About the author, Dan Wobschall

Dan serves as the Southeast Regional Director for Be Broken Ministries. In fall of 2017, Be Broken will launch a Gateway to Freedom workshop in the Orlando area for men struggling with pornography and other sexual strongholds. Dan received training in biblical counseling through the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.  He speaks nationally on sexual integrity, discipleship at home and marital growth & strengthening. Dan & his wife Julie have been married for 32 years and live in Orlando, Florida. They have three adult daughters.

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More Than Single

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Many single people believe they have no recourse other than turning to porn to deal with their loneliness and their sexual desires. In More Than Single: Finding Purpose Beyond Porn, we help singles discover freedom from porn and joy in their circumstances.

One thought on “5 Messages Porn-Using Singles Need to Hear 

  1. Brother If I can be frankly honest with you, singles dont need to hear more reasons to not look at porn. So many single christians are desperate to stop but they have no idea how. none of your points said how to stop looking at porn, they were all why to not look at porn and in many ways they were very poorly aimed at singles. I get that you have been married for 32 years, and likely dont remember being single but do these points actually help singles you councel have long term success? Lets look at your points.

    1. Porn rewires the brain.

    Dont you think that point is mute when the average age for exposure to porn is 8 and all adult singles are 18 and up. Why do you have this point when most singles addicted to porn have been addicted to porn all their life?

    A better point for why you should stop looking at porn is that not looking at porn rewires your porn addled brain in very benificial ways, and then explain what those ways are to a group of people who have never had a sober (from porn) day in their adult life.

    2. Porn desensitizes our view of people.

    same as point one. Most of the people you talked to have never been sober from porn in their adult life and you need to point out how getting away from porn is going to make them see people in a new better light.

    3. Porn presents a false definition of intimacy.

    I absolutly love the title of this point, but then you forgot your audience. Quit frankly if you were talking to married people this point would not be bad, but you are talking to single adults so you fail spectacularly.

    Intimacy is not just sex, and its not just for married couples. There is intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy. Sex is a minor part of physical intimacy. Singles have the oppertunity to develop intellectual emotional and spiritual intimacy with people and are commanded to do so in the local church in I Corinthians 12, and galatians 6.

    I have not looked at porn in nearly three years and a lot of it is due to me trading porn for intellectual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, this is something you should be talking to singles a lot about, and I dont mean just limiting it to marriage. Great book on the subject is the seven levels of intimacy by matthew kelly.

    4 Sex in porn is deceptive and violent.

    This is a factually accurate statement, but for a single person who is a christian and probably a virgin, this is also not helpful. When my pastor councled me on my porn addiction do you know what floored me, I was floored when I found out that there was an emotional aspect to sex. A couple of years before I stopped looking at porn I read a biography and in that biography the author said that God made sex to bring two people closer together than anything else could. I was shocked. I never viewed sex as anything other than a physical release, and as a single guy I went to church all my life, went to christian school, went to Bible college listened to all the family programs and I had never before then heard of sex as anything other than a physical act. I would recommend talking about the emotional aspect of sex, you will be surprised at the singles who have never heard about it.

    5. Porn deconstructs who you are meant to be in a future spouse.

    A lot of singles are under the impression they will never get married. Honestly this is a point that I just consider dangerous. Personally I think the focus in overcoming porn for singles is the depression they are feeling from their porn addiction now, than because one day they might get married. But this is going to really depend on the single.

    In conclusion the problem with what you have to say here isnt that it isnt wrong, but that you have taken what you tell to married guys and given it to unmarried guys that are supposed to not have sex until they get married which could be years away. Here are my thoughts for counselors on counseling singles with porn addiction http://www.singlevsporn.com/counselors-corner.html

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