Sex is God’s idea. Sex is not only a good thing, but an act deliberately willed by God in order to help unify man and woman. Our brain’s wiring reinforces this bonding by unleashing a powerful wave of chemicals during sexual arousal intended to bond us with our spouse (our neurology is fascinating–read more about it here).
And, by means of some mysterious process, “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The two become one. That’s some fuzzy math.
This is how God set things up. This is how it’s supposed to be.
But, something changed. It started with a single choice, and now we live in the fallout from that choice. The ripples from that choice continue to spread, impacting everyone, everywhere. Pornography is one of those ripples. And, because of technology, access to porn is in our hand. All the time. And, its deceptive power over human beings is staggering.
Lies, Lies, Lies
Pornography is so alluring to so many people because it is a counterfeit representation of the Divine act of sex. It looks and feels like the real thing. But, that’s exactly what sin wants us to believe.
Pornography cannot deliver on any of the promises it makes.
Pornography and our sexualized culture tell the lie that we are primarily sexual beings and therefore require sex, in its many forms, to survive. But, if we understand our Genesis origins, we see ourselves as primarily spiritual beings and therefore require God, in His triune form, to survive.
Every human heart aches to understand our identity, which includes an understanding of our sexuality. As a result, we worship whatever we think will satisfy that ache. If we believe the lie that we are primarily sexual, then we will worship sex. When this happens, this gift from God becomes a god.
Pornography promises sexual freedom and that anything and everything is permissible, as long as it feels good. The lie of sexual freedom is that by telling us to say yes to everything, we are not able to say no to anything, and we are actually less free and held captive by our passions and temptations.
We experience true freedom through embracing an attitude of purity and self-control defined by understanding that we are children of God. Only then will we experience the abundant life promised by Jesus Christ.
The Significance of Sex
Pornography communicates a message that “sex is no big deal” even though many bodily expressions have great significance. A hug has meaning. A handshake has meaning. A slap has meaning; a high five, etc. They all have significance.
Being made in God’s image as male and female reminds us that we are a body (male and female)/soul (God’s image) composite–intertwined and bound together.
The sexual act has immense significance because of the body/soul composite. In truth, “casual sex,” is an oxymoron; there is no such thing. The sexual act forms a powerful union between men and women. Remember the “fuzzy math”? The two become one. It’s the joining of bodies and souls. And, the brain supports this physical and spiritual adhesion by releasing powerful hormones intended to emotionally and chemically attach you to your partner. Everything about sex is a very big deal.
Pornography whispers to its viewing victims, “you’re not hurting anyone by watching.” The truth is that the very act of viewing pornography gives tacit approval to whatever act is being viewed. What kind of victimization is happening to the people involved? Is it tied in any way to sex trafficking or child pornography? These are real questions with real impacts.
The act of viewing pornography hijacks the brain’s rewards center into believing that real sexual intimacy is being experienced, thereby releasing that potent chemical cocktail that over time causes the consumer to crave pixels instead of real people. Yes, it is possible for men to no longer find real, human women sexually arousing because their brains are addicted to the dopamine rush of perpetually clicking through porn. People are being hurt, including the one watching.
Trash Talker
Throughout the New Testament, there are 123 references to our “flesh.” In context, we find Paul typically referring to the flesh as that “thing” he is warring against. In Romans 7:18, where Paul gives us his famous tirade against the things he just can’t stop doing, we read, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.”
It might be easy to assign a very shallow, biological meaning to the word flesh. The protective skin that covers my bones. But, the Greek language Paul used assigns a deeper meaning. One with intent and personality. The word most often used is sarx–the animal nature with cravings which incite to sin.
The sarx is a trash talker. Intent on my destruction. Luring me at every turn. In constant conflict with the holiness that I seek.
Time to Call Out the Lies
Maybe you’re a parent who is trying to figure out how to talk to your teenage son or daughter about the dangers of Internet pornography. I encourage you to use the content in this post to show him/her the vast difference between the lies and truth. Tell him/her that the sarx is a trash talker, full of lies, and it uses porn to spread a deadly poison. And, don’t forget to tell him/her of God’s beautiful intent for sex, a Divine act that is meant to be full, faithful, and even fun within marriage.
Or, maybe you’re the one stuck in a cycle of consuming Internet pornography. For you, it’s time to call out the liar. Go on the offensive and call that flesh out. It’s a trash-talking liar. Steal, kill, destroy. That’s what it wants. Say it out loud. “LIAR! I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU! NOT TONIGHT!” Go ahead. Punch the wall if you need to.
Are you looking for some daily help to stand firm against the trash-talking sarx? Download Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge App today.
Thanks for the great reminders Chris! The most satisfying sex I ever had was with my wife. The whole hook up culture is about sex without spiritual, emotional or mental relationship. When I am connected with my wife spiritually first, then emotionally, mentally, the physical is just the icing on the cake. It will be worth the wait for those who are waiting.
When I watched porn I became a voyeur. I saw things God never intended for me to see but to experience the real thing with my wife in a loving, kind, relationship of mutual respect.
Keep up the good work. Recent sobriety of 9 years with porn! To God be the glory! Steve
Thank you for sharing, Steve! We all need stories of hope and freedom, like yours, to encourage us.
Chris
Teach me!! Has your healing come mainly through external things you have DONE to try to get better? or has it come due to some internal and sudden change in yourself? I realize you will probably say a bit of both, but knowing which of these two to focus more primarily on has been a challenge. Thanks and God Bless!!
Why can’t Android phones use the app??
Hi, Elizabeth – separate apps have to be built for each platform. We decided to start by building the version for iPhone and iPad first. At this time, I’m not sure when and if we will complete an Android version, but there’s an email version for Android users, if you’re interested.
Peace, Chris
I would be interested in the email version of this app.
Hi, Kathy – thank you for your interest. The link to the App shows you an email version sign-up at the bottom. I hope you can use it! Chris
The motive for sexual purity must be built on the correct understanding of ownership. My body has been bought; my body must glorify the Lord. I simply cannot do what I want with my body. All sexual sin is a false sense of freedom that believes I have a right to do what I want with my body. One is either a slave of sin or a slave of righteousness.