Ever since my first encounter with pornographic images when I was 13, I had been struggling with porn for more than 20 years. I thought marriage would help me solve the problem, but it didn’t. Many years viewing of porn videos had caused me to objectify women and had also prevented me from experiencing the deepest satisfaction God intended to give me through the gift of sex in my marriage. I could literally go back to viewing porn right after having sex with my wife. I knew this wasn’t the life God intended me to live—a life that is full of guilt and shame and so spiritually powerless because of the accusations from Satan.
But God is so gracious and merciful to all of us. I scrolled through YouTube and found a sermon titled, “Healing from the Porn Virus,” preached by Pastor Kerry Shook. It was the sermon that changed my life and prompted me to seek healing, because Pastor Kerry said, “There can be victory!” I faithfully and honestly followed his steps to begin the path of healing.
First, I confessed to my wife and asked for forgiveness. It was the hardest thing to do in my entire life—to confess to her about my darkness and admit that I have hurt her and sinned against her by lusting after other women. I’m thankful that my wife was willing to forgive me and become my ally to fight with me along this path.
Second, I installed “Covenant Eyes,” recommended by Pastor Kerry, and it has played an important role in protecting me from getting explicit search results, as well as blocking me from surfing those porn websites. My wife also regularly receives screenshots reports taken on my computer, which has made me think twice when I want about to linger longer on certain pictures and videos.
Last, I started to meet regularly (once a week) with my brother-in-Christ, whom I confessed my weakness to him. To my surprise, he was facing the same struggles! We set a goal of 90 days porn-free and agreed to hold each other accountable. The above three steps recommended by Pastor Kerry have helped me tremendously.
Today, I am on my 64th day of being porn-free! I have stayed abstinent throughout these past two months, without even having sex with my wife (with her consent). My feeling of the rush to go into porn has decreased much over time, and my relationship with my wife has grown even deeper. There were even moments of kissing and hugging that made us feel like we were going back to the time when we were dating—that deep satisfaction and happiness I once lost due to my ongoing sin of porn.
Most importantly, the taste of victory has enabled me to experience a deeper joy in Christ because I know Christ has won the victory on the cross for me first. And today, as His spirit dwells in me, He has given me the power to conquer sin. “By His wounds, we were healed.” Although struggles are real and ongoing, I will continue to look upon my Savior Jesus, believing that there is possible victory and healing in Him, and only from Him.
Want to learn more about how Covenant Eyes can help you overcome porn like Joshua? Click here.
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