Isolation: The Porn Addict’s Worst Enemy

A man’s 30-year-long use of pornography had been discovered by his wife, and his oldest daughter was fighting for her life in the grips of an eating disorder.

After over 6 months of living like this, depression had a hold on him. Daily thoughts of running his car into a tree were common. Life was collapsing around him. Hopelessness set in.

He began to withdraw from everyone. Isolation had become a friend—or so he thought.

Danger Zone

“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

Its clear that we were not created to live in isolation.

Isolation is the devils playground and fertile soil for lies to grow and bear bitter fruit. Without a rational person, a godly person, to speak into our lives, the ability to convince ourselves to dive deeper into pornography and beyond in sexual sin thrives.

Taking Thoughts Captive

Pornography is a great lie. It promises what it can never deliver, and like the serpent in the Garden, it deceives us into believing it is not harmful—in fact it can help our marriages and sex life. All deception.

This man described at the beginning of this article knows very well how true are the lies of Satan and dangers of living in isolation are.

I am that man.

If God recognizes isolation as not good and created a suitable helper for man, then that standard should be embraced, taught, and encouraged in our homes and lives of those we care about, starting with you and me.

This is especially true for those of us who wrestle with pornography, sexual sin, or any other destructive lifestyle.

Being isolated is wading in dangerous waters.

2 Corinthians 10:5 gives clear guidance on our thought life. “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” (emphasis mine).

What we think about is critical in being equipped to handle periods of unavoidable isolation. God instructs us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Notice the passive tense—be transformed—which tells us the shaping or transforming of our mind is, in part, out of our hands.

This is the work of the Holy Spirit as we immerse our minds in the word of God. Pick up your Bible and read it. Abide in Him as He abides in you. Not complicated, but takes intentionality.

Take Action

Never being alone or isolated is quite practically impossible. James McDonald, Pastor of Harvest Bible Church, described his accountability as ‘no unaccounted for’ free time. In other words he is always accountable to someone.

My wife and I (as does Pastor MacDonald & his wife) have a free app on our smart phones that enable each of us to see where the other is at anytime. For me it’s a valuable level of accountability.

I travel and speak, so for Julie (my wife) to be able to see that I’m safe and where I should be is important—and I welcome it. For Julie, it gives her a sense of safety. She travels extensively for work and sometimes internationally. For her to know I can electronically watch over her safety and should her phone get lost or stolen, disable it or help her find it, is comforting to her.

If you’re a single person, then find a trusted friend you can build a level of accountability with. In those times where you know you are vulnerable to stumble, take steps to protect yourself.

In striving to live a pure life to honor God, it’s worth the eternal effort.

This is where having a sharp Sword of the Spirit handy and helpful verses memorized will reap benefits for your sanctifying journey.

Don’t Kid Yourself

Pastor Ricky Jenkins made this statement when speaking about isolation that I found to be incredibly accurate. He said this; “Being alone with the Savior (Jesus Christ) is good, but it’s dangerous in nearly all other situations.”

Pastor Jenkins also noted that the greatest men of the bible fell when they were alone. King David is the most commonly thought of as he stood alone on a rooftop and saw Bathsheba bathing. He was not where he should have been and his decisions made in the moment of isolation had profound and deadly consequences.

To think we are stronger or wiser than that, is foolishness.

Practical Steps to Combat Isolation

As children of the King, we are commanded to live pure lives. To be a maker of disciples, in particular in our homes, we must pursue purity in our lives. We cannot pass along to others that which we do not possess.

Paul gives us stern instruction in Colossians 3:5, “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”

Here are a few steps you can implement today to minimize isolation:

• For us married men, go to bed at the same time as your wife. If your not tired, then read your bible or use the time to open your journal and write.
• Journaling your daily thoughts is a great way to clear our minds of thoughts that may lead us astray. It’s a form of taking thoughts captive to Christ.
• Set up and accountability partner check in time during those times where being alone are unavoidable.
• Download free tracking app to your and your spouses phone.
• Have a shared calendar with your wife and accountability partner so your whereabouts are known. This may sound drastic, but freedom and rebuilding trust call for radical measures.
• Begin and end your day with time in prayer and reading of the bible. Arm yourself with the sword of the Spirit. The Word of God.
• Covenant Eyes accountability software on all your computers and smart devices. It’s an accountability partner that never sleeps or leaves your side.

Isolation is to be avoided. Our own minds can be our worst enemy. On the flip side of bad company corrupting good character, is good company building up good character. I think we all can use a daily dose of building up.