How Porn Is Keeping Men from Marriage

As porn use has skyrocketed, the average age of first marriages has increased to 27 for women and 29 for men. For starters, this means we’re waiting longer for marriage at a time when our culture makes it more difficult to wait for sex. The result: more hooking up, more cohabitating and more porn use.

Men-Marriage

What if porn not only makes it more difficult to wait for sex, but also makes it more difficult to get married? Here are several factors to consider if you, or someone you know, struggle with a porn habit and want to be married.

Porn Strips Away Goodness

Many times we forget that if we’ve surrendered our lives to Christ, then our sin no longer controls us (2 Cor. 5:14-20). Though you may struggle with porn, you shouldn’t let that weakness define you. Indeed, we all struggle with our sin nature (Rom. 7:14-25). Frankly, porn is only a symptom of deeper heart issues. It’s the fruit, not the root.

However, few sins can strip the goodness out of a man like the sin of porn. It can lead you down roads never imagined when you first began to view it, and perhaps it already has. I personally know two men of God who are in prison today, and their porn habit put them there.

Though I’d never wish it on anyone, getting arrested by federal agents at least brought the sin to light so it could be dealt with. It’s the friend with a carefully hidden porn problem who is in grave danger.

Sin is not like a cold that just goes away after a week or so. It’s a cancer that without treatment grows and grows. It robs you of your joy, peace, strength and sanity. Eventually, porn will kill your soul.  As you become a warped version of yourself, you become less and less capable of loving and cherishing a precious daughter of the King.

Don’t believe the lies anymore! Take your stand not just against porn, but for honor, purity and life. Resolve in your mind to be who you want to be, rather than do what you want to do.

Porn Reprograms the Sex Drive

Both sex and our sex drive are precious gifts created by God for our good and His glory.  They’re wonderful, powerful things. That’s part of the appeal! But sex is also dangerous, and it is intended for unhindered enjoyment only in the safety of a committed marriage relationship.

But what good is the sex drive if you are not married? Especially if you’re in college, high school or middle school and seemingly years away from marriage? Is it merely a nuisance- a burden or curse?

Could I suggest another alternative? What if the sex drive was intended by God to be a motivator, not simply to have sex, but to get married?

No, I am not saying you should just get married if you want to have sex. In fact, sex may very well be the worst reason to get married. Here’s what I am saying. If the God who designed our sex drive intends for us to enjoy the pleasure it seeks inside marriage alone, then that would make puberty our wake-up call to begin preparing for marriage.

Yes, what I just typed sounds outlandish to the modern ear, where the onset of haywire hormones could only mean one thing: HAVE SEX! (Of course, responsibly, safely, only if you really love each other, blah blah blah.)

But if you believe God made sex exclusively for marriage, and you feel the urge to enjoy it, then the healthiest response to your sex drive would be to pursue the maturity and stability necessary for loving and cherishing the woman with whom you could enjoy the sacredness of sex. (Does this idea really seem that crazy?)

Regardless, the fact remains that when we get our sexual desires “satisfied” by porn, our sex drive doesn’t drive us to marriage. It drives us to more porn. You may want to be married, but porn is just so much easier.

The result: you satiate your sexual appetite in a cheap, artificial sort of way, instead of letting your desire drive you to prepare and seek God’s calling in marriage.

Related: Porn and the Desire Dilemma

In the world of porn, you aspire to be a sex god, but that is a silly and small aspiration. Man was made for more! Resolve to become something greater: a man who protects, provides and cares for a woman for a lifetime, no matter the cost!

Porn Inspires Sexualization Instead of Relation

Our God is a relational God. Indeed, before creation He already existed in relationship with Himself, three persons perfectly and eternally unified as one God.

Made in His image, we also long for relationships- healthy relationships defined by love, peace, joy and freedom. Further, most of us are like Adam, made for a helpmate with whom we can enjoy a unique connection called oneness, which is far bigger than sex.

But exposure to porn causes men to sexualize women rather than relate to them. Instead of viewing women as fellow image bearers with souls, we just see them as sex objects. Eventually this objectification can stunt our social skills, making us detached, uncomfortable or ashamed around the opposite sex.

Related: License to Lust–How Porn Trains Objectification

The result: you imagine sharing oneness with a myriad of women you cannot hold, while you struggle to carry on a meaningful conversation with the women you could.

We were made for intimacy. Not the kind where we bare our bodies, but the kind where we bare our souls.

Those are just three thoughts to consider, but I share more in a second post here at Covenant Eyes. In the meantime, I’m betting you already know other ways porn is keeping men from marriage. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.