About the author, Dan Wobschall

Dan serves as the Southeast Regional Director for Be Broken Ministries. In fall of 2017, Be Broken will launch a Gateway to Freedom workshop in the Orlando area for men struggling with pornography and other sexual strongholds. Dan received training in biblical counseling through the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.  He speaks nationally on sexual integrity, discipleship at home and marital growth & strengthening. Dan & his wife Julie have been married for 32 years and live in Orlando, Florida. They have three adult daughters.

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Your Brain on Porn

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Watching just 5 hours of porn has been proven to significantly change people's sexual beliefs and attitudes. Find out 5 distinct ways that porn warps your brain, as well as 5 biblical ways to renew your mind and find freedom.

9 thoughts on “Intimacy is not spelled S-E-X

  1. This one of the finest articles provided! It reminds me of a saying that ‘sex is between the ears’. I believe that, so, for me porn is cheating. I HATE IT when he says it is just ‘viewing’.
    Thankyou for the article!

  2. My husband’s idea of intimacy is weird. When we were having sex, he was all TOO giving…that is, he would pride himself on how many orgasms he could get me to have. That made me feel like I was being used as a slot machine spitting out coins to feed his Ego. There was no foreplay…just get straight to the “parts”. After, there was no lingering in bed…not for a second…as a matter of fact, he NEVER came to bed with me the whole ten years of marriage. I’d go to bed at 10pm…him, 2am or later.
    He’d get up right away, clean up and ask if I enjoyed it. Well, yeah, if you stimulate my “parts” then I certainly can and do enjoy it as any animal with nerve endings would. But I was left sad. Sad because there was no bond, love, or emotional connection made. Just mechanics. This is the way he views “great sex”. He thinks he is a stud based on how many orgasms he can create for me to enjoy (little does he realize that I can do that all by myself if I wanted to). What I wanted was just one…even none would be fine…what I wanted was his heart engaged with mine…I wanted to see love in his eyes. He would come home from work, eat dinner, get on line for hours…then turn to me sometime during the evening and tell me to go upstairs. Like I am just sitting there ready and waiting. I think for him, sex is just about release. Intimacy is what you do when you tell your wife about what happened at work that day. Anything more than that is just too much “work”. This is the result from the porn and promiscuity he indulged in since his teens. It is sad, but he rather enjoyed it too much to want to change it.

  3. This is absolutely one of the best blog posts I’ve seen here at CovenantEyes–right on the mark, and my belief/sentiments about marriage (even as a single) exactly!

  4. This is what I have been trying to tell my husband for years….20 years! Thank you!!! Although this hits the nail on the head, I think reading “Your Brain on Porn” was the lightbulb moment of *WHY* my husband didn’t seem to “understand” the idea of intimacy. It fully explained why I have felt like a second class citizen, and why my husband would try the intimacy route for a few days, and everything would fall apart. This information is most certainly needed though!
    Thank you!

  5. I wish a whole book were written on this matter. I know that this alien concept called intimacy is more about taking care of her needs, but I’m not even certain what her needs are, beyond what she has obviously told me. I really, really need to learn more about this topic to better serve my wife. I’ve spent too many years focused on my needs, and it has ruined our relationship.

    • Hey Jeremiah, one of the very best books out there on marriage is John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Gottman’s work is the premier research into successful, emotionally intimate marriages. I also referenced some of his work in this article, where I talk about what my husband did to become emotionally trustworthy again in our marriage. You can also follow The Gottman Institute on Facebook, where they frequently post helpful resources for healthy marriages. Hope that’s helpful to you. Blessings, Kay

    • Thanks, Kay. I have it on Kindle now. My current read is “Surfing for God”, so I’ll read the Seven Principles after that. I’m a slow reader, though, as my mind wanders. Just have to keep working at it.

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