with someone who is willing to disciple you through this dark time. I’d be happy to talk to you more about what that looks like if you are interested.
I’m sorry Mark, I just now saw your reply to my writing. I assure you that porn may seem to be a “cure” or “medicine” to help you feel better. In reality, it is just adding to your problem. There is hope!
I totally understand not wanting to be in a relationship. Porn made me feel I’d always be alone. It wasn’t until I gave my problem to Jesus that I became a worthy of being somebody’s husband. I don’t know if you have handed this problem over to Jesus or not but it’s very difficult to be done without him. I tried many times on my own just to fail over and over again. Not to say it will go away overnight, even with Jesus, but that is where the small steps come into play. If and when you fall,don’t give up. Ask for forgiveness and start again.
I agree with Luke, accountability is crucial in this fight. Nobody can do it alone! I’m not sure if there are different forms of Covenant Eyes but the one I have doesn’t block any sites but it does send a report to an accountability partner. I can go anywhere I want on the internet but I know if I fall, my AP will be tempted to fall as well. I don’t want to be the one to make him fall!!
Mark
Have you try the course on settingcaptivefree.com. You really need to renew your mind. You need to have a correct motive to change: to glorify God and not to appear holy to man or not feel guilty afterward. An you need to learn to satisfy yourself in God’s words.
Great course. Helped me a lot.
Hey Mark. Thanks for your openness. I am praying for you. I struggle with homosexuality and at the moment it has a grip on me.
Hi Mark,
Not sure where you’re at with this right now, but I’d like to invite you to a Christian page on this topic – http://www.infiniteworth.org/from-porn-to-infinite-pleasure-escaping-porns-prison-of-lies/.
Blessings,
Logan Musil
my case is jst like yours mark, am 18 and i think am already addicted to porn. i cant stay a week without watching porn or even thinking lustfully. i have tried getting rid of all the porn materials i have both software n hardware. i have accepted Jesus. i have prayed. but i always end up going back to it again. i can’t even surf the internet these days without thinking of opening a porn website. porn helps me 4get disappointments loneliness frustration and challenges of life. but i know its an addiction bcos most times i cant sleep without watching it. i would love to stop it but i cant even when i try n take 1st steps i always go back to watching it. i think it helps me feel better.
i too suffer till this day from the same thing i need motivation ive done it before
Same thing I am going through. And it’s reached to the height that I pray for my death. It’s like I don’t have control over myself and my thoughts. My mind is in such a bad condition that I literally call myself an animal. I thought I liked a girl but then I started having worst thougts about her and I felt like killing myself for thinking bad about her. I can’t tell you how helpless I feel right now. Ive got no one to talk to about this and I keep praying for my death. I tried restricting myself of porn by using some apps on my phone then I myself would find a loophole to access it again. I can’t even share everything. It’s that bad. And know what? I am such an animal I get worst thoughts in my mind, thoughts where I use bad words for God, unintentionally. I do not wish it but I don’t seem to have control on it. And again I pray for my death. But I’m not even dying. I have asked that girl to stay away from me because I am such an animal. Based on these thoughts I realozed probably i never liked her. I do pray for her safety, although but would never go near her. There are just so many things…..
Abraham, I’m so sorry you find yourself in such a dark and lonely place. The solitude must be heavy. Finding someone to talk to is so important. Try reading this blog post: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/
Chris
I want to so badly stop the behavior,stop the thinking,and I welcome someone in my life to hepl me .I no this goes back a long way and I do ok some days and some day it is real hard .I no I have had a problem for years and I really don’t want to live in this bondage any more.I am married and my wife no I love the Lord and I no that He loves me I have got to get to the point in my life that I relly love myself I live in York PA AND WOUD LOVE TO MEET WITH SOME MEN THAT ARE GOING THOUGH THE SEEM THING thank you for you word and I look foward to some director I am a lover of the Lord and I do ministry in the nursing homes ,in churches and where ever I can ,but I want freedom ,I really do any support you can give is very welcomed thank you
The only way out isn’t easy. Confess it to the Lord and then confess it to someone else, and ask them to hold you accountable. If you continue like you are, you will be caught, and that is a harder road than smashing the habit with help from a brother.
Jesus
Guys I have been struggling with Masturbation and porn for about 4 years. I try to stop but I am always back at it. Sometimes I feel like sleeping with a girl, I have never slept with any before. I sometimes masturbate 4-5 times a day. Porn is a problem aswell.
Hello Praise – have you read this? https://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/05/13/3-biblical-strategies-for-fighting-lust/ Do you have Gospel-centered accountability right now?
Chris
Good article with good advice. I’ve struggled for a long, long time with this behavior and still do. I also highly recommend you look for a Sexaholics Anonymous group in your area. It is a 12-step program that goes hand in hand with Covenant Eyes on your computer. You will find a support group there of people dealing with the same issue. You can find accountability help, support and people to talk to dealing with the same thing. That is probably the most important step, talking about it to bring the shame out. Shame keeps it a secret and your secret life keeps you doing what you don’t want to do. Bringing things out into the light is the best antiseptic, and you can do it in a loving, nonjudgmental atmosphere there. Look up Sexaholics Anonymous, I believe the website is http://www.sa.org.
Dan, you wrote: “…one of the pastors …helped me break the soul bonds I had created with all my past partners.”
i’m trying to understand how the soul bonds can be broken as i help others with this problem.
thanks.
Hi Judy,
I had a meeting with one of the pastors at my church. He had me write down the names of all the woman I could remember having any kind of sexual contact with (first names only). He then had me read each name out loud. After doing that I ripped the paper in pieces as a symbolic act of breaking all those chains. While ripping the paper up, Pastor was saying a prayer for me and all the women on that list. It may not sound like much but it was very moving to me. I remember being left in tears knowing that God forgave me for all of that and he was giving me a new start with the woman who is now my wife!!!
I am encouraged every time I read these posts. I too have an internet porn problem and realize while reading that I have a reserve thought that says “you don’t really want to give this up”. It’s my head that’s trying once again to keep the problem. I’m glad to hear that CE won’t block everything video. The last blocking software I installed wouldn’t let me go to “settings” on my phone. This sounds like you can have an Accountability Partner and still have use of all features on your phone.
I have started going back to church and have been told by 12-step members to get on my knees and ask God to help me with my problem and to ask that His will be done. It works along with accountability. This software eliminates the need to call someone before I look at porn.
Thank you CE. I am going to install it now.
Hey Dan. It looks like you came to Christ around the same time I did! That’s interesting. I like your post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your life experience.
Well, this is a very Protestant conversion story. While it’s certainly gratifying, and very nice, isn’t it a little presumptuous to say that your sins were forgiven? How do you know for sure that you weren’t just talking to yourself? Yes, in the end, it is up to God to forgive, but Catholics have Confession for good reason – because Christ gave Peter and his successors the power to bind and loose, and to formally state that, assuming a valid Confession and true contrition on the part of the penitent, God has forgiven the sin. Protestants, well, *don’t* have that authority, since they’re split off from the line of Apostolic Succession. Christ may very well have forgiven you, but you can’t really claim to *know* that without a Confession.
In Catholocism do you have to pay for the sins you don’t confess if your not aware that you are committing them or sins that you forgot that you commited.
‘Confession’? What does it actually mean?!
Catholicism is SATANIC confessionals is unbiblical only JESUS my GOD and saviour can forgive sins
Interesting opinion. I know you aren’t alone in your opinion, but do you care to share why you say this?
Eoin, you are using a single verse taken completely out of context to support a claim of “Apostolic Succession”. In fact Jesus uses two distinct words, “Petros” to describe Peter, and “Petra” to describe the “Rock” on which the church is built. He was indicating that the church would be built on Himself, and Himself alone. He was in fact saying that Peter, a movable rock, needed to lean on the GREAT ROCK which He Himself was. For a few word studies on this verse you can go to for instance http://www.biblehub.com/greek/4073.htm or http://www.trustingodamerica.com/Petra.htm
Then you go on to say that confession is the only way to know our sins are forgiven. However, the Bible( not man-made authority from outside Scripture) clearly says that our sins were completely and absolutely paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross.
Colossians 2:14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
Colossians 1:19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death,
So we can know that the debt that we owe to God has been paid in full, we can never be charged again because the law was fulfilled in Christ and the punishment taken in Christ.
Please, as a former Catholic I urge you to put your faith wholly and completely in the Christ who rose from the dead, not priests who are mere men.
On a related note, confession is from believers to believers, ANY believers, not to some special class of person. And yes, confession is important, but apart from Christ no confession will save you from your sins.
I wonder how many are there who are NOT porn addicts, especially for men?
Our mortal life is beset by all sorts of addiction – alcohol, sex, gambling, smoking, drug, work (yes, work too), idols (yes, I mean religions and ideologies, rituals, and religions). Who can free our humanity from its bondage where the purpose of our living is nothing other than the pursuit of power and pleasure (yes, it includes ‘happYness’) in our fallen world?
In a very real sense, we are all slaves of sin. That slavery will manifest itself different for each person, but we are all addicted to self.
Ounbbi & Luke: What each of you said was profound. Thanks for your insights.
Regarding the Catholic/Protestant difference: Come on guys give us a break! I grew up with this stuff.
I come from a Catholic background, gave my life to Jesus in HS resulting from Catholic and Protestant ministries, went to a Top 25 college (it was Catholic), was in a Catholic charismatic prayer group then, and Top 5 grad school. Mixed with a chronic disease and great work experience when it existed, addiction was sublimated when I was younger, exploded in my late 20s, was reduced by joining SA & later Covenant Eyes, but has became stronger to a point these days by trying to run solo. FYI I was running on my own because I was in the midst of switching between a standard SA group & sponsor and a telephone version of the same. I also foolishly closed my CE Accountability account leaving me on my own for a period of time.
My wife and I married 30+ years ago. She’s Protestant and we’ve had our issues. But her walk with Jesus appears stronger than mine as I have resorted to porn to “medicate” myself.
So why am I going public with this? I recognize the silliness, stubbornness, and profundity of the conflict between the Catholic and Protestant churches. In the end it comes down to the condition of our hearts.
Years ago I read Kierkegaard’s Attack on Christendom and wrote my own paper “Attack on the Catholic Church.” It was modeled after Kierkegaard’s work. For your info Attack on Christendom did not attack Christianity but rather maintained that the state religion of Denmark was a professional scam and not authentic Christianity. My paper seemed good and accurate but decades later I believe that the condition of our heart is more important than the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism. In the end it comes down to what Jesus did for us and the choices we make or don’t make.
I agree with the both of you that Jesus liberates us from our mistakes. In the end that is the bottom line. The argument over the necessity of Confession as expressed by Catholics will not be resolved in our lifetime. With that in mind let’s state our opinion but be quicker to love and support one another. We will be judged by how we love not by our adherence to correct arguments (Jesus vs. Pharisees).
Hi. Been a long time since I have been to this page. Looks like it erupted into something not intended. I am friends with many Catholics. 3 of them are in my accountability group that I still attend every Monday. There is also a Methodist, a Baptist and a Presbyterian in the same group (I attend an Assembly of God church). We gather in the name of Jesus and all theology is second place. We are united in the truth that Jesus is the son of God.
I have no problem with confession. I believe confessing sins is a good thing.
Since writing this I have not looked at any porn, although there are times I really want to. That is the time I text my accountability partner and ask for prayer. That’s the time I pray to Jesus myself. There is temptation all around but God gives a way out EVERY time. Question is, do we look for the way out?
This post was meant to let those who are addicted to porn know there is hope. That hope is Jesus Christ whether you are Protestant, Catholic or even Atheist. Jesus wants you to be set free.
Hi I am a christian…not sure about all this catholic/protestant stuff but I totally agree that Jesus looks to the heart and not our “religion”.
Anyway my sad story so far does not have a happy ending. I’m 48 years old and started the porn spiral in the standard way….magazines and masturbation in my teens. I gave my life to God at 18 but didn’t experience much but did start to see how wrong my actions were. Anyway a combination of very low esteem and porn addiction and befriending some very worldly guys led to a decade of promiscuity, including prostitution. I was in deep. God never let go of me and even when I was in the depths of sexual sin I would still drag myself of to church most Sundays….I guess in amongst my hopeless, despairing life I “knew” there was some truth and hope there. Anyway after years of self loathing and medicating on sex and porn God actually gave me a beautiful christian women. We got engaged but a few weeks out of getting married she dumped me cos she thought I would NOT be a good Dad for her son. Well that did it….I told God to stick it and started back into my sinful life ( in retrospect I know that was a test but obviously my faith was very weak and my anger was out of control). One of the girls I met during this stage of life just fell for me and wouldn’t let me go..she was not a christian and to me she was just a one nighter. Anyway long story short we are now married with a 4 year old daughter. I have probably never really loved my wife but just the fact that she loved me and saw some goodness in me just made me think “why not give it a go” :-/. I have been married for 10 years and from a worldly point of view I have a good life – we travel, both have good jobs and love our daughter very much. But our relationship is not close, we hardly ever have sex and of course are “unequally yoked”. Although she suspects I have NEVER confessed my porn addiction to her. I have done Setting captives free and confessed to pastors and trusted christian friends but still can’t shake this enormous monkey on my back. My life is very unfulfilling and dissatisfying. My desire is still to glorify God and live a life of peace and joy but I’m so disappointed and confused with what my life has become.
I’m so sorry to hear about your problem, Mal.
First, it helps, I think, to talk to God about how you can begin to see your marriage not as a means of personal fulfillment but as a means of service (to your wife, daughter, etc.). In the end, many people have the tendency to make an idol out of a spouse’s approval, even when we have “fulfilling” Christian marriages. It is so important to ground our identity in God and His love, seeing our spouses as people to serve.
Second, I highly recommend you find some great reading from people who live in mixed marriages, like you do. You will probably get a lot out of that.
Hey brother! I’ll start by explaining how much you are loved! I too have struggled with pornography, as I’m sure eveyone else has on this site. In respect to your current situation, know you are blessed and have been bestowed a great honor. You say that the love for your spouse does not feel mutual. Know that God has placed a woman in your life that may not have realtion with God. Take this opportunity to tell her about him. I know currently I have found relationship in a woman that I too don’t see myself spending the rest of my life with. EVEN THOUGH I PRAY, I recogonize God is bigger and his good can come from this situation. Her love though, is like none I have seen maybe almost clingy. but like most I felt that I should give her a chance and show Christ through me. Now that we talk about God and share our love for him the relationship grows. When I notice her drifting from focus on the eternal I would let her know. As a father you have a responsibility as the man to tend to your wife and child, like Christ to the church. Rejoice brother bring the good news to your wife and daughter. I assure you. The best way to fight addiction is to fill your life with works. Works of the spirit physically demonstrate Jesus, and rebukes Satan. Many people forget the actual spiritual warfare happening. Take heed demons are at work making one feel guilt, sad, ovewelmed. By what? Jesus Christ payed the price, yes scream it out loud, do a back flip and maybe kick the air. It feels good to get pumped up for our faith. But the greatest tool that Satan uses is being luke warm. We are called to pick up our cross, and live like Christ. You can do this brother. I love brother. It may be hard for you to genuinely love your family. But if anything consider them potential sisters in Christ. You can do this man (jump kick) get pumped up. I love you man. You need to feel on fire for your relationship in him. Identity man, Amen.
Really God bless all of you! I have learned so many thing how to stop sexual addicts. Only Jesus is the medicine . pray every more.
I came out as gay in high school long before I saw any porn. Fast forward a decade and I’m right along with most guys struggling with porn addiction. I use covenant eyes to block porn sites, and I find it pretty effective. The whole accountability and church part though never works for me. Christians want me to renounce being gay first before they will help me with a porn addiction. I grew up in a church and was basically thrown out when I came out as gay teenager. It bother me how Christians say anyone who believes in him will have eternal life but small print: you have to change first. I think porn can be really destructive and I find covenant eyes helps me manage those urges, but I recommend not using a church for support unless you happen to fit into their cookie cutter expectation.
Hey Ben, thank you for being so brave and commenting here.
I’m so so so sorry you’ve had such a painful experience with your church’s response to your sexual orientation. It’s an enormous heart-break to me that, for the most part, the church hasn’t yet figured out how to just love people. Period. I know you probably can’t tell from your experience, but there are many of us straight Christians who are praying and hoping for a better day to come.
Until that day comes, I think you’re absolutely right, a church accountability group is probably not going to be very helpful to you. You might want to look at Sex Addicts Anonymous, or even Alcoholics Anonymous as a more accepting place for help on the accountability side of things.
I’m sure you’ve figured out already that Christians are not in charge of God’s love for you, but I just want to go ahead and say it anyway.
Thank you again for your willingness to share. Blessings, Kay
Ben. Jesus doesn’t tell us to clean up first and then come to Him – because the truth of the matter is, that no mortal can accomplish that. If we give him our heart, and put our full trust in His finished work on Calvary’s cross – He will clean us up and set us free. Ephesians 2:8-9
Hi ,please am also much addicted to porn mpvies .I really don’t like this problem and i want to do away with it in my life .Porn addiction is not really good for my christian life and my relationship with God .I really need help from God
Hi everyone. I would like to compliment everyone for being kind and encouraging. Many comment areas I see are ridiculous and people are attacking each other. Well done His good and faithful servants.
Ok I have had the addiction for a long time and I am working hard to get rid of it with the help of Jesus. He has slowly helped me change my thinking and see what porn really is. 1. Porn focuses on self while love focuses on the other person. 2. Porn is lust not love. I now look for only love on the Internet. I now hate porn (but yes I have made mistakes when I am tired) but my thinking helps me to eliminate lust. 3. When I am tired I need to get to bed early. The later I stay up the less chance I can resist. 4. I was married for 25 years and because of my self centered thinking, workaholic approach to work and my total lack of stopping me acting on my need, when I became a Christian, God told me I had to tell my wife and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realize the problem is that am lonely so I asked God to help. He is. I now have 3 women that I am meeting that may turn out to be my next lady. It says in the bible if you cannot handle being alone you need to be married. 5. I now put an X on the calendar so I can see my progress. You can get more strength by seeing success in the past. I hope this may help others. 6. I went to a seminar on relationships and the pastor stated that you need to masturbate once every week. I don’t think that is right but I have read it in secular magazines too. I think the point is being missed here. Whether you can or can’t is not as important as what you are fantasizing about. I am thinking lustful pornographic thoughts so for me if I think that way it is not of God. I am and will win this battle for my heart is right and I want to be closer to God so based on that I will fight the good fight and claim the victory. If I can’t Covenant Eyes will be downloaded. I do have accountability people. I just prayed for all of us. God bless and hope this may help even one person. Ken
hey i just really want to share my problem. . I had given my life to god few months back.. i started getting over all the stupid desires i had in my life… recently while i was chatting wid my ex.. we started getting back together. we do live a long distance life and because of that we sending pictures which were really full of lust.. it happened 2 times and i regretted it so much because i felt very bad of such a thing
i had made a promise to god that i wont be sending pictures like these and it did happen. I feel really guilty but im fustrated at the same time cause im all alone , my friends abandon me and theres so much stuff going on in my life right now. I really am sorry to God so much and i really need help to be a powerful girl in gods word. i regret what happened and i make sure i wont do it again. I jus want to know if we really want to hear how god speaks to us. . how do we make that happen?
I have yielded to lust my entire life. No self control. I have always believed in Jesus and the Bible. Recently I stopped looking at porn and stopped masturbating. I am married. My wife and I were going through some problems. We are working on improving our relationship. I have repented and turned from sin. I wish to grow stronger with my relationship with Jesus. Sometimes I wish he would speak plainly with me. I am not sure what to do. How can I come to some level of peace? How can I be sure of my status with God? I spend free time watching Christian videos on youtube and trying to read my bible and learn more and more. I am unsure what to do next. I have always freely shared my beliefs with others. Do I need to baptized in order to receive the Holy Spirit?
I am girl aged 24 and i have been addicted to porn ever since i was 10 years old.i started mastubating when i was 10 and at age 11,i started practising what i saw in porn with my small brother and some friends my age or slightly younger.my brother was young and so innocent and i destroyed him.i practised lesbianism at age 12 .if you all think you are sinners then i am the worst. i dont want God to forgive me for i will always go back to my vomit of pornography. Samson had one last request that he asked God to do for him .i also have one last request to God please may he end my life.my sin is too great and its a burden i am carrying daily .Lord have mercy and take my life Many people look up to me and they think that i am a good person ,but only God and me know the truth.i have tried so many times to break lose from this demon but it seems to be taking forever and the addiction is getting stronger by day.the longest that i have ever stayed without watching porn was 2 months and i reached that far because i wanted God to do me favor.so i thought if i could sin then instead of God blessing me he will punish me.i am a big mess right now and it has reached a point were I don’t really care about life but only porn.Even if i have an exam the next day i can spent the whole night surfing the internet for porn.There is nothing that I don’t know about porn.i know everything and it sucks.i cant get those images,those videos out of my mind.i don’t know how to help myself.
Hey there. I am so, so sorry for the pain you’ve been in for so long, and so glad you reached out here for help.
First of all, I want to let you know that if you are thinking of harming yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is open 24/7: 1 (800) 273-8255. Suicide is never, ever a solution. It just creates more pain and destroys more lives through grief and suffering. So please reach out for the help that you need when you’re in a critical state.
Also, I think you need a counselor. You can find directories at the American Association of Christian Counselors, and also at Psychology Today. Find a safe person to process your emotions with, someone who can help you find healing and hope.
Finally, you need to know that you’re not alone. Many women struggle with porn and find healing! Here’s a link to our resources for you.
You are God’s precious, beloved child, created in his image. Your life has value; it’s not disposable. God knows what he’s dealing with when it comes to human beings. Not one single person has been perfect since the dawn of time. That’s why Jesus showed up–to bring us healing and hope and new life. That’s all available to you, and there are good, safe people to help you walk that road to freedom. I hope you’ll reach out for help today.
Blessings, Kay
Believe me I know what’s like, I understand the feeling.
Especially when you give your life to Jesus so many times that you lose count.
I recall being sexually abused as a little kid, that abuse made my life a mess as I grew up.
I sexual abused other kids, got involved in porn, masturbation and the rest of the filthy sexual nonsense. Came to the point that I got tired of life because I looked innocent that you wouldn’t guess that I could do such.
One thing I’ve learnt is that God sees the imperfections in us, but he wants our life to be a torchlight to those who are going through the same things we’ve gone through. Your life is a testimony, dear.
Because He makes all things good in his time.
My life is not yet perfect though but I’ve seen a bit of what He demands from me.
Stumbled across a page on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/Izzyrecovery
Thanks so much for sharing this powerful message of hope. No matter what’s been done to us, no matter what we’ve done to others, God is in the business of redeeming and restoring. He loves us with an everlasting love. Our names are written in the palms of his hands. Nothing on earth is more powerful to heal than that love. Blessings to you, Kay
I found a program that works really well in breaking the addiction called the Conquer Series, it’s an amazing program that teaches how to change your brain with the help of Jesus .www.conquerseries.com
Hi Jay! Yes, we love the work that Dr. Roberts is doing. I’m so glad that his program has worked for you!
Peace, Chris
-Covenant Eyes
Hello, I was curious how did the voice sound when it said this isn’t how you are going to find a wife?
I struggle with the same sin and sometimes I hear a voice right before I fall into porn and it stops from falling into sin, but the voice is my voice, but a lot softer. So I get really confused and wonder if it’s the Holy Spirit.
I hope one of you could help.
My porn addiction all started when i was around 13 – 14 yrs of age, Im 18 now, when I invited one of my friend for a sleepover. That night my parents were fully asleep next door while my friend locked my room door and opened up a porn site on the internet. At first I felt this intense excitement of watching these videos. My mind was grasped into this nightmare ever since. I started out watching softcore (semi-naked) and ,as I matured, this lust for porn reached to a higher stage, moving to hardcore porn (full nude & sex). Around 4 – 5 years of this secret I came out telling my mum, I got delivered so many times but I could never be able to reach more than 2 weeks without pornography and masturbation. I read my bible and I always feel guilty turning to it because of my immoral ways. There was this girl that I had a crush on, she was in the same University as me, and every time i see her i always feel love for her in my heart that I do not want it to fade. In my mind, I want to put her as the only girl I wish to love, but a strong temptation of viewing pornography always have a huge hold over me. This makes me so frustrated and I always ask God for help and I always wish I never made any friends in my life. I wish I was lonely (so i wouldn’t be dragged into their diseased perverted ways). Anyway they are not the one to blame because It was my choice of becoming there friend. I hate myself to the core. One side of me,sometimes, thinks of committing suicide the other side is fear that God will throw me into the depths of hell and i will regret for eternity. What have I done with my life? That’s a question haunts my life everyday.
Hello, Alvin – I’m proud of you for leaving your comment on the blog because this is a very difficult area. I’m deeply concerned about your comments about suicide – here’s the truth…you have unmeasurable value! Your life is a precious gift and a blessing to this planet. Please find someone you can talk to about your struggles. Whenever you feel tempted, turn that trigger towards something else, even reaching out to someone you trust (I know it’s uncomfortable to talk to someone about this). To be very direct, you cannot recover from this on your own. Christ and community can get you there. The Cross of Christ is not powerless against your struggles! Surrender.
If you don’t have anyone you can talk to, and you start to have suicidal feelings again, promise me you’ll call this number: 1-800-273-8255, if you are in the United States. If not, please find that trusting friend.
God is for you! Alvin, you can get through this, and it will be hard work, but it’s worth it. Remember the strength you have in Christ – Romans 8 can remind you. The cross of Jesus Christ IS strong enough to overcome everything. Even this.
Peace, Chris
i dont get how people change and quit. ive tried that for years but ive never succeded as much as i hate it i end up watching it
Hello, Jordan – if you take certain tough steps, I bet you can break free. It’s tough, tough work. Try reading this: https://www.covenanteyes.com/2012/04/23/how-to-quit-porn-6-essential-steps/ (also, the key is you won’t be able to quit by yourself. Remember, it’s “self” that keeps taking into the mess, so it stands to reason that “self” isn’t the solution to getting clean).
Peace, Chris
If your addicted to porn and women like I was there’s only one way out and that’s through the Holy Spirit. Another word for Holy Spirit is “kundalini”-Sanskrit. The Holy Spirit is the ONLY way to bring God in through you. All the other stuff I tried like bible prayer etc only leaves you on the outside. If you want God in the inside to show you real signs then you need to find a teacher or meditator instructor to help physically activate this force within you. This force is very much Christian Jesus called it the Holy Ghost and said for us to all to go within our own “closets” to pray and that closet he’s speaking of is meditation. Sounds Hindu like or Buddhist like buts it’s not all religions pray to the same God and they all access him through the same way. It’s the only way path to God and the other path is to sin and misery. Seek a teacher, keep searching “within ” and not without until you find the only solution which is God.
Kundalini is witchcraft that has nothing to do with the Holy Spirit. This is total deception. This man is telling you to leave the Bible out and prayer and Gods Word says to hide my word in your heart so you may not sin against me. Be careful not to listen to everyone go to the Lord and ask Him. Meditation isn’t of God except for meditating on Gods Word. Sir I pray that you get the truth.
I been masturbating for 6 years now and I always wanted to quit but it always seems impossible. I dont know what to do now.
Hello, Ayanda – here’s a blog post (part 1 of 2, please read them both), that might encourage you.
I am 15 years old and I’m suffering with extreme porn and masterbation addiction. I feel huge pain in my heart that doesn’t stop. I was born a Christian believer and I have been baptized, the only problem is that the old man rises in me everyday and it became a habit; porn+masterbate= shame. I really want to change and grow with God but I can’t stop it. I’m ashamed I have no one to talk to and feel alone, and if I dare to talk to someone I’ll be shamed fore the rest of my life. And what kills em overboard is that I’m talking to this girl and we have lined each other for months and we haven’t dated because I haven’t asked her out and it’s Because of this issue. I get confused do I like her or not because of the shame. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND HELP ME!! I can’t afford the program but please someone guide me !!!
Hey there.
Masturbation is normal! It feels good, and it’s a part of your whole self, which includes your sexuality. It’s private, but it’s not shameful. It shouldn’t take over your life, but it’s fine as a part of your healthy physical self.
Problems arise with masturbation, as with many other good things, when we use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism when we are overly stressed, upset, etc. We can all be vulnerable to using good things–food, wine, exercise, Netflix–to cope in unhealthy ways. Instead of feeling our feelings and processing through them, we substitute a behavior that feels good in the moment but didn’t actually solve theproblem and may in fact produce more problems.
Unfortunately, there is huge shame around sexuality in Christian circles, and you are so wise to recognize that the shame itself is part of the problem. In fact, at this point I suspect that your formula might start with shame itself, and as you feel distressed over shame from masturbation, you then masturbate to feel better in the moment.
You might like this short animation I made recently, Interruping Shame Cycles.
I recently discovered that my husband of over 10 years has been having Homosexual Affairs with many men. I knew he was into Gay Pornogroghy and had tried to help him stop for years. I never imagined he would take it outside of our bedroom. I’m trying to fight for us as I’m willing to stick with him if he’s truly repentant and willing to set some pretty steep boundaries for him & us. So far, he doesn’t appear to be truly repentant but rather angry, hostile, bitter. I’m told that when truly repentant, you will be clothed with humility & be willing to do whatever it takes. Is this true to some who have gone true this? Does this Humility come over night or does it take time? What are some things I should be looking for? As a wife trying to help, what should I do or not do? Thanks so much!
God Bless!!
First of all, in any marriage where there have been multiple affairs and the offending party is not repentant but rather angry, hostile, and bitter, I would say this: the marriage covenant is broken, and you are free to leave the marriage. You are under no obligation to attempt to fix something that your husband is breaking, over and over. In fact, you are INCAPABLE of fixing what he has broken. It would be his job to do so, and clearly he is not interested in this.
No doubt your husband feels deeply ashamed, and he’s projecting that shame onto you with his anger. However, you are not the problem and you can’t make the answers. That’s up to him.
Here is an article called A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce, which may be helpful to you.
Secondly, it sounds like your husband is gay. Maybe he hasn’t been able to admit that to himself yet, but his sexual orientation appears to be very clear and fixed at this point. While it is true that some gay people choose to enter into and remain in mixed orientation marriages, it sounds like your husband is not able to maintain the vows he has made, and you are suffering the consequences.
He doesn’t have a choice about his sexual orientation; the medical science is very clear that sexual orientation is an inborn trait. Here is a review of current medical science by Christian doctor Joani Lea Jack. Being informed about the reality of the medical science is very helpful.
He DOES have a choice about what he does with his sexual orientation, however. We all do: straight or queer. We get to decide how we want to manage our sexuality, what our morality looks like, and how we live out our personal values. Your husband is making really clear choices! I think you have to accept the reality of his choices, even if he is not able to at this time. He is doing what he’s doing. You’ve been trying to change him for 10 years. It’s not working.
YOU also get to choose: is this how you want to live your life? No matter what your husband chooses, YOU can choose to be healthy and whole. Find a therapist who’s experienced with trauma who can help you process all this. Check out the online resources at Bloom for Women, which are trauma-informed as well.
Peace,
Kay
Hi there, i understand that your post is a year old now and im not sure where you are at with your marriage, but I myself have gone through similar feelings as your husband. I have been married to an awesome woman for just over ten years and i have been living with an addiction to porn for over 5years secretly, it wasnt discovered by her until a few months ago. It statrd out innocent and found myself overtime needing every minute i had free. It went from heterosexual, once that got boring it was homosexual and transexual pornography. I felt shame and guilt each time, but i could not stop it at all. It eventually led to chatting with other women, men. Homosexual conversations, sexting, chatting about what it be like to be with them and i had no willpower through this all and the people i encountered online through this preyed on that, particularly other men who knew just just how to make me weaker and weaker and get me to talk about things that i thought id never do or even think. While i did not take that addiction to a physical level, i dont think i could guarantee that it would’ve never gotten to that point. It very well could have. And i thank God every day for the day that she caught me in my darkest time of sin. At that time i knew of God and but i didnt have faith, and it is solely because of my wife staying and her faithfulness to God that i have grown my faith exponentially since then. Yes, i still have urges and temptations and in fact i went back to it a couple times and each time my wife knew it and she still decided to love me and be with me. That is nothing but the awesome power of the Lord working in her. I cant tell you what you should do or not do, everyone’s situation is different and i can only help you by telling you mine. Have i had homosexual thoughts? Yes, but for me it wasnt a part of life until this addiction took hold in my life. And yes, they are hard to overcome and the farther you go the more they become indebted inside you. But i can say we all worship a God that overcomes anything that we give to him. And i do have faith in that. More than ever in my life. I feel terrible for the women going through this with their husbands, because i let my wife down so much and i know how much pain that creates for her, myself and us. God Bless you in your future, whatever that my be and know that you are most certainly not alone!
Covenant eyes thanks alot for restoring hope that I can be free from porn, but please can i be linked with a AP
Hi Felix!
An Ally should be someone who you know and trust. If you have a friend, relative, spouse, or mentor, I would recommend that you ask them to hold you accountable!
Blessings,
Moriah
I have read many comments here regarding Jesus intention when he was teaching the apostles. We definitely know:
He wanted to establish His church on earth.
He wanted His apostles to evangelize His human population,
that’s why there were 12. That’s why His church is a teaching church.
He wanted to evangelize the non Jews, the gentiles, as well as His people the Jews. That’s why Paul was converted.
He wanted His church to live by the new covenant, in addition to the old covenant. That’s what He taught the 12.
He was the one who established a vicar on earth. Peter the apostle.
He gave them holy orders because He wanted His church to carry on after they came to the end of their temporal life, and He gave them power to accomplish this. Teaching all nations, Binding on earth Supported in heaven, forgiving or retaining sins.
These are Jesus words. When Peter died (crucified w Paul), Christians elected Linus as the second Vicar of Christ or Pope, continuing the line for 260 terms until today.
That’s important because confession and prayer, along with removal of the occasion of sin (Porn sites) are effective in combating this addiction.
Yes I am a practicing Catholic.
Thanks for sharing.
I am currently in a scenario where my wife reads erotic stories. Overtime, it is all the time she is reading them.
She shared some content and I got caught up exploring it with her, but eventually it made me feel awful and I got jealous of all the time she put into it.
I am conflicted and feel awful. Please pray for me and give any!
It has thoroughly bugged me and I confronted her on it.
Hi Mike,
As a woman and wife myself, I would personally choose to avoid reading stories like these. I think that they can be a breeding ground for temptation, both for myself and my spouse. That being said, every person has their own convictions, so I cannot say that it is “wrong” for your wife to read these.
However, I do think that if it causing temptation in your life and making you feel jealous/uncomfortable, you should most certainly sit down and have a conversation (or two) with your wife about it. She may not even realize the conflict it is causing! I have found that if we approach conversations like this with grace and love, they are received by our spouse with similar grace and love. If, after having conversations about this, your wife still wants to continue reading the stories and sharing them with you, it may be wise to turn to someone else for counsel – perhaps a Christian counselor or church leader?
Ultimately, before any steps are taken, pray! Dive into Scripture and prepare your heart for conversation and resolution.
I am praying for you and your wife!
Blessings,
Moriah