Beauty Can Change Your Life

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

In Transformed by Beauty, you’ll meet a priest, a musician, a ballerina, and a body builder who found freedom, healing, and peace because they encountered the beauty of a transcendent God.

Learn how beauty can help you heal from the wounds of pornography and how to have a redeemed vision.

12 thoughts on “5 Things to Do About #MeToo

  1. Hello Jen,
    Thank you for this blog post. It really means a lot to my own heart! Plus, it actually offers a solution or two. A call to action is needed for this #metoo movement. I am beginning my own blog and this topic is something I feel called to talk about. Is it possible, or ok, for me to add a link on my blog that goes to this post as an offering of more for information? Please let me know, I would be grateful!
    God bless,

  2. As always, Jen, this is a great article! I do want to bring up some concerns. In this article you say that most women act out in a sexual or seductive manner simply because it is a last resort or because they are wounded. This may be true, but by turning them into mere victims of harsh circumstances, we are minimizing the pain and destruction they are bringing upon others: the little boys who are exposed to the sexually explicit material they help create, the married and single men who are already weak and vulnerable because of their own wounds, the women who are made to feel that they will never be able to compete with the false ideals that these women are helping to perpetuate. It is a huge mess that this world is in and I feel that men for the most part get their fair share of reproach for their part of the mess and are held accountable for their poor choices, attitudes and behaviors (as they should). But I feel that the women involved are constantly being made into victims of objectification rather than participants.

    I also think that in our valiant and worthy effort to protect innocent women from objectification and harm, we have somehow blinded ourselves to the fact that it is the GOAL of some women to gather sexual attention and ensnare men. To turn men into objects whose only purpose is to lust after them and feed their ego. The Bible warns men about these types of women. Proverbs 5:3-22, Proverbs 7 to name a couple. Today these women are dominating every form of media with their influence. They are being paid well and given praise and attention. Are these women desperate, broken and wounded individuals who need help? Absolutely! But we aren’t helping them by turning them into victims and telling them that it isn’t their fault that they turned out that way or made poor choices. We need to call them out for allowing their wounds to turn them into predators. They need to hear about the pain and destruction they are bringing upon others. They need compassion, but they also need someone to tell them that their choices are wounding others and they need to stop. We aren’t loving them (or God) well if we stay silent and allow them to continue to harm themselves and others.

    I hope I am not coming off as harsh or unloving. I have felt for a long time that women seem to get away with an awful lot while we are telling men to shape up, stop objectify women and lusting, and take responsibility for the destruction their choices cause others. In other words, we don’t sugar coat the ugly truth about their sins. We do this because we want better for these men. We love and care too much about them to let them continue on the path they are on. But I have NEVER seen the same bold, harsh truth given to women who make deliberate choices to attempt to cause men to lust. I don’t think we can afford to stay silent any longer about the choices that these women are making whether it’s in the media or everyday life. Not if we truly love and value them.

    • I think can hear what you’re saying, Samantha. Here are my thoughts: Jesus, when He met the adulterous woman didn’t avoid the fact that she had sinned. But He responded to her with love and grace. I think we should treat men who are addicted to porn the very same way. Many people who are porn addicts have this addiction because they have been hurt in the past, too. Yes, our wounds are never an excuse to engage in sinful behavior. But when our sin is born from wounds, it is hard to correct the sinful behavior unless we have real motivation to do so. Jesus’ motivation is His unconditional love and grace (and, of course, His ultimate sacrifice on the cross). As Christians who are called to imitate Jesus, we also can call sin, sin, but it can never come with condemnation. It has to be spoken of in the context of love and grace. We are always called to speak truth in love.

  3. And just to be super clear, I am NOT talking about women who are actual victims such as in sex trafficking, or girls and women forced or threatened to participate in porn, prostitution or other sexual acts. I am talking about women who make deliberate choices.

    And I am NOT in any way blaming women for men lusting. Lusting is a choice just as attempting to cause lust is a choice. Both are still wrong though and should be addressed equally if we want to even attempt to improve or heal sexual brokenness in this world.

    And, Jen, please know that I did not intend my comment to be confrontational towards you. I respect you and always enjoy your articles! I just felt this was a good opportunity to vent some very real concerns I’ve had for a long time.

    God Bless!

    • Samantha,
      Well said. I agree. We ALL have a part in this problem and we ALL can make it better. Men and Women.

    • Jen,
      You are right about the adulterous woman. I love to see Jesus lifting her out of despair and giving her value. I also believe that if Jesus caught a man in an adulterous relationship, he would have had grace on him as well. In Jesus’s day it seems that many of the people were harsher on women caught in this circumstance. And today it seems that society is harsher on men. Both men and women have made wrong choices, and both need the love of the Saviour. It seems fashionable in today’s world to see women as victims and men as perpetrators, and certainly that can be the case in domestic abuse and other situations. But for people who are caught in this sin we need to understand that the ground is level at the foot of the cross.

      It does bother me that I many times see women dressed immodestly even in the church. It mostly bothers me in that if I or any other man would address this issue publicly, I don’t believe it would be received very favorably. So most men just keep their mouths shut and take the easy way out. What if men started a #metoo movement based on struggling with our eyes? Perhaps it would be easier for some men to speak out. Non-Christian men probably like the way these women dress, but not someone who fights the battle day in and day out.

  4. Samantha, I am in 100% agreement with what you are saying.

    There are women who are truly victims and are exploited against their will, and there are also women who sexualize themselves of their own free will.

    Also, there are men who objectify and demean women freely and without remorse, and there are also men who are fighting the temptation of lust through daily repentance and striving.

    I had an experience at a Walmart (of all places), there was a young man and woman, apparently dressing up as Zombies (this was before Halloween), but the woman was wearing heels, skin tight leggings and a thin white t-shirt, both had many large holes torn in them such that she was barely covered, and it was blatantly obvious she was wearing nothing underneath. She was also a beautiful woman, and she apparently knew it. The level of blatant voyeurism here was shocking. I had to fight and beg God to help me as she walked by. Then I got angry at her. What was she trying to do? It sure didn’t seem like anyone was forcing her to do this against her will, she and her male companion seemed to not care in the slightest that every man in the store was staring. I was mad at her for having such a disturbing effect on me. I was mad at her for knowingly parading herself as a display of sexuality and object of lust in such a public (apparently) family friendly place. I had to surrender my anger as well for many days afterwards. I had to pray for her, that God would reveal to her what she is doing to herself and others, and what is the truly most important thing in life.

    • I think prayer is such an important part of how we can help change lives. In order to have true accountability that works, we must have a relationship. Often, we’re not going to build a relationship with strangers in Wal-Mart, so the best thing we can do is pray for people and ask God to touch their hearts.

  5. When I get in a traffic jam behind a bus and on the back of the bus there’s an X-rated picture of the multimillionaire entrepreneur Elle Macpherson, I frantically pray and quote memorised Scripture to avoid feeling what she obviously wants me to feel. I’ve declared one part of the local shopping centre out of bounds to myself to avoid walking past the shop belonging to multimillionaire entrepreneur Victoria Justice (what a sarcastic name!). For a while, there was another area where I had to be careful because yet another multimillionaire entrepreneur, Giselle Bunchen, was selling glasses. To prove that the glasses fixed what was wrong with her eyes, she was naked. It sure doesn’t feel like they’re innocent victims of my tyrannical bullying.
    More relevantly to the “me too” campaign, I, like most males, have been subject to wolf whistles, loud lewd comments, making sure that I was within earshot when they joked about enslaving me, calling me “that” instead of “he” and “something” instead of “someone.” This happened to me in a three-month temp assignment. When it happens to a woman, the victim tells the supervisor and it stops. When it happened to me, the perpetrator told the supervisor and she joined in the fun. I asked women on Facebook whether I could change “If all the women…” to “If all the people…”. They were a lot more gracious than I expected them to be, so I shared the post.
    I wholeheartedly support A21, Jericho Road, Dark Bali, Samaritan’s Purse and the Oaktree Foundation in their opposition to sexual exploitation. I have been attracted to women but I would never act on it unless I were confident that her feelings about me mirrored mine about her. One woman seemed to think that my being attracted to her was funny. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I walked over to her twice (some will say it should only have been once) to start chatting with her. She just walked away. “OK,” I thought, “if you don’t want to talk to me, I have no choice but to respect that. Unlike the women at that temp assignment, unlike Elle Macpherson, Victoria Justice and Giselle Bunchen, I understand every part of ‘no’.” So I drew right back from her. The fact that I’m in this Covenant Eyes forum proves that I haven’t always been utterly innocent. I take full responsibility for my sins and, by the Lord’s grace and empowerment, I am dealing with them. Does that make it wrong to object to being held responsible for their sins?
    Jen Ferguson says that “me too” needs men because we all have to change our mindsets and commit to stopping it. I say “me too” needs men so that all of the sexual exploitation is recorded instead of just half of it.

    • The ladies on the ads aren’t victims of your tyrannical bullying, but the proliferation of hyper sexualized public media (mostly generated by men is my guess) doesn’t help instill a sense of respect and modesty in the people of today, which is one of the largest problems in today’s world (in my opinion), and certainly is the topic of many articles on the CE blog.

      That said, I have the same experiences you do, Jason with regards to public displays of sexuality, however I have never been “hit on” myself, so I can’t say I know what that’s like.

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