- Friday, February 25th, 2011
- Written By Luke Gilkerson
- Categories: Accountability Partner Resources Back to Blog Home
The Worst Accountability Group Ever
I just finished reading a very interesting blog post by Billy Graham’s grandson, Pastor Tullian Tchividjian. His thoughts on accountability are worth noting:
Are you tired of being told that if you’re really serious about God, you must be in an “accountability group?” You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where you and a small group of “friends” arrange for a time each week to get together and pick each other apart–uncovering layer after layer after layer of sin? The ones where all parties involved believe that the guiltier we feel the more holy we are? The ones where you confess your sin to your friends but it’s never enough? No matter what you unveil, they’re always looking for you to uncover something deeper, darker, and more embarrassing than what you’ve fessed up to. It’s usually done with such persistent invasion that you get the feeling they’re desperately looking for something in you that will make them feel better about themselves.
Well, I hate those groups!
The symptoms of these kinds of groups are numerous. These groups tend to…
- Breed self-righteousness
- Cause unnecessary guilt
- Tempt us to be less than honest
- Produce a “do more, try harder” moralism
The key question to ask yourself about your accountability group is this: does the atmosphere of our group give the impression that we believe Christianity is all about personal improvement? Tullian says we should sniff out this “narcissistic presupposition” and destroy it.
Tullian’s primary problem with these kind of groups is they tend to focus on our sin, not our Savior. He writes that when we focus mostly on our need to get better we actually get worse. “We become neurotic and self-absorbed. Preoccupation with my guilt over God’s grace makes me increasingly self-centered and morbidly introspective.”
What should our accountability groups look like?
The accountability I need, therefore, is the kind that corrects my natural tendency to focus on me—my obedience (or lack thereof), my performance (good or bad), my holiness—instead of on Christ and his obedience, performance, and holiness for me. We all possess a natural proclivity to turn God’s good news announcement that we’ve been set free into a narcissistic program of self-improvement. We need to be held accountable for that!
Tullian points his readers to the book of Colossians for a great example of this. The Colossian Christians were being tempted to believe counterfeit ideas of salvation, to buy into a “gospel” of self-improvement and a rule-keeping mentality. “Paul repeatedly reminds them of the treasure they already have in Christ,” Tullian writes. “His point: don’t buy false versions of what you already have.”
When accountability partners see their primary task as reminding one another of the gospel and the all-sufficiency of Christ, it is then we truly stir up one another to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24-25).
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Luke,
The ministry communities seem to be HOT / COLD on accountability groups, don’t they? Some are anti-accountability groups and give no valid alternatives. Others talk about accountability groups like they’re a requirement for sanctfication.
Some central issues:
1. We need to share our junk with someone.
2. We need to feel safe enough to share our junk.
3. We need these communities to be places that are filled with God, not us.
Also included in Pastor Tullian’s article was the point, “Our calling is not to fix one another! So stop trying!”
Well said.
God has to do the fixing. That takes quite a load off of us. We are not good enough to fix. We cannot do the heartwork that is necessary for fixing. But we can come humbly as brothers to encourage, challenge, comfort, exhort, correct… all of those “one another” passages that we overlook.
I’m not on board with anti-accountability groups. I’m on board with better accountability groups where the guys know that Jesus is the show, not us.
Jeff Fisher
Raleigh, NC
Never gone to an accountability group myself, but I have seen some materials from them. The one I am thinking of doesn’t really require an open confession of one’s sins. They just supply tools to help through the repentance process. And it’s obvious that this pastor has strong feelings about it.
Which brings up an interesting topic. All of these men claim to be called of God, yet each of them says something different. And each one believes they are true. (Except, maybe, Scientology, which aims to be purely weird.) Some believe that the Trinity refers to one being appearing in three forms, while others believe they are distinct, seperate beings. And some believe accountability groups are good, while the guy across the street may believe they are evil.
Thoughts, all y’all?
@Mark – You made reference to “these men.” Who exactly are you talking about? Tullian?
As for some thinking accountability groups are bad, I don’t think Tullian said that at all. He said there is a kind of accountability group atmosphere he believes is wholeheartedly unhelpful, but there is another kind that is truly worth being a part of. At least that’s what I got out of the article.
I know that there is much benefit in exposing sin and walking in the light with another brother. This can surely drain sin of its current power, as well as its future hold, as sin thrives in secrecy. In fact, it can be quite liberating when you are anticipating wrathful discipline of some sorts, but rather receive graceful mercy through encouraging exhortation through God’s Word.
Knowing that I have another godly man in my life that will certainly hold me to the fire to warm me up not to burn me up, is a great joy. When this is born out of true compassion, it can be a wonderfully forged tool for helping each other in maintaining a right “relationship” to the Lord, and essentially help us to fall more in love with Jesus for WHO He is.
Fellowship = “two (or more) fellows in a ship!” Through my experience, I would propose that accountability’s 10 best benefits have been teaching me how to:
1. Trust
2. Train in being open, honest, and transparent
3. Destroy fear of man and encouraged toward a “healthy” fear (awe) of the Lord
4. Love one another (you cannot truly love a lie, and a lie cannot cannot truly love).
5. Maintain encouragement by also being one
6. Not isolate or “go it alone.”
7. Grow in grace and mercy
8. Humble myself
9. Pray with one another, and keep them lifted up during the week.
10. Serve (wash one another’s feet)
But I guess I have just been blessed to be in one of “the good ones.” I would say that accountability groups are just like any other ‘man-made’ tool; There are helpful ones and counterproductive ones.
@David – I agree. I think Tullian would agree as well. When we find that type of fellowship that is all about growing in the grace of Christ, it changes our life. When we’re just forcing relationships based on mere confession without encouragement, it can make problems worse sometimes.
@Luke — By “these” men”, I am merely refering to pastors and ministers in general. I was just making a philosophical comment on the fact that there are thousands of religious organizations claiming validity.
I’m agreeing with you on the helpful/unhelpful accountability group thing. I can see that now.
@Mark – It’s true there are many religious organizations, but in terms of Tullian, he’s not one who would claim his church has “validity” (at least not in the Orthodox or Catholic sense). In general, many evangelical churches today are far less caught up with the idea of their church being “the true church.” Of course, many churches are born under the notion that they “have it right” and others do not, but this is to be expected.
As far as helpful/unhelpful accountability goes, one of the best books I’ve read on the subject is Fight Clubs: Gospel-Centered Discipleship. I had a chance to interview the author, Jonathan Dodson. Very insightful guy with a lot of good things to say about accountability.
In my book, I talk about the accountability tree. Every man needs to have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. Paul is symbolized as the elder statesman, the sage. Every man needs another older, wiser, and more spiritually mature man in their lives that they can allow to water them. Barnabas is our equal. He’s someone who is on our level as it relates to our spiritual maturity. Timothy is someone that you can mentor. It doesn’t matter where you are in life, there’s always someone who can learn from you. When you have someone looking up to you, that in and of itself is a great form of accountability. I’ve found that having these three components in your life to build personal relationships with is far more productive than a group of people ready to bite your head off if you stumble.
@Johnny – I agree. I’ve heard that same advice before and have always found it to be a very wise approach to discipleship in the ordinary contexts of life.
@Johnny and Luke – That’s good stuff!! Simple, uncomplicated, biblical!
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Tullian Tchividjian’s article is excellent and a must-read. “Christian accountability” must be exposed for the human extra-biblical teaching that it is. Followers of Jesus Christ are accountable only to Jesus alone, and not to other human beings. If we continue to focus on our sins and wrongdoings, then we are rejecting the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross. I write more on how “Christian accountability” contradicts the Bible in my post “Bible-based objections to ‘Christian accountability’”: http://annefleetwood.wordpress.com/2010/09/06/bible-based-objections-to-%e2%80%9cchristian-accountability%e2%80%9d/
@Andrew – I think, in general, I agree with you that “accountability” as it is both popularly understood and how usually described is not found in the Bible. I would say, however, that a willingness to give an account to a Christian brother about the temptations you face, the sins you commit, and the state of your heart is encouraged in the Bible through all the various “one anothers” of the New Testament. The Bible encourages a community of confession and exhortation. If you choose to not call that accountability, that is, of course, quite alright.