I want to share some practical ways you can get help with your sexual struggles.
One Extreme Caution
You can’t do this by yourself. We sexual strugglers have a bad history of isolating – some of us for several decades. We are in hiding, and we’d like to manage this on our own. You can’t. Porn, masturbation, adultery, or any type of sexual sin is too big. I am sharing some self-education suggestions, but the majority of this blog pointing you toward other people who can help you.
Victory comes through God, yes, but God has a many arms and legs that need to come alongside you.
Great Organizations That Can Help
If you contact these ministries, you’re going to find something you don’t expect: a “No Shame Zone.” They will not judge you or shame you. Your sexual struggles won’t surprise them. They have are part of God’s provision for you.
PureLifeMinistries.org – Jeff & Rose Colon; counseling, live-in programs, at-home programs
BeBroken.com – Jonathan Daughtery; counseling, workshops for men & wives
FaithfulAndTrueMinistries.com – Sexual addiction expert Dr. Mark Laaser; great resources for individuals, couples, spouses
SexAddict.com – Sexual addiction expert Dr. Doug Weiss; many resources for individuals, couples, spouses, groups
SettingCaptivesFree.com – Mike Cleveland; free online studies and mentoring for a variety of addictions and besetting sins
PureDesire.org – Ted Roberts; great materials for groups
How to Find a Group
Start with these organizations:
CelebrateRecovery.com – use the “Groupfinder” button
PureDesire.org – use the “Get Help” tab
BeBroken.com – use the “Support Groups” button
FreedomEveryDay.org – use the “Find a Support Group” link
How to do a Google search for a group in your area:
Since most groups are not advertised, you have to do a little digging.
- Look for churches with strong men’s ministries: usually larger churches with good websites.
- Look for Christian counselors in the area and call their offices. They know where the “under the radar” support groups are, and they might have one themselves.
- Carefully Google these terms: “Christian sexual addiction groups,” “sexual addiction groups,” “recovery groups,” and then include your city or state in the search.
Organizations that Do Telephone Counseling
Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, by Dr. Mark Laaser
L.I.F.E. Guide for Men, workbook by Dr. Mark Laaser
Pure Desire, by Ted Roberts
Every Man’s Battle, by Fred Stoeker
A Few More Tips from Jeff
- Always move toward face-to-face. E-mailing is great, talking on the phone is better, but you need real people helping you on a regular basis.
- Be courageous! You can do it. Man up! Woman up!
- Do you really want help? Your commitment to reaching out shows how serious you really are. Some people say they want to get well, but they love their addiction too much. Don’t be one of those people.
- Keep looking. I’ve given you the best I know in organizations I don’t think they’ll disappoint. Sometimes counselors or groups don’t work out. Keep trying. Don’t stop if one doesn’t go right.
This is a great article, very comprehensive! Thank you for taking the time to pull all of these resources together.
This is great, Pastor Jeff. As an experienced pastor that you are, resources goes a long way to helping people be steered in the right direction towards recovery and restoration. As Dr. Mark Lasser and you point out very well, it cannot be done alone. Valeria and I appreciate you and your wife Marsha. You all are incredible saints in the Lord.
Tammy & Pastor Rochester – Thanks so much for your comments. Even if we pick up one resource or click on one of the links, we are moving in the direction of finding God’s healing.
One resource I have enjoyed is a workbook by counselor Dr. Milton Magness, who “[specializes] in restoring marriages damaged by sex addiction”. His site is http://www.hopeandfreedom.com and his office is in Houston, TX.
I am a biblical counselor for Pure Life Ministries’ Overcomer’s At Home (OCAH) program. I graduated the Live-in program in 2008. Since then I have gone on to finish a BA Biblical Studies, MA Biblical Counseling and an M.Div., and will be beginning my Th.D. this October. I have been counseling men for PLM since 2009 and testify to the lasting transformation that takes place in these men’s hearts and marriages that statistically is around 88%. It is a 12-week over the phone program and is very intense. We are (IABC) certified and all of us are trained through Master’s International School of Divinity out of Evansville, IN, which is one of the finest biblical counseling training programs, not to mention Divinity School, out there.
I would also add to the list of materials concerning sexual sin, “At The Altar of Sexual Idolatry” by Steve Gallagher, founder of PLM. This book will challenge the believer to the core, scour the corridors of those padlocked, cob-webbed infested chambers of the heart that otherwise are never touched by light, and confront the person with biblical truth, allowing no place of escape, bringing them stripped to the feet of Jesus Christ and the personal meaning of His cross. Intimacy of fellowship with Christ Jesus’ Personhood through a re-habituated lifestyle of abiding in the Vine, and learning how to crucify self for the benefit of others are the focal directives in this practicum.
“When Jesus Christ truly becomes the treasure of the heart, all sin loses all of its appeal” – William Gurnall, Christian in Complete Armour, Vol. I
“Your Word I have treasured in my heart so that I might not sin against You” (Psalm 119:11)
I totally agree. Great book, David! One of the best I’ve read.
I found this great quote:
“We are Luke and Trisha Gilkerson. We love Jesus, each other, our kids, family, friends, books, and food—in that order.” …
Now that’s a blog topic!! Good stuff, Luke. One of these days we’ll get to meet up brother. Blessings to you and your “PhD in awesomeness” helpmate. Keep up the fantastic labor of love, bro.
Thanks, David. It would be fun to meet some day. Thanks for visiting my personal blog.
What I have found with may struggles is that it can be very hard to find someone who is genuinely there to help; too many people calling themselves Christians, even pastors, reverends, vicars, priests and Christian counsellors seem not to be bothered at worst and at best offer scant help. I do then wonder why they become priests etc then in the first place if they lack any real Christian love. It might indeed be for some Christians that they become Christians in the first place because they had a problem that no one else could or would sort out and found solace in the Bible.
This is a message to all those who claim to be Christians whether ordained or not, whether just lay people who go to church or people like myself who are just Christians, that If we don’t practise love and we don’t have time for our fellow humans when they are in need, what value our professed Christianity and all our religious fervour and going to church etc, if we forget to love one another?
I have been living a prayerful, celibate, and charitable life for 14 years now as a way to reform my life from the arrogant, lustful sinner i was in the 80 ‘s and 90 ,s.Jesus said he did not come for the righteous but for the sinner. Jesus also said “‘IF YOU WANT TO BE PERFECT THEN—–” SO it is possible to be righteous and perfect in the human way not divine way. So this has been my desire the last 14 years. Though my desire to be a saint i have fallen at times mostly by my sinful pride in boasting of my good deeds. At at times like today a fell and looked at a fully clothed woman in a lustful way. For I had no sexual experience at all but Jesus said if you look with lust it is the same as committing adultery. I have been praying fro hours today begging fro forgiveness for that as well as my pride fro boasting of my good works to be perfect.I believe God weakens me at times because of my proclivity for pride and those times I feel need of his mercy and see my smallness
You do not have to write back as just writing meets the purpose as part of my penance to be publicly shammed as a remedy to sinful arrogance I will pray the rest of the day for forgiveness and i know i will be clean tomorrow but not look with lust again or boast of my good works fro i am so small compared to Jesus and even many of my righteous Christian and Jewish brothers and sisters who
have greater virtue in their consistency in doing Gods will
in love , peace,and penance= brother bryan
I have been celibate for 15 years now because I can not marry and do not want to commit sexual sin.Four years ago i offered my celibacy as a penance along with living a very charitable life. The last 12 years i have prayed for others several hours a day but now offer my celibacy also as a hope my hours of prayer will be more effectual because of celibacy and charity. Today for the first time in 5 months I was tempted to lust but told myself how much do I desire for my prayer of world peace, world health and world prosperity to be answered so this gave me the strength to turn away from lust and instead prayed for world health, peace and world prosperity. My love for humanity along with my love of God gives me the will to turn away from lust.I am writing this for the strength to try to always do Gods will.