About the author, Ella Hutchinson

Ella Hutchinson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Clinical Sexual Addiction Specialist, Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Ella served three years on the board of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She helped write the curriculum used by APSATS that trains clinicians in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model developed by Barbara Steffens. She is currently a board member of the International Association for Certified Clinical Sex Addiction Specialists. Ella and her husband, Jeff, work together helping couples find healing from sexual addiction.

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Porn and Your Husband

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Did you catch your husband watching porn? Learn the answers to common questions, tips to productive conversations, steps to setting boundaries, and how to determine the next steps for your marriage.

31 thoughts on “7 Questions Wives of Porn Addicts Often Ask (Part 2 of 3)

  1. Ms.Ella, I am in need of some advice. I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years and we have never even had an argument. He has been married 3 times and I know his last wife an understand why that didn’t work. To give you more understanding of his life, he works on a barge and is gone 28 days and then home 28 days. When he is home I give him sex ANYTIME he has EVER asked for it. In 3 yrs I have NEVER once said no. However, he still continues to look at porn almost all day everyday. He doesn’t know that I know that I broke the code on his phone and went through it. How do I let him know that I know without breaking the whole trust issue? Like I said we have NEVER had so much as an argument but I am scared this will destroy or relationship if I bring it up. He constantly tells me how much he loves me and how great I am even while he looking at the porn. I am so hurt and confused. Please help me.

    • He has an excuse for everything. I give reasonable doubt. I know the truth. I would love to go to dinner with him and his partner or girlfriend. I seriously just want to keep my friend.

  2. Please read my response to Laura on part one of this article. As for you going through his phone. Addicts will often try to deflect the attention on you when you bring up their addictive behaviors. So of course it will be tempting to focus on your invading his privacy instead of the reason you did it. As his fiance, you need the truth. He wasn’t giving you that. You had to get it on your own. I wonder why you are worried about YOU breaking HIS trust? Don’t engage in that kind of silly discussion. If he tries to focus on what you did, tell him you will not discuss that with him and allow him to ignore the real problem. Then leave the room if you have to. Trust has already been broken, but not by you. If you have never had an argument in three years I have to wonder if it is because you have not set any boundaries and give in to whatever he wants to avoid conflict. Every relationship has conflict. Trying to avoid dealing with the conflict is what causes serious issues. I do not recommend couple’s counseling. You need counseling for your lack of boundaries, fear of conflict, and most likely abandonment issues. He needs counseling for his porn addiction (a Christian counselor who has not been warped by society’s belief that porn is normal and okay) and the underlying reasons for the behavior. Don’t find the counselor for him. He has to do it for himself. If he won’t, then he does not place a high enough value on the relationship. His job will make overcoming his addiction even more difficult. By the way, having sex with a sex addict does not affect his addictive behaviors. He will still act out. I’d consider stopping sex altogether until you are married, whether to him or someone else who is not addicted to pornography.

  3. Yes man feels that is ok to look at porn but if we woman receive a compliment from another man or start looking at another man in porn because their private parts looks bigger then our husband s feel offended and mad at us women for looking somewhere else because what we are willing to give they’re not trying to relate back to us.And I believe as a woman we also enjoy the fantasy the trill the wishful list but I guess that because we are woman we are require to keep or place because two wrong don’t make two right an to be honest we have as much desired and I MEAN AS MUCH AS THEY DO.

  4. wow……..overwhelmingly…….if most people do something……i guess that makes you a bad person……not once did i hear the counter about the wife reading romance books, then coming back after and expecting disneyworld from her husband……does anyone else feel like there may be a double standard here?

    • It’s true…we don’t address that much. That’s partially because our software can’t monitor the physical books people pick up. If you’re interested, we do have a commentary on 50 Shades of Gray. You might also be interested in Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s upcoming movie Don Jon, which looks like it will address both the fantasy of porn and the fantasy of romance books.

  5. Why is it they? The comments within this site are, “as I’ve heard”, perception without discussion between a couple is where the problem lies. Every couple needs to be honest and not say every man is like this, explain why you as a person want to watch porn. People say he or she prefers to masturbate or watch porn, rather then be with significant other, but it may just be they prefer a different intimate experience. Experience that someone isnt comfortable with, these things have to be discussed. Every person feels different about intimacy and what makes them happy.

  6. Hi Ms. Ella,
    I need your advice, please. It took me a couple of years to figure out that my husband is a porn addict, though something was off from the start – even though he is a healthy, well build, attractive 39 year old. We got married 3 years ago and when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter, I found Viagra pills in his desk. Sex is once a week and his prep work includes Viagra, porn and no foreplay whatsoever. No one ever gave him “erectile disfunction syndrom”. Have you ever heard of it? Does this mean that my case is even worse that most? It feels like it is a duty for him, really. Initially, he blamed it all on low testosterone. So, we went through treatment. Nothing changed. We also did church counseling and professional counseling and nothing changed. I don’t know where to turn to and I am seriuosly thinking divorce. We have been sleeping in different bedrooms for a long time now and we are nothing more than roommates and business partners at this point. I am 35 years old. This is really sad. Is there still a chance to fix this marriage for the sake of our 18 months old daughter?

  7. Hi Cheryl,

    For your sake and for your husband’s sake, I hope this is a major turning point in his life.

    But recovery is as much about you as it is about him (or at least it should be). He is trapped in this addictive cycle. You have been traumatized for nearly four decades. Both of you need healing, regardless of what happens to your marriage. Your marriage and intimacy also needs healing, if that is a road you are willing to walk with him.

    You said he is engaged in a recovery program. Do they have another one for wives? Have you sought out counseling for yourself?

  8. I must first start by saying that I have never responded to any article posted online but this one has hit so close to home that I feel compelled. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and are engaged. I will admit it was early on that I discovered he had an addiction to pornography. Every time after discovering the porn there would be a big fight, I would threaten to leave , he would promise to change and then it seems the cycle would always start over. I know that I should not have continued to threaten to leave for so long but in my mind I always thought each time would be his wake up call to stop. We have a four year and I have sometimes made excuses that I have not left yet because it is harder to do so when there is a child involved. As I have tried to plan a wedding, I have kept asking myself one simple question…. Can I continue to do this for the rest of my life? Though I have not found porn recently there have been numerous times I have discovered that he has gone to websites featuring women barely clothed or not clothed at all. After many months of this I told him to get a plan to stop the addiction , gave him a date to give me his plan or I would work on finding my own place. At first he wanted me to come up with the plan but I refused. As with any addict, I feel like he needed to take responsibility by coming up with his own plan for it to truly work. Late that night that I had said he should have a plan, he suggested we go talk to a pastor because “we were going to have to do that anyway since we were getting married. ” I was crushed!! He has openly admitted that he is not religious and often mocks what the pastor teaches in church so deep down I feel like his “plan” wasn’t so much to stop his addiction but say enough to get me to forget about it for now. I have felt very alone in this struggle over the past 6 years though I know I am not. I thank you for sharing as this was a huge eye opener for me and gave me some peace in knowing that I am heading in the right direction. Thank You
    Michelle

  9. All of these stories are so very similar to mine. I clued into my husband’s addiction to porn and masterbating when he started spending 2 to 3hrs taking a shower. His first excuse was he was just masterbating and wasn’t able to keep an erection or reach climax so he was frustrated and continued to try. He then promised me he would stop doing that. At this point I had no idea he was looking at porn. 3 days after the promise he started up again and the battle continued. He would do it no matter what! He didn’t care who was home. My boys were starting to make smart alec comments about dad showering Shaun taking all day. He would even get up 2 hours earlier then needed for work to try to avoid me to do the deed. I caught on of course. Then one Sunday the kids and I were gone all day leaving him home all alone. When i get home i go to my closet to undress and get ready for a shower. I find an empty condom wrapper on a shelf in my closet. I confronted him. All he could say is “no i didn’t use it with anyone but myself and you don’t want to know details”. He then went to sleep. I was devastated! I started snooping in everything in our closet bc i knew there had to be more condoms or the empty box. I found more than i expected. I found a stash of mens masterbating toys, the box of condoms with only one unopened condom, and various other sex toys that i had never seen before. I was irate out of my mind crazy upset. I lost it! I taped everyone of them to his bathroom mirror and wrote ugly words to him with a grease marker. He got up like usual that next morning for work and saw it all. He didn’t say a word and crawled back in bed and stayed there for 4 days and didn’t go to work. He was accusing me of humiliating him at his job and broadcasting his personal life to the public. I did none of that! I only discovered his addiction and made it known to him that i did. He finally went back to work. After the discovery of the toys i then searched through his phone. This is where i discovered him looking at porn obsessively, Just as much as he was masterbating. I also discovered several email accounts and several online chat sites he had registered with as well as “hook up sites” like lonelywives.com during that whole discovery i found that he had paid for an app to be placed on my phone that gps tracked my whereabouts, my phone logs, text, emails, voucemails, camera, facebook basically anything i did on my phone he had record of it going to his phone. During all this he has constantly been accusing me of being a cheater and questions me all the time. I assume its bc he’s so full of guilt. We continue to argue over his chronic masterbating bc he is standing firm that every git does it, it’s natural, its his own body, his private time that I’m stripping him of, and every other excuse that the typical porn/masterbating addict uses. I’ve caught him lyeing about having to work but instead he sat in a grocery store parking lot looking at YouTube videos on erotic hypno porn bc he couldn’t do it at home. Never would he ever dare do something like that in public. I think he met someone there and left his phone in his truck and got in their car. Maybe a prostitute. Then a few weeks later were fighting and he leaves and goes to stay at a hotel. But before ge did that he filled his cialis rx and made a stop at the adult toy store. Says he was at the hotel all night alone. We continue to fight bc he continues to erase his phone history and continues to fight for his rights to be an addict. Then he tells me he will stop it blah blah blah. Well i notice something weird on the access doors to our jacuzzi bathtub. He had made a make shift toy and hid it under the bathtub. All hell breaks loose again. This all continues until recently when he supposedly is done with porn and masterbating. He says he was just going through a rough time and doesn’t understand himself. One day i had a gut feeling about his phone. He’s been going to sleep with earbuds in his ears while supposedly listening to meditative type music. One night i and to if he could show me all the downloads he has on his phone. He immediately redirected everything to be about me and him needing to see my phone, which i glady gave him. He reluctantly showed me what was on his phone. He had about 12 different erotic hypno voice porn downloaded. Big fight erupted and so we continue. He was left home alone 2 weeks ago to pack to go out of town. I get home later from work after he’s long gone and i find my electric toothbrush and his on the shower but his is covered with one of my unused tampon wrappers sealed at the bottom with a rubber band. I confronted him over the phone and he said he just wanted to try it!
    It’s never going to stop with him. I never want to leave him home alone! I left him home alone Sunday bc he wanted to be so he could rest. I had a gut feeling he was up to no good bc i politely asked him to please not masterbate while i was gone. He erupted with anger and said ” ok your telling me i can never masterbate? I’m not looking at porn anymore! ” so are you going to have sex with me everytime i want it?” I just said whatever do what you want. You know how i feel and how it hurts me. His behavior was odd when i got home kind of like someone that was ate up with guilt. Well yesterday i discovered that he had two cialis missing from his pill bottle. His excuse was that he took them everyday just incase we ended up being intimate. That’s never happened! He doesn’t waste them like that! Insurance doesn’t cover them so we have to pay cash for them and their not cheap. I don’t notice that he suffers from ed but be says he does and two of his medications do have ed as a side effect. Who knows if he really has it.
    I am at my witts end with this mess. I can’t even focus on my kids bc im to unbalanced and wrapped up trying to keep him from his addiction to save are 18 year marriage. And remember during all of this I am being constantly accused of having a boyfriend. I go to important meetings concerning our children and he blows my phone up accusing me of not being where i said i was going to be if i don’t answer his phone calls or text.
    He’s very sick! I am very happy to have found this site. I just needed to vent. I’m sure this is hard to read. I’m typing it from my phone and can’t see what I’ve already typed to proofread. There is a lot more details i left out but there is enough here that you get a clear picture to maybe give me some advice or prayers.

    • Oh Traci, if even half of the stuff you say about your husband is true, he is in over his head with sex addiction. He needs help, and there is help available for the person who is willing to receive it.

      Your husband should take this Sexual Addiction Screening Test.

      Now is the time for you to set some very clear boundaries with him. You might say something like this: “We have had many conversations about your masturbation, porn, and other sexual experiments, and I recognize that I cannot make you want to change. But I can change how I react to this. It is clear to me that you are addicted to this kind of behavior. You may not agree with me, and I hope some day you will, but if not, it does not change the fact that your hiding and lying has completely shattered my trust in you. You need to get help. I cannot give myself to someone sexually who continues to destroy my trust or someone who sees me merely as a thing to be used whenever he wants so he won’t run off and look at porn. Until you start showing me your willingness to get help, we cannot [insert condition here: sleep in the same bed, sleep on the same floor, sleep in the same house, etc.].”

      Please write back and let me know how things are progressing with him. And please, please find someone you can talk to in your own area about this: a counselor, a pastor, or even a good friend. You keeping this a secret in order to protect him is doing him no favors.

  10. Reading all the comments has made me realise/accept my husband is addicted to porn. I’ve been trying to make excuses for his behaviour for years. Things have recently come to a breaking point. The lengthy visits to the bathroom with his iPad (I’ve caught him masturbating several times, quite openly and at any time of day) led me to having a look at recent sites viewed. Yup, all porn. When i told him I’d done so it blew up into a massive row ending with him leaving the house. All my fault of course. To try fix things we went away for a weeks break…. The masturbation behind closed doors came with us. Yet any second of intimacy was like a grudge match. I’m tired, of the lies, of being blamed. I love my husband but feel so humiliated and hurt. Not sure its worth the effort anymore. Not sure he’d mind if i wasn’t around..

    • Hi Willow. I’m so, so sorry for all the pain you are in right now. I’m so glad you found us here, though! I don’t know how far you’ve looked around on the website here, but there are lots of resources that might help as you consider the road ahead. First of all, you might appreciate this free download, Hope After Porn, which is the stories of four different women and their journeys to healing. I don’t know if your husband is willing to consider resources at this point, but here’s an article you could pass along to him. The main thing I want you to know is, he can get better. It’s a ton of hard work, and he has to choose to do the work, and it takes time, but addiction can be broken. Meanwhile, you’ll need support along the way. I found personal counseling to be really helpful to me, and other friends of mine have had good success with groups like Sex Addicts Anonymous or Pure Desire. It’s still such a hard thing for us to talk about openly, isn’t it? I wish it were easier! I think the isolation of it makes it worse. Let me know if those resources help, or if I can point you in some other directions. Blessings, Kay

  11. All the advise I have been reading lately around here is written by women. No wonder it’s so one sided. As a man how about I bring up a few points these women authors always leave out. Many men result to porn to fill a void in their sex lives because they either don’t have a sex partner at all, or even worse, their sex partner becomes selfish and starts using sex as a primary manipulation tool. Do as she wants and get sex or do without. Women like that hate Porn because it takes that reward or punishment away from their manipulation tool arsenal. Without it they loose their power to CONTROL their partner and get their way! So . . . bottom line. When women stop using sex as a manipulation tool, maybe porn, extramarital affairs and the like will not be such an issue.

    • Hey there, Pete. While I don’t deny women (and men) can use sex as a weapon for manipulation and control, I highly doubt when one partner stops this the other partner will automatically give up the pornography. You see, it works both ways: just as someone can use sex to manipulate another person, someone else can use porn to create a fantasy world where they are in the driver’s seat. For healthy marriages to exist, both partners need to recognize their attempts to use sexual desire (whether in actual sex or in pornography use) as a means to control their world.

      That said, as men, let’s not vocalize the pandering nonsense that we can justify using porn because of the way someone else has hurt us sexually. (I’m not sure if that’s what you’re saying here, Pete, but it could be taken that way.)

    • I love my husband. I want him to be intimate and make love to me. I want him to want me as much as i want him. I want sex almost daily. He watches porn almost daily. There is a theme of stepmom with younger stepson. I offer him oral sex frequently. This is because that is the only sex I get with him. He told me I was a chore and took too Long to orgasm. I have no clue as to what he means. I love to orgasm and can do it 2-3 times when we have had sex. I love being intimate with him. I think he is wonderful in bed. And I have NEVER used sex as a way to control him. I feel embarressed, humiliated, ugly and undesirable. My self esteem has plummeted. I just want him to love me as I love him. To me sex is beautiful and makes a marriage what it should be. Becoming as one. I want a happy life with my sweet husband. Why does he prefer porn instead of me?

    • Joyce, I am so sorry about the pain you’re feeling in your marriage right now. I hope you can take a step back from the situation here, and see that your husband’s choices IN NO WAY reflect on you. In fact, the story that you’re sharing here is a very common one: when men become addicted to porn, they lose sight of reality. That is NOT YOUR FAULT. That is a fairly natural chemical process that’s happened as a result of your husband’s choice to look at so much porn. Please try to see this as HIS CHOICE, and not your fault.

      Here’s what I think you can do at this point: YOU take responsibility for YOU. Get the help that you need to process through the painful emotions you’re feeling. Get the help you need to create healthy boundaries in this relationship. Find a counselor who can help you through this. Find a group–S Anon, Celebrate Recovery, xxxChurch–where you can be supported.

      You may not be able to control his choices, but you can be responsible for your own. Choose health and life and joy and peace for yourself. I promise you, there is recovery for you beyond this pain, no matter what your husband chooses.

      Call a hotline if you need help right now: 1 (800) 273-8255 is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.

      Blessings, Kay

    • If husband’s loved their wives as they should, women wouldn’t feel they needed to resort to those things!

  12. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years. He promised me he would stop but kept lying to me about it. I have depression and self-esteem problems. I have since I was 5. He physically can see it hurting me but still won’t stop or get help. I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of hurting so bad because I don’t look like those girls but I don’t want to leave. I’m scared if this keeps up I may attempt suicide again.

    • Hey Brittaney, I am so sorry for the pain you’re in. I want to urge you to find help and support for yourself TODAY. Please reach out just for you, no matter what your husband does or doesn’t do. You need help, and there is help! Personal counseling sounds like it would be a great fit right now. You might also find support in an online group like xxxChurch, or in a group like Pure Desire, Celebrate Recovery, S Anon, or even Al Anon if that’s all you can find in your area.

      I would also encourage you to think about what healthy boundaries might look like for you, going forward. Our free download, Hope After Porn, tells the stories of several women in situations like yours, and the steps they took toward recovery. Another place to look for ideas is this reading list of our most popular posts for women.

      The point of all this is: you are not alone. There is help. As painful and difficult as this is right now, I want to tell you, as someone who has been there, that recovery is absolutely possible. Please don’t give up on life and hope, when there are people just waiting for you to reach out.

      Please reach out for help today.

      If you’re feeling like harming yourself right now, you can call the national suicide prevention hotline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Of course you can always call local law enforcement for help as well, 911.

      Please take care of yourself and let me know how you’re doing. Kay

  13. Hello. I’ve known for sometime that my husband of nearly 4 years and the father of my two toddler children is addicted to various sexual things. It’s arisen quiet a few times where I’ve found irrefutable evidence of him spending money on cyber sex and dating sites. Using porn for long lengths of time after I go to bed (like 5 hours straight.) And he tends to watch things that disturb me greatly. Recently I thought we were doing so very well! Making so many positive changes and growing together, working as a team, being happy. Till I found downloaded porn on the computer. Right next to the leap frog videos for our children.. And it’s the disturbing porn. Like hardcore rape gangbangs. At this point I don’t know what to do. It seems pointless to talk about it since its a subject that’s pushed us to the brink of divorce many times and nothing has changed. I absolutely want to work through this but my heart is just feeling a little dead from it. We have sex several times a week. I know that I’m quiet attractive. And I know this is not my fault. But if he refuses to admit there is a problem. He knows what will happen. As soon as I finish my schooling and have a job I can support my children properly, I will leave. And he seems to have simply accepted that I will leave him. Is there any hope?

    • Jennifer, I am so, so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing right now. It’s just heartbreaking for you, your husband, and your children. I’m so glad you’re able to see that it’s not your fault. He is caught up in his choices, and that is his responsibility.

      Is there any hope? Well, I think there is always hope. I do think that people can change. I’ve seen my own husband change from somebody who couldn’t stop being obsessed with porn into a person who takes responsibility for himself, and cares deeply for me and our relationship.

      Even if people choose not to change, however, there is still hope. Even if you have to leave, even if divorce follows, there is still hope. God is never, ever out of options for us, even when everything falls apart and we don’t know what’s next. God does know. He has been before us, he knows every breath before we take it, he promises never to leave us or forsake us. You could never abandon your two children, and he can’t abandon you. Your name is written in the palms of his hands. Nothing can separate you from his love.

      Of course this is terribly difficult and painful and anxiety-producing and world-shifting. But under that, is this firm foundation: Love that never lets us go. Live and move and have your being in that Love, and know that there is always hope in that Love.

      Praying for you today, Kay

  14. I have been married for nine years. My husband and I both work in ministry. I found out the first year of marriage that he was addicted to porn although I did not understand what that meant. I left him three years ago and he stopped and swore it was over. It was not. The Lord has been merciful and drawn me closer to Him, easing the pain, taking the anger and giving me grace and mercy for my husband. However, we do not have sex. It began with my feeling defied every time we were intimate, I literally felt sick to my stomach. The Lord did bring through that, however today my husband is unable to perform sexually. I am told this is normal. He also refuses to get help, saying God will take it when he is ready. I love my husband, i am not angry because of his addiction, I am angry because after 9 years he still refuses to get help. I hurt for him and the bondage he is in. But we are room mates. I miss intimacy. I dont want to leave him again because he is my best friend, but I dont want to live this way anymore. I am so at a loss as to what to do. I pray a lot, and I trust God for my life. I do however know we have a choice as individuals as to if we are going to walk in the will of God for our lives…and my husband is not.

    • Wow, Amanda, I am so, so sorry for all the years of pain you’ve suffered. It sounds like he is sunk pretty far into denial and rationalization. I hear this so often–and for some reason especially this week!–that I just wrote a piece about it on my own blog.

      As miserable as you are, your husband is just as miserable–you’re right, he’s in bondage and it’s taking a physical toll on his body with the ED. (That is NOT normal–further rationalization!)

      I think the bottom line is for you to decide what your boundaries need to be, and stick with them. Painful as that may be for you. You might need to stop holding it all together, let it fall apart, and trust God for the future no matter what that looks like.

      I can really relate to your story, because we were missionaries overseas when my husband’s porn use came out. I think the best thing that happened was that the mission agency found out, and he couldn’t hide it any more and he was forced to deal with it. It was awful! It felt like crawling over broken glass for a couple of years. But, in the end, we’ve got a real relationship and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this world. I’m really, truly grateful.

      I don’t know what’s ahead for you, but I know God loves you and that He is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond anything we could ever ask, think, or even imagine.

      You are never, ever out of his hands and neither is your husband. Blessings Kay

  15. It took me so long to understand why our sex life was so rare until a few nights ago. While our little son was sick with headache vomiting in middle of the night for a second time that night and since I was staying in boys bedroom to be with sick kid. While I worried sick run to our room to tell him that I have to take our child to ER, I see empty bad in our room, computer light and on a screen naked women and porn. I ignored it. Took kid to hospital and that day I was sick all day with my migraines. In night time when kids were asleep I took a calming medicine to not yel at him talked nice and calm. When I asked him when was the last time that we had sex, he couldn’t remember that was on Valentine’s day 8 months ago. After 17 years of having sex once in a year, in a few months and only when and I always take initiative I realized porn is killing my marriage. I look very sexy and good, he is very overweighted. I told him that I can’t comper with porno stars but that also I love him how he is and will try whatever he likes and try to make him happy. He of course, said that it was for some his friend movie and that it’s not true. He is just tired. I was thinking that he is gay, but he hates them, that he is cheating, but he was judging his friends and telling me about it. I knew it’s not me, but until now I didn’t know that it is porn. So many times I saw porn but I didn’t take it seriously. Guys need that, but not to change virtual sex for real. I was devastated, depressed, couldn’t see the reason why he doesn’t want me when I wan’t him all the time always. Now that I want to talk to him, he is telling me that it’s not true and putting blame on me. We have 2 beautiful kids, I love him and I wish if I could help him and save our marriage. I am afraid that after so many years I will loose energy and it will end up with a divorce.

  16. Obviously it’s never the wife’s fault. Regardless of whether she is sexually inhibited, uses sex for leverage etc. When it comes to husbands, they are always personally responsible for their own decisions; when it comes to wives, it’s never their fault. I think I got the point; thanks for the insight.

    • A man is responsible for himself. How he manages his own sexuality is his personal responsibility.

      Similarly, a woman is responsible for herself. This includes, but is not limited to: the kinds of sex acts she prefers (even if other people might call her inhibited), when and here and for how long she prefers to have sex. A woman is never, ever required to give sex or sex acts to another person. Sex is only healthy with FULL CONSENT by both partners.

      Sexual coercion of any type, whether by bible verses, guilt and shaming, or any other method, is a form of rape.

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