About the author, Jessica Harris

Jessica Harris is the founder of Beggar’s Daughter, a ministry dedicated to walking with women who have an addiction to pornography. Telling her own story of porn addiction and struggle with lust, Jessica seeks to help other women find hope, healing, and grace. Jessica shares resources and insights from her own journey on the Beggar’s Daughter blog and occasionally travels and speaks on the topic of female lust addiction and how churches can minister to women who struggle. She resides just outside of Washington DC where she works as a teacher and serves on the Biblical counseling team in her church. She is the author of Love Done Right: Devos - A Journey From Lust into the Love of God.

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5 thoughts on “Talking to Your Daughter About Sex and Porn: A Stage-by-Stage Guide

  1. Dear Luke, I greet you peacefully. I remember GOD and thank and praise GOD. I am so against pornography and prayed to GOD as to something new to do about pornography. GOD Inspired me to email all the governors of the US states and send this letter. I plan to keep on sending the same letter, at least weekly. I urge that many of us do this. This is my letter:

    Dear Governor Rick Scott, I greet you peacefully. I remember GOD and praise GOD. I am Jocelyn Ghazzawi, an American citizen, in Upper Darby, PA. I love GOD and all things that are good, kind and pure. I am very concerned by the production of pornography, and the viewing of it by children and adults. I do not view pornography, but I follow news about it.
    I prayed to GOD to know something that I could do. GOD inspired me to email all State Governors, asking that you move to make the production of pornography illegal in your state. Also please move that all agriculture in your state be organic.
    I call on you peacefully to move to make the production of all pornography to be illegal in the state of Florida, and that all farming must be organic in your state. I ask GOD humbly to Grant you a special Help. Sincerely, Jocelyn Ghazzawi

  2. Jessica, while I don’t have a daughter, I greatly appreciate your realistic, practical advice and approach on this (and other) difficult subjects. It’s refreshing to read, and much needed in the church.

  3. Teenagers kill, rob, rape, use drugs, drink, have sex, have sex with older adults, lie, and cheat. What on earth makes you think they are “children.” Girls in our society completely use sex from the time they are in high school well until they are senior citizens. Maybe it is time to hold teenagers accountable for their choices and actions instead of coddling them — especially the girls. This author is right. The way we perceive girls is totally skewed. Go to any club on the weekend. You will see underage girls going after much older men. Those girls are not victims. They are purposely doing it. You see that your daughters look 10 years older than you are. Why are we so naive to think they are chatting on their phones about homework? America needs a wake up call about reality and must stop living in some delusion that Ward and June Cleaver exist.

    This author is more honest than most. But here is the reality — until you hold girls accountable nothing will change. Right now the culture is that men/boys are evil and bad. Women/girls can do no wrong. When you only hold one side of the equation accountable, nothing changes. Nothing at all. The first step is holding teenagers accountable. They are doing everything adults are doing. This idea that they cannot choose or consent or make a proper decision is simply nonsense. Hold them accountable for their actions.

    • Biologically, adolescents are not adults. Their brains are not fully developed; most notably, the frontal lobe where decision-making and consequence-thinking is located for adults. Adolescents frequently act out of their emotions without the full cognitive process we expect from adults.

      Adolescents have many adult capabilities, while still being a big hamstrung by a brain that’s not quite as well-done as it could be yet. As a result, we struggle as a culture and as individual parents to appropriately balance freedom and responsibility with adolescents.

      Having spent the last 13 years parenting my own adolescents, and being a therapist for adolescents as well, I would say that adolescents need to be held accountable, yes. However, they are not quite ready to be tossed out in the world without loving care and support. Adolescents will make mistakes, and at this point in their lives, they have the ability to make big, scary mistakes.

      What I’ve found in my work as a therapist is that the adolescents who act out the most are often the least supported, the least cared for, the least loved.

      I think it’s incumbent upon all of us, as adults in this world, to do what we can to provide a healthier world for the children who are coming behind us, and I think that most of us have stood aside and let the internet traumatize and abuse the children of this generation.

      Shame on us.

      And may each of us adults be held accountable for our actions in how we love and support the children in our care.

    • I see where you’re going. I’m a 17 year old girl, and I’m a virgin. But it was my mother’s “*gasp* I’m gonna kick your $€%#¥₩!” attitude that made me not want to approach her. Society taught me plenty of things. So did observing the world. Are we going to shun our daughters for what they’re exposed to? Or be upset that they’re being exposed to this? Yes, the thought of my mother frightened me and still does, and that is half the reason why I am still a virgin. But I’m also waiting to give the best gift I can to my future husband- the gift of self

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