- Thursday, June 5th, 2008
- Written By Luke Gilkerson
- Categories: Accountability Software, Wives of Porn Addicts Back to Blog Home
Got A "Porn Addict Hubby"?
My most read blog post is “Husbands Who Watch Porn: What Are Their Wives Saying?” While I’m glad to see more readers are finding helpful information here, that post was the beginning of a sad journey for me. I’ve since read many emails and received many comments from women who feel helpless and hopeless because of a man in their life with a seemingly unending thirst for porn.
A website that has been helping many women find comfort and help for their husbands is PornAddictHubby.com. The site is responding to a growing need among women. According to PornAddictHubby, there may be an excess of 4 to 6 million men in America with a porn addiction. Each of these men has a social base that is adversely affected by porn addiction: spouses, girlfriends, children and extended family.
According to this site, for every man who is seeking to overcome addiction on his own initiative, 4 men are doing so at the prompting of their wives or girlfriends. PornAddictHubby is a place for women to find the resources to navigate through the emotional difficulties associated with this addiction, from the personal side and the relational side.
At PornAddictHubby you will find:
- Effects of porn addiction on the addict and the spouse
- Common signs of porn addiction
- Ways to gently confront your husband if you think he has a problem
- Recommended reading list for wives
- Recovery resources for husbands and boyfriends
- A discussion board for women with a growing list of members
- The importance of accountability software in the recovery process
Recommend on Facebook- Tweet about it
- Print for later
- Tell a friend
To all wives of porn addicts..
You need to leave him. Porn addicts never change..
Never! No matter how much we want them to. No matter how much we wish they could. We can obsess about how much we wish they wouldn’t have done it, we can spend hours in counseling, we can cry and feel worthless, ugly, and not good enough, we can beg and plead, we can pray to God, we can keep asking our husbands for assurance this won’t happen again (and it will, trust me), we can try to find reasons for why it happened (don’t!) We can be a porn star for our husband and give him all the sex he wants, any way he wants it (basically, rewardimg him for breaking our heart and emotionaly gutting us.) In the end, the part of you that once made you feel so special to your husband wil be filled witj nothing nut hurt and resentmemt. You are left feeling empty and depressed. Even if he quits (supposidly). You will never feel the same in your heart and soul. Sex becomes empty as you lie there wondering who he is pretending to make love to as he uses your body to gratify himself. Porn addicts are very ill people who have no idea what empathy is. I gave 26 years to a man who was repeatedly.caught using porn even after knowing how much pain it’s caused me. He is the only man I’ve ever haad sex with. Sex meamt something to me. I wantes to share my body and soul with.someone and have an emotional connection. It is mentally and physically impossible for an addict to have empathy for you or share an emotional connection with you. It is all about them. They may act remorseful, but trust me, it is just an act. You serve some type of purpose for them, so they do or say whatever they have to in order to keep you around. Some women try to minimize the behavior by being grateful.that their husband wasn’t with an actual woman. If they could’ve had sex with the womem they were staring at while pleasuring themselves, they would’ve. If they could’ve pushed a button on their computer that made the women jump out and be physically available, our husbands would.be hiding.having sex with.numerous women day after day. Don’t kid yourself. We are not special. However, since they cannot really have the porn stars, we are the next best thing…a warm.body with the correct anatomical.part that allows them to.play out their fantasies.(that you’re not in). I am so sorry to be so blunt, and I know that some of you are still in denial, but please don’t waste another day. Don’t give your husband one more chance to use you, to crush your heart, rob your self esteem, and “suck” any energy and happiness you have left, out if you. Take care of yourself…the addict won’t. They are only looking out for “#1″. I kicked my husband out one month ago. I can HONESTLY say that I feel beter than ever, I feel so much happier and better about myself. I have respect for myself again, I sleep so much bettet without him in my bed. I now have a chance at a “real” relationship with a “real” man someday. Sadly, my husband is now very emotional, only because he’!s alone now and he said that he neverthought that I would ever really leave him. He now cries tears for himself in an attempt to manipulate me. Too bad…I’m done allowing myself to be a victim…I am done wasting year after year. Even though part of me will always love him, as we were together since I was 14 and we share three beautiful kids, I cannot and will not live like this anymore. No trust and paranoia prevent marriage from ever being fulfilling. Porn (and my weak.husband).has ruined another happy family. However, my kids and I will be just fine. On the other hand (no pun intended!) My husband is left with nothing but his computer, his fatasy girls, and his hand. I hope it was worth it to him.
Hi Heidi – Wow. It saddens me so much that men like your husband are out there, men who don’t seem to care who they hurt. Unfortunately I read this every day on our blog: comments from women just like you who have had enough and can’t fight anymore for their marriages.
I will say, to others reading, that there is hope for porn addicts. I’ve known many, many men who have turned around and many wives who have healed from this. We compiled some stories into an e-book about men who have turned around. It’s called Hope After Porn.
Unfortunately, some men literally have to hit rock-bottom before they wake up and realize what this world of fantasy is costing them. I think of men like my friend Michael Leahy who were literally at the point of contemplating suicide before they woke up. He lost his family, his job, nearly everything before he turned around and asked for help. Sad. Very sad.