About the author, Carl Stewart

Carl Stewart is the author of the Amazon Kindle bestseller, The Porn Antidote: God’s Secret Weapon for Crushing Porn’s Grip, and Creating the Life and Marriage You Dream Of. Carl is a counselor and coach in an overflowing private practice where he works with men and marriages devastated by pornography and sexual addiction. He has advanced training and supervision in Emotionally Focused Therapy–the most empirically validated marital therapy which is uniquely suited to restoring marriages affected by sexual betrayal. Carl is a speaker at men’s events, marriage retreats, and parenting seminars. Check out Carl Stewart’s website and blog at www.thepornantidote.com.

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Hope After Porn

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10 thoughts on “3 Surefire Ways to Rebuild Your Wife’s Trust

  1. Is it really true? Isn’t relationship a question of trust? It may have some good inputs; however is it the role of the woman the control the man?

    • Daniel, the whole point is that if a husband is looking at porn, he has violated his wife’s trust. He has betrayed it. These are the steps that a man would take to restore something that he broke; it’s not about the wife being in control, it is about transparency and honesty (and ultimately, control) by the husband himself.

    • This is a well-written article and I agree with most of it, but I am struggling with your conflicting statements toward the end. On the one hand, you say: “…Remember, these aren’t just pictures to her. You chose these women over her body (which she probably felt insecure about anyway).”. TRUE. However, you soon say the opposite: “…That you aren’t really preferring those fantasy girls on the screen.” [FALSE, or he wouldn’t be looking at ’em.] But then you say: “I am not saying that your wife gets a pass…” [Although you mention “emotional vomiting”, as one would expect.] “She is still responsible for her anger.”. ExCUSE me?? That is every bit as cruel and heartless as stabbing her and saying that she is responsible for bleeding, and then getting mad at her and blaming her for bleeding on your precious rug! My husband has not only lusted after other women, he has had sex with them- for real, not just fantasy- and he claims to be a “christian”. BULL.

  2. Oh Daniel, I really do not think that Carl is advocating controlling people. Indeed what I pick up from this article is the entire opposite of that!

    If I tried to control my husband, I would be appaulled at myself, and the same the other way around, if he tried to control me I would be mortified!!!!

    But pornography, it is everywhere, and it has a great subtle power to destroy sacred things, and for me, and my husband our marriage is the most sacred thing in the world

    We were both very naive, and believed this moster could not affect us! Well it did! Big style!!!! And now, even though it has gone, it is like an ugly ghost that can come haunting at any time!!!!

    And so, to remedy this, we both now completely and utterly share our lives. We are not going to allow any of all that again, not ever!!!

    There is no point in us saying, I just trust you! We do trust each other. But sadly that is not enough when it comes to this madness. We have to ruthlessly pull together against the adversary, which is the pornography, not each other!!!

    And, what is wrong with that? Put simply, nothing, nothing at all ! But more importantly, what is right with that!!! Everything!!! Everything, because now we are together on this, nothing can penetrate, and instead of fear and bewilderment, our marriage is filled with peace, joy and laughter, and trust, much joyful, inspiring, uplifting trust!

    Hope this makes some sense


    • You go, Joanne! It is always uplifting to see a like minded woman commenting on here! I don’t know you, but your attitude and obvious love for your husband makes me happy. Your husband is truly blessed to have you in his life.

      I truly believe that, next to God and Jesus, a wife is the most important partner a man can have in the war for sexual purity and integrity. We were created to be the helper of our husband. God knew what He was doing when He did this. It is hard work, but it can be such an incredible blessing too!

      “Love never fails. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

      God Bless and keep you both!

  3. Hello A Wife

    I have only just seen your comment. Yes, indeed it is so very uplifting to find folk walking this walk and doing so in a Christ Centred way.

    I dont know if you have heard of Sheila Wray Gregoire but she is a Christian with many fantastic ideas that can help married couples bring things to a better place. Her site has been a great help for me and my hubby…………….


    I am also, right now, studying Carls work at http://www.thepornantidote.com. His explaination of the three brains has been particularly helpful, and it is also a very good way to simplify things, especially when explaining to folk that are new to all this, and are trying to understand exactly what the true effect of porn on the mind, brain and body can be

    Hope you are all doing well. And thank you to everybody that posts here. I am certain that everything shared here helps far more people than any of us can really know


  4. When trust is shattered, trying to put it back together again is next to an impossible task. When a man looks at porn, or acts out, his heart is saying, if not his mind, “I don’t care anymore!” His heart must change at a deep level. Managing the mistrust keeps a couple on the surface, hindering the possess of moving from false intimacy to real intimacy. The opposite of mistrust is not trust; the opposite of mistrust is caring. In other words, heart change! This concept has been applied to 1000s of couples in counseling. It works!

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