I teach girls all over the nation at a purity conference how to be modest and stylish. A lot of people think it can’t be done, but it can. I talk about not showing cleavage and wearing tank tops underneath almost every shirt. I talk about not wearing short shorts, making sure they are a decent length. Then of course I teach them on the current styles for the season and how to pull them off modestly. I have such a great time teaching girls on this subject.
One part of my teaching is on swimsuits.
For all of my life I always wore a bikini. It’s what everyone does. From the time I was a baby and into my early 20s. I seriously never thought anything of it. Everyone in our culture wears one and it’s what they sell in all of the stores. Personally, I never wore one with the attitude “Hey boys, look at my body.” It was always because I wanted a good tan.
Last winter I was listening to Pandora Internet Radio. If you don’t use them, ads always pop up on the side of the player when you’re listening. I was listening to some worship music, praying, and studying. An underwear ad from a popular clothing line appeared: it was a picture of a girl in her bra and undies. I started getting really upset. I said, “How come I am just here listening to worship music and this ad comes on with this girl barely dressed?” I was so mad at marketing. This can just pop up for everyone to see.
Then the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart with so much clarity. He said, “Alyssa, what are you doing when you go to the pool in the summer wearing a bikini?”
It was like a loving dagger right to my heart. I thought about it and I was like “Wow, thank you Holy Spirit, you are so right!” There is truly no difference.
At first I was like, oh man, now my stomach isn’t going to be tan…but my husband thinks it’s no big deal whether or not my stomach is tan.
At The Pink Lid, when I teach on dressing guidelines, I have a PowerPoint slide with two pictures on it. One is a pic of a girl in a bikini, and the other is a pic of a girl in bra and underwear. Then I ask, “What’s the difference between the two pictures?” All the girls just sit there and I can see that their brains are working overtime on this. And they all come to the conclusion that the only difference is the name and maybe material. But as far as coverage goes, there is no difference.
I would never take my clothes off in front of a crowd of people and just be in my bra and underwear, so why do we think it is okay to wear a bikini in front of a crowd? It’s totally a culture thing. Plus girls in the summer are posting profile pictures of themselves on Facebook in bikinis. These girls would never post a picture of themselves in just their underwear on Facebook. So why do all these women think it’s okay to post a picture of themselves in their bikinis?
I am here to say that it is soft porn. Christians for some reason feel it’s okay to post that on Facebook when they are frankly not even aware what they are saying through that picture. And it’s not just teenagers and young adults…it’s parents too.
So when I got straight-up convicted, I told my husband about what the Lord talked to me about. And it blessed him so much that I wanted to wear a swimsuit that covered me. My body is his and not for everyone else to see. It’s for his eyes only. And that should be your focus too ladies, married or not, your body is for your husband.
Men are very visual and you are going to attract with what you are putting out there. If you want a man to respect you and your body then be respectful with the way you dress. You want a man to honor you and not use/abuse you. Dress for a respectable loving man, not the opposite.
Parents, make sure to lead by example with your swimsuit. Just because you are older is not an excuse to show more skin. I always say: less is more when baring skin. Protect your daughters as much as you can, and don’t allow them to wear less than is acceptable. I say this all with a heart of love, I want to see a generation of young women living in purity and finding their true beauty which is in the inside.
You are worth the wait.
Alyssa Shull and her husband Matt are the founders of Shull Ministries International, an organization dedicated to reaching out to the younger generation through media, youth services, and evangelistic outreaches. Alyssa and Matt are the hosts of Skunks TV, a fast-paced 30-minute show designed to entertain and educate youth. Alyssa graduated in 2008 with a degree in Multi-Media Productions from Oral Roberts University, and now she travels full-time with Matt speaking in churches in America, Latin America, and India. Alyssa is also the founder of The Pink Lid, a weekend event for young ladies to learn about purity and modesty.
Thank you for this article, Alyssa. As a male, I can tell you honestly: bikini or underwear; flash-ad or beach; it makes no difference. When a male sees an under-dressed female, he will be attracted, and will most likely have inappropriate thoughts. Thankfully, my sisters and mom try very hard to dress modestly (and stylishly at the same time), and often take the input of my dad, brothers, and I. They have even taught some classes on modesty. I’m encouraged to know that we’re not the only ones out there. I really think you hit the spot with pointing out that males are visual, and showing the comparison between bikinis and underwear. Keep up the good work!
I appreciate your article so much. I have a 6 year old girl who I don’t allow to wear a bikini. She has been very upset lately, because usually she is the only little girl around in a one piece. She hasn’t understood any of the reasons I’ve given to her, mainly about her future husband and honoring God with our bodies. It makes so much sense when you actually consider that the coverage is the same as underwear and a bra. It will make much more sense to her too. Thank you so much
I’ve always though it was funny that women will expose as much of their breasts as legally allowed, and then get upset when they find men starring at them. What did you expect?
Great Article!
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormons) and we have a booklet for the youth of the church, entitled For the Strength of Youth. In this booklet are guidelines for such issues as Language, Sexual Purity, Dating, and Dress and Appearance. Our young women are taught from a very young age that their body is a Temple of God and they need to treat it as such. This includes dressing modestly at all times – even when swimming. They are taught that through their dress and appearance they can show the Lord how precious their body is and how much they love Him. I really appreciated the message given in the article, “Straight Talk About Bikinis”. Thank you very much.
Bikinis are immodest attire and though “acceptable” in our corrupted society, are not lady-like in any way, shape, or form. These “beach fashions” have been foisted upon us by the same industry that now sells trashy clothing for little girls. They hate modesty, they hate lady-like attire, and the are sure they can convince us to wear whatever they dictate by simply saturating the media with it.
Time for girls and women to choose to embrace that “lady” within us all. I wear a swimdress at the pool or beach because frankly, no one but my husband gets to see that much of my flesh.
so what do you think about wearing pants?
Awesome lady. Keep up the good work. Kind of funny, the other day my boys had their friend over. I told them all I didn’t want them to go to the beach alone because sometimes there are very immodest women there that run around in bikinis, and God doesn’t like that. The boy asked me what a bikini was. I told him it was underwear in bright colors or with flowers on it … isn’t that silly people will run around in their underwear? He said, “oh ya, my sister wears those.” So hopefully I gave him some food for thought. My boys however, the same age, just know instinctively because I never dress like that and I hope I am strengthening them in their choices in life – both in a mate and modesty for themselves.
Good food for thought here.
I enjoyed the article and for the most part agree. I definitely agree with the idea of dressing for the kind of person you want to attract. It boggles my mind that I have some female friends that spend a lot of time hanging out in night clubs and bars, yet wonder why they aren’t having luck finding a mate.
I do want to say though, that there is a difference between an ad and a bikini at a pool or the beach. I believe that context goes a long way. It is far more appropriate to be in a bikini at the beach than it is in a mall or some other public setting. When listening to Pandora for example, your intent is to listen to music. If you wanted to look at half-naked people there’s a world of ways to do it. When a person goes to the beach, they typically know what they’re getting into and can be a bit more prepared for the distractions and tone of the setting. However, advertising through sexual or enticing imagery in the form of pop-ups or rotating ads on websites gives us no choice in the matter. For someone of weaker will battling porn addiction, or just someone less aware of their own human tendencies…those ads can lead them down a bad path.
I certainly respect your decision and strong will. I just happen to think that context, behavior and other boundaries go a long way in finding what’s appropriate in everything from fashion to speech for both males and females.
-JG
I beg to differ. Context really doesn’t matter when you’re walking around mostly naked. It causes people – primarily males – to look whether you’re at the mall or the beach. One is just more “accepted” in our culture than the other.
I agree Context has SOME bearing on this subject. If a man went to work in his office without a shirt it would be considered scandoulous yet ther are many contexts in which that would not even raise an eyebrow. Ther is also cultural and historical context. At one time it was cosdiered scandouls for a woman to bear an ankle. Having siad all that I do think that bikini’s in any context push the concept of morality. Not becuse they show belly but because they try to come as close to showing all of the breast, bottom and inner thighs as possible. This could also be said of many one piece suits. It’s not bikinis per se.
Wonderful article.