If you’re a men’s ministry leader, you likely have a need for men’s ministry resources. You need content that is hard-hitting, relevant, and deeply practical. And you need resources that address the most pressing issues that men today face—such as recovering from pornography.
You may feel squeamish talking about porn with your group. But the fact is, the vitality of a men’s ministry depends on its ability to deal with real-life issues. Men will tune out if the group doesn’t engage with the reality of their lives. And statistics show that porn is a real-life issue.
Why You Should Talk About Pornography in Your Men’s Ministry
Thirty years ago, you may have heard about struggles with porn and porn addiction. Today, it’s likely every man in your church is either currently struggling with porn or is close to someone else who is struggling. Studies show that up to two-thirds of Christian men may struggle with porn.
Pornography is a battle often accompanied by secrecy and shame. Men who are looking at pornography find themselves unable to live openly and authentically in the body of Christ. They will either present a false front or withdraw altogether. The reality is, failing to address pornography in your men’s ministry will undermine its effectiveness. If you can’t talk about this struggle, that means you can’t talk about the temptations that most men are facing.
Can you really talk about porn struggles in church?
In his book, The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It, Sam Black describes the fears that make it difficult to effectively address porn in the Church:
“People, especially those who grow up in the Church, are often performers because they want to be liked, respected, and welcomed. They want to be accepted within their community. Many Christians have a deep desire to live an abundant and holy Christian life but aren’t open about their sin for fear of rejection.”
The key is to make your group a safe place to talk about the issue of pornography. John Doyel battled with sexual sins for decades; then, once he found freedom, he devoted his life to helping other men. He also emphasized the importance of making your group a safe place: “This is very painful and difficult to do, but the value of it cannot be measured. You are letting light into the darkest secrets about you, which takes away the power of those secrets.”
But it’s not enough to make your men’s group a safe place to be open about struggles with porn. You need to have a safe process for dealing with these struggles when they are revealed. Sam Black adds:
“A safe process provides guardrails that help people focus on God’s truths rather than their emotions, feelings, and even the habits engraved on their neurology. A guided path is purposeful discipleship rather than the quick prayer and the aimless wanderings of our wayward hearts. It provides incremental steps for exponential change through God’s grace and the work of the Holy Spirit.”
What does that process look like? What’s appropriate can vary depending on your church’s organization and structure. In his book, Black gives several helpful examples of safe processes in different church contexts. Remarkably, Black shows that churches which learn these processes are set free to flourish in other areas as well.
How to Talk About Pornography in Your Men’s Ministry
So, how do you actually talk about pornography in your men’s group ministry?
When criticized for his style of evangelism, D.L. Moody is famous for saying, “My bad way of doing evangelism is preferable to your good way of not doing it!” It’s easy to criticize people who tackle tough topics. But if you’re a men’s ministry leader who’s taken on the specter of porn, that alone makes you a revolutionary warrior—and we salute you for your boldness!
That said, there are many pitfalls when it comes to addressing pornography. You don’t one to minimize the seriousness of the sin. But you don’t want to heap shame on people. Just telling men to “stop it” isn’t what they need either. In his book, Black offers some guidelines for cultivating a men’s group ministry (or any church ministry) where you can tackle sins like pornography.
Call out shame.
It’s not enough to avoid shaming people for struggling with pornography. You have to actively confront shame. In The Healing Church, Black writes, “Unless you address shame directly and publicly, an underlying shaming culture will underline your efforts to address pornography.”
One powerful way to do this is to find people willing to be vulnerable and share their own journey out of pornography. You can find great examples of how this was done in The Healing Church.
Call out lies.
When you address pornography in your men’s group, you need to know that you’re going up against a powerful deceptive force, and you’ve got to call out the lies.
Black says, “The most pernicious lies about compulsive porn use feel legitimate. The lies sound right. They feel true. Yet they are subterfuge to evade God’s direction, to escape the consequences of broken promises, and to hide shame and brokenness.”
See: 21 Lies Porn Uses to Keep You in Bondage
Call up to godliness.
An important part of men’s group ministry is accountability, especially with regard to sexual temptations like porn. But it’s important to have a proper understanding of what this looks like.
Accountability will never work the way it’s supposed to if it’s primarily about calling one another out on our sin. Accountability groups that focus on calling one another out are destined for failure, and often cause further hurt and shame. Black quotes from another Covenant Eyes author, Luke Gilkerson, “[Its] primary purpose is not to call me out on my sin, but to call me up to the man I am in Christ.”
See: Biblical Accountability: What It Is and How to Live It
The Best Resource for Talking About Porn in Your Men’s Group Ministry
You may know it’s important to tackle taboo topics like pornography, but it can feel like stepping into a minefield!
Thankfully, you don’t need to start from scratch with resources to address porn in your men’s ministry. Check out the book The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong About Pornography And How To Fix It. Taking the plunge into this difficult topic will stretch and challenge your group. It will bring new levels of authenticity, commitment, and purpose.
