About the author, Brad Hambrick

Brad Hambrick is Pastor of Counseling at The Summit Church in Durham, North Carolina. Brad also serves as a Council Board member with the Biblical Counseling Coalition and adjunct professor of biblical counseling at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Brad has been married to his wife Sallie since 1999 and has two wonderful boys.​

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4 thoughts on “5 Horrible Ways to Tell Your Wife About Your Porn Addiction

  1. really appreciated the article, until the “equivalent to… gaming system”… not even a close analogy…
    let’s see, it’s like you giving your children an incredible, beautiful vineyard as a gift, as their inheritance, that will sustain them and make amazing wine along with grape juice, jam, etc., but instead of caring for the vineyard, and treasuring it as part of their inheritance, they let toxic waste in, they let strangers leave their filth behind and defile this vineyard. This vineyard is meant for you all to enjoy, and an inheritance for your children. But what the contempt with how it is treated will kill the vineyard. (well, that’s a start anyway)…

    and again, I do appreciate most this article and the encouragement for men to tell their wives… in the recent porn phenomenon survey, I was appalled that almost half of pastors would not tell their wives, and guess what then? they will not counsel other men to tell either… so the lying spirit, the spirit of deception continues to grow in the lives of these men, and by allowing that, the demonic spirits that they have opened the door to, are running rampant in the life of their families and the life of the Church =( I do not believe God will heal porn, if we will not come clean on the deception as well… it’s time for the Church to confess and address the deception that goes hand in hand with any addiction, but especially with porn. I think this (lying/deception) is part of the reason the stats tell us the Church is not making headway in reversing the direction of the stats, and instead the stats are growing rapidly for the young (12-30) and women. I hope that makes some sense!

  2. I have been reading the book “Worthy of Her Trust” by Jason B. Martinkus. In that book, Martinkus uses the line “I would rather risk losing you than to lie to you.” He encourages complete honesty and disclosure to a man’s wife, even to the point of saying it’s 3:14 instead of a quarter after three. His premise is to let no hint of deception enter the wife’s mind as you are on the journey of recovery. Granted, some might look as this as extreme or ridiculous, but think of how small and subtle the ways of Satan can get into a relationship. It is risky spilling every failure out to your wife, but complete openness can be healing, removing every trace of the cancer for the intent of restoration.

  3. I am the former wife of a man addicted to porn. Notice I said former. I gave this man 29 of my years and I forgave him of this countless times. The last he told me I shouldn’t be upset, it’s the way men are. I feel it’s difficult for these guys to change. Please do not think I am bitter. I have forgiven him and moved on to a much happier life. I feel this addiction is as bad as heroin. Difficult to kick.

    • This just makes me sad! This is NOT how men are! There’s so much MORE to life than the fakeness of porn! There’s real life, real freedom, real relationship. I’m glad you were able to forgive him and move on. Blessings, Kay

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