18 thoughts on “The Missing Link in Porn Addiction Recovery

  1. Luke, great idea with iphone app. I don’t have such a phone and would like to get involved in 40 days. Could I do the same thing on my computer. (Maybe you already said that.) Anyway, let me know.

    • Joseph, that was a major gap in my routine for years, but I hadn’t a vibrant walk with Jesus either. All I did was fight it alone and pine for a comrade. Don’t do that. Take your fallen mind and soul to Jesus daily, even writing down what you say to Him and listening to what you hear in return, particularly when reading through the Bible. And let your prayers go up for a brother in whom to confide and keep you accountable. But as in finding a spouse, men of God never look for brothers in Christ for accountability on their own power or in their own wisdom either. Make this a matter of prayer and annoying persistence. Wear God out and let it make you equally weary of the pursuit. There are no cruise liners to deliverance. Get after it and outlast the Enemy. I found help in Setting Captives Free, an online curriculum with an email partner, at least at first. It was free and so amazingly worth it. But prepare for daily bombardment with scripture and conviction. It’s like being interrogated by the FBI, and if you are like I was, you long for more rigor in a recovery program, as opposed to what often ends up being Barney’s kiss kiss for the boo boo’s. CE and Brother Gilkerson are a fantastic, no-nonsense resource. Devour everything they put out there. But get with Jesus, and then with a partner. . . REGULARLY. I wasted years fighting like Rocky alone in the ring with the Enemy. He pummeled me – and my wife and son – for way too long. Don’t be a lone wolf. You’ll be dinner for the lions.

  2. Great article on the three components of recovery. The “run with” was definitely the missing link with me, but you couldn’t have told me that for a long time. I did plenty of study, but my walk with Jesus was still in the freezer. I’d come out occasionally after some crisis drove me to my knees, break and sob before the Lord, experience His Spirit lifting me above the slavery I’d known, then fade. I did not walk, let alone run, “with” my Lord. He was merely my 911 dispatcher. Not what He gave his blood for, eh? Don’t ask me what eventually cracked the barrier betwixt Christ and myself in the daily walk, but I did begin a prayer journal in order to chronicle His faithfulness to me, and my journey with Him, banning any and all thoughts or reflections that were not meaningful dialogue between the Lord and myself, about OUR walk. At that point for sure, He began to give me His mind, and His desires, but only as I asked, sought, and knocked persistently on a daily basis. Not until then was ready for Him to move in and become my Lord in all the corners of my life. Look into that one, a prayer journal like a “Dear Diary,” except this is a daily “Dear Jesus.” It got to where I had to start marking the date and even times of my prayers, as He was sometimes answering them within the hour, a couple times before I’d finished the sentence containing the petitions. I’ve filled three journals now and working on my fourth. My version of Psalms, in a lesser way. But the impact on the renewal of my mind was the same as stomping the gas pedal at Daytona.

  3. My comments are going to sound confrontational. I do not mean them to be. I have legitimate questions. What if there is no heaven and when we die, that is just it? Many people are literally being guilted and believing in God out of fear. Not out of love.

    Here is why I ask this. Puritan America has had disastrous consequences on America and the world. I can give you many examples of this. The crusades killed many. The inquisition killed many. We killed the Indians in the name of God. We hunted innocent people, burned them, and called them witches out of shear stupidity. We persecuted gays. Said it was okay to have slavery because God wanted it. We lock up the most people in the world and all our laws are based on the “good book”. We have been at war for 30 years against Muslims and killed millions. Heck, there are people in prison right now for sex crimes that were consensual and never harmed anyone. Hell, we have people in prison for sex crimes against imaginary people. Out of our puritanical notion of life, we literally cage people, put them in hell, strip search them constantly (which is a sexual violation and if you doubt this go get strip searched) and then we make life a living hell for them when they are released. We literally state sponsor sex crimes against people. All for things that never harmed anyone!! We even do this if people smoke a freaking herb that God put on this dang planet!!! The reality is that Puritan America is so ANTI-CHRIST it is not even funny. When you really look at how Christ handled things — it is nothing like what occurs in the good ole USA. In fact, Christ was a CRIMINAL and he gave MERCY. People forget this. He was a criminal. Just like all the criminals we never give mercy to in America. Since, I worked in a courtroom for years — I can honestly say — there are tens of thousands of innocent people in prison and who are making profit for states — Christian Bible Belt States. I challenge everyone to meditate on the life of Christ. LOOK AT THE MERCY HE GAVE and then look at HOW CHRISTIAN AMERICA IS NOT AT ALL MERCIFUL.

    So, I guess my question is this. How do I know there is a heaven because frankly, the inequity on this planet is sickening to me. I literally throw up some days knowing of the corruption I know of in this country. If you drive by a prison, you better believe those in authority are the same as the Nazi and are often worse than the criminals they are housing. I really want to know about how God handles this. How do you know any of this is right. I say this because I dont necessarily disagree with your stance on porn but at the same time, I am sorry, there are many worse sins and much greater evil in this world than looking at naked women and thinking about sex. If you doubt this, live the life I have and seen what I have seen. Trust me. Porn will be the least of what is on your mind.

    Again. I dont mean to be confrontational or rude or mean. I just want answers and frankly, there are none.

    • Hi M.L.,

      What a complex question! Let me start by answering your most basic question: “What if there’s no Heaven? Would porn still be a big deal?” From an evolutionary standpoint, even if the greatest creed we have is “survival of the fittest,” porn is still harmful; it encourage procreative behaviors via masturbation without procreation (which is arguably the one law of evolution). So there is that.

      I do think that there is evidence that Heaven, God, and Jesus are all real. I highly recommend that you read a book on apologetics. A couple of suggestions are “The Case for Christ” and “The Case for Faith” (both by Lee Strobel) and “New Evidence that Demands a Verdict” by Josh McDowell. Both men actually set out to disprove Christianity, and wound up proving it instead.

      I want to address a couple of other concerns you mentioned. First, you rightly point out that a number of atrocities have been committed by those claiming to be Christians. This is an unfortunate truth, but I would also point out that there is a difference between cultural Christianity (e.g. calling yourself a Christian because you go to church on Christmas and Easter) and born again believers, who acknowledge that their sin needs the solution of Jesus. We know from Matthew 7:13-23 that there are “false prophets” who commit atrocities in Jesus’ name and lead others to do the same; we also know that those people will not be allowed to enter Heaven. So judgement will come; we may just not see it on Earth.

      On a similar note, the Earthly atrocities are going to increase. The more people reject God, the more he will allow them to experience the consequences of their fleshly desires (Romans 1:18-32). Take, for example, the popular creed, “Follow your heart.” Well, if your heart says “Watch porn,” that’s causing a shocking amount of harm to you and those around you. If you’re in a relationship, your porn use is telling your significant other, “You are less valuable to me than my own fantasies.” You’re telling the men and women of porn, “You’re only as valuable as your body.” In fact, even by watching the free stuff, you’re contributing to an industry that promotes the slavery and abuse of men, women, and even children. Now multiply this selfishness and abuse by millions.

      “Well, shouldn’t we show mercy for sinners?” You’re right; Christ Himself showed mercy. However, his mercy was followed by the command “Go now and sin no more.” The point of Jesus’ mercy is not to go and sin without consequence; it’s to live a life that’s continually being transformed by His goodness. This, for the record, is how Covenant Eyes works best: when you’re using it out of a genuine desire to change behaviors, not out of fear of punishment.

      By the way, I’m increasingly convinced that the greatest act of God’s mercy is the fact that He hasn’t intervened in the world. He is giving us as much of a chance to come to repentance as possible. When he intervenes next in a big way, it’s going to be in the form of 7 years of suffering and the death of billions (see the book of Revelation).

      Just as one closing thought: you’re right, there are many other atrocities in the world beyond porn. However, porn is the one we have chosen to fight, just as, say, Prison Fellowship has chosen to work with those who have been incarcerated, or International Justice Mission focuses on justice for the poor. Chances are good that if there’s a problem in the world, there’s a ministry focused on solving it. So is Covenant Eyes comprehensive? No. Instead, we focus our efforts because we would never succeed at anything if we didn’t.

  4. Luke, great info and can’t wait to get the app. I’ll keep watching the app store. As a full-time business owner and bi-vocational evangelist, my challenge is the “run with” as I’m on the road constantly and not able to be at my home church with others as often as I’d like to be. Praying for God to show me the answer with this.

  5. Hi Luke

    Wow, I think I short fall in all of these at some point, but I believe my weakest one is the “run with”. I share the same concern as Joseph, who can I really trust? I shared a little of my struggle with a brother in Christ about 10 years ago. I to rebuke him for some things that were harming his family. I did it loving and actually tried to help his situation. Well, he through up what I had told him and thus now I’m really scared to tell anyone for fear of what the future may hold in our relationship. This person I told is no longer a part of my life, for he moved away. I have been keeping an eye out and there’s some really good men in my church that I believe I could approach, I’m just gun-shy about it…because of the “what if” scenario. The new year is upon me now and I am planning on taking whatever measures that need to be taken to prove that I can go an entire year (and beyond) without this controlling me. So far, I am 4 days clean and optimistic to what The Lord is going to show me this year. Yes, I know there will be struggles, but I plan on tightening some filters and getting that “run with” person somehow. Covenant Eyes is definitely something The Lord is working through, thank you for allowing Him to use you to help those of us that struggle.

  6. Luke. Great lessons that help me building a fighter strategy plan against porn. I don’t have an iphone, but am also interested in the e-mail version.

  7. The above articles refers to “my first two videos”, however, the links only go to one video. I don’t think we can get to both videos referred to. Could you check it out and let me know if there is another video I haven’t seen? Thanks muchly.

    • Oops, it looks like we used the wrong link! I’ve fixed the first link in the post, but the video you’re looking for is here.

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