Resources for Wives
Download your free copy of Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives.This Guide is designed by Covenant Eyes to answer some of the common questions wives have, such as…
- Why does he look at porn?
- How can he watch porn and say he loves me?
- Why am I not enough?
- Why does he prefer porn to sex with me?
This guide gives practical ideas for bringing healing to your relationship. It dispels some of the myths about this problem and gives wives clear action steps to show tough love to their husbands.
Frequently Asked Questions
Pornography destroys intimacy. As men come clean—or are found out—about their use of porn, their wives often have a lot of legitimate questions and hurts.
“What’s wrong with me? Am I not enough for him?” Read more…
“He says looking at a little porn is no big deal, but I disagree.” Read more…
“He keeps telling me to just ‘get over it.’ But I can’t get over it.” Read more…
“When he watches pornography it feels like he’s cheating on me, but he doesn’t think it’s the same thing.” Read more…
“He blames me for his porn use. What can I say to him?” Read more…
“What can I say to my husband about regaining my trust?” Read more…
“Should I be my husband’s Accountability Partner?” Listen to the podcast…
“I don’t get it. Why does he keep going back to the porn again and again?” Watch the video…
Stories from other couples:
- Ryan and Laura (video, 3:06) – “I felt the familiar rush of jealousy of wanting to look intently at every 2-dimensional woman to discover what she had that I didn’t have, what she did that I didn’t do, or what she was that I couldn’t be.”
- Traylor and Melody (video, 15:07) – “Our story is really one of pain and struggle and how God has redeemed us through pain.”
- Chris and Cindy (video, 8:10) – “I was absolutely shocked because I could just not imagine my pastor-husband would have been able to do such a double life.”
- John and Nicole (video, 16:32) – “While I thought I had been doing a good job of keeping my addiction to pornography secret, as well as my time away with other women, my world was slowly crumbling around me.”
- Julianne (podcast, 47:34) – “Little did I know I was about to unravel a secret that would change me forever.”
- Josh and Serena (2-part podcast, 46:05) – “He finally left. He was done. It really did seem like the end of us. And Josh had no desire to change what-so-ever.”
- Jeff and Marsha (4-part podcast, 53:37) – “Just couldn’t wrap my arms around how he could let himself look at those things and go to those sites.”
- Ashley (article series) – “George’s problem with lust literally knocked me off my feet and I felt like it ruined me. I stopped believing in the beauty of marriage, thinking romance could never exist.”
How porn cripples relationships:
According to a survey of matrimonial lawyers, 56% of divorce cases involve one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” This is not surprising considering how pornography can so easily warp a man’s sex drive and his view of relationships.
- Straight Talk to Husbands Who Watch Porn – “What if, for a brief moment, men turned their eyes away from the fantasy images—the airbrushed photos, the clever video editing, the breast enhancements, and the thumbnail images that portray women like dogs in heat—and instead focused on what pornography is really costing them and their wives?”
- The Impact of Pornography on Women – “Instead of the traditional ‘other woman’ (or, heaven forbid, women), the spouse of a pornography user is betrayed with hundreds, if not thousands, of fantasy images that invite her into thinking she doesn’t measure up.”
- How Porn Ruins Sex Drive – “Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.”
- The Effects of Pornography on Individuals, Marriage, Family, and Community – “Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their conjugal relations and less emotionally attached to their wives.”
Books for Wives:
- Beyond the Mirror, by Ashley Weis
- I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography, by Clay and Renee Cross
- Reclaiming Stolen Intimacy: When Your Marriage is Invaded by Pornography, by Clay and Renee Crosse
- Resurrection: Discovering the Beauty of Marriage in the Cross, by Ashley Weis
- Sacred Sex: A Spiritual Celebration of Oneness in Marriage, by Tim Alan Gardner
- Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed, by Debra Laaser
- When Sinners Say “I Do” by Dave Harvey
Tough Love for Husbands:
- “Message to Christian Husbands Who Watch Porn” (podcast, 15:11)
- “The Seduction of Pornography and the Integrity of Christian Marriage” (podcast, 1:03:02)
- “When Love Has to Get Tough,” by Mark Gaither
- “Confronting Your Spouses Secret Sin,” by Rob Jackson
Resources:
- MoreThanDesire.com – The web ministry of Ashley Weis
- A United Front – Free web course for spouses of those struggling with pornography (includes one-on-one coaching)
- Pure Intimacy – Website sponsored by Focus on the Family for families devastated by sexual brokenness
- Pure Life Ministries – Ministry for those in bondage to sexual sin, including free articles for wives
- NANC Directory – Directory of the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors (certified and trained biblical counselors)
- Phone Coaching Groups for Women – Sponsored by Faithful and True Ministries
- Heart to Heart Counseling Center – Telephone counseling for individuals and couples in the wake of sexual problems
- Wife of a Sex Addict – Online resource for wives of porn/sex addicts
- Weekend to Remember – 150 marriage conferences a year
- Porn Addict Hubby and New Life Partners – Online forums for women with porn-watching husbands or boyfriends
