Our podcast team recently sat down with Fr. Sean Kilcawley, to talk about helping people who are trapped in sin—like pornography addiction. Here are some key takeaways from Fr. Sean that can help you help others. Click the link at the end of the article to check out the full podcast, along with our other amazing podcasts.
Technology Can Be a Fish or a Snake
Luke 11:11 says, “What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead of a fish?”
Technology can be either a fish or a snake, which can confuse a lot of parents. Fr. Sean says, “Technology presents a lot of gifts and a lot of liabilities.”
In other words, it can be extremely beneficial or extremely poisonous. Technology can be a great help as well as a danger. We can’t just say “technology is great” or “technology is bad.” And so we must exercise discernment, especially when we’re helping people find freedom from pornography.
For example, a lot of students depend on smartphones for their education and as a way to communicate with their peers and teachers. But it can also lead them into pornography.
Bumpers Can’t Make You a Better Bowler
Fr. Sean says that using safeguards on your devices, like filtering, is like bumper bowling. You put safeguards in place so you can learn to hit the pins while being protected from going in the gutter. But the boundaries alone can’t teach you how to bowl—they can only protect you from devastating failure. “Eventually, when the bumpers aren’t there, you still know how to hit the pins.”
“The heavy lifting is teaching someone to hit the pins. The temptation is focusing [too much] on the boundaries instead of the heart.”
We need to learn to use technology safely—without crashing into the porn gutter. That takes wisdom, self-discipline, and accountability. Whether it’s for our own use or we’re trying to help someone else, we should remember that software tools alone will never solve a person’s sin struggle with porn. But they can be very helpful!
We Should Smell Like the Sheep
Fr. Sean remembers something that Pope Francis said to a group of priests. “You must smell like the sheep.” This doesn’t just apply to priests. Whether as a pastor, ministry leader, or just an ally walking alongside someone on the path away from porn, we can’t be afraid of getting our hands dirty. Real relationships mean spending time together in deep fellowship.
When we look to walk alongside someone trapped by porn, we can’t hold ourselves aloof or imagine that we’re better than them. If you’ve struggled with your own addiction, you probably know this already. But whether we’ve struggled with porn or not, you and I need the Gospel just as much as the long-term porn addict.
And that means we’re going to “smell like sheep.”
What’s Your Role in a Porn Struggler’s Life?
Fr. Sean encourages us to meet people where they are and walk with them to the light. People need to hear the Gospel—even people who have been in church all their lives.
“Addiction recovery is a conversion process,” he says. “It’s always about our hearts learning to seek the Lord as our refuge, instead of whatever thing it is that we’ve developed an attachment to.” As an ally for someone, you can point them to the truth, and just be there as an in-person manifestation of Jesus in their life.
Click here for the full podcast with Fr. Sean and our other great podcasts!
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