Porn and Your Husband

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

12 thoughts on “7 Steps After You Discover Your Husband Looks at Other Women Online

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  1. what if the husband repeatedly goes into rages when the wife CALMLY asks questions or confronts? My husband refuses to listen to me, he goes on a defensive attack and screams at me he doesn;t have a problem its my perspective or my imagination, that I’m crazy. He is a text book abuser and has everyone fooled, even his so called accountability group…….tells everyone I’m abusive…to him if I ask him to see his emails or his phone I am being controlling. I go to a domestic violence support grouup and see a therapist who has met my husband….she says he is a master manipulator, I hear from other women the things thier abusers do and its all the same crazy stuff. my husbnad agreeed to install CE onto his phone when he bought it, now he refuses. I want out. I want to get away from this insanity but have no money. please pray from me.

    • I will pray for you, Lauralee. Your husband does sound like a master manipulator.

      Do you have evidence that he’s looking at porn? What does he do when you confront him with what you know and how you know?

    • I was with my ex for 11 years. Filed for devorce 4 times. He always promised to get help so I would come home. It never happened. Finally I took my two children and left with what I could fit in my car. I went to a women’s shelter and stayed with family. Things got worse but I prayed to god and listened to his words every day. Two years later, I bought my first house, my first new car, and the kids have supervised visits with dad. God says he will do the fighting. All we have to do is show up to the fight and know that God is with us. I had nothing when I left. I now have more than when I was married and not just money. Stepping out on faith alone is hard but so worth it.
      I’m not suggesting divorce. My preacher suggested that I leave and tell him to get help and finish all the steps before talking to me about coming home. He couldn’t do it. He chose his sin. He soon started seeing other women and therefor had commited adultery. That’s when I filed for devorce. Stand your ground. Think of your children and be their spiritual leader that their father isn’t being. Maybe he will chose his family unlike my ex. God bless.

  2. What about when he says he is sorry, and then he goes right back to it? The first time I learned he was watching, I felt sad for him and supported him and did all the things the above article says to do. Five years ago, the second time I learned he was watching, I was crushed, thinking we’d worked through it, but I worked hard to forgive him, and I worked harder to make myself a better wife so he wouldn’t be so tempted by the porn movies. He was encouraging at first, saying he thought our marriage was sweeter than ever, but over time, his interest in me faded again. Then I learned he was back to watching the porn. That time I was deeply hurt and felt harshly betrayed. It’s been two years now since that last discovery. My trust is shattered, and I’m struggling with depression. I’m afraid to let myself ever believe that he isn’t watching and fantasizing about other women, no matter what he says, because I don’t want to experience that hurt ever again. What do I do? He was watching movies on adult cable channels when he is away from home, so no filter will work for his accountability. All I have is his word, and I can’t bring myself to trust that. I feel like a hateful wife when I reread all I’m supposed to be doing to support him, which only brings on more depression. How do we get through this? We’ll have been married 20 years next June, and we have three daughters. I don’t want to model how to be a bad wife to them.

    • Andrea, thanks for your comment.

      I am so sorry to hear about what your husband is putting you through.

      First and foremost, I think it would be best to meet with someone who can give you face-to-face counsel and advice. He needs to be spoken to like man and told to guard his heart and his marriage, and that’s a word that should come from another man, preferably a spiritual mentor. You need support and encouragement to remain strong in your marriage, learning how to regain trust of him.

      I highly recommend you watch these videos by Brad Hambrick, a biblical counselor who has a lot to say about this topic. It will give you a context for where to do next.

  3. Lauralee i feel like my story is similar i confront my hisband and he is complete denial hell always have explanations or just laugh it off which infuriates me because im broken i feel betrayed .the worst part is that i have no control over my marriage he is a.manipulater and controls this.marriage i dont want him to touch me i want to be respected and he doesant take me seriously he always s gets what he wantsi feel used we have two small childrren that always see us arguing and i want out but he laughs because he knows that ive never worked he feels in control but seeing otherwomen online isnt just the problem we have no xcommunication he expects me to tell him evthing ,give him what he wants when he wants and with him.its xompletly the opposite he even has password on his phone im ready to get out i cant remember the last time ive actually felt happy i have an unhealthy relationship and my children are suffering with it i need help ive prayed to god to give , me an awnser but thisman doesn’t want to.change he sees nothing wrong with him although he apologizes but he doent know what sorry is. I am very young and deserve so much better thanliving in tjis jail of a.marriage so sorry for a long comment i hope somebody is.kind to read it and help me out thank you

    • Sounds like you need a lot of support right now. Are there people in your life you can talk about this face to face? Have you considered talking to a counselor?

      What your husband is doing to you is deplorable. To manipulate and emotionally abuse a woman is perhaps one of the ugliest common sins of our era. Your husband should be ashamed of himself.

      If you liked this post, I highly recommend you read the others Ella has written for us. They address some of your concerns head-on.

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