Defeat Lust & Pornography
Defeat Lust & Pornography 3 minute read

Did I Just Lust After That Woman?

Last Updated: April 20, 2015

Not too long ago I received an e-mail asking a specific question about lust. The man asked:

Hey Luke,

Personally, God brought me to a brick wall some years back with my porn addiction, and showed me that it had had to end, period. It felt like God hit me with a two-by-four, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He delivered me.

I have not been so successful in the day-to-day comings and goings. I can be over-scrupulous I think, which can make outings a real nightmare of self-scrutiny: “Did I just lust after that woman?” I’ve heard numerous strategies to dealing with seeing beautiful women in day-to-day life, but none of them seem to stick.

It’s not that I’m imagining myself in sexual situations with these women, and many times it’s not even a look that is intense or long-lasting.

This habit is still with me, especially when I’m tired or depressed. It functions just like an addiction. I guess you could call the addiction “curiosity”: trying to discover who the most beautiful woman is in a given place or day.

I just don’t really know a way forward.

I’ve talked to a lot of men with this problem (myself included). I believe, like David Powlison says, sexual sin is mastered at different levels. We might overcome pornography addiction but then we move to an even deeper battle of how we see women (or men) in general.

Here was my reply:

First, I want to suggest to you that asking, “Did I just lust after that woman?” is a good question to be asking. It at least shows you care about holiness. Only a heart made alive by the Spirit of God does this. So when you find yourself asking the question, let that be a trigger to remind you: The very asking is a sign that God is at work in you. Let that be a point of rejoicing for you.

Second, allow yourself the freedom to recognize the thin line between looking and lusting, but keep the two separate, nonetheless. The fact that an attractive woman has caught your eye is as natural as the day is long. “Lusting,” however, is more of an actual craving, a coveting of something. The move from looking to lusting can be a very quick one, but it is very counter-productive beat your conscience down with false guilt.

Instead, when an attractive woman crosses your path, and when you find your eyes lingering, use it as an opportunity to remind yourself of the truths of Romans 8. In that chapter Paul tells us the Spirit in us is alive because of righteousness, but the body is still dead because of sin. As long as we live in these mortal bodies, there will always be a beachhead for sin to exist in our lives. By the power of the Spirit, we can keep from indulging the flesh, but the body is not renewed until the resurrection when Christ returns for his people. Until then we “groan” in our mortal bodies for the day of Christ. Each time you see an attractive woman and feel the pull to keep looking, let it remind you of your ultimate longing, the day when Christ will totally vanquish sin. Thank him for the renewing work he has already done by awakening your soul to the truths of the gospel and giving you a new heart.

Even as I type this, I am prompted to ask myself, “Yeah, okay, but what about defeating the lust once and for all?” In reply to my own frustration, I need to remind myself that as Christians we live in the overlap of the ages: the present age and the age to come. We will and do experience freedom from the power of sin, but we do not yet experience freedom from the presence of sin. Until that day, our experiences of temptation and sin (both ours and those we see around us) are meant to be a catalyst to draw us to our ultimate hope.

Somewhere in the struggle, the more we do this, the more we will find our hearts draw toward Christ and less toward the images of women around us. Though the struggle is real and always present, the struggle becomes more and more a window for the eyes of our soul to treasure the redemption Christ has bought for us.

Comments on: Did I Just Lust After That Woman?
  1. Catina

    This infuriates me! Who are you to be looking at these women anyway? Did God give them to you? Do they belong to someone else like a husband, father, or brother? How can you say because a woman is beautiful you can look as long as you don’t lust? What the heck is that? Aren’t you married?
    How can anyone look at what God made holey and minimise it as something you “struggle” with looking at? God put His spirit in all of us. So you are stealing from Him when you steal that look at that wife, mother, sister, or friend. That is Gods daughter and you make us common! We are made in His image, how can you lust over Gods image?

    • Luke Gilkerson

      Hi Catina. Not sure if you read this man’s actual comment, but this is obviously something he’s not proud about. The very reason the post was written was to give advice to men who want to overcome this tendency. I agree with you as far as lust is concerned: it is a sin, it is offensive to. God. But if merely knowing that made this man lust any less, he probably would have stopped by now. My goal in this post was to help this guy fight this sin under the power of the gospel.

    • J. Smith

      So what does that mean, Catina? Are men not allowed to look at women anymore? Maybe we should all wear blinders like a horse. Take it easy on this guy, he is taking steps to deal with his sins, and he is seeking help. My own wife understands my struggles, and she prays for me and supports me in them. We can’t you be as understanding? I’ll leave you to ponder the words of our Lord:

      But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. – Matt. 5:28 KJV

      Jesus said looking at a woman to lust after her is sin. He didn’t say it was a sin to look at a woman, but we must watch the manner in which we look. Also, Jesus used the word adultery in this verse, which applies to married men lusting after other women, or single men lusting after married women. If this verse applied to single people, we wouldn’t have procreation.

    • Joseph

      This is the true problem we have people. …please listen lust is a sin that we all struggled with 1 time or another but it’s the grace of Jesus that forgive us thru over repentance. .I read catinas concerns but I’m not here condemn no one but ! ….we all play apart in lust example 1. Catina what about the woman who dresses proactive and lustfully don’t you know that’s a sin for a woman to so call dress to look sexy..the bible say any woman or man dresses to look sexy is very sinful or just bad because you’re provoking the lust !! So when a woman where tight close or show skin or wear bikini or a man is shirtless is provoking sin so basically you get what you get from worldly people and some Christian’s cause you’re showing your body..I’ve always believed man’s biggest fall is a woman. So catina read the scriptures it’s specific about provoking someone to lust you’re just as at fault as the luster cause you started the fire!…Amen and Blessings to everyone!

    • Men are pigs

      I agree with Catina. I’ve HAD IT with men’s excuses ! BUT IT’S NATURAL they whine! They don’t care about scripture, just the pathetic little sausage between their legs. Until men stop acting like entitled pigs, women WON’T and SHOULD NOT respect them. Does your husband leer at other women? Next time he does this, remember an the next time you are being intitimate, grab him by the balls, look him in the eye and squeeze HARD. Then say, “The next time I catch you looking at other women I’m not going to squeeze, I’m going to rip them off. Got it, buddy?” Men are pathetic. You want RESPECT? EARN IT!

    • J Lee

      I totally get Catina, and agree. Elsa also summed it up well! The comment by “men are pigs” made me smile, but I also get the pain where she is obviously coming from. Women have been crushed by men’s lustful ways. Instead of seeing how close to the line they can get without sinning….shouldn’t Christian men be seeing how far they can stay from the line and thus walk as Christ did? If men want to be free from their sin of lust/porn, then they should confess their sin…not minimize it, not justify it, not normalize it. Own it and repent. The truth sets you free.

    • Crystal Hundley

      I look at everyone…. men woman children babies because I am human yeah if I were lusting after everyone I’m sure I’d be sick but no I do not lust but yes I do look… it’s human nature…. I think looking gives me an additional reassurance that we are all here together and I am never alone spiritually or physically… so as to your comment that I don’t have permission to look ? Because I’m not her brother for father or husband? Well I guess after marriage I’m suppose to gouge my eyes out with a fork or something….. because there are.much to many people on this earth I don’t have permission to look at. My overall comment. Shut your face and listen for a moment.

    • Crystal Hundley

      Dear catina I will look. Even if youre a nun I will look as much as I please because God gave me eyes but no worries I’m sure you are not very interesting looking so you won’t hold my attention any longer than the average porn star. I’d probably look away. But still look. Get over it

    • Nancy

      I been married to I thought was a great guy. The dating was just a front of a honeymoon event that within two weeks after marriage, dennis started flirting with a married lady, telling me how beautiful she is, how her body is so great, he sat and watch her wait on tables. Each day he went nuts over her. I finally met her and she didn’t even know he was married. After several months, her husband and her got sick of him lusting after her, people was staring at him and talking. He didn’t care. He told me if I wanted to go back home, start walking. Then a lady at church, she was married. They held hands before church, whispering to each other, while i stood and watched. People stood and watch two married people lusting. She even pushed me away when i tried to intervene. He allowed her to do so. He sat and stared at her for 55 minutes of service each Sunday. After several months I ask the pastors to come out of their offices and watch them having sex without the physical part. They did and was in shock. She started calling him. I had to stop going to church to get away from all the stress he had caused me. He is up to 60 ladies now , as young as 16 he stares at. We can’t go in public without him coming on to a blonde. He loves blondes mostly. He is in counseling and took a personality test to vertified that he is always right, want omit he is wrong, tells lies to keep me from screaming at him, he is blaming it on his mother, lack of love. Of course he has to blame his lusting on someone. I am sick from stress, high blood pressure , can’t sleep. I use to live a quite life and for two years he has made me life hell. I go to a counselor to relief some stress. The counselor said, he is never going to change, he been doing it for over 50 years, he admitted it I need to move on without him. He calls himself a Christian, that is a laugh. We sat in a concert and he invited a 20 something to sat with us, so he can flirt with her. for 45 minutes he begged her to join him. Not me. I ask him to stop, he said NO I want her to be with me. She told him to leave her alone. He called her stupid. I stood up in the concert like I did other concerts and said Go get some sex. and I left. I talk to our new pastor and he had two talks with him about the Bible. He annoyed him, the next Sunday he is trying to flirt with a 18 yr blonde. Each Sunday he sats and stares until the pastor and wife told him to stop again. The 3th time he does it, he is out of the church door. They will not allow such horrible sex behavior in church. He loves women, staring at their butts walking, then there faces and legs walking. He just stands there like a statue.

    • Kay Bruner

      Well, Nancy, this is such a hard story for me to hear. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to live in it all the time. I’m glad you’ve gotten professional advice already; it certainly sounds like his behavior is totally entrenched, and he’s not willing to work on his problems. You can see the terrible impact his behavior has on you. The hard part is deciding what you want to do about all this. I wonder if you saw Ella’s post a couple of weeks ago? That might help as you think through where to go from here. Also, I hope that you are finding support just for YOU in all this. Personal counseling just for you would be great. Groups can be a huge help as well: S Anon, Al Anon, Celebrate Recovery are all good places to check for support. Blessings, Kay

    • missy

      Ugh the excuses. Please read every man’s battle and learn ton”bounce” your eyes not just for your wife’s sake bit for the sake of the woman you are lusting for. Covenant eyes I’m surprised you are supporting this???

    • Kay Bruner

      You’re right, Missy, that excuses get you nowhere. The key to recovery and a healthy life is personal responsibility. Thanks for speaking up! Kay

    • Redeemed

      Jesus over came Satan by the testimony of His mouth, by speaking God’s Word to Satan.
      The only way to completly overcome and Conquer our weakness in the flesh is through The Power Of God’s Word.
      After all God is the only One True Power in The Universe, so draw nigh unto God and He WILL draw nigh unto thee.
      Pray to be Babtized by The Holy Spirit, so that He gives you The discernment of Spirits, so that you will automatically know that is Satan’s deceitful methods that snares those who are weak in the Spirit, and the flesh.
      No man, no man can overcome, divide and Conquer even the littlest of weakness, only Through tapping into The Power of God by being filled of the Spirit can conquer anything.
      Saturate yourself in God’s Word.
      Lean not on your own understanding but live by every word out of God’s mouth.
      Remember who you are in Christ Jesus, He is the way the truth and the life, there is no other way but by Him and in Him and through Him.
      If you are Luke warm He WILL spue you out of His Mouth.
      Be ye perfect as He is perfect, and yes its possible to be perfect in God’s eyes, when we repent with a contrite aka broken spirit and ask Jesus who sits on the right hand Of The Father in innercessory prayer for us, beg Him forgiveness of all of your sins and ask Him to put all of your sins under the Blood, The Redeeming Blood of Jesus, and say out loud, in The Name Of Jesus,
      And believe that you have received it before it has come to pass with no doubt, and it will be fufilled in Justus Name

    • Daniel

      Geez settle down. Youre gonna pop like a balloon.

    • David Saucier

      I see that you are very upset about this issue. Perhaps women should be covered from head to toe in your opinion? Should we not look at our neighbors new car? I mean, it belongs to him after all. I would not be surprised to find out that some man has hurt you badly and your unforgivingness is seriously swaying your opinion sister. Lust is a sin, attraction is not, nor is merely noticing the presence of an attractive person. Praise be to God that we find each other attractive or there’d be none of us left. Any person who is a new creation in Christ has the Holy Spirit to guide them and I think we all know where the lust line is drawn. If you don’t know where that line is I suggest talking to your pastor or reading scripture.

    • Tenderlove

      hi am not sure if i understand your comment here…. do you say there is something wrong with looking at something?. do you close your eyes each time an object wallked your path?…. How about God looking at what he created and saw it was good. Do you see something as good without looking at it. However the problem is not in the looking but in the thought of the heart. When you look, what do you see.. an object of sexual desire or something God has wonderfuly made.. hence from the heart of a man comes evil thought….. and these are what defile a man.

    • BILL

      The Bible teaches that when someone is caught in sin to gently restore them. This man is battling to please God, the last thing he needs is for anyone to be harsh with him. This is not loving. This is a struggle that men have and most women do not understand. I think it is awesome that God has delivered you from porn. Keep battling to please God. I struggled with porn for years and I am now free. I also battle lust so I know the challenge you face. Do not pay attention to the harsh words, they are spoken out of ignorance and anger.

    • Tony b

      Jesus summed it up best when he said he that is without sin cast the first stone. Are any of us here perfect? No for some reason women seem to have this idea that men should be perfectly clean and never ever look at a woman especially married men, I’m a married man myself and have succumbed to the lust of the flesh it wasn’t right and my wife was very angry and with good reason but to say to someone be perfect okay great now you ladies especially married ladies have you never felt anything for any other person ever and if you say no you’re probably lieing but let’s say you have now magnify that urge times ten and make it something that you are constantly bombarded with half dressed people and tell me you would never feel anything? Men and women are very different sexually and that’s the way God made us, men don’t have the same nurturing feelings for an offspring as a woman generally so God gave us that very strong desire to be mated with a woman and it is very hard for us to just shut it off God knows i try very hard but because we are imperfect God knew we needed a savior and we’re imperfect is that not why Jesus came to save an imperfect people? I know it is almost a sin to say it but the truth is the truth and someone needs to come out and say it so I will, there is something about the female physce that says married men should never ever under any circumstances ever look at another woman with lust and while technically that is totally correct but are you telling me that no married woman has ever looked at another man and lusted after him horse manure, nobody’s perfect and we are all of a sin nature so the next time that I without even meaning to do so look up and the first time a half dressed but gorgeous woman that the devil has placed right in my line of sight from out of nowhere to unsuccessfully tempt me and then when the first thing that pops out of my mouth is God please forgive me maybe just maybe my co-workers will forget about the shame on you your wife is working for you blah blah blah speech and say hey he truly is repentant and does have God in his heart and is trying his best to live a upright life pleasing unto the Lord best as he can. Now drop your stones people please the kid is trying and I know it’s very hard but thank God he is trying would it be preferable that he continues ponography? God forbid the church needs to learn some understanding love and forgiveness especially in this category. And men should guard thier hearts against lust of the eyes and lust of the flesh and the pride of life (preaching to myself mostly) but above all else if you do fail ask God for forgiveness of your sin, no one else can offer that, not other women not even your wives but God only and when temptations come nobody can take away the forgiveness that he alone can give. Lest we not forget that the woman in this story at the beginning of my comment is the one caught in the act but Jesus told her to go and sin no more thank God he didn’t shame her as people have tried to on here and if we are to be like Jesus isn’t that what we should do also?

    • Victor A Rosario-Santiago

      Its funny how so called Christians can always seem to fined an argument or striff in the afflictions of others. It is no wonder that scripture says that in the last days the love of many will grow cold. It is not a sin to look at a woman but it is to desire her intimate parts carnally. Anger will always blind and twist the truth because it is harvested from a seed of evil. I counsel you to consider your thoughts and take them captive to the presence of Christ were you can dissect them under the microscope of truth when those situations occur. Were your eyes drawn or was your desire for something else over taken. In His presence their is light that will expose every grey area of your matters. I am no scholar but the bible says that the Spirit will lead you into all truth. Be free from your anxieties and release your self into His grace for He will come and deliver you from bondage.

    • CN

      It appears the moral cops are busy. Once again there are those trying to justify their actions and perceptions while imposing judgment. . Instead of attacking each other try suspending judgment for once and look at things from a different angle. Our natural human instinct is to be desired and to look upon beauty to be adored. However, the little discussed area is how the ego in us all seeks power and control and this is the fine line between lust and observation of what we personally call beautiful. A woman adorns herself to attract a suitor for marriage. The issue here once she decides upon her mate then she is considered off limits. Yet, often women unconciously still like to look all dolled up to feel like she still has that appeal. Yet, the wasted goal of looking attractive only to catch a man to marry her then just stop looking attractive for her husband after is a waste. Yet, the problem is people think the grass is greener elsewhere. Men and women compare against each other. The guy who gets the prom queen tends to believe he got a trophy and wants to show it off to everyone. Yet, its best to consider one idea be careful what you ask for as you may get more than you are willing to bargain for. Sometimes not everyone or everything is what its all cracked up to be. The song of solomon was all about lust and desire over a woman who King David was not allowed to have. Yet, knowing he was married already he still wanted bathsheba and she too was married. Davids resolve was to send her husband out to battle hoping he would be out of the picture so he could have his wife to himself. A quality of power and lust that is no doubt frowned upon. Yet, after realizing what he did to send someone out to their death just to have a one time moment with a girl David realized what a horrible thing he did. The judgment is seeing what the power and difference between love and lust can do to destroy ones life. People battle themselves everyday with their desires of what is morally right or wrong yet, if we act upon those things if we have any conscience we know it and we are guided accordingly. I personally struggle over a lady friend who is married as I had a few near close encounters but stopped myself knowing I cared enough about her not to ruin her life over a one time moment. Overall, being human is very hard and being spiritual and understanding self and our connection with God is also difficult. Trying to find the balance between without judging condemning criticizing etc. is even tougher on each other yet Christians are the first to pick on each other rather than seek moral guidance in a positive note. Jesus came not to condemn as he knows we do a good enough job ourselves. So, to those who want to throw stones first check yourself then you may have justice.

    • Terry

      Instead of it infuriating you, you should have compassion on people that do struggle with certain sins.. Really, your first initial response should be “I will be praying for you”. I would imagine that there are things that you struggle with two because B is in May, we all have a sinful nature.

    • Being real

      It’s called being human and very imperfect! The same goes for looking at attractive men! If you can go from day to day without seeing someone beautiful and admiring that then I’m happy for you!

    • Sitchey

      Joseph- I agree with almost everything journey sid except looking and lusting as a single man being ok. That most certainly is sinful and not ok. This is why courtship and not dating is so important. This helps ensure that young men are not lusting, but father seeking a partner. They also are not leading on young girls hearts to be broken. It is a process in which they look for a wife with the counsel of their family and church and through prayer. We do not encourage our boys to look lustfully at women at all. They have no outlet if they burn in passion. Nor is it healthy to demean women in this manner. They are to preserve their lists for their wives. Do they fail in this? Sure. But, it shouldn’t be encouraged, but rather discouraged. It doesn’t require single guys lusting and looking around to procreate. If they are truly seeking Gods will, they will not be seeking a wife through outwardly vain measures, but rather one that will be a spiritual partner. I guarantee if a man follows Gods design for marriage he will find his wife to be the standard of beauty without seeking that first or making it a priority. Its important that we always combine scripture with our conscience. We are spirit led as well. Our 16 year old son knows well enough that it is not right on several levels to lust after women. He is in prayer daily over this and has accountability partners. His walk means everything to him and he sees lust as an enemy he fights daily.

    • Scott

      Its not lust its covet its a mistranslation, yes you can look at a women and even be attracted to her without being in some mortal sin, the passage is not talking about that, its talking about looking in person in a way that is thinking of having an actual affair with that person, which then could lead to that, that is the real danger and what that scripture is addressing.

    • Kay Bruner

      Thanks for this, Scott. I think objectifying another person is the real problem: I’m willing to use that other person to gratify myself in some way, rather than thinking of them as a real person with eternal value and worth, my fellow image-bearer.

    • Linda C Castle

      That’s is so true, men and women try to find a loop hole, too be able to keep looking with bad intentions. When us women do not want it, we still get treated like meat.

    • Watching Us

      Here, I see many comments that are full of perversion, anger, laughter, judgement, and many more wicked emotions that are far from God. This page truly shows the struggles of many, not just one man.

      So, let us all pray that each other finds peace, and destroys their struggles. Let us also pray for the people that have read, and will read the entire page, as well. Let us pray that their souls are not affected by the negativity on this page and may them remain vigilant and sober-minded. Let us also pray for the ones who truly come here because they struggle with the same issue. Let us pray for those seeking advice in man, and that they turn to the bible, because only God’s word will not fail them. Let us pray that through God’s word and God’s word only, they begin to reach others, as well.

      God please watch over all of my brothers and sisters. May peace be with you all.

    • Justin

      Catina, coming from a man, yes I am a man and I agree with you that lust is wrong. I am on no ones side regarding this but we must be careful of judging one another. God gave us, both men and women attractiveness, not lust, that was created by sin when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit. Sexual lust is gazing at another woman or man and desiring to have sex with them by imagining it in thier thinking. Many men and women are guilty of that.I would not consider attractivenes to someones beauty a sin. God made everyone beautiful. God is beautiful. Its a sin when we gaze innapropitately for long time at a persons body parts intentionally by choice when we are tempted to lust and this honestly can be with how a woman is dressed. With no disrespect some woman dress almost without any close on in public in the summer and men show off their abbs in the summer shirtless in the summer. Attractivessness regarding beauty is okay as long as we dont cross certain boundaries. Honestly, I find a woman attractive when they respect themselves by dressing in a way where men with no respect will take advantage by lusting. I find their personality attractive. Both men and women who think like that should. Job in the bible said, I have made a convenant with my eyes not to look at a young woman with lust with my eyes. Somewhere else in the bible says that we men ought to look at young woman like sisters and and older woman as mothers. This can apply to both sexes. Attractivess is not sin, lust is and looks always dont mean evrything because everyone is beautful in Gods eyes. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Attractiveness is when you have a good heart, that only God him self can create. King David said, create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me. God bless you.

    • Pat

      The act of looking at one another in order to form a healthy LOVING relationship is as natural as the birds of the sky Catina. Maybe you walk around all day looking at everyone as a vessel of the Spirit, and that is wonderful, but for many of us who have dealt with addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc and are trying to turn our lives around and walk in the light it is very discouraging to read this.

    • SC

      Hear, hear! Proverbs recommends it is not wise to look too long on another’s beauty. Why? Because of predicaments like those in the article. Now neat distinctions have to be made up as a mask to cover the fact looking, lusting are the same. Looking leads to lust inevitably. However, to not look too long, really means–practically, that you will perceive and become aware of a smoke show heading down the street. You simply do not look when you identify what’s coming your way. A man must ignore, absolutely. Just a slight wiggle, a little dress, some tight jean shorts, are enough to put a man in candy land. There is no looking.

    • Connor

      I’ve read many of the comments and am at a crossroads. On the one hand, I agree with many of the women here that men should not excuse the sin of lust. It is unexcusable. However, I am saddened by the attitude of many on here. Jesus taught to love everyone, He easily could have condemned those who sinned. Yet He decided to love them. He taught lessons of course but he never guilt tripped anyone. The general attitude of this comment section is one of condement, and “ugh why don’t you just stop.”
      There seems to be very little understanding and empathy here. If you think it is so easy to stop lusting, then why don’t you stop lying? Lying is a sin right, so why can’t you just stop? I just ask everyone to empathize a little and keep in my mind that we are all the children of God and suppose to look out for one each other.

    • Robert Lawrence

      Wow I have been in the ministry for 35years and I have never seen such harse unforgiving comments of someone who is struggling with a question.this brother was delivereoffd from porn,now he’s struggling with the question If I look at a women did I must.first off only God and you know if you are looking with the intent to lust.David saw bath-sheba the bible says the woman was very beautiful to look at.James 1,14 say every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust,and enttice.15 then when lust has conceived it bring forth if someone is wAlking in front of me with tight pants are a short dress I can not close my eyes and walk so I have a choice I can turn and go another way if it is affecting me in such a way I’m looking to a please my flesh.David continues to look until lust was conceived in his heart and it became and act of sin the mi Ute he sent for her the look was temptation to call for her was the sin.when you are will to move mountains to get to are see that person it has become lust in your heart.but to merely look at someone you see is not a man being a dog..people are so hard on this man who is seeking wisdom concerning this so the spirit is working in his life please don’t kill him because you are noting struggling with this.but I would say you are struggling with something I told my friend a few days ago if the doctor tell you not to drink Pepsi and you already don’t like Pepsi you would have no problem saying no,but if you love coke and he tell you to stop ,there’s and strong chance you will struggle giving that up.minister to people and help not destroy them.

    • Is it lust to think about having sex w/ a woman w/ Out pursuing her ? Just thinking w/ no action ? God made us sexual beings, he made disire and lust. Jesus lusted, but “ not in a sexual way. If disire didn’t enter your heart and you don’t pursue, Is it stil lust ? Please help me, I’m struggling w/ this. Thanks & God Bless.

    • Rob Mt. Sion

      Let’s not beat around the bush. Jesus and his twelve apostles were ‘eunuchs for the kingdom of God’ who had set their sights only on the kingdom of God. In the Revelation we are told that the servants of God ‘follow the Lamb wherever he goes, they are not defiled by women for they are virgins [eunuchs for the kingdom], no lie is found in their mouths and they are blameless before God.” “Everyone who says they abide in Christ should walk the way Jesus walked.” Christ calls us to walk the same way he walked and will empower us to do so IF we ask him. Its time to pursue ‘the imitation of Christ’, who is ‘the first fruit of many brothers’.

    • Antonino Abbate

      I love that comment I agree

    • Suzanna

      I agree with catina! Quit justifying your sin

    • Kimberly

      The line between looking and lusting is not a thin line. If one considers that a thin line, his or heart is in a very bad place of coveting already. Also, comparing coveting and objectifying an attractive woman and feeling the pull to keep looking to a reminder of the ultimate longing of the day when Christ will totally vanquish sin is way off base.

    • Stacey M.

      Bottom Line, God’s Word instructs us to RUN from sin, to not trust our own hearts, to be holy as God is holy. Everything we think and do is to first and foremost be glorifying to God, because our first responsibility and highest calling is to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul, and mind. In this situation of lust and in every situation in a Believer’s life, we are to do whatever it takes to be like Christ.

  2. Mike Lund

    Thank You for writing this. You took the words out of my head and mouth. I have quite literally said those words, “Did I just lust after that women?” As I am still trying to break pronography with 19 months of sobriety I struggle everyday with lingering eyes. As I am still trying to recover from losing my wife and kids, I find myself wrestling with ideas in my head, saying, “is the one? or would we be good sexually? how would we date? I know these sound crazy but all of them make be lingerie and lust after that “passing pretty women.” God Bless!

    • Karen Tucker

      I have a question. Can a married man look at a naked woman and not lust or have thoughts or desire??

  3. Jon B.

    Great wisdom! Thanks, Luke.

  4. Elsa

    While I agree Catina’s response sounded angry, no one stopped to consider her wounds sound fresh. And she deserves to be angry. Most men, my husband included, don’t ever “get” how their actions, whatever they may be, deeply wound their wives and just wish they could “move on.” This blatant insensitivity serves only to lengthen the time required to heal – if it ever happens.
    Luke, you mostly hit the nail on the head in your response – it was compassionate, non-judgmental and caring. I believe that is what most people who come here (including Catina) are looking for. You did, however, totally neglect what I consider a critical point in the original poster’s statement: “I guess you could call the addiction “curiosity”: trying to discover who the most beautiful woman is in a given place or day.”
    Really?? This statement shows willful intent. This is a “game” to him? Looking to compare and judge? To what end? Why is it so important to find the “most beautiful” woman? What makes a woman “most beautiful”? Is that not one more barometer in the search for perfection that drives men BACK to porn use? I find that, indeed, to be a most dangerous game, and you fell short in not addressing it.

    • Luke Gilkerson

      Hi Elsa,

      In my personal interactions with this individual (outside this series of comments), I was led to believe he was truly remorseful for his actions. Certainly he is relabeling his lust as “curiosity,” and this was the point of my reply to him. He needs to discern when his eye is drawn to a woman out of mere attraction and when it is being drawn away in lust.

      Keep in mind: his “curiosity addiction” (as he calls it) was a confession on his part, not a justification. The very fact that he was writing me in distress over it was evidence that he isn’t proud of this tendency. I wasn’t at all disturbed by this admission because he was recognizing it at a problem he wanted to stop.

      Perhaps that didn’t come through very clear in his comment, and for that I apologize.

      As for dealing with the beauty question: You are right; he needs to address this issue (as do most men). I hoped my reply would help him to get to the root of why lust seems to be perpetual for him. I really believe we live in a state of tension in this life: the flesh and the Spirit will always battle one another. Even if we are promised victory in the battle, we are not promised removal from the battle. This was the heart of my response to him: I don’t want him to feel undue guilt for this struggle, but rather, I want him to use the struggle as a window through which he can cling to his redemption.

      I hope that makes sense.

    • Men are pigs

      He’s NOT looking to see which one is “beautiful” he’s staring that their breasts and butts. Men act like animals then whine that women don’t respect them. Typical.

    • Linda C Castle

      Very true, men do not know how some of us woman have been hurt, used, abused, raped and much more, it hurts and though we may not show it, have respect we deserve it. Were not here just for your nasty eyes, we are Gods children too.

  5. I have been married 30 years and know that there is nothing more hurtful and damaging to a marriage relationship than knowing that your husband is gawking away at women that walk by him and he isn’t paying the same attention to you! In fact, this very “habit” has destroyed our sex life. It has become non-existent though we are still married.
    Remember, “You reap what you sow.” :(

    • Wiseguy

      “I have been married 30 years and know that there is nothing more hurtful and damaging to a marriage relationship than knowing that your husband is gawking away at women that walk by him and he isn’t paying the same attention to you! In fact, this very “habit” has destroyed our sex life. It has become non-existent though we are still married.”
      Put on a little weight since the wedding? TELL THE TRUTH.

    • J Lee

      Georgia, so sorry for your pain. His sin is not your fault. No matter if you have gained weight.(@ wiseguy) It is not about how you look. Even Hollywood’s most beautiful can’t keep their spouses faithful. You have been deeply and unfairly wounded and betrayed. I too discovered my husband’s lustful habits after 30 years of marriage. Yes, I put on weight. (@wiseguy :) But even when I was in my 20’s and weighing 110 lbs (20 lbs under my marriage weight), my husband was lusting after other women. I am still married to my husband whom I love and adore. But I have been deeply hurt in a way that has damaged me and my marriage. I am thankful that through the Every Man’s Battle conference, my husband has a new hope and freedom from the sin which so easily beset him. Men…don’t play with this…don’t risk looking because she is beautiful; she isn’t yours, she is not a piece of art, or an object, and she is certainly not worth risking lust and burning in hell for all eternity. Do you know that lustful addiction and lying go hand in hand? You can’t have one without the other. Who is it that you want to be. Who are you really…in secret when nobody is looking? Are you experiencing shame? Then something in not right.

    • Tony b

      True but a huge difference in your husband who’s doesn’t care not even trying at least this kid is trying to do what’s right.

    • Linda C Castle


    • Anonymous

      Don’t listen to the other person that replied to this… he’s a “smart one” or at least he thinks…

      I don’t agree with it as I am currently struggling with this, he will look at nudity in all sorts and its making me angry and I am considering leaving because he won’t change even though I’ve thrown hints and even yelled and stuff.. I’ve thrown a where if you don’t do this I’ll leave at him, I did that out of anger… I really don’t know what do do, he knows it hurts me and I don’t think he really even cares anymore because in my mind its cheating on your significant other and God. More on the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with and make them happy etc etc

  6. Patman

    Women should be covered in public so as to not tempt a man to sin. This is the one thing Islam has right.

    • SJ

      Patman, you could not be any more wrong. You do not defeat sin with legalist standards for women. I grew up with that. Sin is a heart problem and it will manifest itself one way or another. Islamic men can be just as lust filled and as any man. They still fulfill it. The have porn issues and their prostitutes still obey the “law in dress” Muslim girls still get raped and sexually abused. What they wear does not change it, in fact it may make it worse because of the “curiosity” The issue is the heart of the man. I have struggled with lust, even in legalist settings. The girls wore skirts to their ankle and long sleeves. I still had issues. Only Jesus can break that sin, not the law. I have to bring my heart to Jesus in order to be free. Women that immodest shouldn’t be surprised by men looking at them, however, I have friends that very modest and men still look. Do not punish women because men think with organs other than their brains.

    • Josh


  7. Patman

    Here a recent story of two American Islam students.

    Aliya, a 20-year-old student at the University of Georgia, wears the hijab, or headscarf. She also wears clothes that cover everything but her face and hands, attire that is also referred to as hijab.
    “You often see in many societies women being objectified because of how they look or being disrespected,” she says. The hijab, she says, helps “force people who may be otherwise unwilling to take the focus off of our physical appearance.”

    Nadia (who asked that her last name not be given) similarly covers most of her body and goes a step further by covering her face—excluding her eyes—with a piece of fabric known as the niqab.
    The 25-year-old mother of two doesn’t believe it’s a practice that Islam mandates, but that it draws her closer to God.

  8. David M.

    I’m single, I’m only 17, but Im struggiln with lust, just what is it?

    • SJ

      Lust is an appetite given by God out of control. It is when things God made you for are not being used for the purpose he designed them for. Illegitimate sexual desire, Love of money (the need to provide) Gluttony,

  9. Val

    Listen up folks, I am a christian woman.I am married and have two children. I consider myself a victim of the lusting of other men. I see them looking me up and down. They rest their eyes on certain body parts. Then look me straitght in the eyes. If I am too nervous or surprise by their behavior and say nothing, they try to be I my personnal space.Then they try to touch me in ok places but tell me dirty or polite things concerning the facts that I look “good”. I have to be a b**** so they don’t go on with their tactics. I hate it because it makes me feel dirty, like I would be naked in front of them, like I’m a piece of chocolate cake. When I need to push them away it breaks the relationship, it makes my life less enjoyable because I don’t if my new family friend, coworker or neighbor will loose his politeness and begin lusting after me. I see them ans I think about their wife and kids. It makes me sad. I had to change church because of this.I had to have a discussion with 3 of my coworkers. My husband had to confront a christion brother who has a ministry in that church because of something he did to me in church when nobody was around. I dress properly ans ask my husband if he aproves of what I am wearing. But this keepa happening and I can’t just ignore all of them because they get too cloose and try to seduce me. We have a hard time to keep friends because of this.I am always nefvous when a new couple comes in our lives. I never know how it will turn out.

    • marites

      Lust is not from God. It comes from the evil one. It begins at Garden of Eden.

  10. Lynn

    I am a married woman and I am still trying to understand men. So, if a man is looking at a woman that he finds attractive, and the reason for his looking is because he likes what he sees and finds satisfaction in it, then how does that apply to a man who is married? Should a married man be finding satisfaction in the face and body of a woman besides his own wife? I know I feel hurt when my husband is looking at another woman who is obviously attractive, and I know he is not just looking at her face! He is taking her whole being in. And even if he was just looking at her face, he is still finding some sort of satisfaction in another woman besides me, and one that he is finding very attractive. In the animal world, the word “attract” goes hand in hand with the phrase “to find a mate”. Is it the same with humans, or is it just “no big deal” when a man stops and takes in the beauty of a woman? Just where DOES the line between “looking” and “lust” lie?

    • The line between looking and lusting is a blurry one, at least in practice. Is there a sense in which a man can look at a woman and admire her beauty the way he admires the beauty of a flower or a sunset? Yes…probably the same way a woman can look at another woman and say, “Wow, she’s very pretty.” But I think men should have a healthy skepticism of their own hearts in this regard. It is far too easy to justify lust if we call it “admiring beauty.” Sin is deceitful (Hebrews 3:13), and men can easily fall into lust’s deceitful trap.

      That said, a distinction between looking and lusting is important so men don’t get mired in false guilt. If I see an attractive woman, and I am conscious of the attraction, but then I turn my head away and focus on other things so that I don’t lust after her, I shouldn’t feel an overwhelming guilt that one of God’s many works of beauty happened to cross my path and I took brief notice of it.

      I don’t want to over-complicate it. I think most men, if pressed on the matter, know the difference between admiring a woman’s beauty as one made in the image of God and lusting after her, seeing her as just a collection of body parts meant to be consumed as eye-candy. The root of lust is coveting, an over-desire for someone or something. It all starts with looking, but after the initial look, where does the mind go? Does the man’s mind return to his wife as his standard of beauty? Does he heart thank God as the maker of beauty? Or does his mind begin to obsess over her form and turn her into an idol? That is the critical question.

    • J Lee

      I think the look should be eye to eye and only if there is purpose in the conversation. Looking the room over for the “most beautiful woman” present is clearly not what Jesus would do. If that man wants to admire her like artwork, then he is in denial and not reflecting the virtues of his Savior. We can’t fix our husbands, but we can pray for them and for the Lord to convict them of sin. I could never catch my husband in over thirty years til God disclosed his sin…and now, I refuse to be the “lust police” :). Only God can do the work of purifying a man’s (or woman’s) heart. I am slowly learning this. Panic and pain sometimes rise up within my heart, but I will work on trusting God and my love relationship with Him, even as my husband is working on a closer relationship with God and to be the faithful man he is called to be.

    • David Evans

      I have to say this, I knw many pretty women, I can look at them, think they are cute, that’s fine, if i am not thinking about wanting sex with them, how am i lusting? What is wrong with thinkin something looks nice, even if it is a woman, and no, i wouldnt mind if i had girlfriend who thinks other men are cute, itd be an issue if she wanted sex with them, but not that they look nice, lookin nice isnt always sexual, you callin Jesus a sinner? He was God in a man’s body (hormones included and the special package), He looked at women, doesn’t mean He lusted after them in His heart. THIS is the problem with religious people, they forget love, they judge, forget to look in the mirror, and are really angry miserable wrecks, why else do many run from Christianity? It’s because of the religious *&)%$% who say they are christian, yet dont love,1st John 5:8, whoever doesnt love doesnt know God because God is love (not a tyrannical monster). GOD IS LOVE

    • I’m all about Christians showing love, but I completely agree (as does this article) that there is a difference between lusting and thinking someone looks nice.

    • Dana

      This is total truth. And the exact way I feel. 😢

  11. Colt

    I think there is a lot of different opinions on here but not a lot of truth. Is it lust to analyze a person without the analyzing taking you to sexual thoughts? Or is it a judgement? Or is it something else?
    Men need to understand what the root is and what idol is being served. If we quickly label it lust because it’s a familiar term and a close correlation, then we may never get to what sin it really is and if we never get there then we can’t repent fully.
    I do know however, that the desire to look around at other women is substantially reduced in my heart when my time with the Lord is most consistent and intimate and that is a good indicator that it’s not good nor acceptable.

    • I think it is important to acknowledge that there are probably many ways to dehumanize or depersonalize people in our minds that don’t fit into the “lust” category, but are just as sinful.

      You are right: men need to be far more self-aware if they are going to see past the nagging sense of guilt and really see their sins for what they are. We shouldn’t be too quick to rush to labels without real introspection and prayer.

  12. Valerie

    First I would like to express how grateful I am for the opportunity to engage in an open, ongoing conversation on this subject. I am a 36 year old woman and mother of almost 6 children (pregnant and due in a few months.) This is what I know… The Holy Bible teaches us that The Living God created man in His own image. He formed Adam from the dust of the earth. Seeing that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, “I AM” formed a woman, Eve from the bone of Adams bones and the flesh of Adam’s flesh. God did make Eve to be an “Help meet” for Adam. After the fall of Adam, God did speak unto Eve saying that her desire should be towards her husband and her husband shall rule over her. (Hey, that’s what it says, sisters. I’m not making this up.) If death and sin came into the world by Adam then salvation comes through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, THE SECOND ADAM. When Jesus was crucified for our crimes he was pierced in His side with a spear. Blood and water poured out from Him. When we are born again we are born of the spirit. It is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives through me. Our consciences are governed by the Holy Spirit. It is written in the New Testament that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church in that He gave HIS LIFE for it. Woman are told to love their husbands as unto the Lord. The New Testament tells us that A WOMAN IS THE GLORY OF HER HUSBAND AND THE MAN IS THE GLORY OF GOD. We are also taught in the New Testament that women are not to exercise authority over men or to teach. Hhhmmm? King Lames Version. I believe what the Word of God says. Men are the Head of the household as well as the preists of their home. A wife is told to submit unto her husband. Believe me when I tell you that my friends hate me when I speak these things. But I didn’t make it up. The Word of God says it. With all that I have written thus far, would it be fair to conclude that the Almighty made man to be the leaders and teachers and upholder’s of His holy word and ways? Is it unfair for me to believe that when the bible teaches that teachers will be held to a greater accountability, that men who are called to lead the people of God are not capable of having full control over this lust issue. I am a woman and even I make the CHOICE not to lust after other men for the sake of what is written. Jesus taught that if a man looks upon a woman to lust after her he hath committed adultery in his heart already. I believe the same holds true for women. Men are the Glory of God. To he who is given much, much is expected. Am I to understand that men are being held to a lesser mental, spiritual, physical fortitude than women even though God calls men His Glory? How is it that I as a women who is not the glory of God can understand what God expects and requires of His people? Would He not give holy men the same understanding I’d not more by the power of His Holy Spirit? Men/women struggle with lust though they be married. I tell you I CHOOSE NOT TO LUST. AM I STRONGER OR MORE BLESSED THAN THE GLORY OF GOD, A MAN OF GOD? It is a choice. A struggle? I say it’s a choice. I should pray for men. Its right to do. Pray for men and women that they may overcome their lusts. Oy vey! May men walk in the STREGNTH of the calling and position of which The Almighty placed them as HIS GLORY and trample your lusts under your feet and prepare the way of the LORD! And worry not about the form of a woman but the Grand name that The Almighty calls you by which is far greater than any “high” one can obtain by casting your eyes upon strange women!

    • Daniel DeLuca


      Actually, Jesus said that a man who looks at a married woman is committing adultery with her in his heart. He never said anything about a woman looking at a man, and if He had intended to say that, He would never have used the word “wife” or the word “woman”. He would have simply used the word “person”, or He would have said “man or woman”, but He did not. Many people have added to the words of Jesus, by inserting the words “[or man]” into the text, which is blatantly wrong!

      Augustine believed that we should go where Scripture goes, and stop where it stops. It does not help that the translators of our English text always use the word “woman” instead of “wife”, which is clearly what Jesus was talking about here. A man, any man, whether married, single, divorced, the husband of one or more deceased wives, it does not matter what his marital state is, if he looks at another man’s wife lustfully, he is committing adultery with her in his heart.

  13. T Ski

    I understand this man’s frustration and sin. I also understand the women’s comments with there frustration. Grabbing someone by his balls doesn’t sound very Christ like or helpful. What about grace? Grace is what saved us from our sins gave us a new heart, but it’s not until Jesus comes that sin will go away. I know of women who struggle with the same thing as the man in this post does what about those women who struggle with porn? We are all created in the image of God and we are also sinful and all capable of sinning in similar ways no sin is greater than any other your husband may look at women but you gossip. The only way we can combat sin is by strengthen our bond with God and drawing closer to him fighting sin with the gospel and putting on the full armor. Being in a community of believers that have compassion for one another just as Christ did. Compassion means to suffer together to look at that person as a broken child of God who doesn’t want to be a sinner who struggles every day and we need to help them and pray and build each other up not grab each other by the balls. No one is not worthy of God’s love no matter what you have done if your a murder or whatever repent and turn from your seen seek believers that will love you and help you grow and encourage you. We are all striving for God’s heart why must we have so much hostility

    • Daniel DeLuca

      T Ski

      I don’t see where the man was sinning, unless he was looking at married women lustfully. He never specified whether he was looking at married women or unmarried women.

  14. Hurtprincess

    Yeah I too used to believe in the Prince and Princess fairytale until I got to discover the lust of the men. I hate it!!! I wish I was that stupid like before when I did not know anything about men and their struggle. I tell every single girl don’t get married. Men are pigs! And the irony is that I am raising three boys and I know that they will have this struggles one day. I love my husband, he has changed but I am obsessing every time we get out, did he look at that girl did he see that other one, and what about this one that is walking by now! Now I am like, whatever! I just want to be left alone!

    • Kay Bruner

      Well, the fairy tale has ended and I understand that’s tough!

      I think at this point, as women we have the choice to remain hurt princesses for the rest of our lives, chanting “Men Are Pigs,” or we can step up into our own power and freedom as women and children of God, and learn to live with reality.

      The reality is, men are not pigs. They are men.

      The reality is, women are not princesses. They are women.

      Men need to take responsibility for themselves, and women need to take responsibility for themselves. This is often NOT what women are taught to expect from life! There’s a lot of mythology that says to women, sit on a cushion and be pretty, as if that’s going to be enough to fulfill the gift of life God gives you.

      But there is, I PROMISE YOU, an amazing, wonderful world of freedom, power, and love out there when we all let ourselves be grown-ups. We feel our feelings, we trust the truth, we forgive, we choose the kinds of relationships we wish to enter and maintain, and we let go of those relationships which are abusive or unhealthy. Trust me, it’s awesome!

    • merja

      It was like i was reading something about mySelf. I live in Sweden, married and im a Christian. I feel för you, i know the hurt and that the trust is ruined. I would like to get some Contact with you. Maybe we can support eachother!

    • Daniel DeLuca


      It is good that you have come to realize that the fairy tales are just that. It is not good for you to obsess over it. The only struggle I see for men, is their dishonesty with themselves and with others about the way that they are wired, by God nonetheless. If they were not wired that way, they would not be attracted to any women, and that would leave us all extinct within one generation.

      If you are telling single girls to not marry, STOP IT! This is a doctrine of demons that Paul points out to Timothy. I rebuke you in the name of the Lord! This has to stop.

  15. J W

    First of all let me say. I know how it feels for a guy to have a lustful temptation to look but also I’ll tell the truth. Guys start looking when they are young. but it’s not with lust it’s like noticing the differences of hair and eye colors as well as other recognizable features. it wasn’t this girl is prettier or that one is prettier. lust starts like cursing or any other sin when it is introduced. After I got older I really didn’t have thoughts of lust though I had seen breasts being used for breast feeding and what not. then one day I saw more of the female form than I had ever seen before and she was in a sinful act and that’s when I started having the desire for women in lustful ways and started looking at more and more lustful things. I got sucked in before I knew it was a sin. many years later I wanted to look up some things in the bible I heard when I was little because I could not remember them any more. When I started reading GOD got hold of me and I felt so bad I started feeling like I was gonna puke. I went through the house and threw away magazines, movies, cds, video games, and any thing else I thought I should not have weather it was for the sin of lust or a different sin. I don’t buy that any body can not turn from their sins. I had excuses in the past for many sins but I feel like if it is a sin peoples excuses are not gonna make it right. Any sin we have trouble with we need to stay away from the triggers and throw away as many of the triggers as we have power to. we need to stay away from movies and people that trigger us in these ways as much as possible and no excuses. When we have to be around a trigger then we need to make sure it is unavoidable and if indeed it is then we need to remember the verse. for I hide your word in my heart that i might not sin against you. which means we need to look up all the verses we can having to do with the consequences of sin and all the verses that speak about the sin we are struggling with so we can keep repeating these verses in our head until we can get out of the necessary situation and leave as soon as we can. One more thing is we all need to really understand what lust is. By all I mean both men and women. or else men will either excuse the action because they will lie to themselves about what lust is and sin any way or men will be feeling false guilt for looking at a woman even if they are just looking to see who is walking by and it happens to be an attractive woman. and women need to really understand what lust is or they will accuse a man of lust just because he glances at a woman walking by simply because he glanced at a woman she believes he finds attractive. I don’t feel this article really addressed what lust is. lust is not when a man simply looks at a girl or woman as she happens to walk by and thinks she is pretty or attractive or that she has attractive eyes or she has pretty hair and then goes back to what ever he was doing before. Lust is when a man is looking on purpose at every woman he can lay eyes on so he can see as many attractive women as possible with sexual intent or desire.lust is when a man sees a female and after he notices mentally she has some attractiveness he starts thinking I’d like to do that or this with her or thinks about sexual desires even when if he changes the sexual fantasy to some one else. lust is not just thinking oh its a woman lust is not mentally noting weather she is attractive or not. or else any one that starts thinking some one is attractive even if it is because they got to know them first is guilty. In other words it is not weather we think some one is attractive or not that is lust. lust is when we desire to be sexually with them or when we obsess over them or if we want to see them naked even just for a moment. and believe me I know how it feels to have people compliment others who they considered to be better looking and not get any compliment my self but that is not lust and it does not mean that i am necessarily universally unattractive. so every one read your bible to learn what god says and what god mean. good luck and god bless

    • David Evans

      well said

  16. Bingo

    I recall one way I lost the urge to look was when my wife and I were actually engaged in great conversation, we each repicrocated our flirts, and just had a good ole time! Those days when my wife valued that more than trying to track my eyes were days I felt in love. The day she rather check her pride by monitoring potential risks was the they I lost that attention. It’s a delicate balance from both sides. Let’s help each other rather than waiting for the other to complete me first.

  17. Jeremy Hall

    I think that women should stay off of this site unless they are struggling with lust of the eyes. Looking at a woman, seeing her beauty, is no more lust than watching a beautiful sunset. Woman is the glory of man. (That’s in the Bible). She is our crowing glory. We should consider her wonderfully made (just like God does). Through my own struggle with lust, I have learned to allow myself to “look” at a woman, but often when I do, I try to think about something wonderful that woman may possess. Like a kind heart, or a gentle spirit, or a special gift she has. “Looking” at a woman is not wrong. Only “Lusting” after a woman is sin. As for the women making comments on this site, that’s would be like us guys giving you advice about childbirth. While we appreciate all of you, please stop. It’s not helpful, and often only produces anger and false guilt. The men that are on this site are here because they love God and desire to live a holy life. These men are not the enemy, they are your brothers in Christ and they have a longing to glorify God with their eyes. They should be praised for being here, not rebuked. The ones who need rebuking won’t be found here!

    • David Evans

      Well said

    • Daniel DeLuca

      Well, lusting after a married woman is wrong. Look at the original Greek used in that one verse found in all of Scripture that people use to beat men over the head on this topic, and you will find that Jesus was speaking about desiring to take another man’s wife, like what David did with Bathsheba. He was not talking about desiring an unmarried woman.

  18. Ashford Brunson

    Well said Jeremy.

  19. Lady

    Looking is normal, we all look at people, animals and objects that catch our eyes. Sometimes we look at people because they look like the form that is elevated in society and shoved in our faces via advertising / casting in media, so it’s a little like seeing a celebrity in person.

    However, ‘looking’ as the OP described: ‘I guess you could call the addiction “curiosity”… ‘trying to discover who the most beautiful woman is in a given place or day’ is what cuts to the core of wives.

    I get that OP is uncomfortable with his actions / desires and believe me wives try very hard to be generous in this area but it is extremely painful. Why? Because at the heart of it he is comparing women’s attributes that they have no control over. He his making comparisons (no matter if unconsciously) to draw his conclusions. Why is this painful? Because wives long to have the competition ended, to believe that they were chosen and beautiful enough to stoke the fires that keep a husband attached (knowing just how visual they are) and that no one could shake their nest of security by just being ‘hot’. Actually wives need to feel their husbands find them just as appealing. It is the looking for the most beautiful woman’ that speaks of the hearts desires. Add to this that beautiful women hold power over other women and many use a man’s (especially a husband’s) affirmative glancing as an ego builder as they interpret his acknowledgment of her as evidence of her being ‘better’ than his wife.

    Knowing thanks to Feldhan and covenant eyes etc. that husbands are actually wired to notice the ‘most beautiful women’ cuts deeper because now he will always be comparing ‘hot’ / ‘beautiful’ and those that don’t register. He knows viscerally which women are most appealing to him and many wives (even beautiful ones) know they cannot measure up to the constant competition for his attention. It is an appalling arrangement and I do not believe for one minute God would design in his creation such a flawed system between man and woman. Feldhan said men were designed by God this way, to only see his wife naked and issues only arise because now they see other’s skin / tight clothes often and in many places. One problem, if in creation (before the fall) they were naked and no doubt the idea was to populate they would not have had these responses to other women other than their in their nakedness. If they did then Gods design in the beginning was not for monogamy but a ‘free for all’ and I don’t think so.

    Sadly, after years of ‘looking’ and glances many wives eventually learn to care about the welfare of their husbands and choose to show him respect while falling out of romantic love with him. Unfortunately this leaves her vulnerable to the temptation to crave any glance or a kind word from other men. How sad. Stupid books like The Feldhan one that create a lot of angst where it may not actually be lust related cause more harm than good. So many wives have disconnected from their husbands because they feel in competition and now watch his eyes frequently and ultimately despairing and giving up because they are more aware than ever who ‘the most beautiful woman in the place’ is and she is now more significant than she ever thought before. Three’s a crowd and all that isn’t conducive to romantic love and connection.

    Luke, what would your genuine advice to wives be? If there is no answer other than ‘try to understand your husband struggles’ fair enough as I understand your site. It would just be nice to hear something truthful (if it actually exists) that can somewhat heal the utter discouragement and defeat in being a wife.

    • Kay Bruner

      Hey there. I actually think that the answer lies in nurturing the emotional trust within the marriage. We can get so caught up in porn and the surrounding issues that we forget all about the true heart of marriage and what makes it work–and it’s not “not looking at porn!” There is way more to successful marriage than that! The very best research about how to have a healthy marriage is Dr. John Gottman’s, and he’s written a book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Highly recommended. I wrote a little bit about some of his research here.

      I would also recommend that you find a counselor just for you, to help you process through the emotional pain you’ve had in your marriage. I often find that all the energy of the relationship gets turned toward “making him stop” and wives are often left to suffer along the way without a lot of support. Wives very often meet the criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in porn-wracked marriages. So please find help, just for YOU. Whatever your husband chooses, you can choose to be healthy, and counseling can help get you on that road to health for yourself. I also find that groups like Celebrate Recovery, S Anon, even Al Anon are great support for spouses as well.

      Blessings, Kay

    • Lora

      Lady – what you said was exactly how I feel. I have been trying to understand all of this for a long time. I really don’t care so much about the difference between looking and lusting. Looking, admiring, glancing – whatever it is called – is hurful. When a husband looks and admires the beauty of another woman, should us wives just think,”he is looking but not lusting so it’s ok.” Because if so it’s very hard to do that. Fact is we don’t know if the look was a lusting look or not. All I know is that anytime my husband and I are out anywhere, I scope the area and I can tell you where all the attractive women (the ones I know my husband would find attractive) are in just a couple of minutes. If my husbands eyes start roaming and I can see he is also noting these same women I begin to compare myself to them. It’s automatic. Wrong? Yes and I’m getting better at not doing this. I’m just trying to understand and it’s so hard. If it’s ok for a man to admire the beauty of another woman other than his wife because it makes him feel good then is it okay for me as a wife to want to catch the eye of another man other than my husband because it makes me feel good? After all I’m just admiring the admiration of another man and it’s ok for him to admire me. I’m just confused because I find myself wanting to catch the eyes of other men when I feel my husband has not been attentive to me. When he satisfies that in me, the desire to get it from other men diminishes. So, logically, if I satisfy my husband visually, he wouldn’t desire to get that little high off of looking at other beautiful women, right? I’m little. 5’2 and 105 lbs. 44 years old. Everyone says I look younger than that. I don’t think myself to be beautiful, but I am pretty enough I guess to catch the eyes of many men since I was a teen. I loved it then, love it now. I am also a visual woman. From what I read that is not the norm. It is difficult for me because I can undress a guy in my mind immediately upon noticing that they are attractive. I have always looked at men sexually. I love the male body. People are always saying that a womans body is so beautiful that other women notice beautiful women! Yes this is true! I think the female body is very beautiful. But dang!!! A mans body?? Just as beautiful. Just as hot. Just as sexy. And let me tell you, it is a struggle for this woman to not lust after an attractive male. Like I read in someone’s reply though, it’s a choice. I have to make a choice every single day when I’m out and about. My husband agreed that he wouldn’t want me admiring all the hot guys I come across. Likewise I want my husband to not be admiring another woman. Perhaps it’s easier for me to make the right choice than it is for a man? I don’t know. I just know that I try so hard. I try my best to be attractive for my husband. I try my best to be supportive. Our sex life is amazing. I am always available for him even when I’m not in the mood and he knows it. :) I willingly meet his needs. I love it. I know he desires me. So why does it hurt me so very much when I see him watch a woman walk down the isle at the store? He never looks overly long. Its a notice, then a look, like he’s measuring her beauty or something then ok back to shopping! I would say okay okay, it’s “natural” to notice however, if he glances in a direction because he notices a woman but then sees she is unattractive, obese, too young or too old it’s an immediate look away because to go from the noticing to looking isn’t worth it to him as he doesn’t find her attractive. So then tell me please, how is the looking different from the lusting? When looking is so hurtful to the woman you say you love, why do it? And if you say it’s just natural to notice then how come when the woman you are noticing isn’t someone you find attractive the noticing doesn’t become a look which then is somehow different than noticing and looking at an attractive woman? Why not look at all woman the same way? Whether they are fat, old, young, skinny, etc. A man can notice and just as quickly avert his eyes to his wife, kids or shopping just as he does when he notices some he finds unattractive. He doesn’t stand there and admire anything about the one he finds unattractive. If my husband noticed and looked at women no matter their size, shape, skin color, hair color, etc. I would believe then that his noticing and looking is just that. But when there is a difference, and the noticing and looking is ALWAYS at the same “type” of woman it’s hard to believe that he isn’t desiring that woman more than me, even if just for that quick look. If anyone can explain the difference, I’d be grateful. My heart aches over this. I never feel like I’m quite enough…..

  20. Nadine

    I actually have great sympathy with the men, and I’m a woman. God created us in His image, He made us beautiful, there’s nothing wrong with being beautiful. In fact, some churches are shaming the woman’s body and making them feel they have to be ugly or else they’ll “cause they’re brothers to stumble”. People should stop obsessing and over-sexualising things. Let us love one another and have mercy. Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy. And blessed are you men for seeking after righteousness and holiness!
    PS. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and so can you. Prayer can do more than you think, it’s strong and God will answer one way or the other. His Holy Spirit will reveal all to you.

    • Daniel DeLuca

      This is the best comment I have seen on this site!

  21. Melody

    I am going to be honest with you. I believe now more than ever than no man or woman lives and dies to themselves. Whether you like it or not, you affect other people. You get to choose whether that affect is positive or negative. I found this thread because I googled the words “women hate men that lust after them”. I love the Lord and I am a woman who loves men. I have always admired men’s ability to focus on tasks and complete them. I joined the military as a young girl to be around them and learn how to relate to them. I learned alot. I am a tomboy who knows how to be a lady. I am a comrade who will fight for and with her brothers. I dealt with a similar form of lust towards men. It works both ways. I walked where these men are walking from the other side of the coin. I am free from lusting after male beauty, but I am careful not to look too long. I know what they mean. There is a separation between appreciating beauty and lusting. I have seen beautiful things in the men I have dated along with their flaws.
    I can best describe myself as the woman at the well that Jesus ministered to. She was hated by the women and loved by the men. That makes church a very difficult place to belong. Even though I would never do those things again, I am still treated like an immoral woman by insecure married women. I live as pure as I can and I watch how I interact with men. I currently want to marry, but there is no one that interests me. Nevertheless, I am still approached by married men both inside and outside of the church. I am lonely because the women distrust me on account of their husbands’ behaviors. I never flirt or entertain their glances, stares or inappropriate conversation. Yet this whole thing puts women like me in the middle of the fight and on the margin of the christian community.
    As a woman, I have experienced being stalked and abused by men. I still have the same concerns as the other women. For years I thought that I did not deserve a husband who would be faithful because of my sins.
    It blesses me to see men try to overcome this damaging and painful addiction. It is one of the hardest things they may have to deal with in this life apart from death or illness.
    I still struggle with feelings of resentment when some men approach or pursue me in a lustful way, but I go back to what the Word says about this and all sins. Religion beats people for sins that Jesus has already paid for. Love lifts them up and encourages them to move forward. Keep moving forward, brothers.

    • Daniel DeLuca

      Perhaps those married women are afraid their husbands will leave them. You don’t run into that problem with polygynous wives. They willingly share their husbands, and the blessings they receive in turn, are incalculable. There is no need for a woman to obsess or get angry over their husband’s desire for another woman! This form of jealousy, is actually an act of the sinful nature that Paul spoke about in Galatians.

  22. Jay

    No one mentioned Jealously ? It’s an equally addictive and destructive force that feeds on the situation (Can’t help it ?) Hmmm sounds familiar.

    Enough said.

  23. Kgosi (RSA)

    Good day brothers and Sisters in Christ our Lord

    Please remember to keep in mind as you use your tongue, what does the “Book of Wisdom” say:

    Matthew 7:1
    Do Not Judge
    1″Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2″For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.…
    Luke 6:37
    “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

    Luke 6:41
    “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

    Romans 2:1
    You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

    Romans 14:10
    You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.

    Romans 14:13
    Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

    1 Corinthians 4:5
    Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.

    James 4:11
    Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

    We should always watch our tongue when we speak. For what speak, reflect what’s truly in our heart.

    “Let he who is without a sin, cast the first stone”, remember John 8:7!

    The Lord Loves us all. Lets do what a true fellow Christian would do. Lets pray for our troubled brother.

    • Alex

      Thank you for this!

    • Daniel DeLuca


  24. A Guy Like Everyone Else

    Catina’s comment from the top must be coming from hurt or disloyalty and I respect that.

    But let me give an analogy for everyone to consider:

    You’ve enjoyed eating foods your entire life. If you didn’t you’d die. God made taste buds. Food is tasty. But one day you decide to commit to healthier living – a new diet that will end up benefiting you long term. And you love your new diet – it makes you feel better. It’s forever. But… you’d be lying if you said your past desire for unhealthy foods is just completely gone, 100%. But you’re committed. You made a vow.

    Yet sometimes in the grocery story while performing required shopping, you have a thought: “sure would be nice to taste that banana bread or cookie dough ice cream.” But you abstain because you’re committed to the diet. So was the thought sin? No. In fact you feel pretty dang good that you didn’t give in right? So how would you feel if someone came over and said, “You thought what? You’re only thinking about that tongue in your mouth! You pig!”

    Victory would be turned into false guilt. False condemnation.

    Would walking over to the baked goods counter and drooling over the dainties be healthy? No – that’s wrong. Likewise, guys are going to notice AND be attracted to pretty women. If that turned off, they wouldn’t be attracted to their own wives. It’s just like you can’t turn your taste buds off completely and expect to like the taste of healthy food too. Get it?

    It’s what men choose to do with the thoughts that separates the faithful from the unfaithful. And men, if you have a thought about a slice of banana bread while about your normal life, don’t beat yourself up. Rejoice at the OPPORTUNITY to say “no, I’m loyal to my diet.” Even if you screw up and take a second look, stop and rejoice in the victory of saying “no, I choose to love my wife only.” Think about your diet, not about screwing up. If you think about screwing up, the banana bread only becomes more of an issue. If 500 thoughts about the bread or ice cream hit you on one trip to the store, you just had 500 times to say, “I choose to love my wife!” That’s 500 victories.

    Jesus (when tempted in the desert) didn’t mourn and say, “I can’t believe I just thought about turning that stone into bread!” That would have given the temptation incredible power. He instead quoted scripture and controlled his thoughts.

    We can do the same with Christ in us. As Paul said, “Who can save me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

    So women… if you’re husband is looking with intent to lust that’s one thing. If he’s trying to be loyal and beating himself up then you rejoice and support him in his victory. Help him focus on you and not the thoughts.

    Scripture to support:

    Job said “I’ve made a covenant with my eyes not to look upon a maid.” Job who was very righteous didn’t lie and say, “I don’t think the maids are hot.” He’s saying, “I’m choosing to not gaze at them and lust after them.”

    Joseph didn’t say to Potiphar’s wife: “I don’t think you’re pretty.” He said, “How could I sleep with you when you’re married?” He then fled from the situation. I promise you he had thoughts, and if you think he didn’t you’re not living in reality.

    King David, a man after God’s own heart, lusted after Bathsheba. It would have been victory if he saw her pretty body but turned away and thought about his wife. But he lingered. Totally different. If he had turned away, he would have been lying to say “I didn’t think she was pretty.”

    Paul himself said, “the things I don’t want to do I do.” In Romans 7 he admitted to coveting. In fact, he said all sorts of coveting.

    So men, if you’re reading this, let’s change the world and rejoice in victory. Don’t give the thoughts power with false guilt, and when you do fail, repent and MOVE ON. Don’t linger. You’re not alone.

    • Daniel DeLuca

      King David had multiple wives, and Nathan said that if all that God had given David, were not enough, He would have given him more. He then asked him why David decided to take another man’s wife. In the context, it is rather obvious that among the things God would have given him, He would have given him more wives, if the ones that David had, were not enough for him.

      Job probably ended up marrying a second wife, as it is unlikely that his first wife was still capable of bearing children at that time in her life.

  25. Emanuel

    Wow… People are something else. We always seem to get caught up in our own personal feelings, missing the total point of this whole blog. Biblical Edifacation. Not taking out anger on one another. No one is justifying lust. People who are throwing out insults. ALL MEN ARE PIGS…SERIUOSLY? How can anyone seek guidance or confess a problem, if they are afraid they will be chastised for being flawed. Who in this comment section is without sin. I understand that people have to deal with other’s selfish and sometimes thoughtless acts. But please understand that a perfect person has no need for Jesus a Bible. LOVING ONE ANOTHER AS WE LOVE OURSELVES IS A COMMANDMENT. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO EARN A CHRISTIANS RESPECT. We all need understanding in one area or another. So can we just keep this blog free of condemnation and taking out personal feelings on one another?

    • Daniel DeLuca

      There is no need to justify lust, if that lust is not for forbidden fruit. A man lusting after an unmarried woman, is never prohibited, and therefore needs no justification. A man lusting after a married woman however is committing adultery with her already in his heart, and the only justification for him, comes through the shed blood of Jesus on the cross, and the forgiveness that He offers.

  26. Khanair

    One of the commandments says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” Jesus said that whoever looks upon a woman to lust after her has committed adultery already with her in his heart, St.James tells us that whosoever keeps the whole law (10 commandments) yet breaks one law he is guilty of them all.

    So to summarize, the human race (male and female) has committed adultery in the heart, if you say that you haven’t remember that the scriptures say, “Let God be true and every one else a liar” so either you’re lying or God’s lying and the Bible says that it is impossible for God to lie, so take it up with Him.

    I read someone’s comment that all men are pigs, number 1. that’s a fallacy, number 2. Jesus became a man so I reckon your comment is blasphemous, and if you think you can wear a bikini and have no responsibility in any sin on your part, you need to search the scriptures, the biblical definition of naked is when your thighs show, again take that up with God, don’t get mad at me, I’m just the messager boy, I didn’t create the message.

    Melody thank you for your candor, it does indeed work both ways, scripture proves that.

    I’ll quote someone who commented, Men are pigs July 25, 2014 at 4:25 pm
    I agree with Catina. I’ve HAD IT with men’s excuses ! BUT IT’S NATURAL they whine! They don’t care about scripture, just the pathetic little sausage between their legs. Until men stop acting like entitled pigs, women WON’T and SHOULD NOT respect them. Does your husband leer at other women? Next time he does this, remember an the next time you are being intitimate, grab him by the balls, look him in the eye and squeeze HARD. Then say, “The next time I catch you looking at other women I’m not going to squeeze, I’m going to rip them off. Got it, buddy?” Men are pathetic. You want RESPECT? EARN IT!

    This is called hypocrisy, the language is not respectable, there are ladies and men reading this, so watch the language, the whole argument here is, “Women are perfect, men are not, don’t show mercy”

    • Daniel DeLuca

      No! Jesus said that if you look at a married woman with lust, you have committed adultery with her in your heart. He never said anything about looking at an unmarried woman, and desiring her. The confusion lies with a mistranslation of a single verse in the SotM.

  27. gottaloveyourself

    I equate this to an alcoholic asking if it is okay to drink socially every now and then at a party or special occasions just because drinks are being served. If you are addict and you love your wife, you will make your choice. Every time you lust or look longly, flirt or look at porn you are placing that action above your marriage. Finding someone attractive is a glance you couldn’t help, being attracted to someone is a verb and action on a mans part. You make a conscious decision to look that extra second to verify the face, eyes, nose, breast, legs and bottom. That took action, you consciously didn’t care about your marriage in those seconds. The sin is taking that action. Your wife is probably sick to death of your behavior and has been hurt beyond believe. Twelve Steps!!!! Don’t look at that woman, Don’t take that drink!!!!

    • Daniel DeLuca

      When a woman comes to fully understand what the Bible truly says about marriage, she won’t obsess over her husband’s wandering eyes. You have drank the Kool-aid and are convinced of this unbiblical notion of one man – one woman. If you had read Scriptures without drinking that Kool-aid, you would have seen that there is nothing wrong with a man taking a second or third wife.

    • Chris McKenna

      Hi, Daniel – I wonder how you justify your position taking the whole narrative of the Bible into consideration, instead of one verse. Read more here:


  28. Neither man or women

    You all are strange not all men are lustful and not all women are lustful YET both genders do it granted men are more lustful then women, but to be fair women should dress appropriately not with short pants that hardly cover the butt or shirts the show their belly and bras that push out their breasts. Its not fair too say men are lustful and yet you girls walk around halve naked.

  29. A Brother

    Wow, this was a great question and a great response from the author. The author says that it’s impossible to expect the man not to “notice” women, but that it’s an incredibly fine line before lust starts. The author is saying it’s perfectly normal and fine to notice someone who is attractive, not to lust after them.

    This topic is a big one in our society. Possibly Catina or her supporters have been really hurt by their husband cheating and are still searching for forgiveness. The world, western world, media world is perverse. Even the average, good natured 13 year old girl is looking to dress provocatively. Ads, tv, movies and then every where you go you have over sexualized images to deal with throughout each day.

    Men aren’t helpless, this is a Christian discussion after all. It is a powerful force on many men though, if Catina is that outraged by the discussion then she has no idea and can not relate at all. I would guess someone who knows her well could point out an area, a lust, a sin in her life that she is overly vulnerable to.

    Sexual lust is powerful. I lived on a farm and one of the neighbour’s dogs were in heat, we had to tie our dog up. One day the family came home from somewhere and our dog was lying on the ground. It had tried so hard to get free to get to the female dog that it wound it’s collar like a tourniquet. It had kept trying even though the collar had tore off all it’s fur underneath and it could barely breath. I kid you not, it was lying on the ground and couldn’t even wimper or move to show it needed help. It sounded like an athsmatic. We cut it free and brought it inside.

    Unfortunately, man hating attitudes will love the comparison to a dog here, they can deal with their own sinful nature. Lust is strong. The author’s comments are great help, rejoice that by trying to deal with this you can be aware of God working in you. Keep at it.

    I would like to add a few thoughts that have helped me.

    1 – Who is in control? Clearly when a sin, lust, etc. take hold you can dicern it. Do you like that feeling? I don’t mean the pleasure, I mean the feeling of something being in control of you?

    2 – A study I read about will power on kids showed that the more successful kids didn’t so much have better will power, they had better strategies. Simply not allowing yourself to focus on the temptation was the strategy they highlighted. It works well for me.

    3 – Realize that because of sins, like this one and all the others, Jesus Christ God our saviour died and was resurrected. I am saved by my faith in this gift. God says even though we are saved He punishes us for our sins and wants us to righteous. I still find myself taking it easy though, taking Christ’s sacrifice for granted, not appreciating it like I should. When I think on this I feel grateful to Jesus Christ and I want to be better, I want to do better. It gives me better perspective and I suspect it brings the Holy Spirit within me. It certainly feels that way. I have issues like the question writer though, trying to be perfect, over thinking. This awareness of Christ’s gift doesn’t lead me to those feelings, however. I don’t neurotically strive for perfection, I feel more aware, more filled with the Spirit and simply desire to be staying away from sin and obeying God’s word. Which leads me to the last thought…

    4 – Power. God gave us power and love. We shouldn’t fear evil or sin, we should only have fear of God. You have power, God gave you power, stand up and use that power to face sin. A sin like lust can rob you of that feeling of power, renew yourself in it. Check my first thought, who’s in control? Hate sin. Fight it. Denounce it. Stand up and use God’s good that’s in you. You know the saying, if God’s with us who’s against us.

    • Daniel DeLuca

      The fine line, is the status of the woman. If she is married or divorced, she is off limits. God’s laws are not too restrictive. Man’s traditions that add to God’s Word, will strangle you, and keep many people from entering the doors to eternal life, understand the foolishness of those traditions, yet not realizing that those traditions have nothing to do with God’s Holy decrees.

  30. Forgiven

    If you look lustful at someone that means you don’t love him/her. You should look at them for their original created value (I say this bc its easily justify lust if you say that this girl dont deserve to be kept honored, she shows every part of her)
    If this don’t work out for you, if you can’t love sinners, then you need God’s love. You need to get a personal revelation of that GOD LOVES YOU ANYWAY! God loves you WHEN you sin (YEs IN THE EXACT MOMENT), he even loves you if your loved ones hurt you. He wants you to change yes but this doesnt mean he don’t love you now, THE WAY YOU ARE. Only God’s love can change you! Nothing else, no strategie, good advice, no self control, only the Truth and God’s love! You can fight sin or you can let God love it out of you. Do you want this??

    • Daniel DeLuca

      A man can certainly love the woman he desires.

  31. Forgiven

    This also got an irresistable side effect that you will be insanly fall in love with God. You will truly see how much of a father is he to you.

    For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things coming, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

    • Daniel DeLuca

      I have come to love God so much more, now that I understand that His decrees are not what is so burdensome. It is man’s mistranslations and addition to Scripture that is burdensome. Seriously! One mistranslated word in the Sermon on the Mount, has created this entire doctrine that a man cannot desire any woman. In reality, Jesus was speaking about desiring the wife of another man, but our translators missed that. Anybody can go the the Greek online Bible and see clearly what it states.

  32. Freed

    I am so happy to find this article. It’s a blessing.

    Men who desire to be holy and pleasing to God will of course need to face the fact that lust is a struggle. God gave us eyes. If we take an open-minded look at how Adam responded when he saw the first-ever woman in the history of the universe, we will realize that it’s normal for a man to be attracted to a woman. We need to realize that before man fell into sin, he already had a natural,God-given attraction to a woman. God was happy with that design.

    Sadly, sin corrupted the beauty of such an interaction and dynamic, and introduced the ugly perversion of lust. What was once an innocent, natural, God-given desire to appreciate God-made beauty was challenged (let me use that) with a perverted version that separates the beauty of a woman from the beauty of God. Separated from that purity and innocence, sin effectively gave men “eye-filters” that paint women as objects of lust.

    What was once beauty to be honored in God’s presence became beauty to be lusted after by a heart marred by sin.

    Gentlemen, Christ has redeemed us. He has restored us to God the Father as His children. We are no longer slaves to sin that we will never be able to look at women without lusting after them. We are able to look at them innocently, simply because Christ’s shed blood has purchased us from the dominion of sin and Satan. We are no longer slaves to sin.

    Ladies, I cannot expect you to understand what men go through. You’re not the one given that kind of burden. In behalf of the men, I am sorry for the lustful treatment you have experienced. I would like to ask you, though, to pray for your brothers in the Lord. Instead of seeing men, especially those that admit they need help in the fight for purity, as “pigs” who “can’t stop lusting,” pray for them to be like Christ.

    I agree with many of the comments. I understand that women have been subjected to the lusting of men since man fell into sin. I understand that it’s not easy for women to be depicted and seen as objects of lust and sin. I hate that. I get angry at that. God made women in His image, and He wants them to be loved and respected. For that matter, I will never allow anybody to look lustfully at my wife.

    One thing I ask, dear sisters, is that instead of labeling us men as “lust-driven,” pray for us that we’d be “love-driven.” Christ was able to interact with women without lusting; and that’s just what we want to be like – like Christ Himself.

    Gentlemen, my brothers, keep on seeking the Lord. Let us hide His Word deep in our hearts that we will not sin against Him. Let us live according to His Word so that we could keep our ways pure. Let us deny ourselves the sinful pleasure of lusting after someone we find attractive and look to the One who can please us even more: Jesus Christ. He is beautiful, and His resurrection makes us beautiful too.

    I am not perfect like you, brothers. I also struggle with the issue at hand, but I’d rather fight the good fight of faith than just allow my flesh to win over me. I urge you, let us cherish the freedom that Christ purchased with His blood. Let us use our freedom to love our respective wives (if married). Let us use our freedom to do what God pleases.

    God bless us all.

    • Daniel DeLuca

      The reason for much of this struggle, is that we have imposed man-made restrictions on men, that Jesus never intended. Jesus was pointing out the fact that it is wrong to desire another man’s wife. That is all He was saying, and yet we have blown this one verse out of proportion to cover ALL women, whether they are single or married, and that is wrong. In addition, we have Christian leaders going around claiming that it is somehow wrong for a woman to look at a man, which is not found anywhere in Scripture!!!

  33. It is a fine line between appreciation for a healthy body and lust, but that said, we acknowledge the problem !
    The way forward may be partly in wanting to please others or self exam that Psych encourage, but lets thank Jesus for suggesting that even better help can come from Him at one with God.

  34. Sam Warajeski

    There is a distinct differences between men and women. Men often look at the physical appearance if a woman. That can easily let to the sin of lust. Women are drawn to the man as a provider /companion
    Let me explain I often her woman say Bill us such a nice guy, I wish my husband was like him Bill is so driven and successful my husband is driven to watch football. If Bill ever gets devoiced I am going to trade up.
    Lust is not only sexual it is wanting something or someone you don’t have.
    One last thing woman who wear clothing that shows off their body are guilty of being a stumbling block. You know that men are going to be looking at you as a sexual object. It is nonsensical to say that’s not my problem, they need to deal with it. If you are an attractive women and your wearing a low cut blouse, 95% of all men 12 years to 105 years old will notice and take a second look. The other 5% are blind.

  35. Blessed

    This is exactly what I’m going through right now, because I was into immorality (pornography and masturbation) to be specific, and other sins. But when the GOSPEL stroke me i was exposed to my sin of masturbation. To God be the Glory, the Lord Jesus Christ delivered me and ever since then i have been struggling with how i sees the opposite gender (young or old) even men and animals, Glory be to God and thanks to the author of this article. It has lifted off a very heavy burden off my mind. Thank again, I have even saved it as PDF file to always read along with the the WORDS OF GOD!

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