When Your Child is Looking at Porn

When you find your child or teenager has been looking at porn, how should you talk to him or her about it? Download this step-by-step guide for Christian parents to help you teach your children about harms and false messages of pornography.

41 thoughts on “Teens and Porn: 10 Stats You Need to Know

  1. I have a feeling this is representative of all youth today, and maybe even under-representative. God have mercy on the future generations.

  2. These are stats from 2004-

    *The average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old
    Internet Pornography Statistics. Internet Filter Review, 2004.

    * The largest consumer of Internet pornography is the 12-17 age group
    Internet Pornography Statistics. Internet Filter Review, 2004

    So we are 6 years down the road, 2010. It’s frightening to imagine how much worse it’s gotten. We need to be agents of God’s grace, mercy, and truth to change this trend. But what does that look like?

  3. Let me rephrase since the moderators probably will not post my last comment. It is only natural to be curious about the opposite sex or your own sexuality. Internet porn is a healthy way to embrace these innate needs. Why bash what is natural. And if porn ruined your relationship, more likely than not you can blame yourself for not keeping yourself sexually attractive.

    • Elliot: You wrote, “It is only natural to be curious about the opposite sex or your own sexuality. Internet porn is a healthy way to embrace these innate needs. Why bash what is natural. And if porn ruined your relationship, more likely than not you can blame yourself for not keeping yourself sexually attractive.”

      I was very close to writing a facetious reply to your post, poking holes in your reasoning but I realized that this would not only have been mean-spirited but lacking any helpfulness as well. So I apologize for that. Now, I do feel like much needs to be said regarding your comments. Please read this and give it some thought.

      First, you are totally right that being curious about the opposite sex (even the same sex) or your own sexuality is natural. Curiosity is natural, and the exploration of things we wonder about is good. But the issue is how one goes about gathering information, and pornography – internet, periodicals, and the like – removes the VITAL component of human interaction and relationship. Contrary to our society’s unspoken perspective, information is not merely neutral. What is shared and what is not shared, in any given case, is based on one’s preferences and biases.

      Therefore, when you see women (or men) being bent over for another’s sexual fulfillment, along with their own in some cases, you miss out on the emotional aspects of sex. This second point is more important than our culture wants us to believe, but even a cursory glance at those affected by divorce, sexual promiscuity, and single-parent households makes this more clear than any statistic on a page can. Internet porn is not a healthy way to dive into deep issues like sexual differences and orientation. You will always leave with unanswered questions and nothing that’s truly ‘workable’ in your own life. Curiosity lived out ‘well’ involves people talking with others openly and honestly. If you have a question or concern about something, you cannot ask a page or a video for more clarification. Curiosity handled in those formats actually stunts one’s growth and the available information they could gain in their pursuit.

      Third, your generalization that porn is likely destructive to a relationship if you’ve let yourself go physically both reduces a loving relationship to a purely physical level and speaks to the dangers of pornography itself. If a relationship is based only on the physical component of human beings, then we have reduced humankind to the status of animals: we fulfill our urges, move on when that urge isn’t as strong, and hunt for more desirable sexual prey. We see this every day: entertainment mirrors this behavior, the porn industry highlights only the physical needs of a person, and our culture is full of unhappy people who try to fill themselves with meaning by endless sexual encounters. All the while, we don’t stop to ask why this never satisfies. We have become used to the sexually charged world we live in. It seems natural only because we do not listen to other alternatives. If the fault lies with the one who is no longer attractive, then our sexual fulfillment will plummet when we get older, illness takes hold, sickness or injury takes our ability to work out, or even some bodily abnormality – from zits to a missing body part – takes away this society’s picture of beauty. In short, we are all destined to die alone and unloved, if your comment is to be believed. I don’t accept that, and neither do the happiest couples among us. You are doomed to self-loathing and endless self-criticism until you come to grips with the deeper meanings of the messages you take in.

      Fourthly, viewing pornography does contribute to, and in some cases causes, feelings of low self-worth and depression, as this article shows. It is well documented (in articles like this, with books and columns to support the perspective) that porn has negative effects on children, who are nowhere near able to discern the damaging effects to their future of seeing such images. Perhaps an example would suffice here: how many girls do you know who struggle with issues of appearance? When they see ‘hot’ women in magazines and on TV living the high life, whether they are attractive or not, they immediately compare what they see on the page and screen to what they see in the mirror… and they know they fall short. Guys do not often understand this, but it is at the heart of a veritable gold mine of marketing industries designed to make women feel more beautiful than they normally do if they would only use ‘this” product. And as far as guys go, we see airbrushed perfection on every curve of a woman’s body and say, “I want that!” When women don’t measure up to that standard, or life happens and it goes away in time, our conditioned responses lead us to trash her and move on to a newer model. Either that or we can’t “get” anyone because our standards are so high we pursue what is crudely referred to as “outside of our league.”

      Whatever the case, porn is not used to satisfy curiosities, no matter how much one defends that case. Curiosity drives us to find answers and, after the initial satisfaction of seeing every corner of a woman’s body and anatomy, there is nothing in the realm of sight left to satisfy. The curiosity is gone and replaced by something else: either selfishness as one continues to take in more and more, or contentment as you move on. In EITHER case, the passion of an initial decision does not take into account the amazing retention of the human brain regarding what we see. I STILL remember the comic from a porn mag I looked at over a decade and a half ago (I’m still relatively young), the image branded in my mind. Sadly, there is no relief from such images, and there is no fulfillment that I gain from it now that I can think about the beauty of my wife. I am very fulfilled with my wife but that comic is still there, and I am now sorry that I ever looked at it, in that moment of curiosity.

      Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about the regret now. Hindsight is 20-20, and hopefully mine will spare others the trouble I now live with. And that’s my final thought on the subject.

    • I agree. I’m a teen and me and all my friends guys and girls do. People we’re naive children. Uuuh do you know how many of us lost our virginity at age 13. A LOT! It’s perfectly normal way to express. I understand some peopl are against it but this is America-home of the free. Well this is an innocent right taken way due to a few ignorant and hard headed people.

    • Yal have a very distorted view, however, the botton line is this: Adultery is a sin and in the old testiment it was punished by death. Porn IS adultery. Also, porn is tearing marriages apart, it is not healthy in the least. Coming from a ‘ex-addict’ all it does is hurt and corrupt. You can justify it all you want, but its still a sin. You can call a donkey a stallion, but at the end of the day it’s still an ass.

      btw- Porn isn’t a right for teens! It’s illegal! Sorry to tell you that lol

  4. @Elliott – I have to disagree with you on Internet pornography “being a healthy way to embrace those innate needs.” In all reality pornography is very unhealthy. There are five steps to pornography addiction, the first one is a harmless glance and the 5th is acting out what one has seen in the videos.
    Pornography breeds crimes on women as well as disrespect because men end up seeing women as sex objects instead of individuals with feelings and emotions.
    As for blaming myself for my husbands pornography addiction, you are so wrong there. And I certainly don’t want anyone who’s spouse that is still bound by this addiction to think it is their fault. My husbands addiction started long before I met him and once we were married it had NOTHING to do with me keeping myself sexually attractive. Jesus delivered my husband from his 20 year addition about five years ago. And if you would sit down with my husband today, he would tell you the same thing. It was NOT me that caused this addiction. I enabled it for a while, but I certainly did not cause it. Unfortunately there are many pastors and counselors who speak the same false belief that you did. That does so much harm to the spouse who already has very low self-worth because of the sexual addiction in their home.
    I would encourage you to find out more about the harmful effects of pornography/sexual addition. I am sure with a bit more education, you will realize your views and beliefs are a bit off track.
    ~b

    • That’s because you are ignorant. If we weren’t supposed to find the human body a turn on how would babies get made? Love. HA! Take a look at India and old Scandinavia.

  5. I spent 28 years in bondage, depression, separation from close relationships due to starting exposure to sexual topics at a young age, progressing thru traditional porn, then to internet porn. Approaching my 20th wedding anniversary, this all came out, though my wife knew some at that point it was all exposed. I cannot begin to tell you the freedom that I have found through living life as Christ intended it, the RIGHT way, with my best friend-wife-mother of my 4 children as my ONLY source of satisfaction. Look at His Word, and you can only conclude 1 thing: porn is inconsistant with a believer’s intended lifestyle.

  6. I am struggling with my boyfriend, whom I’ve lived with many years, sneaking his obvious internet porn addiction. It makes me just sick that he needs this. I’m a “hot” women and I assure you he has want of nothing in the bedroom with me. Yet, I am not enough. I am able to moniter quietly how his taste has become more and more dirty. He needs more and more of the teen gals with old men to satisfy him. It’s ugly and nothing sexy or “normal” about it. I think it’s a true physical “brain” addiction as well as low self worth and a bit of “stress relief.” However, his day is coming, unbeknownst to him and “surely his sin will find him out.” “It will be shouted from the rooftops.” He may need to live like this. Fine. I will not for much longer. He will have lost everything then. So be it.

  7. @Reika- I’m 17, i know people that lost their virginity at 13 and I have to say yal are ignorant. Porn is adultery and a sin. Sex before marriage is too. I used to be addicted to porn and still fight with it. It’s been very harmful in my relationships and self-esteem. If i could go back I would have never done any of it. Internet porn is not natural, It’s not real. Sex is supposed to be about love, but porns distorts the truth. I know an “ex-porn star” she hated herself until she came to christ. You and so many others are just ignorant children. btw, in the bible, if someone was caught in adultery they stoned them to death!

    p.s. Jesus didnt have porn, like i said before, porn = adultery = sin, Jesus was free of sin.

    p.p.s. babies are supposed to come from a husband and wife having sex bc of love, not lust or “fulfillment” I feel very sorry for you……

  8. I believe in many reasons why adolescents and even adults should not be exposed to pornography. It is a matter that is close to my heart, and I believe that the very best marriages I have ever seen involve individuals who adamantly fight the urge to view pornography. Those who choose to remain loyal to their future spouse, in my opinion, reap greater, healthier benefits in their marriage.

    But one of the most important reasons I believe pornography should not even be available is that, when one looks at pornography, he or she is feeding a market system that has little to no regulation in place. If a minor is involved in a pornographic video, even if they are by their own definition “consenting,” by the Trafficking Victims Protection Act (TVPA) they are considered a victim of minor sex trafficking. Many of the services that provide pornographic videos of individuals cannot document the ages of the participants in those videos. Therefore, under the banner of free speech and a right to self-satisfaction, we as a society are supporting a system that makes children victims.

    There is a demand in the industry of pornography for individuals who look relatively young and are in good shape. Potential actors/ video participants can easily lie about their age for the sake of making money. And many of these studios that shoot videos have mixed priorities, with money and popularity and pleasing potential customers at the top of the list. These environmental factors feed the possibility for domestic minor sex trafficking.

    Not to mention there are some pornographic distributors under the influences of force, fraud, and/ or coercion who hire actors. In these situations, distributors would be labeled sex traffickers under the TVPA, no matter how old their actors are.

    Take steps to protect minors and other potential victims of sex trafficking. The price of lives to be paid is too high to allow pornography to remain a constitutional right. Sexual slavery is a much bigger issue than the right to a market of self-satisfaction. Boycott pornography, and help save future potential sexual slaves.

  9. im very sorry that many of our teens have a hard time in identifying between good and evil. please spend more time reading the bible because it is the only source of truth.

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