Repeatedly viewing pornography can have a discernible effect on sex drive. When we train our minds on virtual sexuality, it is easy to lose interest in the real thing with our wives.
Research shows how porn ruins sex drive:
- French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru reports on how overexposure to erotic stimuli exhausted the sexual responses of healthy young men.
- Dr. Dolf Zillmann reports about how prolonged exposure to pornography leads to cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners, and the belief that marriage is sexually confining.
- Sociologist Jill Manning reports on how pornography consumption is associated with decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
- According to Media, Children, and the Family: Social Scientific, Psychodynamic, and Clinical Perspectives, sexual arousal diminishes with repeated exposure to pornographic scenes.
Our brains are naturally attracted to novelty: it is what drives the learning process. Pornography, especially Internet pornography, is a veritably endless landscape of sexual novelty. How can one woman compete with thousands of eager virtual playmates?
Porn is also easy. It requires nothing of us but an Internet connection. We don’t need to pursue romance. We don’t need to serve anyone else.
Rob Jackson explains, “Once porn is downloaded into our mental hard drive through the portals of the senses, it works like a computer virus, corrupting our thoughts about sexuality. The contaminated files include our thoughts about being male or female, what we believe about our sexuality, how we plan to behave sexually, and whether we have the capacity to remain faithful in marriage.”
Dr. Mary Anne Layden states, “Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.”
Don’t let pixels on a screen steal the blessing of intimacy with the one you love. If you can’t pull yourself away from the porn, get help for your addiction.
I had no ideas that prolonged virtual reality sex may diminish ur sex drive. I have been struggling with porn now for 2 yrs I am sick of the peaks and valleys of winning and losing battles seems almost like this will always be a battle
@David – I’ve been there, for sure. The battle, in one sense, will always be there because of the world we live in, but God can do a great work in our hearts that strips of our bad habits and addictions and gives us fresh grace in the battle. Believe he is able to slay your sin. Please, look around our blog and see the resources here. I hope you find something that encourages you!
My husband has been porn free for over a year, and he still isn’t interested in me. He’s has his testosterone checked, and it’s not low. I’ve been going to the gym and working out more, grown my hair out long, worn different clothes, more makeup, etc., but he isn’t interested. And it’s not that he hates me, but it’s like he likes being in a “friendly” type of relationship. But I want romance/intimacy. I guess I figured with porn out of the way, he’d be interested in me. But clearly, he’s not. But then he doesn’t really talk to his friends much or his family. My point being that I’m not the only one he seems to push away. Could it be depression brought on by years of porn?
Will this ever go away??
What can I do?
Maybe he doesn’t want any more kids
women causing other women problems. blame your fellow females.
I had no concept of my ex-wife’s struggle with trying to compete with the images of women she found I’d been viewing online. Much like the husband in the video, I’d compartmentalized the porn-surfing part of my sexual life: to me it didn’t have anything to do with replacing my relationship with her. I had not even entertained having sex with another flesh-and-blood woman. In her mind this struggle ate away at her self-image and her sexuality like a cancer. I did not grasp that my porn addiction was an infidelity every bit as hurtful and real to her as if I was having an affair until I’d damaged our relationship beyond the point of repair. I suspect many porn-addicted men are as blind to the destruction their addiction sows as I was.
Wake Up and ask God to transform your heart before any more damage is done! Attend a recovery ministry, get an accountability partner, join a safe 12-step program and reveal your heart to your sponsor. It’s hard work, but forgiveness and healing can be yours through the sacrifice of God’s only Son on Calvary’s Cross.
@Rob – Your comment reminds me of something Mark Gaither wrote on our blog a while back: “Is Porn the Same As Adultery?” I thought his insights into the hearts and minds of women was refreshing and powerful.
Thanks for sharing some of your story with us!
Rob Jackson hit the nail on the head when he said it corrupts “our thoughts about sexuality” and “what we believe about our sexuality.” Porn lead to bisexual porn, which lead to gay porn and had the same effects on my thoughts of my sexuality when I was in highschool. Thankfully God showed me His grace and mercy, convicted me and showed me His love and how he shows His love through the campanionship in how He ordained it to bem between man and woman. Porn can have a stronghold on anyone who watches it, even if it’s only once.
Great post, Luke. It’s time for the “Men who don’t look at porn have better sex” T-shirts.
@Brian – Wow. Marvelous marketing idea. Maybe CE can get into the apparel business as well.
Powerful message that pornography can affect us and shut down the desire to be one with our partner.
When I discovered my husband had been watching for about 9 months on a regular, probably daily basis I was hurt and shocked and then angry. Its been a month w/o his viewing and I find myself still having severe thoughts of inadequacy. Im an attractive woman and have always prided myself with my hair and makeup…but now physically I dont measure up. We have both worked hard to reconnect and I feel as if im working a double-shift trying to be what I feel he needs and wants. IM EXHAUSTED…it’s been several days w/o sex or intimacy and im feeling scared already that we’re slipping. Our lives are complicated to say the least and now I have a new worry to add to the mile high pile thay was already there. I love him with all my heart. How can I stop the vicious cycle from repeating in my head andcin my heart?
HI Jessica,
It’s great that you and your husband are working on reconnecting, but I’m curious about a couple things:
1. What is your husband doing to keep from looking at porn and how is he reassuring you so that you can rebuild your trust in him?
2. Have you spoken to him about your insecurities? If so, what does he tell you?
Excellent point about wives never being able to compete with virtual playmates. That’s so true. I hear a lot of advice about training yourself to appreciate your wife sexually over playmates, but that’s all about denial. Wives can never compete straight up sexually. It’s only when we first appreciate them through their (and our) relationship with God that we are able to see past the purely sexual. Then we really do appreciate our wives sexually more.
In short, we can’t focus on fixing the sexual… because we lose every time that way.
-Marshall Jones Jr.