From the bathroom of our suite, I heard my wife scream out. She had flipped on the TV and just channeled down. The large flat-screen pulsated with hardcore pornography. Graphic sex was one click away at the resort we were staying at. We had been in our room for less than 30 minutes.
Staying porn-free while traveling doesn’t happen by accident. It takes work and planning ahead. A hotel can be a dangerous environment without a plan. Here are 10 tips I use to keep myself safe while traveling.
1. Never Turn on the TV
Many hotel chains don’t offer on-demand adult movies anymore, but they all have premium cable. And with that you’re going to get “late night” entertainment. So I’ve found that it’s just easy to say ahead of time that TV is not an option for me. (Most chains will remove the TV upon request.)
2. Charge Your Smart Phone In the Bathroom At Night
This sets a physical boundary with you and your device. It eliminates rolling over in bed and mindlessly surfing. It’s a simple thing. It’s effective.
3. Stay Off Your Computer (in Your Room)
It goes without saying but using a computer or tablet in a hotel room is a bad idea. Even if you have a good filter with accountability, you’re isolated and could blow right past your boundaries. When I am traveling for business I lock my laptop in my rental car trunk.
Every hotel (or any person’s house you would visit) has a common room where you can get on Wi-Fi. Hotels maintain business centers that are always dead. So be the guy who uses the business center or goes to a coffee shop. If you need to work, find a common place.
4. Avoid Long Unaccountable Time (in Your Room)
Plan on going to your room, showering, calling your spouse or your accountability partner, and then going to bed. Limit the time you are alone in your room.
I’ve gone to movies at 8 or 9 o’clock by myself, just to give myself something to do.
When I know people in the city where I’m visiting, I connect with them. I’ll say, “Hey, I’m going to be in town for three days. Are you available to get together?”
If you’re at a conference, work hard at networking. Don’t wait for people to invite you to dinner. Start inviting people. Try to gather groups together. You can build community yourself. Talk to people in line or at hotel breakfast bar. Ask them about their stories.
The more meaningful ways you can connect with people, the less temptation will be waiting for you when you get back to your room.
5. Bring a Book
When I have trouble going to sleep, I like to get out a real book. No iPad® for travel reading. Always have a book in your bag. The TV is off. Your phone in the bathroom. Your computer is in your car. Get reading!
6. Avoid Masturbation
This will not ease the aloneness you feel while traveling and it can lead back to porn. Find other ways to deal with boredom or excess energy.
7. Limit Your Alcohol Use
When you drink too much you lose your ability to make good choices. If you are sober in an alcohol sense, you’re going to be better at following through on your boundaries.
8. Set a Bed Time
This is when you’ll be in bed with the lights out. Travel can be exciting and amp us up even if we need sleep. Keep a routine like your routine at home. You make better decisions when you’re well rested.
9. Set a Morning Exercise Goal
This serves two purposes. It ensures you go to bed on time the night before and it tires your body out. This reinforces the bedtime routine the next night. I’ve done things like yoga, swimming, biking, hiking, and running on business travel.
A full morning routine is also helpful. If you’re in a place for 3-4 days, set a routine you can follow each day. Get your coffee at the same time, do your exercise, spend time with God. This will help ground you.
10. Check in Daily
Before your trip, choose someone who you check in with each day. I like to send an “all clear” text at the end of the night right before I charge my phone. Daily phone calls, even when you have to leave a message, also help. If I crossed a boundary or missed a goal, I will say it and follow up with a call the next day (depending on the time.)
When you travel, be proactive. “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.” This is especially true when traveling. Think through the environment you will be staying at and identify any potential triggers. Above all stay connected. Resist the temptation to isolate and be anonymous. What happens in Vegas, in fact, comes back home with you—so make a plan.
Matt Dobschuetz is the host of Pornfree Radio, a weekly podcast for motivated guys who want to quit looking at porn. Matt is porn free after a lifelong struggle. Since 2003, Matt has led a discipleship ministry at his church to help people find hope and experience Jesus in their relationships and sexuality. He is the father of two boys and husband to Janice.
Your comments about 10 ways to stay porn free on the road were very helpful. I also stay up to date on hotel chains that have decided to go porn free. The Hilton Hotels and all of their branch hotels are now porn free. I am not pushing their business but I would go with them. Also, at some motels you pay extra for porn on tv. I sometimes ask the desk clerk if there is a room with a broken tv or ask that my access to porn is cut off. Or do you have a way to cut off access to porn to my room for the protection of children and adults ? Your comment about masturbation did surprise me however. I know some Christians feel that masturbation is not a sin but just a bad habit. There is nothing in scripture about it. Yet the only way I was able to break the porn cycle was to quit masturbation. I give honor to my LORD for the 8 years of porn/masturbation free sobriety. A secular counselor suggested I go to a secular 12 step for sex addictions. That was the only way I was able to break the cycle. For me masturbation is a sin because I am married and I always fantasized if nothing else while masturbating. I was committing adultery in thought. Fo me it was much easier to go porn free after I broke the cycle of masturbation. It (masturbation) was my biggest way of coping with life since my teens. I thought I could not live without it. It was my idol. I thought it was a given that I don’t masturbate on the road in a motel. Anyway, thanks for the helps !! Steve
Hi Matt, thank you very much for writing this. These are 10 great tools and I am looking forward to applying them the next time I travel!
Why promote Yoga?
https://www.thebereancall.org/content/can-yoga-be-christianized
I have the hotel remove the TV from the room. I find that if I ask for this when I make my reservation that nearly all hotels accommodate this.
If your ever looking for people to lead small groups against this, Im interested. I have a passion for it, and have been long delivered from the temptations. Great work. Keep it up. God bless!
Eric Nagle
Rochester NY