5 Messages Porn-Using Singles Need to Hear 

“I’m single, so what’s the big deal with watching porn?” A message that says it’s more acceptable for a single person to use porn than someone in a relationship sugar coats the same lie with a different colored sugar.

The truths I share in this article apply to both men and women. The personal, relational, and physical harms that stem from pornography are real and felt by both genders. Certainly, single men and women need to be informed of more than five truths about porn use, but these five are potentially the most impactful truths for singles.

5 Messages Porn-Using Singles Need to Hear

Pornography use rewires the brain.

Our brain operates on a system of neural pathways that send signals to and fro in the mind and body, releasing chemicals and signaling physical responses. I’ve simplified this process for illustration purposes here.

Men and women release a chemical called oxytocin at orgasm which creates a bond in the mind with what or whom the sexual release was with. In women, the amount of oxytocin released is much higher. The divine design is for the bond to be between husband and wife. The brain, however, does not know the difference–in porn’s case, it just bonds the man or woman with an image on a screen.

This builds a neural pathway in your mind that, over time, becomes difficult to extricate oneself from. Porn has a real physical effect on your mind. Fact. (For more information, read this article on hypofrontality from Covenant Eyes.)

Porn desensitizes our value of people.

People are turned into objects of pleasure for our eyes and body. People, including our spouse, become a tool to achieve orgasm and self-pleasure. Porn turns sex into an experience of getting something rather than an experience of giving. The use of porn is all about the user. God created sex, and it’s beautiful when experienced in a giving mindset.

Related: License to Lust–How Porn Trains Objectification

Pornography presents a false definition of intimacy.

When many of us hear the word intimacy, we automatically think sex. Intimacy is not spelled “sex.” It is a significant part of an overall husband and wife relationship, but it’s not just about sex.

There is a whole soul, mind, spirit, and body connection involved in intimacy. True intimacy sprouts when our greatest need of being fully known and fully loved is lived out in marriage.

Intimacy grows in daily ways in a relationship. Opening doors for her, having coffee ready for each other in the morning, holding hands, words of encouragement, and so on. For a deeper dive, read my Covenant Eyes article, “Intimacy is not spelled S.E.X.”

Sex portrayed in porn is deceptive and violent.

A healthy relationship is void of any violent elements. However, over 85% of all pornography produced today contains violence, especially towards women. Porn gives you a highly distorted view of God’s created beauty within sex. When we model our sex lives off of what we see in porn, it opens the door for all kinds of hurt and pain. God created sex to be good, and remember, it’s about giving, not getting.

Related: Porn and Sexual Violence–10 Facts from the Experts

Pornography deconstructs who you’re meant to be as future spouse.

Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” As we are to become more like Jesus Christ, it would follow that both men and women would take on His likeness. Sexual intimacy with your future wife or husband is about giving to one another, not taking.

The perfect time to become the husband or wife God has for you to be is today. As a single person, every choice you make regarding how you handle your God-given sexuality prepares you for marriage. Good and bad choices alike.

How much is your integrity worth to you? Your sexual integrity is part of the answer to that question. Your future spouse knows how much it’s worth to him or her, and I suspect the answer they’d give would be along the lines of “priceless.”

Related: Your Sexual Purity Isn’t Just About You

Your future spouse, marriage, and, yes, children are waiting to meet the spouse or parent they will desire and look up to. Porn will do everything in its power to destroy the man or woman you want and need to be.

Watching porn as a single will do nothing to positively prepare you for marital sexual intimacy. It will do the complete opposite. I know first hand how true this is.

If pornography or another sexual stronghold has a grip on you, take the first step toward freedom. That is a step in becoming the spouse and parent God has designed for you to become.

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