About the author, Ron DeHaas

Ron DeHaas

Ron DeHaas is the president and co-founder of Covenant Eyes. Ron has a BS and an MS in Geology from The Ohio State University and attended the University of Michigan as a PhD candidate. Ron pioneered the concept of Accountability Software, and founded Covenant Eyes in the spring of 2000, and today over 150,000 subscribers enjoy the Internet accountability Covenant Eyes provides. Ron also founded Nehemiah Ministries, a 160-acre retreat and counseling center in south-central Michigan for pastors and missionaries. (Photo from the Lansing State Journal, photographer Greg DeRuiter. Used with permission.)

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30 thoughts on “Talking to Your Kids About Sex: A Parent-Child Bible Study

    • Kids safety should be OUR # 1 PRIORITY!!!
      You or someone in your home should be very concerned that the truth about DANGER for your children.
      Staggering statistics for adults are mind boggling (do your research) now imagine children and access.
      Your family is precious… and they are counting on you NOT to let them down.

    • thank you for this information I need more information and help for my family and the church I lead

    • thank you so much for this, just what I needed, pls I will love to have more of this information.

    • If your child at age 13 is having sex with older men, call the police and report those men immediately. They must be prosecuted.

      Find a therapist for your child, someone who can help her learn to make choices for herself that are consistent with her value and self-respect. If she has ever been a victim of a crime or of abuse, she should be eligible for services free of charge through a community non-profit organization such as a family adovacy center.

      Peace to you,
      Kay

    • We were watching the story of David on YouTube, in cartoon form, and it was biblically accurate, including showing the naked bottom of Bathsheba and suggestive interactions with King David. I am the grandmother but I live with my daughter and her husband. The two children were watching, ages 3 & 5 years. They abruptly turned it off and ushered them off to their bath. We had an argument as to how this should have been handled and whether the children should have been exposed to this story at this age. Your thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

    • Hi, Jill – I’m always hesitant to give parenting advice, since there’s just so much I don’t know about the situation, but in general, it’s wise to avoid shame and feelings of “that’s dirty” when it comes to sex and sexuality. BUT, for young kids, I’m not against the “usher them off” approach just to get them to focus somewhere else, until the parents jointly decide that their kids are ready for that kind of exposure. There are some parts of the Bible that need to be consumed at age-appropriate times. This might be one of them. It’s a very messy story! An affair, murder, deceit, complex.

      Regards,
      Chris

    • My children are 9yrs old twins boy and girl. They have known for sometime that boy and girl were created differently. Still having issues with privacy when dressing bathroom etc. my son is wanting to know how babies are created. I have given him the simple answer of in mommas tummy. I think he wants to know details is there a video for 10 yr. olds that wud explain it better

  1. Hello. In Ontario Canada, our school plans to teach our 11 year old son detailed anatomy of both male and female outer reproductive parts. I don’t feel it is necessary for an 11 year old boy to know all the details of the female system, other than the internal workings (ovaries, uterus, etc.). What is your opinion? Thanks so much.

    • Hi Teri – this would seem more a question of your preference as his parent. I personally think that an 11 year old should know this information, but of course, my daughter has 3 little brothers running around the house constantly, and so she has known this information for some time. Have you had a discussion with him about these things? Maybe a good opportunity prior to him hearing it in school. This website: https://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/store/ has some great books to help with the discussion from a Christian perspective, if you were interested.

      Peace,
      Chris
      Covenant Eyes

    • I WISH more churches would do this! Our son just turned 12 and they are teaching sex ed in his public school, from a VERY non-Biblical view. :-( (We can have him opt out, and are still weighing the pros and cons) Believe me, an 11 y.o. is already curious, and he will probably hear things elsewhere, so why not give him a Biblical perspective?

  2. Great info! I have two small girls; 12 years and 11 years. Where I live there is another young boy around 13years. I can see that they like doing things together but I am uncomfortable because the boy is not from christian background and the physical attraction may lead them to a dark corner. What is the best way to handle this? I talk to the girls about sexuality but handling attraction ….

    • Hi Benson. What a great question.

      Attraction is really a part of sexuality. I would say to my kids: attraction is normal. It’s part of who we are. We need to use that attraction with respect toward ourselves and other people, just like we would another other expression of our sexuality. We may feel attracted to someone, but we get to choose how we express that. And we should always express it respectfully. That kind of respect varies from culture to culture and from family to family, so you will need to talk about the specifics within your particular family and culture.

      Now I’m going to speak from an American perspective, because the majority of our audience is American, and I think your question is so, so important.

      I think one of the most important things we can teach our girls AND our boys is CONSENT.

      I’m sorry to say this, but in today’s world it really doesn’t matter what the religious background of a person is; rape culture is prevalent in every religious setting. And girls are not the only victims. Boys are victims as well.

      Our children absolutely MUST be comfortable with saying NO to things that make them uncomfortable.

      Our boys especially must be taught that they have NO RIGHT to a woman’s body in any way, unless that woman gives her express verbal consent.

      Here is a wonderful video about consent that is easy to share with children and adults.

      Our girls and boys all need to understand that their bodies are a precious and valuable part of their whole selves. They should know that if they are uncomfortable in any way, feel upset, or don’t understand what happened in a particular situation, that they can come to us and we will help. They should never feel afraid or ashamed of tellling us the truth.

      It is very important to talk to children so they are prepared to know what is safe and not-safe. Here’s a resource that may help guide your conversation.

      In the past, we used to talk to kids about “stranger danger” but in truth we know that most sexual abuse takes place in a private home, and 90% of the time, the child knows their abuser. A more recent and helpful term is “tricky people”. We can teach our kids that anybody who tries to cross the boundaries discussed in the resource guide above is a “tricky person.” The “tricky person” may cross a number of boundaries before actually abusing the child.

      So, if we’ve had those conversations, and we’ve talked about tricky people, and we’ve made it safe for our children to come to us when they are confused, those are some excellent steps to take. In fact, I believe every parent MUST have these essential conversations with their children, male or female.

      Thank you for asking such an important question, and bless you for caring so well for your daughters. Peace to you, Kay

    • You’ve linked to an American version of the video that uses language inappropriate for kids, just FYI….

  3. I just have a question. I have a boy 11 and a girl 10. Should I do the study with us all together or separately? Would really appreciate advice , thanks!

    • Hi, I think it depends on your kids, but it would seem a perfect time to cover some specific girl questions with your daughter, and separately with your son to give each the space needed to speak openly. There may be aspects of the study you choose to do together, but definitely some parts separately. I’m so glad you’re using it! Luke’s work is really well done.

      Peace, Chris

  4. Great information! My husband I , are pastors and we have lots of young children in our care, this material will be of great help to us. Our culture does not allow parents to talk about sex to their children but there is always a beginning. And the children break the culture rules by asking tough question.

  5. I have an 11yr old son & 8yr son. Both in public school. Should I talk to them about puberty, before I talk to them about sex? Or together? How do you start the conversation with either subject? Also it has to be me. Because my husband wont talk to them about it. Thanks!

  6. My 11-year-old step-daughter is very flirtatious, even with her male cousins. How can I address this without causing a rift between me & my husband? Thanks for your help.

    • Hello, honestly, I do not know. There might be someone on the blog who has more experience with blended families.

  7. Hello, I have a 9 years old boy that at 5 years old was caught looking in to girls kissing on my phone with his 6 years old boy cousin. I just found out he has been looking into his same sex pornography. When I talked to him inregards to it, the first thing he said was “mom I need your help I’m pray to God to help me because I can not get the images out of my head, the Images I saw when I was five”. When I asked him about the current Images on his phone he said “when I was doing the my computer homework someone in my head told me to look for – boys having S-E-X”. He had to spell SEX because he couldn’t say the word. Your blog and Covenant eyes are some of resources that were recommended to me. Any and All HELP will be appreciated.

    • Hi Marcela,

      When a child is shown pornography by an adult, that is considered to be sexual abuse. In today’s world, many many children are accidentally exposed to porn either on their own, or by another child. We need to understand that THIS IS TRAUMATIC TO CHILDREN, and our children need HELP to be SAFE from traumatic sexual images. When they have been exposed, we need to treat them with care and support.

      Please make sure that your child’s access to the internet is SAFE. Use software like Covenant Eyes to limit access. Block YouTube and other sites that allow sexual content. Make sure that your child’s internet access is ALWAYS SUPERVISED. You would not send your child out on Bourbon Street in New Orleans alone: DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILD ONTO THE INTERNET ALONE.

      In addition, provide your child with age-appropriate sexuality education. Clearly your child has seen sexual images on the internet, but what he has seen is a skewed view to put it mildly. Robie Harris is an excellent sex educator who publishes many useful resources.

      “What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck” is a good book that your child might appreciate in helping to rid his brain of those images.

      If your child continues to feel upset about what’s happened, and can’t rid himself of those images, you might want to find a good child therapist who can help your child process through what he’s seen.

      Peace,
      Kay

  8. I am glad I stumbled on this . The follow up questions and answers are very insightful and detailed. I am a Teen Sexuality Coach and there are few resources both online and offline that seem to talk about sexuality from a Christian perceptive and in a detailed way such that parents and teen teachers can be properly guided. Well don’t Chris on your answers. There are few of such positive teachings in my country and our teenagers are scaringly growing so fast. Thanks Kay for the links . I have saved them . God bless you.

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