Porn and Your Husband

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

5 thoughts on “4 Ways to Cultivate Empathy with Your Spouse

  1. This seems very helpful on the surface. However, I have had my attempts to empathize with my betrayer husband totally backfire. Since he refuses to own that his viewing porn and emotional affairs were his choice, anytime I reached out to him or was vulnerable with him would later be spewed in my face. We currently live in a cool stand-off. He blames me for all the problems and I guard my heart and mind from the blaming. It’s exhausting.

    • I’m so sorry for the pain you’re enduring, and for the way your efforts at connecting have been turned into ammunition. I’m afraid this is not an uncommon thing; when men are violating their own personal values, they create a system of belief for themselves that allows them to continue the behavior, and most often that system of belief involves a great deal of blame toward the spouse. He can’t own his choices, it’s too much to bear, so it’s your fault. I think you are wise to recognize this pattern, and create healthy boundaries for yourself. Here, here, and here are some more articles that expand the idea of boundaries, and here’s a little animation on defense mechanisms, and another on gaslighting that may also help illuminate your situation. Keep up those healthy boundaries, and whatever he chooses, YOU can choose to be healthy. You might want to find a counselor, just for you, someone who can help you process the pain and stay healthy. Peace to you, Kay

    • I can relate to you, my husband is not empathetic at all, he shuts me out and won’t acknowledge the pain his porno has caused me. I am still with him in obedience to the Lord. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I do know we can pray for each other.

    • Hi Maureen, make sure you’re taking care of yourself in the midst of all this. Find a counselor, just for you, someone who can help you process your emotions and decide on healthy boundaries. Obedience to the Lord does not mean that you can’t have healthy boundaries; God never, ever requires us to enable abusive behavior toward ourselves. Here, here, and here are some articles on healthy boundaries. Whatever your husband chooses, you can choose to be healthy. Peace, Kay

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