I think most of us understand what a porn addiction is.
It is typically understood to be when a man seeks to lust after a woman.
But what about a Backward Porn Addiction? What is that?
Frankly, I had never heard the term before, though I am very familiar with the concept.
I was caring for some friends recently when the wife began to talk about her struggles with what she called a Backward Porn Addiction.
I think I was more amazed by her humility than anything else.
She was sharing how she liked to capture the gaze of men.
She has struggled with a life-long battle of insecurity and her method of “feeling better about herself” was to dress and present herself in such a way to draw attention to herself.
Ladies, let me ask you some questions:
- When you get dressed in the morning do you think about God’s gaze upon you or someone else’s?
- Do you dress to put God’s name on display or your physicality on display?
- How does the glory of God impact your thought life when it comes to your appearance?
- Would your friends or spouse say you are overly-concerned about how you look?
- Can you go to the store and really not care how you look?
- Are you free to not wear make-up?
- Do you secretly compare yourself to other women?
- What feeds your thinking more: How the culture views beauty? How God views beauty?
Backward Porn Addiction
A Backward Porn Addiction is when a woman, or man for that matter, presents herself in such a way that she draws attention to her appearance. She is not actively pursuing porn, but she is doing it in a backward kind of way.
One of the more seductive problems with this kind of heinous thinking is that she can feel smug or self-righteous in her judgments of a man who aggressively or openly pursues porn. Her addiction is more subtle, thus the reasoning could run along these lines:
Guys are sleazy. They disgust me the way they gawk at women.
While her assessment may be crass but true, do you think dressing provocatively-subtle is more spiritual, biblical, and honoring to God? If so, then you’re a legalist who is hair-splitting. While the two porn addictions are going in different directions, both of them corrupt the soul and rob God of His due glory.
Typically a Backward Porn Addiction manifests itself in two ways:
- Women comparing themselves with women
- Women competing or craving for the gaze of a man
I know I’m a bit late on the thread but I seriously have this problem. I feel helpless in this area and don’t know how to stop. I used to dress extremely provocatively bc I loved it when men validated my beauty. You see I needed their constant stares of approval to feel beautiful. I quickly learned that dressing with little clothing caught the attention of many. I once walked in a restaurant and looked to c if I caught anyone’s attention, there was an overweight middle-aged guy sitting by himself and when he noticed me, but DIDN’T continue gawking (like the other men had done), I thought:
“Why won’t u continue to admire me?? Am I fat? Ugly? Please tell me what it is so I can fix it and become beautiful again!” Fat doesn’t = ugly..but as a girl I quickly learned guys don’t prefer fat. Flat chested doesn’t =ugly. But men don’t prefer flat chested. I have nice breasts and always showed them off to receive affirmation. Now, I still have this problem except I’m Christian and dress appropriately. So I somehow take more pride when I see a man checking me out even though I am dressed modestly! I went out to eat one evening and saw a group of girls, all dressed rather provocatively. When they walked in ahead me a lot of the men in the restaurant turned to feast their eyes on these gorgeous girls. However, when I walked in, almost all the men redirected their attention to me..(I was dressed in a modest vintage style dress) they didn’t just check me out (like they had the other girls) they continued to gawk, even after I had sat down and ordered my food I caught many of them making subtle glances my way. I felt smug and thought to myself…”I don’t HAVE to dress provocatively to get a man’s attention like these girls do” and somehow, in my twisted mind, that made me better than them. I hate that I am this way! I hate that I am always scoping the room to see if I am the most attractive girl. I hate this vanity! I don’t know when I became this way…this article is great, but how do I stop myself from thinking this way? Does anyone have advice or suggestions? I know I’m not the only woman like this…I can’t be
Hi Lydia – a struggle that has lasted for years will likely take repeated, daily effort to “unwind.” Pray constantly for the transformation of your mind (Romans 12:2) and take each thought captive to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Engage the power of the Sharpie and the sticky note to remind yourself often of what is Truth and what is counterfeit. God is for you! I sense that you truly want to change. Be blessed.
Peace, Chris
Wow. Figure out what you want, my dear Christian brothers. ‘Cause most of you really send us Christian women mixed signals. Even the Bible talks of “provocatively subtle” beauty in a positive way. Esther would be a good example. Sarah was beautiful too. Was it spoken about in a negative light in terms of anything Sarah was doing? No. Christian men just need to come to terms with the fact that they can’t be like King Solomon and have thousands of beautiful sex partners because the concubine “loophole” was called out. Now all they get is their one, aging wife. It’s a good thing. It eventually forces the Christian man to be 100% dependent on their Lord because only this will keep him faithful outwardly and inwardly, for the long haul (until he goes to be with the Lord).
@K – I’m not sure the article was about Christian men being caused to stumble as much as it was about the heart of a woman being ensnared by an obsession with being attractive and noticed. Of course some women in the Bible are specifically mentioned as attractive individuals. That’s not the issue. The issue is whether these women desired to be seen as attractive more than they desired their Lord. In the end, you are right: men must see their wives as their standard of beauty. At the same time, women must not be drawn toward an obsessive interest in being the standard of beauty for other men.
Great article!
I don’t think this idea is new *at all*. Ever hear of Bathsheba? Read Proverbs 7:10-25. The notion that woman chase after men, that they do things to draw attention to themselves and snare men is as old as creation.
@Darryl – Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t catch the idea from Rick’s post that he was saying this is a new problem. I totally agree with you: this problem is as old as the hills.