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Dear Abby: I'm female, 16, religious, and addicted to porn

Last Updated: February 20, 2014

Luke Gilkerson

Luke Gilkerson has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and an MA in Religion. He is the author of Coming Clean: Overcoming Lust Through Biblical Accountability and The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality. Luke and his wife Trisha blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com

I read a recent post by Dear Abby.  A 16-year-old girl admits her addiction to porn and asks for Abby’s advice.  I really appreciate the candid honesty of this girl, and the counsel Abby gives her.  Abby writes, “the problem with pornography is the distorted vision it gives viewers of what sex is really about.”

  • Comments on: Dear Abby: I'm female, 16, religious, and addicted to porn
    1. Briana on

      i have the same exact problem,exept im 14 years old. i used to be hugely religious and now its all faded away. I think porn is like a temporary fix for me, kind of how it is with people who cut. i think that it makes me have a temporary fix in life, where i dont necessarily feel better or happy, but satisfied. i dont know how to get rid of the addiction and i dont know why i do it because everytime i do, i feel a huge amount of guilt. someone please help.

      Reply
      • Aliyana on

        I’m the same age, but for me Its WAAY different. I REAALLY wanna stop but cant. I just hope this addiction goes away because I’m ashamed of myself for this horrible sin. I thought once I would get older, my hormones would settle, but they arent. I pray most of the time it would go away…

      • Yona on

        I’m certain 15 year old, Me too, my friend told me that word “sex” when I’m 9 year old. That I never forget that word but how she did found out that word. Later, I search at laptop for “sex” and found then watch it. Later I got still addiction to porn. That bad? And I feel bad and guilty but I wish I could stop.

      • Moriah Bowman on

        Yona,

        Porn can easily trap you in a cycle of shame, where you feel like you cannot escape from the guilt. The good news is that you CAN find freedom from this! Do you have a close friend you can turn to and ask for help? This can be as simple as them walking alongside you and checking in on a daily/weekly basis to see how you are doing. They can also hold you accountable to your Internet activity through our Screen Accountability software.

        Above all, pray fervently and ask God to change your heart and mind. It is difficult to quit porn alone, but with the help of others, you can be freed from addiction.
        Praying for you!
        Moriah

    2. David on

      One Idea to add to a multi-level Approach

      Christians, who understand and agree with allot of the basics of Christianity and proper walk with God, need to value practical steps in ‘stopping patterns of sin’.

      After you sin and resubmitted to allowing God to be back in control of your soul (through His spirit) consider what ‘door(s) you left open’ that made provision for stumbling and falling into that pattern of sin.

      Then, ‘while you’re spiritually sane’, take the practical step(s) to close that door as permanently as possible.

      For instance, adding the filter feature to your Covenant Eyes, breaking clean from certain friends or perhaps canceling your cable and remove TV from your home; whatever it takes… ratchet up the ‘door closing’ as you analyze each time you fall.

      Start with the obvious and keep working it until you are back in control (through Christ’s power). This means you are not just doing a bunch of ‘legalistic things’ but making practical adjustments until you see a difference.

      Its sort of like stopping a plumbing or roof leak… you make “repairs” until it stops.

      Thanks,
      David

      Reply
    3. anonumous on

      Well I have thee same problem to with watching porn and I really need help I’m a 16 year old girl and I just caint stop watching it it like a temorary fix for me and when i m not able to watch porn I masturbate I no how dusgussting it sounds but this is seriously taking over my life I caint deal with it enymore I’m tired of feeling ashamed after I do it but it seems like no matter how mutch I try I caint get through this addiction it just makes me feel horible about myself I just need to get through it and I always feel that god hates me because of the stuff I do

      Reply
    4. Crystal Renaud on

      Anonymous,

      First of all, God doesn’t hate you. There is nothing you can do that could cause God to hate you. He loves you, but He doesn’t love your behavior because it’s taking His place in your life.

      I struggled with sexual addiction from the age of 10 to 18 and can tell you that it’s possible to overcome. But it takes surrender, confession, accountability, taking responsibility and sharing your story to fully overcome.

      I have founded a ministry called Dirty Girls Ministries and it’s for girls and women just like you that need community and need to know they’re not alone. Covenant Eyes is a great tool to use as well to rid your life of the pornography aspect of your struggles.

      Know that you’re loved.
      Crystal Renaud
      Founder, Dirty Girls Ministries

      Reply
    5. Karen on

      I’m 16 turning 17 and i just can’t stop watching it, is it wrong?

      Reply
    6. Jaden231 on

      I have been raised to be a good christian, but now, in my late teens I find myself on the edge of what one could call acceptable.

      I have been looking at pornography and masturbated atleast once a month for the last year or so even though I know it’s wrong. I just can’t help myself, the urge is too strong. It leaves me with a feeling of intense helplessness and disgust. Why can’t I be like everyone else and stray from these sins? I can’t take it anymore… I hate myself, I hate my lack of control and I can’t face my family anymore; I get panic attacks and feelings of overwhelming inferiority every time I talk to them. I am a worthless person and I don’t deserve their love or respect.

      Do you think God will forgive me or am I doomed to an afterlife of suffering?

      Reply
      • Luke Gilkerson on

        Hi Jaden. God is merciful and good. You are right to feel a sense of disgust over this sin, because all sin is shameful. But this is exactly what Jesus died for. God didn’t spare his own Son on the cross so that Christ could absorb all His wrath against sin. There is not a dorp of wrath left for those who are united to Christ. Not a drop. Christ has drained the cup dry. When you feel that sense of disgust, let it be a reminder of the cross: Jesus took all of your shame. Run to Him knowing you will find mercy and complete forgiveness. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

        I encourage you to check out both BeggarsDaughter.com and DirtyGirlsMinistries.com. There are women available who have been through this, and they would love to talk to you.

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