About the author, Ella Hutchinson

Ella Hutchinson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Clinical Sexual Addiction Specialist, Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Ella served three years on the board of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She helped write the curriculum used by APSATS that trains clinicians in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model developed by Barbara Steffens. She is currently a board member of the International Association for Certified Clinical Sex Addiction Specialists. Ella and her husband, Jeff, work together helping couples find healing from sexual addiction.

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Porn and Your Husband

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

8 thoughts on “How to Tell If Your Husband Is Really in Recovery

  1. When I first came into recovery 4-1/2 years ago, great content on the internet was difficult to find. This is FABULOUS! If you’re looking for recovering sex addicts to write or speak publicly on the matter of recovery or porn/sex addiction awareness, contact me.

  2. Trust is shattered! It is that simply! Having counseled sex addicts for over 30 years, I wouldn’t make it so complicated. A man who has truly changed is a different man, and that shows up almost immediately. The opposite of mistrust isn’t trust. Ultimately you can’t fully trust a sinner, especially a sexual sinner. Given what’s at stake, the opposite of mistrust is caring!

  3. 10 years ago, I found out my husband was a porn addict. We had been married 25 yrs, and he promised me that he would quit. 6 years later, I realized he had never quit. My heart was broken. I had always trusted my husband so much, that I wanted to believe him, so I did. When I found out that he had lied to me, I actually became physically ill and nearly died. I was in a coma, on life support for 4 days, and the doctor told my husband that my chances were 50/50. I lived through that illness, but I never got over the pain of his betrayal. It has been 4 more yrs now, and he claims to have quit again since the last time that I discovered that he betrayed me. Whether he really quit or not, I may never know. I now have terminal cancer, and I will die sad and depressed, not knowing if he ever really loved me. I am taking this horrific pain to my grave. And the truth is, I loved him with all of my heart, and never thought of another man. All of my fantasies were about my husband, while all of his fantasies were about every women but me. The thought of that is too much for me to bear. I do feel as though our whole marriage was a lie, or a cruel joke played on me. If any men out there truly care about their wives, they need to know that putting her through this kind of pain, can cost your wife her life. Is that what porn is worth to you….worth losing your wife over??

  4. Dr. Ella,
    Thank you for this article. In the last 5 years I still find MOST therapist/counselors are not addressing the Porn/Adultery FIRST before any other minor problems in the marriage. Instead they start with communication, inlaws, kids, etc. while the wife has been deeply wounded & is hurting & the husband is still sexually sinning. Why the don’t address the Major Sin first either they are not trained or have other motives. But either way I find way too many couples are walking away from therapy without getting the help they need & paid for. Often the marriage will not survive.

    Dr. David Clarke is one of the few marriage counselors that when doing an intensive with a couple does address the Porn/Adultery first.

    Thank you that you also are addressing the Porn/Adultery first with couples. I only hope that more therapist/counselors & Pastors will begin to realize the old approaches are not working. Following Matt.18 the major sin should be addressed first allowing the husband to give full disclosure & start his own recovery while allowing the wife to vent all her anger to her husband & ask all the questions she needs. Wound thoroughly cleaned out , then hopefully healing can begin.

    • Yes, porn addiction is NOT a marriage problem, it’s a personal problem that impacts the marriage deeply. Porn must be dealt with first, before any marriage work can be successful. Thanks for pointing that out!

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