Coming Clean

It’s easy for accountability relationships to fail. Learn how to get it right. Take your Accountability partnership to the next level. Read Coming Clean and introduce it to your Accountability Partner.

6 thoughts on “Why some accountability partners don’t work for porn addicts

  1. Mark:

    I couldn’t agree with you more! Great article! Often you hear the expression “All I need is to find a good accountability partner”. I find that usually that thinking falls in the category of “magical fix”. The one easy thing that can be done that will magically fix the issue without much actual work on the part of the person with the problem.

    After saying this I do think accountability relationships can work but it seems to me that they only work when the person is honest and when the partners are walking side by side helping each other think things out. When something goes wrong it’s critical that shame is not a part of the picture…just looking at the issue in the context of a safe relationship and finding a way together to resolve it.

    Thanks for the post!

    • @Victory – I believe that as long as “accountability” is the absent-minded, ignorant, structureless, condemning sort, it is doomed to failure. I agree 100%. This is why a bigger vision for accountability is needed in the church. Thanks for this post, Mark.

  2. Isolationist: shame, desire to hide from something, sometimes what it is known sometimes hidden in the depths of an addicts mind. I am a sex addict and I didn’t realize I had a problem, not until I realized I had no control over my obsession to either internet porn, porn movies, compulsive masturbation and the list goes on. I denied my wife “intimacy”.What’s that? In my mind I thought sex was love and showing I cared for another woman. I have hurt many of my girlfriends in the past. There was very little love in my family or bonding. Pretty much no closeness. If anyone says their is no such thing as sex addiction really does not know the word “insanity” in the mind of people such as me.

    • Tim – thanks for commenting, and I’m sorry to hear about what’s going on in your life. It’s sad but true that while sexual addiction wreaks havoc in our lives, it brings devastating pain to the people we love. We all need to move out of isolation as part of the process of recovery / healing. The right kind of accountability is an important part of that. I guess what I’m reacting to in the article when people use an accountability partner as a band aid to a wound that really requires surgery (therapy to deal with unprocessed early life trauma) and stitches (a full-orbed program of recovery in a support group with a sponsor). I hope you’re able to find that, and find hope and grace in the midst of the darkness of this struggle.

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