2 minute read

Four Tips on Having the Sex Talk with Your Kids

Last Updated: July 27, 2021

Luke Gilkerson
Luke Gilkerson

Luke Gilkerson has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and an MA in Religion. He is the author of Your Brain on Porn and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

Fred Stoeker, co-author of Every Man’s Battle, talks in this video about crucial parenting moments with his 11-year-old son about the Birds and the Bees.

At the end of the video Fred talks about this being his “D6 Moment.” D6 is a movement based on Deuteronomy 6, where right after Moses presents the greatest of all God’s commandments he addresses parents saying,

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

When it comes to preparing our children to live lives obedient to God in a sex-saturated culture, this model of parenting is crucial.

  1. In order to parent well, God’s words must be “on our hearts.” The heart, in Hebrews thinking, is the seat of all our affections, reasoning, and choosing. Parents must be people who take seriously the commands of God and take them into the very core of our being. To teach good sexual values we must truly embrace them ourselves.
  2. In order to parent well, we need to diligently teach. A Hebrew figure of speech is used here carrying the idea of having a finely sharpened tongue, or having incisive words that pierce the mind and the soul. As parents, do we know how to talk to our kids in an engaging way? When it comes to talking about sexual matters, are we timid or do we speak frankly and boldly?
  3. In order to parent well, we must engage in continual conversation. Sitting at home, going about our routines, bedtime, and morning—we must be willing and able to capitalize on teachable moments, helping our children interpret this world through gospel-centered eyes. Having “the talk” is not about having one good chat about “the facts of life,” but about an ongoing conversation.
  4. In order to parent well, home-life must be Word-saturated. The rhythms and values of our homes must be informed by God’s words, so that by going in and out of the “gates” of our home there is a recognizable shift between the ways of God and the ways of the world. Does the Word of God shape how we converse, how we dress, what media we watch, and what music we hear?

For more from Fred Stoeker, listen to our recent interview with him.