When Your Christian Husband is Hooked on Porn

According to a recent study by the Barna Group, over half (55%) of married men view porn at least monthly. Moreover, 65% of Christian men say the same thing.

If your Christian husband looks at porn, you might be like the couple in this video…

Rethinking Accountability for Men

The sin of pornography thrives in secrecy, and it is killed in the light of accountability.

What is accountability? An accountability relationship is a relationship where you specifically discuss the details of your sins and weaknesses, and you receive help, encouragement, and challenge.

Accountability is, unfortunately, looked down upon by a lot of guys. Accountability is seen as a last-ditch effort when everything else has failed, something only for the “real perverts.”

This is why many men need to change their thinking about accountability:

• In the world of sports, coaches give the most accountability to the players with the greatest potential. When a coach pays a player special attention, it is because he believes he is worth his time; he believes the player has untapped potential.
• In the world of business, bosses give the most accountability to the team members with the greatest possibility for promotion. When a supervisor pays an employee special attention, it means he sees a potential protege.
• When making personal resolutions, those with the greatest amount of success find personal accountability for their goals. The goals could be centered around quitting smoking, losing weight, or an exercise routine, but for all resolutions, accountability is a key to success.

If we are honest with ourselves, our biggest hangup about accountability is that it wounds our do-it-yourself pride. Add to this the social shame associated with using porn, and men find asking for help to be very difficult.

Porn Costs More Than Accountability

How can men make a change in their thinking about accountability? The change comes when a man really believes that the personal price his porn use is costing him is greater than the personal cost of asking for help from a trusted friend.

Make no mistake: porn is costly.

• Porn robs women of their dignity. Instead of training men to see women as sisters, mothers, and daughters, porn trains men to see women as objects for their pleasure.
• Porn robs men of their sexual energy. Instead of training men to be giving, creative lovers in the bedroom, porn saps a man’s sexual attention.
• Porn robs men of their self-control. Instead of being a master of one’s sexuality porn hooks men, giving them a bigger appetite for more pornographic fantasy.
• Porn robs a man of his wife’s respect and trust. Instead of being a trustworthy man, porn becomes a man’s private world where he can retreat from his family.
• Porn robs a man of real satisfaction. Instead of tapping into the satisfying pleasure real sex can give, porn offers only quick excitement that leaves you empty.
• Porn robs a man of intimacy with God. Burdened by guilt and shame, porn-obsessed men can’t connect to God knowing they are regularly offending Him.

Husbands Finding Real Accountability

If your husband struggles with porn, here are three steps to help them find quality accountability relationships with other men.

1. Download Covenant Eyes on all devices.

Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability will keep track of all the places you go online and send a regular report to someone you trust, flagging specific websites according to an age-based rating system (ratings like T for Teen or M for Mature). This tool will keep Internet viewing out of the dark—men don’t even have the option to hide once they have made someone else their accountability partner.

2. Choose good (male) accountability partners.

Your husband should find another man to help him. He may want you to be his accountability partner and receive his Internet Accountability Reports. This can have its advantages, but there are also potential problems with this (read more on spousal accountability). The best solution is to have another man be your husband’s primary accountability partner. The right kind of man will be able to see past any of your husband’s pretenses and excuses and offer the kind of advice a man needs to hear.

If he needs help choosing the right person, he can read this article on accountability.

3. Meet together to talk.

Accountability partners need to meet together on a regular basis to talk about the struggles they are facing. This is, perhaps, the hardest step to take because it involves a regular commitment.

This may not come naturally to a lot of guys, but there are many tools available today that make this easier. One simple step is for men to download a free digital copy of the book Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability and then read it together. It even comes with a simple discussion guide in the back to guide men through their first four accountability meetings.