More Than Single

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Many single people believe they have no recourse other than turning to porn to deal with their loneliness and their sexual desires. In More Than Single: Finding Purpose Beyond Porn, we help singles discover freedom from porn and joy in their circumstances.

7 thoughts on “Why We Need the Message of Celibacy Now More Than Ever

  1. I have been celibate for 19 years now. (Divorced in 1999).

    And sex before marriage, is not for me. I did that, and after the COST, I made a vow.

    The COST to me spiritually, financially, emotionally, I won’t go down that road again.

  2. Thanks for this article.

    I am a married, a husband, we have 5 children. I was promised just under 20 years ago that I would better be able to overcome my struggles with pornography and masturbation when married and I had a proper ‘outlet’ for sexual expression. What horrible and wrong advise that was.

    The challenge and fight is real. I am doing better, but it is a daily struggle.

  3. This is a response to the article “Why we need the message of celibacy now more than ever”.

    Please be advised in advance that reading this post may seriously hurt the reader; please brace yourself.

    Many young men today are angry that their father was not the master of the house, bashed in every aspect of cultural media, or even treated in with contempt for his authority in a divorce proceeding. Angry that their mom treated their dad without respect. They are angry because thoughout education, teachers consistently mocked who they are, first as boys and later as men. They are angry because any and every woman in their field of work or study remotely close in capability was recognized or promoted before them. Angry because their friends are wrongfully accused of sexual harassment just because they resent women looking down on them. They are angry because they cannot even discuss what ‘should’ be the proper structure of authority in the world without being labeled as toxic. They are angry because most of the ‘Christian’ women in the public square can’t be bothered to defend the faith for themselves and blindly support materialism, homosexuality,, Islam, socialism, feminism, evolution, or whatever is the latest rebelion – to their own dissatisfaction – and blame the consequences that follow on lack of leadership from men. Because they are so unlike their grandmothers in character and qualiity. Young men are angry because the definition of love has been warped from true obedience to righteous duty into a mindless emotion of feeling happy about accepting evil. Angry because wholesome and unified morality have been replaced by power-basedf circumstantial ethics. He is angry because whenever he tried to stand up for something right the women around him made it clear that they were ashamed of his audacity.

    Sure, I admit it. I’m angry with women. No, that’s an understatement. I HATE feminism. From the core of my being. I hate that women are so beautiful on the outside and so ugly inside. In this determination I have made a covenant with my eyes to NEVER look lustfully at a woman. Which is easier when you see into their hearts; its not worth hell. In the course of twelve years I’ve failed momentarily here and there, but this just makes me angrier and strengthens my resolve to become stronger against temptation and follow my conscience in the right direction in other areas of life as well. It takes immense resolve to will the transformation of anger into purity. But it is not without consequences.

    Thankfully I had a life that made this decision straightfoward. I was nearly homosexually abused as a kid and had both psychologically and physically nearly broken my body by age fourteen in misguided attempts to obtain every power of will over my mind. I’ve known hunger and thirst, danger and helplessness, not knowing who to trust and not knowing whether I’d have enough. I was given the gift of experienceing enough of success to know that it’s an illusion to enough desperation and hopelessness to know that’s a lie as well. From age nineteen, four consecutive years of struggling against suicide helped put the rest of life in perspective. I used to use my own sheer strength of will to climb out of one addiction just to fall into the next. Only when I had nothing left at the end of addiction to despair and had thrown away my last self-justification – was I able to see things differently. “I must destroy the evil within or it will destroy me” used to be my governing principle; now I’m in the business of exchanging abundant life to displace eternal internal death.

    As soon as I had conquered suicide, that’s when the flood which had been held back rushed in full force. It was as if I had never before known what malice was, what pride was, what lust was, what contempt was. The temptations to sin and words of the evil one became so viscerally awful and powerful now that I had given up the power to resist them on my own. Only the power of Jesus could save me. And that’s where I’m still today – at the place of the cross.

    Celibate life needs to be sold out wholeheartedly to God because otherwise its extreme loneliness is overwhelming. Maybe some day I’ll meet the woman I’m not worthy of and all the predjudices I have will come crashing down. But likely that chance will never come, and even if it did, could she ever fill the emptiness in my heart? That would be too much to expect so I don’t.

    If it’s God’s will, when the time of preparation is finished I’ll be sent to a place where the word of God isn’t welcomed by many. Perhaps the picture will become clearer then. Why would I proclaim something that condemns me? Because my only hope is that Spirit of that Word will someday work within to save me.

    One thing in closing. I’m weighed down by immense anger and have a terrible attitude towards women, but what good is that? Somehow I manage to be polite and gentlemanly towards every lady while hiding the hatred behind my eyes, but that’s nothing to be happy about. I exercise extreme control over all actions, so the pain rarely shows. But “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” You can’t contain bitterness forever. My anger surfaced one time briefly, which cost me a great deal of the friendships and ruined my life at the time. I spent forty sleepless nights tortured psychodemonically. That’s when I discovered that I’d truly become psychopathic.

    You said, “we need celibates to share their stories”. This is my story. But it’s not over. I’ve lived a crazy life and can count on a hand the number of times I’ve nearly died medically or in accidents, but I’m not ready yet. I want to find peace with God first and not have nothing to show for my life.

    This is my hope: that’s me today, but that’s not who I will be. That my character in future years will be transformed. That one day my identity in Christ will triumph and everything else will be defeated. All bitterness, hatred, anger, pain, and despair. At the resurrection, if I’m allowed in, I’ll have a completely transformed heart and mind and be able to rejoice with all of God’s people – men and women all – “like the angels in heaven” – in complete reconciliaition and harmony. That’s the kingdom I’m looking forward to.

  4. You do make a lot of good points in this article. Society shouldn’t mock virgins. Guys do need to understand that rejection can happen and isn’t even unusual.

    However, I think that the article should mention that some of us singles should marry. Some of us can’t live up to this standard you set of the overachieving single, so we probably should marry. Not to mention the fact some people really are meant for marriage.

  5. Thanks for this article. When I was young, I desperately needed to understand that celibacy was a valid option. But that message was hardly ever presented to me at all.

    Not everyone, even among Christians, is right for marriage. I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say that I fit that description as a young (and not so young) person. And no one, even in the church, ever helped me to realize that, much less address it. I only figured it out, for myself, when it was too late. The main message I got about marriage as a young single person, even from the church, was that it was there to meet MY needs — basically, the same message I got from the anti-Christian world. No one explained to me that marriage (and, by extension, parenthood) was a huge responsibility that I was in no way prepared for (and was not likely to become prepared for).

    The attempt at marriage (and parenthood) I made when younger, for reasons that were all wrong, crashed and burned more badly than most failed marriages. The only good to come of it was that it enabled me to understand and appreciate the real marriage that God led me into much later in life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *