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Defeat Lust & Pornography 1 minute read

Seven Reasons Why Guys Like Porn

Last Updated: February 21, 2014

This chapter has recently been added to a new e-book, Porn-Free Church: Raising up gospel communities to destroy secret sins. Download this book for free on our website.

Download Chapter 2: “Seven Reasons Why Guys Like Porn.”

In this chapter I explore the story of Proverbs 7. Though 3000 years old, this story still has fascinating insights for those who struggle with pornography in today’s Internet culture. In this chapter you will read about seven reasons why pornography often pulls at men’s hearts.

  1. Tyler

    Men tend to have a much higher sex drive than women, in the aggregate. The more active my sex life with my wife, before and after getting maried, the less porn I watched. She would become cold at times. I did my best to work on all aspects of myself, the marriage, my commitment to her, my church, my faith. I diligently listened, loved, shared, tried all manner of compassion for the reason of dedication to my soon to be ex wife. All to no avail or gratitude. There wasn’t any correlation of her rebuffing my initiating sex, often for months, with giving up porn or not. In my experience sex once to twice a day, no porn consumption.

  2. Luke- great article, we just tweeted it out. When we counsel wives/partners of porn addicts, we know there is great pain of betrayal…your article makes clear some of the reasons.
    It’s disingenuous for many men to say they’re not experiencing any real connection with the actresses online….the spouse or girlfriend can perceive this deception (even when he cannot) and most often feels replaced. This is especially true when we discover the amount of time/energy spent on pursuing a particular favorite porn actress, downloading videos she’s been in, archiving her material, etc. OUCH.

    One of our greatest challenges at PoSARC is helping women (and even our male clients whose wives have succumbed to porn addiction)learn why and how it’s not about them or their looks.

    Our sexual self-esteem which is usually a fragile thing to begin with, becomes extremely damaged when we see that what our men are watching (and self-pleasuring to) doesn’t look or act a thing like us. The damages are inestimable. So much for a “free” and harmless entertainment. Thanks for all you do to help raise consciousness about this scourge that is destroying hearts and partnerships every day. God Bless you….

    • Luke Gilkerson

      So true. We have created some fresh resources for wives, too. You might want to check out Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives. Feel free to let others know about this book. It’s free for the taking!

  3. MICHAEL

    Sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!
    Mcfortunato ©2012

    V1
    Sometimes my mind, chooses to dwell
    On secret lusts, forbidden dreams,
    My resistance to, the ways of hell
    Melts like butter, seared by hot beams,

    V2
    I’m feeling good, as my hopes rise
    Aroused by her flirts, potent perfume,
    She dazzles me, with angel eyes
    As she wiggles in, skin-tight costume,

    Chorus
    Sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!
    I just want to give in, knowing that I should not!
    But, sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!
    I just got to have it, even though its red-hot, but
    Sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!

    V3
    Now my craving for, sweeter pleasure
    Lies in reach of, my fingertips,
    But I don’t see, behind its lure
    Til that deadly hook, line and sinker hit,

    V4
    Caught in the net of, God’s enemy
    Painfully I, see my mistake,
    Oh Holy Lord, please forgive me
    Deliver me, for Heaven’s sake,

    Chorus
    Sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!
    I just want to give in, knowing that I should not!
    But, sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!
    I just’ve got to have it, even though its red-hot,
    Sometimes the Devil makes sin look so good!

  4. Lynn

    This has helped tremendously.

    There is currently someone I would like to date and he would like to date me…but there’s one thing in the way. He won’t date me until he can be faithful. If there are any other materials anyone could recommend that would be greatly appreciated.

    • Luke Gilkerson

      @Lynn – Thanks for stopping by! I can identify with his desire. On one hand, it is good to want to have a track record of faithfulness so you can have more assurance that you are approaching a dating relationship wholeheartedly and with godly motives. On the other hand, I’ve found many times men who are already making progress and growing (but not completely over pornography) can really be motivated by a healthy dating relationship. He needs to follow his conscience and really take this to the Lord in prayer. You might see if he wants to read Your Brain on Porn, an e-book I wrote a few months ago.

  5. Mackenzie Jorgensen

    Would love to have this – learning to understand my boyfriend’s struggles, and where I can help him help himself to overcome and deal with the addiction.

  6. Mark Pearson

    Chapter two hits home. Hard.

    While porn has never been an issue for me, it has confronted me. The thought process following these encounters was full of a few of those addiction components.

    Thank you once more for a job well done!

    • Luke Gilkerson

      @Mark – Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

  7. Lisa

    Well, after reading “Seven reasons why guys like porn” I am more discouraged than ever. My husband had me convinced that it was not about the “connection” with the image and was not about receiving from porn what I was designed to provide, and now I know he has lied to me yet again. Perhaps that is good that I know the truth and that indeed pornography is an adulterous affair when it comes to his lust. I suppose it will help me to be more direct when questioning him if I can overcome the hurt and unforgiveness.
    I have found much of the information on the covenant eyes breaking free to be discouraging, telling me about what my husband is feeling and doing and why. What I really need is help to overcome the hurt, unforgiveness, anger…. As a wife and accountability partner, I need help and support to deal with my own feelings as well as help my husband, but many of the blogs and articles only increase my pain. I am not sure this is helpful, I am walking in the trust that God is using it to sanctify me as well and pray for deliverance for us both.

    • Luke Gilkerson

      @Lisa – It may not be that your husband has lied to you about this. After all, these seven reasons are not manifested in every guy who watches porn. Second, many guys aren’t aware themselves of the deeper, internal motivators that drive their fascination with pornography. They haven’t bother to ask themselves the hard questions.

      As for articles for wives, I encourage you to look through our category especially for wives. Some of the articles you read here are simply raising awareness about the issues and pains people face. Other are bent more on helping someone who is struggling. In particular, I encourage you to listen to some of the interviews we’ve done with couples who have had to work through the pain pornography has brought to their marriage:
      1. George and Ashley Weis – This is our most recent interview with a couple. Ashley now writes regularly for our blog and she has a number of great articles for women.
      2. Melissa Haas – Melissa is a great communicator and has a powerful story to tell. She now speaks regularly to women who are fighting the pain of sexual betrayal.
      3. Rose Colón – In this interview Rose talks about “Three Biblical Principles to Help Wives of Porn Addicts.” She regularly counsels women who have been hurt by their husbands’ porn addictions.
      4. Mike and Jody Cleveland – These two have developed free web courses for porn strugglers and their wives. They tell their story in this interview of his addiction and how they overcame all the hurt.

      I do hope you find articles here that can be a help to you.

    • Hello,

      I read your comment and I’ve been doing some research for my book on how God healed my marriage. Pornography wasn’t our problem but I will be writing an segment to men about the subject because it is the #1 reason for divorce. I ran across a site that might be helpful for you. It’s called “Wives in the Battle”. just google it. There is a workshop in September. God wants to heal your pain but I will tell you, it starts with forgiveness. That is where freedom starts. …I know how hard ti can be. Blessings on you

    • Luke Gilkerson

      @Bernie – Thanks for the resource!

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