About the author, Jay Stringer

A licensed mental health counselor and ordained minister, Jay Stringer has spent the last decade working on the frontlines of the demand for pornography and sexual exploitation. Stringer holds an MDiv and Master in Counseling Psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Patrick Carnes and Dr. Dan Allender. Jay's first book, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, will be released in the fall of 2018. His book includes original research on over 3,600 men and women struggling with pornography. Visit Jay's website to download a free chapter. Follow Jay on Twitter: @_jaystringer

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Fight Porn in Your Church

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Christians look at porn, too. Can churches become communities where people find repentance, hope, and healing? If there ever is a time to take action, that time is now. This e-book will equip you to take action in your church.

7 thoughts on “Faith Leaders: When We Blame Lust, We Intensify Sexual Sin

  1. Possibly the most profound (and logical) insights I have found yet. This resonates truth at every angle in my own personal experience, both from my own struggle in youth, and as evidenced by my perpetrators. Thank you so much for sharing.

  2. Hello Jay,
    I have a question. You say that, “A husband makes a bid to his wife for sex. She declines. He escalates the conflict and his wife turns away to fall asleep because she knows sex is largely about curbing his anger.”
    The bible mentions sex and sexual relations quite often. It’s a great thing between a husband and a wife. There are many important reasons for it- intimacy, creating children, the list could go on. I’ve never heard before that it is for curbing HIS anger. Not only that but sex is largely for this purpose. While I’m sure that could be a reason in certain situations, it is hard for me to imagine that this is the large role sex plays. So it’s to fix us men? I also can’t find that in the bible. I do find in the bible in 1 Cor 7:5 that married people are not to deprive each other except for a time by mutual consent to devote to prayer. Is the women’s initial declining supported by the bible? Is her declining him really make her the healthiest one between them, or is it because she just wasn’t in the mood? This would seem to be a poor reason to decline his advance. I understand that if a wife turns a husband down then it is best that he takes it to the Lord in prayer and not act in anger towards her. I wouldn’t justify this husbands actions. However, this seems to me that in this scenario the husband is being held accountable for his unbiblical actions while the wife is justified in her unbiblical actions.

    Sometimes i can come across argumentative when i don’t intend to, so please understand i am willing to adjust my thinking. I would just like to hear this explained.

    • Using the Bible to justify sexual coercion is spiritual abuse. A woman should never be coerced into having sex for any reason whatsoever, but especially so that her husband won’t be angry! Men are capable of being responsible for their own emotions, and they must. Using sex to make him calm down is a despicable idea to begin with, and using the Bible in an attempt to bring even more coercion to bear is just horrifying. A woman who is being coerced in this way has every right to leave this abusive situation.

  3. This blog post is outstanding and spot on!! In fighting the porn compulsion, I knew it was linked to my problem with my temper and this post so accurately and clearly explains the connection!!!
    God bless you for all your hard work in this fight. Thank you for standing up for and speaking the truth!!!

  4. I checked with several leading commentators and none make the link between murder and anger in Matthew 5. 20 – 26 and following verses on sexual sin in Matthew 5. 27- 30. I have no doubt that being a fallen person in a fallen world with Fallen parents and Fallen spouses leads to frustration that is “satisfied” in sinful ways. I’m a psychiatrist but I see no reason to make the reaches that are counterintuitive with regard to these verses which simply have to do with two entirely different topics other than they are categories of our sinfulness. I for one, prefer pornography that is a depiction of two people deeply passionate and loving and not as you suggest an expression of anger with male dominance. Nevertheless, it’s wrong wrong wrong and destructive destructive destructive.

    let’s call it what it is – it’s sinful, it’s lust, and probing your past will only do what the Bible does not do which is giving you an excuse to avoid just saying no to sin! ( oh and by the way, there are plenty of verses about anger too, and guess what, those verses don’t have anything to do with sex or lust but they have everything to do with anger. Kind of neat the way the Bible is straightforward huh? )

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