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The Sex Buffet: How Availability Changes the Way Culture Sees Women

Last Updated: November 4, 2020

Kristen Clark
Kristen Clark

Kristen Clark is married to her best friend, Zack. She is the co-founder of GirlDefined Ministries and author of Girl DefinedLove Defined, and Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. She is passionate about promoting the message of God-defined womanhood through blogging, speaking, mentoring young women, and hosting Bible studies in her living room. In the end, she’s just a fun-lovin’ Texas girl who adores all things outdoors and drinks coffee whenever possible.

I was at our local grocery store the other day in the checkout aisle when I saw her. I had never seen anything this disturbing in my grocery store before.

There she was, right in front of my eyes without a shirt on.

I’m not exaggerating here. Thankfully she was wearing jeans…but she was shirtless!

I glanced back and forth to see if anybody standing around me was as shocked as I was.

Not a blink.

Nobody seemed to care a bit. Frustration began to well up inside of me. Why would a family friendly grocery store allow this shirtless woman to parade herself down the checkout aisle?! There are little children and unsuspecting fathers being exposed to her nakedness.

I finally made it out of the store and was shaken up to say the least.

“Where has our dignity gone as females…as a society?!” I thought to myself.

As shocking as it was for me to see a topless woman in my grocery store, I am grateful for two things:

  1. She was on a magazine cover and not there in person.
  2. She was using her arm to partially cover her nakedness.

Ever since that day I’ve been thinking more and more about the whole idea of “women’s respect.” As 21st century women, we verbally demand respect from the people around us and we get mad if we’re not valued as dignified human beings. We want other people (especially men) to treat us with great respect, and yet, we don’t even respect ourselves.

The Impact of the Sexual Liberation Movement

Thanks to the sexual liberation movement, women are now taught that “girl power” is the freedom to show off all our skin. The freedom to have sex with whomever we want, whenever we want. The mantra of our modern society cheers, “Women are finally liberated from the bonds of modesty and purity and are free to sexually express themselves in any way they want!”

Sex is no longer “confined” to marriage, but is set out on the all-you-can-eat buffet.

This may look like freedom at first glance…but are women really free? Or has the modern “sex buffet” awoken a whole new beast? Sadly, the latter is proving to be true.

It used to be that Playboy and pornographic websites were looked upon with shame by women all across the world. It was considered a huge disgrace that women were flaunting their bare bodies for men to lust after. Fast forward a few years and many of these companies have women filling their CEO position. From famous celebrities down to the average girl on the street, Americans have almost completely lost the value and self-respect that purity that sexual morals bring.

As Mary Kassian points out, “Nowadays, there is little difference between the appearance of a prostitute and the appearance of what the world upholds as a sexy, attractive woman.” 

Availability and Aggressive Sexuality

Our culture teaches women and young girls messages like, “If you want to be hot, show what you’ve got,” and “Casual sex is fun and rewarding,” and “If it feels right, go for it!” This modern worldview promises women lofty benefits…but what they fail to mention is the fine print.

The very thing most girls and women want is to be valued and respected, but sadly, that is the very thing we’re throwing away. By exposing our most intimate body parts and having casual sex with just anyone, we’re training the world to view us as “objects” instead of dignified humans. The more we give away as women, the more we lose.

Author Carolyn McCulley says, “We live in a culture of hyper aggressive female sexuality, which is arguably the worst ever in recorded history.”

When we sell our nakedness on the front of magazines, we are training men (and women) to view us as an item to be purchased. When we jump in bed with a total stranger, we are training the next generation to view women as mere pawns to be played.

The more we give away our bodies, the more we throw away our dignity. When we, as women, don’t value and protect our own nakedness and purity, we are unconsciously training society to do the same.

Sadly, this normal everyday reality isn’t the way society has always been.

Not too long ago the majority of women actually valued themselves as more than a sexual object. They despised pornography and viewed their intimate body parts as private property. Young women went on “soda dates” with real gentlemen with no strings attached.

What is normal today is a far cry from what God had in mind for men or women.

Regardless of how liberating our modern society presents the sex buffet to be…it’s not liberating in the least. Sexual “freedom” is destroying relationships, families, future marriages, and female dignity. Our sinful world has taken what God designed to be sacred and precious and turned it into something common and cheap.

How to Restore Female Value

The only sure-fire way to fully restore female value and worth in our modern society is to get back to God’s design for sex, purity, love, manhood, and womanhood. And that starts with you. It starts with me. By embracing God’s incredible design for sexual purity and dignity in our own lives, we will show a broken and hurting world where true love, happiness, and lasting worth are actually found.

God created women to be beautiful, so let’s embrace it in the right ways.

Female beauty and sexuality are not the enemies here. In fact, one of the most beautiful things about being a woman is that God designed us to be just that–beautiful. There is nothing wrong with a female’s beauty and our sexuality at its core.

God has actually given us girls the ability (and desire) to be sexually alluring and enticing to the opposite gender. However, this allure isn’t for any man out there. He created us this way for the purpose of captivating one guy–our husband.

Proverbs 5:19b is talking to husbands about their wives and says, “May you always be captivated by her love.” This verse can also be translated to say, “May you always be intoxicated, exhilarated, and ravished by her love.”

Save your sexual allure for one man.

God is the creator of sexual allure, and He had a specific purpose for how it should be used. The world will tell you to use your sexual allure to attract guys and to gain attention, but that is only selling yourself short.

Dannah Gresh says, “God’s intended purpose for you as a carefully crafted masterpiece is to intoxicate one man with the fullest extent of your beauty. That’s the bull’s-eye. When you dress immodestly, you create arousal in many men. That is missing the mark.”

Your sexual allure is a gift from God for the purpose of totally intoxicating your future husband. When you wear immodest clothes and arouse any guy passing by, you are using your sexual allure in an ungodly way.

Your body is extremely valuable, so treat it with respect.

As a Christian girl your body is more than just the beautiful artwork of God, it’s actually the temple of God. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body,” (1 Cor. 6:19-21).

We should treat our bodies with great respect and dignity because the Holy Spirit lives inside of us. By respecting God’s temple through pure actions and dress, we bring honor to God.

Don’t buy into the lies of our culture that “sexual freedom” is the best route to go. It’s a dead end road that will only leave you hungry for more. Instead, use your beautiful body to glorify God by placing value on your nakedness and saving your sexual allure for one man.

What about you?

  • Are you enticed by the culture’s message to “flaunt what you’ve got”? If so, why?
  • In what ways are you tempted to “allure” guys with your beauty?
  • Do you view modesty as a tool that places value on your most intimate parts?
  • Since your body is God’s temple, in what ways should you respect it?
  • Comments on: The Sex Buffet: How Availability Changes the Way Culture Sees Women
    1. Michael

      Female beauty and sexuality are not the enemies here.

      The problem is that the church, for many centuries, has taught that female beauty and sexuality are the enemies. In fact, the church’s misogynistic view of women’s nature is precisely what gave rise to sexual liberation movement in the first place. Until we address this ongoing issue that pervades the church, your rhetoric will fall on deaf ears.

      • Sem

        Very nice article, well written.

    2. Patty Snider

      Another part of the fall out from the change in our culture, is that we have so many fatherless families. When women give it all away to anyone who comes along, pregnancy often is the result. Real “girl power” says, no you can’t “have me”, I want an intact family for my future children. In some cultures in America the males have a mindset that “I become a man……… if I father a child”. Sadly many women so disrespect themselves that they don’t insist on marriage first. These young men have no clue about being a real father to their children and really don’t become men at all. They are only adolescents playing like they are men and bringing more single parent families into the world where the mothers end up doing all the work and struggle their entire lives to raise these children. Often she has to work two or three part-time jobs to even have food on the table. Real men care about providing for their children and wife. The truth is that women who don’t “use their power” by saying no, give up everything.

    3. S

      Uh..what about guys? They can go topless and sleep with as many women as they want and nobody “blinks an eye”. I think the standards should go for both men and women. Both men and women should not be objectified by sex. AND both should wait until marriage to have sex. The end.

      • DeepcreekXC

        True, but most guys don’t have the ability to sleep with as many girls as they want. Basically, if an average girl wants to have sex, they’ll be plenty of guys lining up. For the average guy, this isn’t true.

      • Erika

        I’ve noticed that too, and I think it’s disturbing that this has become normal in the eyes of Christians. I’m so thankful that my husband agrees that his upper body is for my eyes only… Maybe we don’t notice, because the changes are so subtle. My father put it this way: For a long time, men’s clothing was easy: Decent and appropriate for any situation. Recently especially younger men have adopted a more “casual” style. Now we’re seeing this morph more and more into lazy, sloppy attire.
        I think his observation is correct and definitely needs more attention. Men’s shorts have also gotten shorter over time, as it has become more and more culturally acceptable for men to shave their legs. This won’t end well, if it continues. Again, I am so grateful for my husband who shares my concerns on this matter.

    4. Elizabeth Vesely

      We are in the end times and the enemy is stepping up his game. We like to think only worldly people with lots of opportunity can fall but its more than human choice and moral decline happening. Spiritual powers are at work which take us unaware. There is more going on than that we discarded purity and respect. True evil would seek to bring down the most outstanding person who is morally “on top of the game.” The most seemingly untouchable people are now the prime targets. Everyone else has become easy prey. I think the article missed a couple key points about the sexual revolution. It has already gone beyond mere freedom to the taking of what one wants. But its primarily spiritual forces acting on human nature as we have given ourselves to it.

    5. Lisa

      You are exactly right!💜

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