We recently received an e-mail from a Covenant Eyes user who wanted to remain anonymous. This is his story of victory over pornography.
I became addicted to pornography during my first year at college before I was a believer. In 2009 the Lord overcame me and I gave my life to Christ. However, I still struggled with pornography.
Even before I was a Christian there were times where I tried to quit, but it never worked. For me it was, and still is, a war. I have had a lot of accountability partners and many people praying for me, but it always felt futile because I could never really win in long run.
It was very frustrating and while I tried one other filter software, Covenant Eyes was different. I really needed the whitelist functionality and it allowed me to have a good period of time (maybe a semester or more) where I could only access five websites. This was important because I knew certain keyword searches that could still get me to inappropriate materials. That gave me time to detox.
There were still problems though. My Achilles heel was my work. There were many computers with Internet access, and I used them. Nothing so explicit as to catch the attention of the university, but enough to make me worry about it and to keep me hooked.
I was getting really frustrated until this last summer when Covenant Eyes offered free materials on the science of sexual addiction. I always felt like this problem was something I just had to get over and wait for some spiritual victory to be won. Don’t get me wrong, this was definitely the Holy Spirit. I would not have found the materials if a close friend hadn’t suggested I look to see if anyone had written anything on overcoming sexual addiction.
For me this was the key. Suddenly this was not just a spiritual battle but a physical war of neurotransmitters and neural pathways. It felt like I’d been using the shield of faith, but I was suddenly given the sword of the Spirit. It has not been easy and I’ve still made mistakes, but I would not call it an addiction anymore. I’ve felt like I was on the losing side for so long, but now I feel victorious and powerful.
Covenant Eyes has been very important in that victory, and I am incredibly thankful that the Lord has given us these kinds of tools to help us win against sin and temptation.
currently i am on the losing end of a battle with pornography. Down but not out, however i am on attack from all sides. Im probably at minimum 14 year user of pornography starting around the age of 13. Growing up in a secular home with no religious affiliation it was easy to fall into lust and all that accompanies it early on. I began with the usual Playboy which i kept very secret, that later progressed into more graphic magazines which are progressively more visual that the standard centerfold. From there it moved to a late night activated cable box my step father owned which contained adult programming. During all this time due to my age and overall secrecy with pornography use (which it’s always usually in secret) the frequency in which i viewed it was more of a novelty and not exactly consistent. I moved into a full sexual relationship with a girlfriend at the age of 15 and from there the sin went from visual to physical. Playing sports and chasing a potential scholarship in baseball left me with plenty other things to pursue besides porn, so indulging was somewhat far and few between. It wasnt until smart phones and high speed internet access became available did i see my consumption escalate. Again, with no religious affiliation or even a belief in God the idea of sin hadn’t entered into my mind one bit. From there it was on to the next relationship (6 years) completely in sin with my girlfriend and viewing porn. It wasn’t until a death in the family and the ending of my relationship did i finally hit bottom. I was alone, hurting and full of despair. A few months prior I had been convinced that there in fact was a God and that atheism is non-sense. But just elevated myself to the level of agnostic. It wasn’t until I reached complete bottom that I realized that I needed Jesus. After looking at some of my problems and how they amplified it was certain that sin had taken a grip on my life. Not to mention the neurological changes that takes place within the brain from viewing constant sexual stimuli upwards of 6 to 7 times a day. It adds warrant to why He commands us not to do certain things, they’re aren’t just spiritual ramifications, but physical ones as well. Thats essentially where I’m at today, attending church, praying, staying in the word, but i need to go further. I need to ask for help, cast out the pride of thinking that i can do this on my own and follow the instructions of our Lord and bear my sins up on others. I thank the Lord that his mercies are new every morning and he can forgive me. I just need some help. Thanks. GB
Hi Nick,
Thanks for sharing your story. God is good, isn’t He? He has rescued you from darkness, and that is something wonderful to celebrate.
As far as breaking free from the pornography, there are a number of things you can do to begin fighting this with ferocity.
1. Read, read, read. Obviously the Bible is important, but in addition, God has gifted the church with some brilliant minds who have drawn out of the Bible some incredible principles to fight this issues. I recommend Tim Chester’s Closing the Window and Heath Lambert’s Finally Free.
2. Accountability. Who do you talk to about these things? Who do you confide in? Who do you confess your sins to the way James 5:16 says? Who encourages you to pursue holiness the way Hebrews 10:24-25 says? Other people are one of God’s chosen means to make us holy. Find a good friend who is wise, compassionate, and a lover of Christ, and ask him to hold you accountable. If you need help with this, download this free book on accountability and read it together.
If you do these two things, you will be much farther along in the journey than you are right now.
Thank you for this testimonial; it’s encouraged me! Vern Knock
Termine de hacer mi curso de LIBRES EN CRISTO (ORG) y la verdad es que logre atenuar bastante mi frecuencia y mi compulsividad hacia las paginas pornograficas. Pero yo no quiero victorias parciales o a medias, yo quiero una victoria total y esta es la lucha porque tenemos momentos donde esta carne se vuelve indomita y en nuestra fragilidad accedemos un dia a darnos un bocado de pecado y al final quedamos tan mal, tan vacios que es como si acabaramos de romper nuestra amistad con Dios, no nos merecemos ni siquiera dirigirnos a El, sentimos una culpabilidad tan grande y una sensacion de derrota que pareciera que ya nada hay que hacer. Luego surgen voces de aliento de la misericordia de Dios cuando confesamos nuestra debilidad, la reconocemos y suplicamos ayuda, ayuda, ayuda. que impotencia tan grande, a quien contarle? a quien pedirle ayuda , la verguenza y la culpa nos impiden volver a aquel quien ha estado orando por nosotros, pues pensamos que el piensa que somos un caso perdido y en nuestro orgullo no queremos reconocer que estamos mal, que no hemos alcanzado la victoria. Señor permitenos permanecer en tu misericordia y en tu favor para salir de esta esclavitud y cautiverio que pareciera ser imposible salir pero para Ti Señor nada es imposible, Tu lo puedes todo y te llamamos para que vengas a nosotros y nos ayudes a salir de este cautiverio, regalanos tu libertad, tu paz, tu santidad, limpia nuestras mentes, nuestro corazon, lava nuestro corazon y que tu sangre poderosa nos limpie de este pecado de adiccion sexual. Amen
It is great that your are striving for complete victory, Jose. Remember the promise of where you are headed: a new heavens and a new earth without the presence of sin. Be encouraged.