About the author, Amy Riordan

Amy Riordan is a Christian writer and speaker with a desire to see women’s hearts healed and set free. Her passion is to inspire others to embrace who they were created and redeemed to be. Amy lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two children. She candidly shares her story on her blog, Walking in Freedom, encouraging women to pursue an intimate relationship with Jesus, the only One who can satisfy their deep longings for intimacy and connection

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Your Brain on Porn

Parenting the Internet Generation Ebook Cover

Watching just 5 hours of porn has been proven to significantly change people's sexual beliefs and attitudes. Find out 5 distinct ways that porn warps your brain, as well as 5 biblical ways to renew your mind and find freedom.

16 thoughts on “I Was a Christian Woman Hooked on Lesbian Porn

  1. Thanks for your transparency, Amy — It really sparks and inspires others into freedom, too! I was wondering if you know if Covenant Eyes (or another source) has written a similar article to yours, but on male gay pornography? We are familiar with same-sex attraction resources, but have never seen anything written from a male who used male gay pornography. Are the effects, etc., similar for men as for women? And, again, do you know of any written material, articles, etc., on males using male homosexual porn? Thanks, and God’s blessings.

    • Thank you, J Kay. I honestly don’t know if the effects are the same for men as they are for women. I have only communicated with other women on this topic. If you look up Joe Dallas, I believe he has some material for men who struggle with both same sex attractions and pornography.

    • Amy’s story show s the difference between women watching porn and men watching porn. When men finish watching porn they dismisses if from their minds, until they decides to watch it again. But when women watch porn, it can lead to a crisis of sexual identity in some women.The main reason for the difference is that a man’s logical mind is stronger that his emotional mind, or put another way his logical mind is more in control. Women, on the other hand, are more emotional than men, in most cases their emotional minds are stronger than their logical mind. Their emotional mind is more dominant. Men do not take porn seriously because they are able to dismiss it with their logical minds. Women on the hand, being more emotional, can be deeply influenced by porn more than men. It is absorbed by their emotional minds which then takes it seriously.

  2. Finally someone has tackled this issue. There’s so much out there to help men addicted to porn but not a whole lot to help women. I was exposed to porn at 5 years old. I’ve struggled w temptation to look at porn for a long time. I’ve fought temptation to hook up w other women. I’ve never acted on it but it’s very hard to fight. Even when I was married I fought this.

  3. My problem is this, I had a porn addiction also, all kinds, but also included lesbianism, the problem I still struggle with, yes, I have confessed and God and my husband, children have forgiven me and we have Covenant Eyes on ALL devices, thank you Jesus for providing such a resource!! Anyhow, the problem I have is this, in order to get me “over the edge (to orgasm)”, I have to fantisize in my mind some kind of porn scene … otherwise, I just “can’t” … and I can’t tell hubby that one, it would really hurt his feelings :( any suggestions or resources for me? desperate for help in this area, as I feel like such a hypocrite :(

    • Hey Sandra, I think you might appreciate Your Brain on Porn. It’s targeted toward male porn users, but we all have brains, so I think it would be helpful to you as well, in understanding how the brain functions with addiction and how recovery happens. Blessings, Kay

    • Hi Sandra. I can definitely relate to what you are talking about. This was a great problem for me for a long time. It was a slow process, but two things really helped me. The first one is that I started inviting God into our sex lives. Actually inviting Him into our bedroom. I prayed beforehand, and I started asking God to remind me that He was there. I asked Him to reveal to me the real reasons He created sex and to show me how it was good…just the way He created it to be, without any “extras” or sin included.

      The second part that really helped me was I started asking the Holy Spirit to reveal any lies I was believing concerning sex, sex with my husband and sex with women. He started showing me my beliefs that I could only have intimacy with a woman, women were safer than men, etc. and He started healing my heart in these areas.

      I understand this struggle, and I know it can feel incredibly overwhelming. This has been a long process for me, but I can look back and see that God has done a LOT in this area of my life. It was one of the bigger hurdles to overcome.

      I wrote a blog post a few years ago discussing this a little more, if you are interested. Scroll towards the last 2/3 of it, and you will see the lies I listed that I was believing. I hope this encourages you! Open communication with God about this is vital. Difficult at first, but vital. ? As the walls of shame come down, it will become easier. http://walkinginfreedom.net/when-healing-deliverance-comes-slowly/

    • Maybe you can ask God to mend the part of your brain that needs that fantasy or maybe think about your husband.

    • Google “download pdf to kindle” and you should be able to find instructions that work for your particular kindle.

  4. Thank you so much Kay for being so open and candid about your struggles as a Christian women concerning lesbian porn. I was exposed to it in my early, adult life and it still poses a battle for me at age 52. I can honestly say that I am not attracted to other women sexually, but struggle with desires to view two women in sex scenes where vaginal oral stimulation is an intense focus (my apologies for being so blunt), but this sinful fetish is devastating to me. Please pray for me in my journey towards healing and deliverance.

  5. Thank you so much for posting this, Amy. I’m a straight girl who was hooked on lesbian porn for almost a decade (starting when I was 12/13; I quit a year ago). I, too, thought I was bisexual because of the videos I watched, even though I’ve never been in love with a girl, or even considered being sexually involved with a girl. A few weeks ago I confessed to my boyfriend I used to watch lesbian porn; we’ve been together for five years, but I’d never worked up the courage to tell him. I typed it on my phone while he was sitting next to me, and I reluctantly handed him the device, my heart racing, my whole body trembling. I didn’t even look at him because I was so scared and ashamed. Then he tapped me on my arm, showing me an empty document where I’d just written down my deepest darkest secret: he’d erased it, just like God has erased my past. I’m so grateful to have been forgiven and saved. The images may haunt me forever, but I don’t ever have to go back again.

  6. I’m so glad I read this.i have struggled with lesbian porn I don’t watch it anymore but i am still tempted to watch it and I believe in God and I have been baptized. It’s beyond difficult because I have a boyfriend however I’m still attracted to a particularwoman. I want to be a perfect woman for god and it hurts to still feel this way .I’m so glad that you put this website up your really helping other Christian women????????

  7. I been struggling with this since I was 9 years old one day I was on the computer being innocent playing dress up games and listening to music on YouTube then all of a sudden this video pop up with two girls doing very disgusting things so I click on it out if curiosity and after that I was hooked I would watch porn for hours every night while my parents where sleeping than I started doing sexual acts on it for a couple of years I stayed off it, then I got saved in 2012 in the beginning of summer I was 14 years old and just graduate from middle school 8th grade and I could tell that was the most precious moments of my life I started falling in love with God and his word I went through a horrible attack in my reborn again year’s I was getting attack mentally the enemy was really trying to me out but he always failed cause God always had his hand on me and protected me. I went into highschool I was a freshman so I started to hang out with my old friends they were not really living for God so they started to influence me but I still was devoted to God prayed read my bible every mourning and night they even went to prayer with me. I started to like this guy Daniel a little I tried to ask him out he denied me and it took a huge stab in the heart (I cried). I went to the movies with my friends on a Friday night my friend Ragan was a friends with the boy I like that rejected me that same night we went to her house and she told me that the him and his friend were calling me ugly saying I look weird it made me devastated and I cried. Another night Ragan was going to hang out with them so I went along with them but Ragan didn’t want me to go cause she knew that they were going to make fun of me but me being a fool I went along anyways cause I didn’t want to be bored in the house they were calling me ugly saying I look weird and that’s what all they kept talking about was my look’s and even when I went to the bathroom they were talking about how ugly I look and when the night was over I went home crying my eyes out so hard. I started to back slide and fall into temptation with listening to inappropriate music than when Christmas time came my sister came down from NYC she wasn’t does not really live for God so I started to fall deeper and then out of no where the addiction of lesbian porn was taking over me. Right when my sister left my I rededicated my life back to God but the porn addiction was still there after it only lasted for a couple of months. I didn’t watch it in couple months after when I started to really serous in My relationship with God then I noticed God started distancing me from my so called friends who really didn’t even care from or treated me right then after that for 3 years I didn’t watch lesbian porn. But I back slide again 2015 at the end of my junior year in high school u started to watch it again I didn’t understand were it is coming from I swear I was never even thinking about it all summer I watch and struggled with it through my senior yeareach and every other day sometimes I would stop for months then start watching it again didn’t know why I kept praying and asking to take it away even when I would promise God I would not watch it again I still end watching it. I just graduate high school and I’m still struggling with this I do not want to go in my adult life and college years like this I ask if someone can please pray for I’m disgusted to be watching this filthiness please. I want to have a husband and kids one day and I don’t want none of this to follow me into my future life. Please and Thank you God bless.

    • Hey there. Well, if you’re getting ready to go college, this is a great opportunity to get counseling for yourself. Most colleges and universities offer free counseling services to students. Many young people have very similar experiences to yours: they’re accidentally exposed, and not protected in their own homes from explicit images. As a therapist, I can tell you that for young children, viewing sexual images is often very traumatizing. In fact, if an adult purposely shows porn to a child, that is considered sexual abuse. So that would be one issue to talk through with your counselor. Another issue would be the bullying you suffered. Very often, porn can become an escape route from pain and difficulty. I suspect that if you work on healing some of these deeper hurts, you’ll find less need in your life for porn. Peace to you, Kay

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