When Your Child is Looking at Porn

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

When you find your child or teenager has been looking at porn, how should you talk to him or her about it? Download this step-by-step guide for Christian parents to help you teach your children about harms and false messages of pornography.

8 thoughts on “Girls Like Porn, Too: A Timely Message for Parents

  1. Dear Luke Gilkerson, I am grateful for what you wrote and I think is necessary and helpful.
    However, at the moment there is one thing that I would like to ask, something that bothers me: Does the girl in your photo have anything to do with the content of your article? Did she give you her written consent to publish her picture here and thus associate her with the idea of girls watching porn, that she is the girl in your story, although you do not explicitly say so?
    She is a real person, someone’s daughter, someone’s present or future wife/mother, etc.
    I went on the website to which you credit the photo and there is no link between your story and the person in the picture.
    Please change it, take it out! I am a father and my daughter is 18 and I cannot but think she could be my daughter.
    Not to mention the legal implications.
    Thank you.

    • I’ll look into the photo again, but last I saw, it was specifically posted by the owner as a “creative commons” photo, allowing anyone to copy, redistribute, and adapt the photo for any purpose, even commercial purposes. So as far as I know, the owner intends the photo to be used the way I’ve used it here.

      I agree: using photos of real people can be complicated. As you look around our website, you’ll see a lot of photos specifically posted on the Flickr Creative Commons. We assume, posting these photos, that the photo owners desire their photos to be shared and adapted by others, otherwise they would place some copyright restrictions on the photos (Flickr gives photo owners these capabilities).

      Of course, if the photo owner changes the licensing on the photo, we’ll be happy to take the picture down. We try to be very careful about the legal issues.

  2. Good day guys. My problem with porn started as teenager. I dont want to go deeply into details but in my own case, sexually spiced movies did lot of damages to me. Started out with Horror Movies that contained explicit scenes, that yearning grew into looking at nude pictures online, from there it devoloped into masturbation. Became an addict. Struggled for 4 years , broke the habbit, fell into it again. Sincerely speaking sometimes with all regrets, I do go back. I need your prayers.

  3. began masturbating when I was 4. I am now 24 and still struggle with it. As a child I didn’t sexually fantasize during masturbation. It was simply a pleasurable sensation that I very much enjoyed. However, I somehow knew it was a private matter so I always did it in secret. My parents had no clue. As I got older the masturbation and fantasizing went hand in hand. I did it every chance I got. Sometimes over 10Times a day especially during my adolescent years. I was never a fan of pornography untill recently. I know how destructive it is but my curiosity got the best of me one day. It didn’t take long to get me hooked. I promised I’d stay away from it but a few days later, there I was again. I’ve enjoyed sex since I became sexually active at the age of 14 and porn is a secret world where I can indulge in private. I hate everything ab it and so I can’t understand y it keeps appealing to me? I hate the way it displays men and women as sexual commodities! I hate the way that it gives men and women an unrealistic and untrue idea of sex. I hate the way it idolizes degradation and punishment. I hate the way it destroys a man/ woman’s sex drive bc one image is never enough! I hate the way it convinces men and women alike that u have to look and act a certain way to be worthy to be lusted after. I hate the way it leaves u craving more and more but can never satisfy! I hate the way it molds ur mind into prioritizing superficial beauty over the inner beauty of a persons heart. I hate the way it has many men and women searching for that “ideal” man/woman or “body type” And yet, when I fantasize or search for porn I search for pornography that is both degrading and humiliating to the woman. One side of me despises it, and a darker side of me craves only meaningless degrading sex. How can I love something I loathe?? And then I hate myself for being able to find enjoyment in something so far from the way sex is designed to be. It is suppoused to be oneness. True intimacy. Yet the type of sex I crave is meaningless and demeaning. Am I the only woman like this?? I’m making an active effort to stay away from porn, sex, and masturbation but it’s more difficult than I imagined. I know God doesn’t want me to engage in “meaning less” and” degrading” sex so I’m trying to rewire my mind to desire the oneness that comes from having sex the way the Lord intended it. However, i’m not exactly certain how to achieve this. I question myself frequently. Why do I crave empty sex?? Why do I want to be humiliated?? Why do I feel I need this type of sex to be happy?? Is it bc I feel that this is what I deserve? Or is it something deeper? I was a stripper for 6years of my life. During that time I focused on becoming a woman to be lusted after. A walking fantasy. That’s how u acquired returning customers. Make them feel loved, special.I didn’t model myself to be like Christ but rather modeled myself to be like a porn star. Eager, submissive and happy to serve! Which wasn’t difficult for me because I have always enjoyed making others happy. Even though these things were detrimental to both me and the men I was catering to I thought I was doing a great deed. I didn’t know Christ at that time. I was certainly treated like an object. Every night men would proposition me for sex and If I declined they would generally respond with something along the lines of “what do u mean no? You’re a stripper!” It was as if some of these men didn’t see me as human. I was something that could be bought just like milk or bread. I was often told I was a Bitch, a whore, nothing but a piece of ass. The sad thing is, I was ok with that at the time bc in my twisted mind I some how saw it as validation. I definitely think that willingly having subjected myself to that industry made me accept being called such degrading things. I learned to love it and to this day still crave this type of language in the bedroom. Though I know it’s not what heavenly father wants. I’m not a whore or just a piece of meat so y do I desire to be called such things?? I began stripping a month after my 18th birthday and have only recently left that poisonous industry. I struggled with quitting for the past few years, since I knew it was not where the Lord wanted me to be. The fast money, drugs, and the male validation I received from that industry made me feel like a queen. Empowered even. That is untill God opened my eyes to how I was more than a piece of meat to be oggled at. How it was wrong for me to prey on men’s lustful desires. I don’t even know how many men I’ve hurt while I was enslaved to that industry. Houndreds, no thousands. I ask God to forgive me for all the men I’ve hurt along the way. I used to think I was doing them a favor. I would tell myself that I was helping them. I kept them company, kept them from feeling the emptiness that they’d otherwise feel if they weren’t there with me. Some of these men were single, some married and kept it secret from their wife. But most of the men felt unloved and unwanted. They had but an empty home to go to. I felt happy to know I was making someone else happy. Even if it was only for a night. But I wasn’t TRULY making them happy. In fact I was making it worse. Because the fulfillment and validation they sought, I wasn’t created to provide for them. Only God can provide these things. I know God can clean my heart. But I just feel alone sometimes. Like I’m the only woman that craves this empty sex. I feel like I can’t relate to other women. I don’t know I just really want help or suggestions as to how I can retrain my mind to desire that sacred oneness of intimacy. Any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated

    • Hey Lydia. First of all, let me say how very brave you are to share your story here. Thank you for honoring us this way.

      I don’t think you are alone in this at all. I’m a counselor, and I’m just going to say that the history you’ve shared here suggests to me that there’s a great deal of personal pain in your background. The early onset of masturbation, the escalation into being sexually active at a young age, moving on into the sex industry–all of these are red flags to me that there’s unresolved pain driving the behaviors here.

      My counseling theory suggests that we get hurt in relationships, and we get healed in relationships. I think you need some truly healing relationships in your life.

      I don’t know where you live, but many major metropolitan areas have support groups for women leaving the sex industry. I live in Dallas, and we’ve got a wonderful ministry here called New Friends, New Life that offers a wide range of services and support to women who need them. I think if you contacted New Friends, New Life–no matter where you live–they’d be able to help you find support in your area.

      Another place you can look specificially for support is personal counseling. A Certified Sex Addiction Therapist might be a good fit for you. You can also check the directory at the American Association of Christian Counselors for a counselor in your area.

      You might also find good support at meetings like Sex Addicts Anonymous.

      One of my good friends has a story very similar to yours, and I know these are the things that have helped her be clean and sober for 28 years.

      Blessings on your healing journey, Kay

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *