We were crunching numbers, trying to make room in the budget for something I can’t quite recall, when I asked my husband if we still needed to pay for Covenant Eyes.
We were years down this recovery road. He hadn’t acted out online in a long time. I figured, maybe all was well and we could eliminate this vestige of our past pain from the spending plan. I was wrong.
My husband responded quite adamantly that we still needed Covenant Eyes and would be using it for life because it helped him not give in when he was tempted.
When he was tempted? It was disconcerting to hear my husband talk about being tempted. I would like to believe that temptation was dead and buried right along with that secret life he once lived.
“So you’re still tempted?” I asked. “I thought you were walking in freedom.”
“Freedom is not the absence of temptation,” my husband replied.
I walked away from the conversation evaluating my safety. And here’s three ways why I’m on board with using Covenant Eyes for life:
1. Accountability works.
After forty-eight weeks of group therapy and watching the pain I walked through, my husband does not want to see that again. He knows I’ll receive the weekly accountability report, and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He also doesn’t want to answer to his friend that is sure to follow up on anything that doesn’t look right.
Related:The Importance of Accountability
2. Embracing weakness leads to freedom.
Even though it may not make sense at first glance, I am safer when my husband embraces his weakness than if he was over confident in his own strength. He tried for many years to find freedom on his own. We know that white-knuckling it doesn’t work.
3. Covenant Eyes is cheaper than therapy.
While I’m making room in the budget, I might as well consider the reality that a monthly subscription to Covenant Eyes is far cheaper than weekly therapy sessions!
My husband’s words ring so true. Freedom is not the absence of temptation. Freedom is knowing how to respond when temptation comes. And Covenant Eyes helps him respond right.
Lynn Marie Cherry is the author of Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal. She is dedicated to inspiring hope and shining a light on the path to freedom. In whatever shoes you prefer—flip-flops, heels or rubber rain boots—you’ll learn how to take a step forward today. Lynn and her husband David have been married for 25 years. They have two boys. You’ll find her at lynnmariecherry.com.
There is a reason the Bible calls us to be of sober spirit. Our enemy, the devil, is prowling about roaring like a lion and seeking someone to destroy. Temptation is not always a weakness of man (yes sometimes a memory inside of ourselves can be tempting), but often it is an invitation from a demon. Satan would like nothing more than to see our lives destroyed and this is why we can never stop keeping our guard up. Jesus was tempted and we are instructed to actually consider it a joy when we are tempted because the testing of our faith produces endurance.
You are right, having those safeguards in place is critical!
Thank you Steven for reminding me of two very important things! First, that we are instructed to consider temptation as a JOY. As a betrayed spouse, Covenant Eyes has given me a peace and security allowing me to focus more on my recovery. However, I still struggle daily from the effects of the trauma and just seeing/hearing the word “temptation” brings a heaviness in my heart that is filled with anxiety. But, when I read your words I literally saw God’s Light shine on the word “temptation”. From this day forward I am going to work on replacing those familiar feelings of dread and fear associated with that one word, with optimism & HOPE because of God’s word! I am also going to share this with my husband and allow God’s word to be used as an opportunity for us to connect with each other. And, that second reminder I mentioned, which is just as important as the first: MY ENDURANCE is fueled by MY FAITH!
As one of the many women who struggled with porn addiction, I agree 100% with your assessment. Accountability works, hands down. As soon as we think we’ve ‘arrived’ the enemy will exploit that hubris. I will use some form of accountability at all times. I’m so thankful for Covenant Eyes!
Me too! Thanks for reading and for you comment.
I really find your writing so helpful. I’m a spouse of someone who won’t admit there’s a problem. Feeling so betrayed. So helpless.
I’m so sorry. I would suggest that you go ahead and access resources for yourself. Don’t wait for him to admit to the problem, just go ahead and get the help that you need. Find a therapist, find a spouse’s group, join the online community at Bloom for Women. You can work on your own trauma and your own healing, no matter what he chooses. Peace to you, Kay