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Defeat Lust & Pornography 2 minute read

My Story: Imperfect but Growing

Last Updated: June 9, 2022

The following is a real Covenant Eyes member testimony. His name has been omitted for privacy.

“Porn has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember. I didn’t always see it as a problem, but in I missed out on developing lasting friendships during my high school and college years, among other emotional issues.

After a life-threatening accident in 2017, I awoke to the reality of how horribly porn and other poor life choices were affecting my life. At first, it was overwhelming, and I fell deeper into porn to cope. Time after time, I tried to quit porn and failed. Each time it brought more shame and emotional turmoil. I had been praying for help with my addiction, and God answered that prayer when my fiancée discovered it.

I felt the most overwhelming shame as she asked me the question, “Do you watch porn?” I thought my world was going to crumble. “Would she leave me? What would I tell people? How would I live with myself? Maybe I should just move away and disappear…”

Thankfully, my fiancée showed me such an unimaginable level of grace that it could only have been inspired by God. She made it clear that my porn use couldn’t continue but that she would help me in any way she could. More desperate than ever to rid myself of the sin, I turned my problem over to God and asked Him what He would have me do.

Over the next few days I struggled to get clarity, but I downloaded Covenant Eyes and began the journey. I felt a peace in moving the right direction, but I struggled daily—even feeling physical symptoms of withdrawal. After a few weeks, my fiancée convinced me to open up to someone else and ask for help.

One of the hardest things I did was calling my brother and admitting the situation and the shame to him. He surprised me with his understanding and grace as well, and he agreed to be my accountability partner. The conversations were difficult at first, but now he’s one of my closest friends (we weren’t close at all prior), and I’ve been porn-free for months, almost a year now. I still struggle with temptation many days, and often feel angered at the over-sexualization of everything in our society (billboards, social media, advertisements, etc.). However, knowing that this is completely beyond my control, I strive to reject temptation through spending time in God’s word and honest discussions with my brother. I’m not perfect, but the man I am today is incomparable to the shame-filled, empty vessel I used to be. I thank God every day for the work He’s done in my life.

For anyone feeling hopeless, it can be done. Healing can and will be painful, but it is absolutely possible. Commit to the process, involve someone you trust, and, most importantly, turn your hearts to God.”

Imperfect but growing

  1. Konig

    So wonderful to read this story!

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