25 thoughts on “Accountability Questions: Discussion Guide For Accountability Partners

  1. Luke, this is a refreshing take on accountability! I am going to use this with our men’s ,ministries. I appreciate that the assessment helps the whole person. The fact that it’s not just a confessional of bad behavior is very good. Moving the user toward considering heart issues is so appropriate since our outward behaviors are a reflection and result of deeper heart issues/problems. Great job!!

  2. Luke, this is great! It goes so far beyond just saying, “Hey, how’s your purity?” Getting to the root of the sin and confessing it as well as encouraging righteous behavior are both keys to good accountability. The only thing that I might add is something that I have used and has been used on me is, “Is there anything that needs to be discussed that is still being hidden?” Otherwise, FANTASTIC!! I will send my team of guys this link for sure.

    • Great thought, Josh. I think there are some open questions on there that attempt to get at that idea, but it could probably be stated more directly. Already I’ve received some great e-mails from people about this guide asking for more specificity on certain statement. When someone is really locked in a sin, it is amazing how we look for loopholes to dodge a question. The more specific we can get on this thing, the more difficult it is to justify deception.

  3. Luke,

    these are thorough, and i think they really help get to the heart beneath the acting out — or the heart beneath not acting out but still harboring the sin just the same.

    i could envision using portions of this with the men i lead currently. thanks for putting this together. there’s more i could say about ways this material could be used in groups or 1-on-1, but that would make for a very long comment here.

    thanks,
    james

  4. You’ve shed light on two obvious pitfalls, Luke. I think we all (who have accountability partners) have wondered how to best hold each other accountable. Several years ago, an accountability partner I had tried to use guilt with me as I shared with him my struggles.

    Great use of Scripture! Great comments on how we should be boldly gracious, and graciously bold!

    Love it!

  5. Luke I think this is spot on! We so often shy away from accountability for a variety of reasons and we fail to see the amazing benefit we receive and blessing we give through accountability. I guess that word… “accountability”… leaves a bad taste in the mouths of those who it seems to have failed or blown up in their faces. But the truth is, by confessing to each other and evaluating our own heart, mind, and behaviors, we can continue to persevere and run towards that goal that is to be like Christ; to have a mind like Christ, to love like Christ, to serve like Christ. This is a great resource that I am planning to promote in my ministry. Thank you so much for this article and for the free download! Great job!
    Walking in Freedom,
    Kristina

  6. Thanks for this great resource! Thank you all at Covenant Eyes for working so hard to help in this fight!

    Tyler Iverson
    Break Free Mentor/Coach

  7. Hi Luke,

    I find your post really interesting. Here in Australia, our attitude to this is in my view is lame (or quite pathetic), as far I am concerned. We have this problem called “Whatiffectomy Disease”. Yes you heard right, whatifectomy disease, is like this, “What if I am affected by what I hear, or what I see or think in my mind that affects my brain?”

    Those who are being accountability partners (Pastors, Leaders, especially) need to get past this hurdle of ‘whatiffectomy diease’. We have focused more on wanting to be pure in mind; I’m all for that, but are we focused in heart?

    I sight the following passage of scripture that I read about 6 months ago in Mark 2:13-17 (specifically 16,17). There is Jesus with Levi, Levi’s tax collector buddies and other sinners. The Pharisees have the audacity to judge Jesus association. Jesus response is heard as read in vs17.

    I sensed God show me something else.
    The Pharisees were:
    1. Not doing what Jesus was doing helping and relating to those in need of help.
    2. Being found just as sick in their own minds and HEARTS, because they thought that they were better than Jesus.

    This very narrow-minded approach to purity of trying to circum-navigate hearing the person confess their sin without judgement or condemnation, and without having ‘Whatiffectomy Disease”, has become an isolating situation. We try to be righteous and steer clear of any bad stuff, because we don’t want to be dirtied by what we hear see or think. Therefore very few Christians confess their sins to each other for fear of judgment, rather than with a heart of love with restoration and reconciliation as central to believers hope of a better future. It should be liberating, not a shameful thing to do. Christians who circum-navigate this will first bottle-up and later blow-up… and we don’t want or need anymore of this occuring in the church. How are people supposed to be restored if we keep avoiding confessing to each other our sins, needs, addictions, habits etc? We need to rebuild the church with a focus on hearing each other to set each other free, not withstanding ‘super-spiritual’ games of I’m okay mate, I don’t have any problems. My point in what I am saying in this is that pastors and leaders have become weaker in listening and confessing and more intersted in trying to create their ministry hiding their sin and doing that by performance christianity rather than living relational christianity. Yes, ministry is important as we all in the body of Christ have a ministry of reconcilation and we must confess to one another to restore and enable one another to walk in the power of God. This is liberating.

    God bless you Luke for your ministry helping those who struggle to rise up and become overcomers in Christ Jesus.

    Shane

    • “Whatiffectomy Disease” is an interesting way to say it. As accountability partners we need to hold to the balance Paul strikes in Galatians 6:1-2: bear each others’ burdens in love, restore each other, but do so in a way that doesn’t bring about your own fall.

  8. Luke,
    I like how this gets to the heart issues. We can chase the rabbit around in the woods all day long but really till we get to the heart what are we gaining.
    Ron

  9. Luke,
    Thank you for your take on this.
    In my many years of working primarily with Catholic men, that the challenges are three fold in accountability.

    The first is the very definition of accountability being thought of as the same as responsibility. In reality response-ability speaks to our free will and our ability to freely choose to be conformed to Christ. If that is not encumbered by some issue such as addiction, coercion etc. then we are held accountable.

    The second is there are quite a number of myths about accountability such as accountability being optional (its not since God is all knowing and holds us accountable to His moral law) or that accountability is strictly personal (it’s not only personal but collective in the sense that when we sin we wound the body of Christ as a whole-hence the benefit of sharing our struggles with other believers).

    Third, simply sharing our sins with one another is insufficient for real healing. True sorrow for our actions, asking Our Lord for forgiveness and then making a real prayerful “purpose of amendment” with His grace, completes the effort.

    Also, the ultimate purpose of a partner or group is as much about growing in personal humility thru admission of fault as it is about being an intercessor for each other.

    I have found my weekly group to be a huge blessing, a difficult challenge in humility and a fountain of joy with my trusted brothers. While we use some different questions, it all helps us grow in sanctification with His grace.

    Blessings,
    Dan

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